Advice- care package for new preemie mom

jmathi0149

My best friend was due 3 weeks after me with a little girl who was set to be here in September. Unfortunately she had to have an emergency c- section at 30 weeks due to severe pre-e and IUGR. Her daughter was born weighing 2 pounds 2 oz. and given then circumstances is doing very well. She still has 6 to 8 weeks left in the NICU. My friend is still recovering and has been told to take it easy. My husband and I are going to visit them and would like to help out as much as possible. I am making them a couple of freezer meals. I was wondering what else you ladies found helpful during such a challenging time. Also, will they be needing things like preemie clothes and diapers? Thank you in advance. I want to make them as comfortable as possible and show them they have a huge support system here for them.

Brummy14

Thank you for being such a great friend!

Everyone handles all of this differently, so I can't necessarily speak for your friend. Freezer meals are EXCELLENT. Once she is discharged, if she was like me, she'll basically live at the hospital. Gift cards to nearby restaurants are also great ideas.

That said - if she needs space, let her have it. I had trouble having visitors -- my head was just entirely elsewhere. Even bedside, monitors going off -- at any given moment one of my girls was desating or requiring stim to start breathing again -- it's all just a lot to process. I honestly just forgot the outside world existed, to be honest. Maybe it was a survival technique, I don't know -- I just went into complete autopilot.

But, on the flip side -- having a person or two that I trusted was critical. I obviously had DH, but also my parents and a few close friends who just waited for us -- waited for us to ask them to come. Who didn't give us grief for our insane germophobe-during-flu-season requests. I am forever grateful for them. Just coming to hang out with my in the NICU - sometimes just hanging out with someone in NICU "silence" -- someone I knew and trusted -- was all I needed. 

Offer help in specific ways -- if you tell her "let me know how I can help," depending on who she is (if she's like me) - she won't ever ask for anything. Just do it. Tell her you're going over to do her laundry, or unload her dishwasher or clean her floors. 

We never needed preemie diapers or clothes. Our girls were discharged ~6-7lbs and fit just fine in newborn clothes at that point.

GL to her (and to you with your impending arrival, yourself!)

scubagirl81

You are such a good friend! Meals are a great idea. Portable snacks for sure, especially something like Granola bars with protein, and gatorade. A Kindle gift card or books and magazines, maybe a cute cover to pump under. I would ask about the clothes, but preemie size hats are probably good, the hospital ones are usually not so cute. I think Target had some.

Good luck to her, and to you!

jmathi0149

Thank you so much for all of the great info ladies!!!!

flerlgirl

I don't know if you have already put your gift together but gas cards were also a huuuuuge help to us. We lived about 40 miles from the NICU and gas was probably what we spent the most money on. You're so kind to do this for your friend.

daciadanae

You can get Preemie Baby Books that have places for all of the NICU milestones. I had one and I LOVED it. I was so sad when I'd look through my regular baby books and think "wow, I can't relate to ANY of this." It gave me a sense of normalcy being able to celebrate the little milestones (woohoo! he gained 5 oz today) that only NICU moms can understand. Plus, it's a great thing to look back on and remember how far he's come.

dunnmommy

All the above things were helpful for me when we were in the NICU. I spent 4 months there daily with my son. There were so many times I forgot to eat lunch or would not want to leave his side. Every now and then if you could drop off lunch to her (our NICU had a room mommy and daddy could have lunch in with a refrigerator). And, some childrens books that she could read aloud to her baby. We will keep her and her newborn in our prayers!