Intra-Family Adoption

Lexyy17

Here goes nothing... I'm a long time lurker, first time poster, mainly because I'm shy and am not a huge fan of being judged but here we go.

My husband and I have been ttc for about 4 and a half years resulting in 2 miscarriages between 5 and 7 weeks both times. We have talked about adoption, and I don't know what the fees are like in the US but in Canada they are just soo high and same with surrogacy. We both have stable well paying jobs and we only have a few payments left on our house before we own it so I guess you can say we live comfortably but we don't have THAT kind of money. 
This morning my sister-in-law posted a status update on facebook that she is pregnant again.. now with the last time she got pregnant she got an abortion at 23 weeks because she already has 3 children that she can't afford but refuses to give up custody, and I'm not really sure how this whole thing works.. I want to talk to my husband about the idea of approaching her about adopting the baby she is currently carrying but I would like to have some idea of how the whole thing works before hand I've looked online and found next to nothing about Intra-Family Adoption in Canada (Manitoba to be more specific) and was wondering if anyone has any information they may be able to share.. like what the process is, if an adoption agency is needed or if we would just need a lawyer, would a home study have to be done, how long the process takes, would we take the baby home with us after it's born, how much it costs on average etc. 
I guess at this point I'd really just like to know how it all works so that I'm prepared when I talk to my husband and then again if we talk to his sister about it all.
I'd like to say my hopes aren't up but they kind of are.. it's been so long and we have wanted a baby so badly that this might be our best option for starting a family.  

summererobinson

Im in the US, but here it is a bit eaier to adopt from family than it is to adopt from a stranger. I would say that your first step would be to talk to your husband and sister in law, and than to contact a family/adoption lawyer

Dr.Loretta

The basic steps are: 1. You express interest in making an adoption plan with your SIL. She agrees 2. You contact an attorney who is experienced in adoption law about your plans, and find out what the process would entail, considering it's family 3. you have a homestudy done 4. With an approved homestudy, and an agreement among all parties, you take the baby home when he/she is born 5. Termination of parental rights occur for both birthmother and birthfather 6. Proceed toward finalization. At least that's how it works in the US. I can't imagine it being wildly different in Canda, but hopefully some Canadians can chime in. I would proceed very cautiously, as I see some serious red flags here, or at least issues to address. Where is the bio father? It's likely he'll need to sign off on this plan. How stable is your SIL? If she had a late-ish term abortion with her last pregnancy, is it possible she'd do it again and leave you devastated? How are you going to address this with her other 3 kids? What kind of contact do you currently have, and what kind of contact would you want if this adoption happened? These are all things to think about if you decide to move forward.

Lexyy17

Thanks for your replies. Much appreciated... Unfortunately it looks like I wont be needing advice after all.. turns out she was "Just kidding" and it was part of some joke going around on facebook.. not a very nice joke if you ask me.. If it would have been real I think it might have actually worked out.. she has offered to be a surrogate for us in the past but my husband and I were reluctant considering her past and the cost..

olp920

Wow what an awful joke. I hate Facebook sometimes... Most of the time

sumati

What a horrible joke.  I always post this on my facebook page before April Fools.. but she may need to read it now to understand how hurtful her little "joke" can be to others.