Child Support: Looking for insight ...

stokesm21

I am hoping some women out there will answer my, probably insanely personal, questions.  I am a step-parent just looking to get some insight.  Please note that YES we do pay our child support, on time, all the time!  I understand that amounts vary from country to country, state to state, province to province etc.    

1)  How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)  

2)  Is it enough? 

3)  Does your ex help out financially on top of child support? 

4)  If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be? 

Thanks!      

Mkherren12

1) id rather not say the exact amount it's between $300-$500 per month
2) I think this is a subjective idea.
3) no
4) I'm fine with what I receive. To me there is a difference between wanting to help provide for your child and being forced by your state etc to provide for your child. I'd take $5 if I knew that's all my exh had and he gave it bc he really wanted to help dd. I grew up in a divorced home so I saw how my mom used cs money and I heard how my dad talked about how he thought it should be used. I'm blessed to not be dependent on it. That comes mostly from seeing my mom so dependent on it due to her lack of planning. I knew when xh and I divorced that I didn't want to be dependent on it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing if you or others are. I'm Just saying I didn't want it for me and dd

stokesm21

Mkherren12 said:

1) id rather not say the exact amount it's between $300-$500 per month 2) I think this is a subjective idea. 3) no 4) I'm fine with what I receive. To me there is a difference between wanting to help provide for your child and being forced by your state etc to provide for your child. I'd take $5 if I knew that's all my exh had and he gave it bc he really wanted to help dd. I grew up in a divorced home so I saw how my mom used cs money and I heard how my dad talked about how he thought it should be used. I'm blessed to not be dependent on it. That comes mostly from seeing my mom so dependent on it due to her lack of planning. I knew when xh and I divorced that I didn't want to be dependent on it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing if you or others are. I'm Just saying I didn't want it for me and dd

Thanks for replying, I'm okay with ranges!  I see a lot of people have viewed but not replied and understand the questions are a bit out there and personal.  I don't have any motives, just looking for insight.   

I pay the support religiously, I would never want my SS to go without.  And I only say "I" because I handle the money in our relationship. :P As long as my SS has a roof over his head, clothes on his back, and food in his belly I can't really complain about how she spends it.  Our CS isn't near your range, much less, so we always help where we can when she asks.  I offer a lot too (like to help with school supplies in Sept, put him in extra-curricular etc.), sometimes she takes it sometimes she doesn't. Plus obviously we have to buy all the things he needs for our house too.

And yeah ...   

Sunday924

1) I receive 200. According to my state I should receive more but for a few reasons I only requested the 200. My H pays much more to his ex and I feel like keeping that to myself.

2) Yes it is enough. The way I view child support is not how I think most people here view it. For BM's amount my gosh it better be enough! 

3) No and No

4) I did choose. Now if BF was a millionaire I might want a little more  

acbarbour

1) The order provides for less than $300 monthly.  I actually receive very little if any.

2) No, but I am remarried and able to financially support my family independent of any child support.

3) NOPE!

4) I would like $500 monthly because that is what is needed for DS college fund monthly in order to pay tuition on an average out of state university.  I also agree with Mkherron12 and would take less if that is all BF could do and it was sincere.  I would even take just what DS needed (BF providing all clothes, shoes, food, etc) and not receive any money. 

lookame3639

1) the order allows for less than 250 a month- on the rare occasion I get anything it's less than a tank of gas worth. It also states ex is to pay half extra curricular and half medical - he still owes on both. The order was made when ex was working a part time job he now works 2 jobs and makes significantly more however if i take him back to court he'll suddenly "loose" his jobs.

2) no i can't rely on child support for anything. It's not enough to pay for anything DS requires. I may be able to get a tank of gas out of it to be able to get DS to school or extra curriculars.

3)nope I cant rely on child support and I can't rely on him to pay court ordered half extra curriculars or court ordered half medical.

4) I'd really like for him to pay more...$500 would be nice so I could put DS in karate like he's been begging to do, get DS some decent school shoes and clothes ect.

justbreathe510

1)  How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)  My son's father is court ordered to pay $233 per month. In the past 4 months since the order went into effect I've received about $20. My boyfriend pays his ex quite a bit more, but they have four kids together.

2)  Is it enough? I don't need his money, I make a lot more than he does. But I think the amount is okay..if he'd pay it.

3)  Does your ex help out financially on top of child support? No. My boyfriend helps out on top of support though. His ex does not use support as it should be used, therefore we are always buying the children necessities (clothes, shoes, diapers, etc.)

4)  If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be? I'd be happy if he'd just pay what is ordered.

bayside14

DH pays in the range of $1200-$1400 a month, as well as half of uninsured medical. We've always known it's much higher than what the state calculations say he should pay but long story short, DH agreed to it in order to keep SD from being collateral damage.

When I see these orders for $200/mo, it boggles my mind. Up in the northeast, that doesn't get you very far at all.

stokesm21

bayside14 said:

DH pays in the range of $1200-$1400 a month, as well as half of uninsured medical. We've always known it's much higher than what the state calculations say he should pay but long story short, DH agreed to it in order to keep SD from being collateral damage. When I see these orders for $200/mo, it boggles my mind. Up in the northeast, that doesn't get you very far at all.

That is insane!  I could raise 3 kids on that!   But I totally get where you are coming from and think it's great that you do that.  It's hard for me sometimes to remind myself that it's not about "giving money to her" and instead is about providing for him.

I don't necessarily think the amount we pay is enough so we always help out above and beyond.  I had benefits previously but couldn't add him because I was not considered his parent in the eyes of the insurance company (she has sole custody).  Now that DH finally has benefits we were able to add my SS to it and I think that will go a long way in helping her out too.      

stokesm21

I guess I could answer my own questions since I seem to be prying into everyone else's lives. 

1)  We pay a little under $200/mth.
 

2)  It may have been enough when he was younger but he grows like a bad weed and eats like a horse so I understand that as he grows, the cost of raising him does as well.  So no, I do not think it is enough. See next answer. 
 

3)  Yes, we help out on top of support.  Hot lunches for school, medical expenses (up until recently.  Like I said, DH now has 100% medical, dental and vision coverage which can now include my SS), school supplies, school trips, clothing during season changes (shoes, snow suits etc.) things for his extra curricular etc.  As well as offering to help put him in after-school programs and with other random expenses.

4) Haha.  Wow, how do I not make myself look like a douche with my answer?!  I prefer to have it this way where we pay her a set amount and help out when she needs it.  This way I can ensure that the money on top of support is going to his needs and not to that of her other 3 children. (Writing cheques directly to the school, picking up his prescriptions, taking him shopping ourselves etc.)       

JLHV1909

1) How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)

We are supposed to recieve 200.00 a month from bm. However, we haven't seen a dime since November.

2) Is it enough?

It's nice when she was paying it. But then again 200 just covers insurance or afterschool care.


3) Does your ex help out financially on top of child support?

No, she pays nothing and has been MIA since New Year's Eve. Before that she would pay nothing and even made a move to have my dh pay her child support though none of sds bills are her responsibility, and he has her for more than 50% of the time.


4) If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be?

I wish she could pay for half of sds expenses. It has all been on my dh for a long time and he/we deal with it. Right now I am just happy that the amount due continues to add up and that it shows a nice record of absence and inability to follow through with some responsibility- should she decide that she wants to ever try to take custody or change the current arrangement.

jess9802

1)  How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)  When DH's XW had custody, he paid $500/mo for 2.5 years until requesting a downward modification to $350/mo. He was in school full time and his financial aid had been slashed. He had been paying far more than the guidelines required. Now that we have custody DH's XW pays no child support, though she did give us a large amount of cash when she got her 2013 tax refund.

2)  Is it enough? We do just fine without child support.

3)  Does your ex help out financially on top of child support? Yes. She likes to buy him clothes and school supplies, which we could afford, but she wants to buy these things and feel like she's providing some level of support for him.

4)  If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be? I'm honestly okay with the arrangement now. It would be nice to have an extra $50/mo or so to throw SS's way for sports fees, going out with friends, etc.

circe811

1)  How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?) BM just requested a modification. The first was denied because it wasn't a substantial enough increase and then she paid a lawyer to have it brought before the courts because she disagreed with it. The original order had DH paying $218 and with the new order it'll be $236. It'll reduce to $201 when our new baby arrives. (In KS, new/additional children are only taken into account when the other party requests a modification).

2)  Is it enough? I actually think KS does a great job at calculating rates fairly based on both biological parents' income. Considering DH and BM's salaries, yes, I think it's a fair percentage.

3)  Does your ex help out financially on top of child support? SD is on my insurance. On top of that, we'll do a 60/40 split for prescription medicines, co-pays, etc. We do not help with other expenses. We are not opposed to the idea, however, have made it clear to BM that if she'd like help with anything above and beyond the CS order than it needs to be discussed with DH so he can take part in the decision making process. She prefers to make those decisions herself, so she bears the financial responsibility of those choices.

4)  If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be? Since we're on the paying end...if I could choose how much we'd pay, I'd say what we pay currently. Like I said before, I think KS does a really good job at looking at all aspects and ensuring the rate is fair based on the biological parents' incomes.

ambrvan

1)  How much child support do you get? BM is supposed to pay in the low $200s/mo, but we only just received our very first ever payment this month. CO says we provide health insurance (because we knew BM would never do it/be able to do it) and all extracurricular expenses are to be split. In reality, we pay for everything. Always have, always will.

2)  Is it enough? Yes and no. We have always provided for SD alone, even before DH was legally CP. We always paid for EVERYTHING. Is it fair that we pay for everything and she contributes nothing? Absolutely not. We only just moderately get by. We would be able to do so much more for both of our kids if she paid what she's supposed to.

3)  Does your ex help out financially on top of child support? Not a bit.

4)  If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be?  Nothing. I'd rather her just go away.

Nineoceans

1) we used to pay around $750
2) for the quality of life my SS had it was clearly too much but as soon as custody was rearranged and CS ended Bm's car got repossessed so I do feel bad about that but she also has her own issues so I only feel bad in theory
3) we helped with little stuff like hair cuts and shoes
4) right now neither side gets CS it's for the best but if Bm were ever to get healthy in her own situation I would be happy to pay her $300-500 a month if she needed it. As it is she would not spend the money in an appropriate way so I am fine with her hitting her rock bottom without our money there to enable her.

widgetsnm

1) We pay $400 per month. This was based on DH's two job income at the time of divorce. Now he only has one job and I was just let go from mine (for being pregnant).
2) It is MORE than enough when she can afford to buy the latest play station games, get designer clothes for herself, get her nails done weekly, get herself the latest Apple IPad/iPhone/you name it.
3) We used to buy him clothes and give her extra money, but now we don't pay for anything else other than medical. If she wants money to buy him clothes, then maybe she should downgrade HER style/level of living.
4) I honestly believe that we should not be paying $400. I think $300 is fair. Mainly because OUR TOTAL monthly income is $1200 after taxes. She takes 1/3 of it.

How is our family supposed to survive on $800 a month? I think this is wrong. On top of this SHE moved SS to TN, and WE have been paying for ALL of his flights. She doesn't pay anything!

jaminjeff

stokesm21 said:

I am hoping some women out there will answer my, probably insanely personal, questions.  I am a step-parent just looking to get some insight.  Please note that YES we do pay our child support, on time, all the time!  I understand that amounts vary from country to country, state to state, province to province etc.    

1)  How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)  

2)  Is it enough? 

3)  Does your ex help out financially on top of child support? 

4)  If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be? 

Thanks!      

1. We paid $290/month until DS turned 18. 2. In our situation, yes. She had no major expenses and her and DH made about the same. Her house was inherited and so was her car (her mom passed unexpectedly right after retiring and left her everything). We also split time 50/50. 3. We always bought all his clothes, school supplies and helped with expenses throughout the year. She paid company's and prescriptions when he was sick (not often). 4. Like I said the amount worked for her and us, I don't think it needed to be different, lower or higher.

stokesm21

widgetsnm said:

1) We pay $400 per month. This was based on DH's two job income at the time of divorce. Now he only has one job and I was just let go from mine (for being pregnant). 2) It is MORE than enough when she can afford to buy the latest play station games, get designer clothes for herself, get her nails done weekly, get herself the latest Apple IPad/iPhone/you name it. 3) We used to buy him clothes and give her extra money, but now we don't pay for anything else other than medical. If she wants money to buy him clothes, then maybe she should downgrade HER style/level of living. 4) I honestly believe that we should not be paying $400. I think $300 is fair. Mainly because OUR TOTAL monthly income is $1200 after taxes. She takes 1/3 of it. How is our family supposed to survive on $800 a month? I think this is wrong. On top of this SHE moved SS to TN, and WE have been paying for ALL of his flights. She doesn't pay anything!

I'm curious as to how it works where you live.  Here, your DH would be able to go back for a re-assessment and get that lowered.  Flights have got to be expensive.  If we were to move away we would have to pay for that kind of stuff which I get but if she were to move we would still have to pay it because it would be DH's fault that he doesn't live in the vicinity of his child.  So stupid.  However, that would never happen because all her family is here and let's face it, BM is too effing lazy to just drive him down the street to our house.  (He's not old enough yet to walk/bike it alone.  He has to use a fairly busy street to get here.)  It has held US back in the past though.

I understand this all around.  Here they don't care if the father can't support himself, he has to pay support and that's that.  He has to be able to prove that the amount of support will induce "undue hardship" on him which is not easy to do.  My DH went through this is the beginning, struggling to get by.  Do you suspect that she is not actually spending the $ on your SS?  I mean I don't care if BM uses our support to pay the rent, that puts a roof over SS's head and like I said in a PP, when she calls for extra I can ensure that it's actually going to him because I can go out and get the stuff myself.

I think you should talk to a mediator or lawyer or something about getting your DH's income re-assessed and the issue regarding her moving away. I mean the flights is a huge added expense and if she was the one who moved I would be making her pay half.      

stokesm21

jaminjeff said:

1. We paid $290/month until DS turned 18. 2. In our situation, yes. She had no major expenses and her and DH made about the same. Her house was inherited and so was her car (her mom passed unexpectedly right after retiring and left her everything). We also split time 50/50. 3. We always bought all his clothes, school supplies and helped with expenses throughout the year. She paid company's and prescriptions when he was sick (not often). 4. Like I said the amount worked for her and us, I don't think it needed to be different, lower or higher.

That is crazy.  You paid that much, had him half the time AND bought all that stuff for him?  You guys deserve an "amazing parents" award haha!  I get that it's about them and not the BM but sometimes when I'm angry at her it's hard to see that.          

lpstl

1)  How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)  Loooooooove the assumption that you only pay if you're the man. That's pretty much what you're saying, right?

I have to pay my ex $700 a month. We split 50/50 custody and in the great state of Missouri child support is determined by income disparity in 50/50 scenarios. I make great money, my ex is a deadbeat who won't work and now thanks to the state, has zero motivation to ever do so. Weeeeeee!

2)  Is it enough? 

I'm pretty sure he gets by just fine on it considering that up until two months ago he was still living rent free with his parents. I am his ONLY income, and he goes out and buys himself brand new vibrams while putting our son in hand-me-downs. He also manages to still maintain his bar habits without any issues. 

3)  Does your ex help out financially on top of child support? 

So, we've already addressed that I get no child support because I have a successful career. My ex has never, ever given me a dime towards the care of my son, and that includes when we were married. What do I do on top of "child support" that I have to pay? I pay for tuition ($800/mo), summer camp ($800/mo), all his clothes, all his extracurriculars, put money into his college savings account.... yeah, everything except for the food he eats when he's with my ex. 

4)  If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be? 

Honestly, I don't need his (nonexistent) money, nor do I want it. I'd like for him to stop taking mine though, that would be a great start. I guess in my wildest dreams it would certainly been really nice if he'd pay for half of school and put a few hundred into the college savings a month. That'll be a cold day in hell I'm sure...

Excuse me now, I need to go punch a wall a few times. 

bayside14

@lpstl‌ dude I'm gonna go punch a wall for you in support. That blows.

stokesm21

lpstl said: 1)  How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)  Loooooooove the assumption that you only pay if you're the man. That's pretty much what you're saying, right?

Um ... no.  Where you got that idea from is beyond me.  While the post is more geared to people getting CS rather than paying it (ex: Q #2-4), the fact that you think I am assuming only men pay is completely out of left field and an idea that presents itself no where in my OP.  There are lots of women on these forums that pay support. 

I can see from your response that you are a bit bitter about your situation and reading it, you certainly have a right to be.  But I also think you are taking it out on the wrong person.  Just because that's how YOU feel when you read my OP, does not mean that's what I'm thinking.                      

lmtrmama

Hello!! I am new here and not sure if you are still looking for answers but here goes....

1)  I allowed for our order to be set for $0 in the hopes that the act of kindness would help in settling and getting out of court and on with our lives.  Occasionally, her dad will give me $200, but it is very inconsistent.

2) I don't think it is necessarily enough, but he also isn't a great influence on my daughter, so I just deal with it.  I feel that if someone really wants to be involved in their child's life, their actions in every aspect will reflect that.  (Her dad makes roughly $1400 a week).

3) He buys her toys when he sees her.  Other than that, we don't receive anything useful or helpful.  

4) If I had to choose, I would receive nothing and be free from the drama and stress.  If it was actually a healthy situation, I would want to have a conversation between both of us and determine what is needed and what should be paid based on expenses and income.

I would rather my child be happy, safe, and have a consistent environment than have a couple hundred dollars extra a month!

BeckaLouise1990

1) How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)
*I get $580 a month from xH. When he decides to pay it
2) Is it enough?
* It definatly helps when he does decide to pay
3) Does your ex help out financially on top of child support?
*Absolutly not, he says i get enough for the boys, he doesnt even buy their clothes or shoes they wear when he has visitation, i literally have to provide everything for them
4) If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be?
*I requested the state minimum for his income and number of children, i have their insurance, he doesnt have to pay anything else. If i wanted more i could take it back to court but it already seems like hassle enough so i dont.

WLJ2

How much child support do you get? (Or do you pay if you are a step-parent?)

65% of his check at least until he repays rearages. After that it's closer to 40%.
Is it enough? Yes


Does your ex help out financially on top of child support4) not at all. When he goes or his dad's EOW I have to send him with everything he might need besides food. Clothes, toothbrush etc


If you could choose how much you could receive, what would that number be..

I'm content with where it has Ben set for now