Advice - Illness and Visitation

justbreathe510

I just wanted a few opinions and wasn't sure who to ask since I don't like posting my boyfriend's and my personal business in places like Facebook.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

My boyfriend has four children with his ex-wife. We have them every other weekend. Yesterday, she contacted us to say the kids have come down with Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. It is highly contagious and the CDC recommends that you stay home when you have it (you are contagious for a week) and also states that in some cases it can result and hospitalization and even death. To add to this, my son is a micro preemie who was born at 24 weeks and obviously has a compromised immune system.

Are we being unreasonable by not wanting to take the children when they have something like this? I understand that both parents should take care of the kids when they are sick and we do take them regardless and we normally do, but this isn't just any illness.

 

HoolyGo

HF&M is a pretty common childhood illness, but with a premie I know illnesses are more important to avoid.

We don't usually skip time or change anything for illness. However, when DS was only a couple of weeks old, SD came down with some viral illness that caused such high temps that she ended up in the ER. We didn't know what it was, and I was scared that the baby would catch it. Ultimately, DH kept his visitation time, and I stayed at my parent's house with the baby for the weekend. DH sanitized a lot of things before we came back.

I wouldn't endanger the life of my child one way or another, so if the stakes are that high, I'd say you're cool to leave during the time, or cancel the visit. Otherwise, kids get sick, and while no one wants a sick baby, it happens eventually.

Ilumine

Let me ask you this, if your older child had HFM what would you do?  

Now, if you would send them to grandma's or take your premie to grandma's while your DH stayed home with them, then there you go.  

Have them come to the house so their father can parent in the bad times and you head on over to grandma's for the weekend. 

But if you do not have the support staff for this stuff, then you figure it out in your own home.  Just like BM had to do so while the 4 of the kids were in her care. 

justbreathe510

If my older child had HFM then my preemie and the rest of the family would already have been exposed. But I wouldn't knowingly expose my preemie or anyone else to illness. Caring for them while sick isn't the issue (they're sick every time they come to our house but that's a whole other story), but HFM is highly contagious. On top of that, my son goes to daycare and my boyfriend and I both work (his ex doesn't work). Getting sick with something like that when it could have been avoided seems irresponsible to me.

hopanka

In this instance, I would ask BM to keep them if possible. If not, I would take the baby out of the house and stay with him somewhere else while Skids are there.

justbreathe510

Thank you She has agreed to keep them this weekend, but of course not without guilt-tripping my boyfriend first. I just wanted some opinions about whether or not we were being unreasonable.

Mkherren12

I see both sides here. Glad y'all got it worked out with out too much drama.

new+tothis

We keep visitation as scheduled unless DS is too sick to travel. I have a baby and realistically it wouldn't matter who was sick when. We would keep the schedule. We would just try to keep DS away from DD if he was sick with something serious but that's about it. Hand, foot, mouth is pretty common. Unless your baby is really young I'd just be cleanly and try to keep them separate. 

justbreathe510

Thank you for your responses