Feeling overwhelmed

Cwhitaker27

So I guess having 2 kids has finally set in and I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed.

Overall DD is a really good baby but a newborn with such an active 3 y/o DS has been challenging.

Meals/ naps/ bedtime have been insanely off schedule which seems to make for a crazy whiny out of control toddler and a stressed mama.

DH is generally a lot of help but hasn't been so much as of late. He says he wants to help but I feel like I need to direct him on every little thing to help with. ( I wish he would just prepare a meal and have it ready by a reasonable time without my direction etc)

Mamas with 2 or more what are your tips to staying sane/surviving these first few months.

PennyLane26

(((hugs))) I have no advice but will be following this thread as I know it's something that I should prepare myself for! I hope things get easier soon C!

Roxie5739

No advice but take a deep breath when it all gets too much. Hang in there

pb_bride

HUGS!  Every mom of 2+ tells me that with 2 kids, it is just chaos.  You will get through this!

Would it be better if you and your DH sit down and make a list of things to do/chores etc?  That way, it's clear on paper in black and white, and you don't have to feel like you are nagging him all.day.long.

I just remember when M was a newborn, I would get so frustrated with DH all the time. He wanted to help but doesn't know how, and I was trying to do it all myself.  I think you just need to give your DH a little push and also let him gain some confidence - that he CAN do it without your supervision.  Anyway, just thought that if everything is spelled out on a piece of paper, it might be easier on both of you???

Cwhitaker27

@pb_bride‌ thanks for the suggestion! I think we are going to talk tonight about a weekly game plan. We've always been kinda go with the flow parents but I really feel like I need a schedule at this point in time to stay sane. I'm definitely going to tell him what specifically would help me. We'll see how it goes.

Cwhitaker27

LeahB12 said:

Now I'm reminiscing about last summer. DS2 used to nurse all night, fall asleep at 6am, and then DS1 would wake up at 6:30. I remember crying because I was so tired. DH traveled a lot. DS1 watched way too much tv. I was in survival mode. It was so hard, but I promise it passes!

Yes!! This exactly. Last night I was folding DS's laundry just bawling cause I was tired but knew no one ekes was going to get DS clean clothes.

kbeach82

((Hugs)) You will survive. I promise. I cried A LOT and DH and I argued A LOT after the twins were born last year. DS1 had just turned 2, and our house was complete chaos for what seemed like forever (ok, so maybe it's still pretty chaotic a year later, but not quite like it was in those first few months).

I know it's really hard to do, but you HAVE to prioritize rest. It can seem damn near impossible to get any rest when you have another LO, but sleep makes a world of difference. Your DH should have been folding DS1's clothes last night. Seriously. If you feel like he needs direction, write out a list of things that need to get done every day, and let him know which things you want him to take care of. You are a team and you are in this together.   

TJ1979

Big hugs cwhit. It takes a long time to get the hang of 2 kids. Remember how hard it was with your first as a NB? This is more than twice as hard.

When mh is home, we split duties. He is primary care for E and I'm primary care for P. When E is napping or after bedtime, mh bonds with P while I get stuff done. If, by some crazy miracle, they are both asleep, we either nap too or get stuff done, or have couple time. Splitting primary care avoids conflict when E needs a diaper but I'm nursing P. although sometimes we do rock-paper-scissors for diaper changes.

Do you have a carrier? I wear P while doing a lot of my other chores. Also, mh cooks dinner almost every night. Even if I start the crock pot during the day, he finishes it and plates and serves. That's his big daily task. It makes a huge difference having that help. I still have to remind him every.single.night that it's 6:30 and he needs to get dinner plated, but I try to not nag since he knows it's his job and just doesn't think about time.

When mh is not home, all bets are off and it's survival of the fittest. P cried herself to sleep the other night while I was putting E down. I felt like moty for sure, but in reality it was 10 minutes or less.

You can do this cwhit. Communication is key. Tell YH what you need. Come up with a plan. I promise it gets better and better. I think of 6 weeks as your first reprieve. If you can make it to 6 weeks, it will get better. Then 12 weeks is your next goal. Sorry this was so long, but I'm in the thick of the same thing. Feel free to PM me any time.

And of course, if it ever gets too overwhelming, you are allowed to put both babies in a safe place and walk onto your patio for a minute or two to breathe. Or hide in the closet and cry. As do not ever be ashamed to talk to our OB if you have any question whether it might be ppd or ppa.

Finally, I don't know if you are BFing, or if you even like beer. But a good dark beer is good for your milk supply. So don't be afraid to sit down with a small frosty shiner bock right after a nursing session. Cheers!

itsmevkb

It takes a while, and by that I mean perhaps a good six months, to really get into a good routine with a newborn, much less a newborn plus older kids.

I think other people have already suggested just about everything I would but I always think it bears repeating, if your expectations aren't being met, either ask clearly for what you want/need, or, lower your expectations.  Do the baby clothes really NEED to be folded or can you just throw them in a basket or drawer?  Are you really the only one who can do the laundry, make dinner, clean up dishes, etc.?  I've found that sometimes you just need to hand over the task to DH and let him do it his way and not care about how it gets done.  Once I start commenting on how my DH is doing something (how, it's not the "right" way aka my way) I realize he's less likely to ever want to do it again. 

My suggestion, hand the baby off to your DH when you have the opportunity and go take a nap.  It will do you all some good.

mcgeeva

I'm sorry it's such a tough time in the beginning. I think my husband got lazy and much less help with number two which I thought would be different after going through the baby stage already. I would just give him a list of how he can help daily if that be him putting ds to bed every night or something to give you a break. I found the only way to stay sane was to keep my son's (toddler) schedule the same and the baby just had to go with the flow because it's so much easier to deal with the baby then the toddler. I also told myself since I'm alone all the time that babies cry it's okay. If ds #2 wasn't hungry, wet or needed anything he just had to cry while I put DS to bed at night because there are only so many arms. Other then that I don't have much advice. I feel like I'm still learning. Three months feels like a big change for me getting easier besides sleep regression. Oh yeah..also I will never take two kids to the doctor again with one stroller (I don't have a double) what a nightmare. Both would be crying at the same time..made me feel like I would melt down myself eek! 

Good luck!!  

srveatch

I am having flash backs from the first one and am so scared for when this one is born. I'm so glad you shared your experience.  I hope things get easier soon! 

mdiblasi10

No advice as I'm not there yet, but I hope you and YH can get into a routine so you aren't feeling so overwhelmed. I would guess that it will get better with time. Hugs!

Dragonfly1226

What works for us as far as scheduling the evenings - dinner/bath/etc is feeding the kids dinner, bathing them, getting them in bed, and then cooking and eating dinner for ourselves. DS eats our leftovers the next day for dinner. We just make K&A something easy since they have so few teeth but they usually eat some parts of our leftovers as well. Once dh gets home from work we both focus on getting the kids fed, bathed, and in bed. Then we focus on ourselves. Eventually we will have a family dinner, but right now it is too much to try to get a full meal cooked in time for the kids to eat and get to bed on time.

We also had a sitter come and take DS two mornings a week at the beginning. This gave DS a chance to get out of the house and get some energy out and gave me a chance to just focus on K&A.

When K&A were newborns we did the bare minimum as far as cleaning/laundry goes. Now we are into an easier routine since the kids' nap and meal schedules are lined up. Hang in there hon! The beginning is so hard, but you will figure out the routines that work best.

Cwhitaker27

Thanks for all the support ladies!! It made me feel so much better just reading your suggestions/replies. I'm taking it day by day and talked to DH about feeling so overwhelmed.

He is going to take care of meals when he's not working and we'll tag team meals when he is working. He told me to please ask him for help with any other chores anytime because he feels like he doesn't know what always needs to be done. He also admittedly said he feels bad because it seems like I'm trying to do it all. We will survive!

Jenny935

I'm glad the talk with hubby went well. Hopefully that will open up the communication and make it easier to whine JUST HELP ME PLEASSSSEEEEEEE! Good luck.