Effing friend picked up my sleeping baby. With unwashed hands.

soylatte

Please tell me if I am being oversensitive. I allowed a friend to come and see my son last week. She is one of those overbearing people as it is and I do my best to limit visits with her. DH can't stand her - doesn't want her here when he is home. She has 3 kids - young - but was able to leave them with someone so she could come by. My son was asleep (bassinet in my upstairs bedroom). I told her she could go take a peek, and that hopefully he'd be waking up in next 30mn or so. So she goes up there - and comes WALKING OUT with him in her arms. I was pissed - she told me his eyes were opening anyways. (Yeah, my ass). On top of it, I told her to put my son down immediately and wash her hands - she told me they were clean, she washed them when she left the house. WTF?!?!?! There is a whooping cough epidemic that we've been warned about by pediatrician - and this broad fought me on having to wash her hands. She did - but only after she expressed how controlling I was. Please tell me I was not the ass in this situation - and what you would do when this person asks to come over again... It took us 7 years to have this little dude - multiple procedures and losses, etc.  Sorry for the long rant. 

lavendergiraffes

You're not in the wrong. If you asked her to wash her hands and she blatantly refused then she is being the b! I would be even more annoyed that she went and woke him up!! What a winner!!!

Edit-premature post

KBowen715

Wrong or right- your baby, your rules. If you ask people to wear mouse ears to meet your kid, they should.

alyssajanell5

I don't get how people forget what it was like to have newborns... She was completely in the wrong.

*And congrats on having your little man after trying for so long!

cnbean

Yeah I would be pissed too! I agree with PP, my kid my rules. I seriously would limit her visits if that is the way she going to treat your requests. And I'd make sure that any other visits were during awake times.  

fyafighterwife86

Ugh!! When did washing hands NOT become a part of 'baby holding etiquette'?? I NEVER hold anyone's baby without being sanitized!

jenb_99

Eh. I don't enforce this rule too strictly unless I know someone's been exposed to a specific illness.

Tkburke

I'm not super uptight about hand washing, big I say your baby, your rules. Also our LO wants to be held constantly especially while sleeping....so I would be livid about that alone. People need to learn to be respectful!!

Sdufort1216

don't blame you. I flipped out on my sister in law in the hospital. I told her to wash her hands and she didn't and was going to pick up baby so I said again WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST all she responded was with " I won't touch him" that was it. I was at a loss and didn't know what to say because I was seething inside.... I don't blame you for being irrate

soylatte

alyssajanell5 said:

I don't get how people forget what it was like to have newborns... She was completely in the wrong. *And congrats on having your little man after trying for so long!

Thank you!

Junebug060609

jenb_99 said:

Eh. I don't enforce this rule too strictly unless I know someone's been exposed to a specific illness.

Me, too.

I'd be upset my wishes weren't followed, but unless she (or one of the kids even though they weren't there) were ill, I wouldn't have insisted on it. The waking him, assuming she did, would annoy me though. My mil wanted to do that once with DS. I told her she was welcome to...if she wanted to also get up with me at 2am with an infant that was an overtired mess. She let him be

danabsd

Meh. Kids need germs it's how they build immunities.

jenb_99

danabsd said:

Meh. Kids need germs it's how they build immunities.

Exactly. Plus we were obsessive about hand washing and sanitizing this winter and DS still picked up norovirus and 6 upper respiratory infections over a period of 4 months. And he's not even a daycare kid. I'm a SAHM.

I don't like the idea of forcing people to do things or not do things just because I say so. It's presumptuous and arrogant. I can tell them I'd like them to wash first, but making it an absolute requirement when there's no direct risk (such as known exposure) isn't reasonable. Not for me or my social circle, anyway.

Hallil

I would have been annoyed, but not as much as you are. It sounds to me like this was just the straw that broke the camels back for you, as you've had issues before.

I say if you want to stay friends then put your big girl panties on, be 100% clear with her about your expectations ahead of time, and tell her to leave if she can't listen. Or, don't be friends with someone you need to 'babysit' or who you dread having over. (I'd choose B if this was an ongoing thing.)

usernewname

I think it's annoying and frusstrating that your friend doesn't respect your wishes over the hand washing.

As much as we want to protect our little ones we can't live in a bubble. Even a fully vaccinated child can get horribly ill. And children need to build their immunity and are also currently protected by yours.

I took DS to my work picnic this week. I got a lot of "oh my your out at 6 weeks with him" . Of course I've gone out. There's more to life than my 4 walls and he's in my carrier and I'm not making him lick the shopping carts. When my mom came to visit I realized she didn't wash her hands. I was annoyed for a moment but I think she was caught up in seeing her grandchild for the first time.

momo214

Agree with PPs. While your friends need to respect your wishes and not be rude as shit when you make a request about your child, making everyone scrub up like they're going into surgery prior to touching a baby is unnessessary. Your child is exposed to germs everywhere. On their skin, on their clothes, in the air, all around. While washing hands is nice, you're guests aren't putting their hands in your baby's mouth. Especially if your baby is going into day care, I'd say best get over keeping your child in a bubble. Kudos to you for trying to do the best you can for baby but try to relax.

stephierd81

I agree with PP on your baby, your rules. I have kept my mouth shut previously when people have been disrespectful about simple requests, and I've regretted being silent later. We are our LO's advocate so do what you feel is right so you don't regret it later!

BTW your visit with your friend sounds like every visit from my MIL-- whom is on my shit list right now and I'm ready to move to another city to get away from in laws. Ha!

Bootsie327

KBowen715 said:

Wrong or right- your baby, your rules. If you ask people to wear mouse ears to meet your kid, they should.

This! But I don't think you were wrong here. You said take a peek, not pick him up.

soylatte

I really appreciate the points of view on this. Thank you!