ST+M's

jjones59

How is your older child (children) handling the new little one? 

My DD is 3, and I'm literally so exhausted from telling her to leave her brother alone or to go play with her toys. I play with her as often as I can throughout the day, but I have to get stuff done at some point, maybe even like just sit. She literally refuses to play by herself whatsoever. We have toys in the living room and she's got a whole room full of toys but many times she insists on being on my lap (which she did before he arrived) instead of playing with toys. When DS is awake I even lay on the floor and play with the both of them but she still insists on being next to me or on top of me the whole time. 

jackdustin

I could have written this. My DS just turned three and always wants to be next to DD. That would be fine except he always wants to touch her and sometimes he tries to get rough. I know he does it to get more attention but we try to give him as much as we can. I would love some advice too on how to get him to want to play with his toys. I attached a picture of what my DD sees every time she wakes up (that is my DS)

ns1

At 2.5 DD was already a handful. She's even more so now. She's pretty good a lot of the time, but it's exhausting! Things that weren't a big deal before are now (like that you have to sit on your bottom on the couch so you don't kick your brother in the head) and she doesn't listen well to the new rules. I also feel like my temper is shorter with her since I'm exhausted and feel like she just isn't listening. She also had this new thing where she says "I want my mommy" repeatedly even if I'm right there. It makes me feel pretty crappy. I try to get some time to do things just with her, but it is all a challenge. I just keep thinking that one this LO can really interact they'll have a blast together. .. right?

ksyknelvr73

We are struggling also. DS1 is 3 and he is very sweet to this baby brother but he has been a holy terror for me and DH. He just doesn't listen anymore, acts totally defiant...I try so so hard to not snap at him for every little thing but he is driving me insane. I knew to expect some issues but it is ridiculously hard to deal with....and I feel like a terrible mom b/c I am constantly getting onto him and I know he is only doing this for attention.

The only thing I can really advise that I am trying is to really take a minute before I get onto him and try to remind myself that he is 3 and there are still plenty of times he doesn't know better or he is just having typical behavior and to cut him some slack. It helps but it is still a constant battle.

MissLadyTay

My three year old is making me cry on a daily basis. And I am NOT a crier. I echo everything above. He is outright HORRIBLE when I am nursing. Breaking things, throwing things, spilling food, etc. I feel like all I do is discipline him. 24/7. It's exhausting.

pistolpackinmomma

DS1 is 16.5 months older. I agree it has been exhausting. He tries to help and he really does mean well but he keeps trying to pick up DS2 and giving him his paci (and taking it away if he wants it) and pushing the swing or bouncing the bouncey seat. I'm constantly telling him to be gentle or go easy and it is exhausting but I am hoping it will be short lived.

KatieP71312

The best advice I received after my second was to acknowledge for the older sib how crappy having a baby in the house is. My oldest was 4.5 when his bro came and he was a monster. A few days after starting this strategy he was back to his fantastic self. I also try and engage my older 2 in what I'm doing. Toddlers LOVE to help, even if it is a pain in the ass. So we make cookies (messes), go for long walks where my boys ride their bikes and we explore nature and I baby wear and nurse while wearing, I setup the baby pool with all of my household kitchen tools and the sprinkler for my oldest etc etc. If its a particularly horrible day we watch movies or play waaaaaay more on the iPad than I ever thought I would allow. Survival mamas.

JACKIE_RS88

My 16 month old is good most of the time and I can predict the times he'd going to have issues. Usually early morning when he just wakes up he wants attention fir at least 5 minutes and immediately before/after naps. He doesn't feel excluded most of the time but there is curiosity towards the baby.

He's still a baby si we try to remember that and accommodate both kids. Sometimes it's possible sometimes it's ninot but he forgets quickly.

SMM1986

Can DD "help" you with the baby? My kids are 8 & 5 and they have adjusted very well, thankfully. DD was about 2.5 was DS was born and i had her help me a lot. She loved being a little mommy (still does). I know a lot of times the help they give is actually more work, but it will help her feel involved and you'll be doing something with her.
Or maybe a little shopping trip just the 2 of you if you can? Even if you just go to target or to the grocery store.

equestrianmom

I have Irish twins. DS loves his sister, but he's not sure how to approach her. He's very attached to her and has been starting to indicate things like when she's crying he'll point at her and then try to get my attention (especially if we're in the car). He's handling it very well, but I know he's got his moments. My biggest issues with him are him fighting sleep. It's really hard sometimes because he'll be screaming during nap times and that sets her off, and it's a vicious cycle...sigh.

meli1025

ksyknelvr73 said:

We are struggling also. DS1 is 3 and he is very sweet to this baby brother but he has been a holy terror for me and DH. He just doesn't listen anymore, acts totally defiant...I try so so hard to not snap at him for every little thing but he is driving me insane. I knew to expect some issues but it is ridiculously hard to deal with....and I feel like a terrible mom b/c I am constantly getting onto him and I know he is only doing this for attention. The only thing I can really advise that I am trying is to really take a minute before I get onto him and try to remind myself that he is 3 and there are still plenty of times he doesn't know better or he is just having typical behavior and to cut him some slack. It helps but it is still a constant battle.

This is exactly what we are dealing with, I feel like I could have written this. He's so nice to the baby but soooooo bad with us. Add to this that he peed his pants three times (has been potty trained for some time now with no accidents), he won't sleep for as long and gets up in the middle of the night, and he is not listening at school and hitting his friends. Yeah, good times over here. I keep reminding myself that this will pass, plenty if kids survive having a sibling enter the family. We are all adjusting. Hang in there!

Kris2011RN

Ds is 21 months and honestly he had been great with DD. He leaves her alone unless she is on her play mat, so she isn't on her play mat much. He always kisses her goodbye and goodnight..... always.

He is in his terrible two's even though he isn't two yet, it does get frustrating when he throws a tantrum. I haven't been alone with the 2 kids by myself yet either. I know when that happens I'll be singing a different tune.

jenb_99

DS is doing surprisingly well with the baby. I'm the one having a hard time dealing. I feel a lot of guilt over not being as involved with DS ad I want to be.

I told our pedi how I was feeling, and she told me my feelings were common and valid, but then she said this, which sounded insensitive at first but really put things into perspective for me: "at some point it's good to learn that we're not the center of the universe, and the earlier the better."

jjones59

Thanks ladies...at least I know that I am not alone. I just feel like I can't enjoy either kid. If I spend time with DS, DD gets mad, throws tantrums, gets into trouble, but if I spend time with DD I feel like I'm not bonding as much with DS. 

I feel bad having my MIL come up and spend time with DD, since she lives 2 hours away, she loves coming up but I just feel guilty like I can't handle my two children. 

ksyknelvr73

@jjones59‌ don't feel bad about having your MIL come. My mom either comes to my house or I go to hers 2 days a week, and then DS1 goes to daycare 2 days a week. In a way, he is occupied 4 days a week and it is the best thing for him, and my mom keeps him entertained when she is around. He is at least getting attention during those times. You have to do what you have to do!

MrsT2008

My older DD is 2.5 and I could have written your post OP.  Thankfully, she still goes to daycare 4 days a week so it's only Mondays and evenings (plus weekends) that I have to tell her repeatedly to leave her sister alone/go play in the other room/etc.  It's tiring.  I'm so glad she loves the baby, but if I'm being honest, her obsession with her is annoying me.  haha.

spinsoffresonance

DD1 is 19m old and she's obsessed with the baby. She's constantly trying to kiss her, or pick her up (obviously I can't let her) or hug/jump on her. I keep DD2's bouncer in the kitchen behind the baby gate so she can be safe from DD1 if I have to set her down.

DD1 pretty much entered the terrible twos the day DD2 came home from the hospital. She keeps throwing tantrums for no valid reason and refuses to eat most of what I give her. I find taking DD1 out of the house as much as possible keeps her a lot happier. It takes about 2 hours after she wakes up to get all of us fed and dressed. then we go to the park. I wear DD2 (she'll sleep the entire time) so I can chase DD1. If DD1 is having a particularly bad tantrum day we eat lunch out, otherwise eat lunch home, then nap. After nap we go to the park and DD1 eats her snack there. Usually stay at the park until DH comes home. Basically if we're home DD1 will scream the entire time and be all over DD2, but out and about she's happy and DD2 is happy in the carrier.

typeset

The kid has been fabulous with his brother and a hot, hot mess with everything else.