Medically One & Done/One & Done Not By Choice - Share you story

meo34

Warning may not be great reading for those soon to deliver or trying to get pregnant.

I know many of us are not one and done and choice and I know many of us had HELLP like me.  So I think it might be nice to share our experience and journey and perhaps help those who have recently come into this category.  So share you experience in terms of the issue, when you found out you were medically oad, how did you feel and how you have moved forward.  Any words of advice for those just starting on this path.  I will go first!

JackoftheBox

Can we agree that love titts = support/hugs? 

My heart breaks for anyone who has had that decision taken from them due to medical reasons. 

meo34

Our journey started a year before we conceived DS.  We had been trying for a year and had just started fertility testing when I got my positive pregnancy test.  We were overjoyed.  10 weeks in I had bleeding and they could not find the heartbeat, that was a Friday.  After a stressful weekend we went back for a second ultrasound and everything was perfect.  Other than that I had a prefect pregnancy, no morning sickness and lots of energy.

Fast forward to 32 weeks.  I had just had my babyshower and suddenly felt like I had hit a brick wall.  I felt odd and was in pain.  I couldn't sleep.  Regardless I went to work Monday, Tuesday and on Wednesday I even went out on a construction site, hard hat and steel booted pregnant lady!  Wednesday I saw my OB as part of my regular check ups and she said I had to stop work immediately and get tests done the next morning to confirm if there were other issues because my blood pressure was 190/110 while it had been 120/80 all along.

The next morning I end up having severe chest pains and called DH to take me to the hospital.  My BP is now 240/150.  Tests confirm I have HELLP.  They install 2 iv (which delivery various medications) and a cathader,  No lights are allowed, curtains closed, no tv no visitors.  2 special nurses are placed on duty and DH is told not to leave the room because they did not know how stable I was. I was also told I could not eat or drink.  They decide to induce because the only away to address HELLP is to have the baby.  But they think I will go into labor quickly.  Shortly after they start the induction I begin to vomit on a frequent basis. 

This goes on for hours.  DH says all he can vividly remember is going to the washrooms with the little trays I was throwing up in and seeing them lined off.  By this time I am throwing up blood.  Blood begins showing up in my urine as well.  The nurse takes DH aside and tells him the doctors are letting things go too long but we trust our doctor and follow their lead.  36 hours after we have started they decide they need to do a C-Section. DS is born early but miraculous healthy and I am over come with joy but he is quickly wisked off to NICU as I am still too ill to care for him.  I remain in the dark room for 2 days until  my body returns to normal with occasionally visits from DS and DH.

I go home in a daze as I really never knew what was happening or what it was all about.  DS is a wonderful baby and we get into a routine.

It is not until my 6 week appointment that I get the "news".  I am going through things with the OB when she says the words "Well you know you shouldn't have any more children".  I am taken aback and shocked.  I stutter some response, she repeats herself and tells me "You should go have and enjoy the healthy child you have."

I cried the way home.  I tell DH while reasoning with him that we could try again, lots of people do.  I've read about it.  Then comes the moment when I really know, DH tears up and tells me "meo, whenever I think of the birth all I see is those trays of blood, all I hear is the voices in my hear cautioning me not to leave the room, stay close by, and that pit in my stomach not knowing if you would make it or not, I can't do that again or think of DS losing you."

And it is a process of healing but you do it on your own because no one really gets what it is like to loose a dream of what you thought your family would be.  Because you have a child, you have your family so you have no right to feel lose so you keep it inside.

I brought up adoption frequently but DH was not ready.  Finally after 4 years he is there and we go down that road but in that process I for the first time take stock of our life and our blessings.

It is then I realized that I feel my life is complete, our family is complete and I can be happy and enjoy the child I have, as per the doctor's orders

*~Krystin1119~*

In 2009 after our miscarriage at 13 weeks the Dr. wanted to do some testing on the baby to find out what happened. She had a Trisomy 10 and was missing part of chromosome 15. DH & I went to the hospital for blood work to see if either of us have a Balanced Translocation. 1 month later we got the results...I have a balance translocation on chromosomes 10/15. I have a 10 & 15 from my dad and a 10/15 & 15/10 from my mom (she was tested afterwards and found out that she has the same balanced translocation and had 6 miscarriages including my fraternal twin). Half of my eggs are genetically bad and I've made peace with it. We were able to get pregnant with DD on our first IUI cycle and I had a good egg and she is the best thing that has happened to us. Because of my translocation we're OAD.  

Myaflowers

**Warning--loss mentioned.**

Our story began in 2010 when we started TTC. I became pregnant pretty quickly. We were so excited, and at about 7.5 weeks, we told our moms on Mother's Day. I had been having some morning sickness, which went away suddenly a few days later. The Friday after Mother's Day, I started having some light bleeding, so I called my OB's office. At first, they told me to go home and rest for the rest of the day and then come in to see the doctor in the morning. I was on my way home when the nurse called me back and told me to go to the ER. I was in such a fog that I didn't even think to call my husband. By the time I got to the ER and was in a room, I was bleeding heavily and new it was over. I was at the ER for hours getting labs and an ultrasound and waiting for the doctor to come in and tell me what I already knew. The ER doc was not very compassionate, but I won't go into that. He told me I'd had a miscarriage. I was still alone at the hospital and headed home to tell my husband. It was awful calling our moms less than a week later to tell them I'd miscarried.

We waited a couple of months before we were going to try again. In the meantime, my back, which I had injured a couple of years ago really flared up. I was in excruciating pain (and I have a very high pain tolerance, so much so that I'd run several half marathons in spite of my injury...stupid, I know). We tried a couple of nerve blocks, which had helped in the past, but they didn't touch the pain. I ended up having back surgery in December 2010. It was a very long recovery, and the nerve had been so damaged by the disc that I was still in a lot of pain. I had several more blocks post surgery and finally was about 75% better about a year later. I wasn't able to do any exercise because that flared it up, but I had pretty given up on being able to be active anymore.

In the midst of all this, I became very depressed. Losing the pregnancy and then suffering from chronic pain and physical disability really took a toll on me. I actually considered suicide more than once during this time, but I couldn't do that to my husband and family (I have an aunt who committed suicide, so I know how terrible that is for the family).

With lots of therapy (and medication adjustments), I was feeling well enough for us to start TTC again in early 2011. I started charting and using OPKs right away. I figured it would be easy for us to get pregnant since it had happened before. We went through month after month of BFNs, which started to get really hard for me about 6 months in. I started getting really depressed again. Finally after a year of TTC (I had just turned 35), I went to see my OB. She looked at my charts and didn't think I was ovulating. She recommended that we start fertility testing on my next cycle and try a round of clomid before moving onto more intensive treatments. DH went for his semen analysis, which he was proud to say turned out great! Lol. We were waiting for my period to start so I could start my own testing. Finally after my period was 2 weeks late, I took a test and got a BFP! I was shocked...and so excited!

I was a nervous wreck, and we tried to hide it from everyone until the second trimester. I had terrible morning sickness but I didn't care! The second trimester was easy and I felt great. I started seeing stars sometimes (usually in the shower), but I (stupidity) chalked it up to pregnancy vision changes and never mentioned it to my doctor. By about 30 weeks, I had gained a ton of weight, but my OB and I weren't sure how much because my old MD's office (my OB opened her own practice half way through my pregnancy, so I moved practices to follow her) didn't send my records over despite multiple requests. That also meant we had no records of my blood pressure pre pregnancy or for the first half of my pregnancy. Not good.

Around 30 weeks, my blood pressure started acting up. It would be high at my OB appointments (the highest was 210/140 at my 35 week visit). My OB kept sending me upstairs to labor and delivery, and my BP would always go back to the low end of normal. We chalked it up to 'white coat hypertension.' My OB had me monitoring my BP at home and work several times a day. Sometimes it would be up a bit but would always come back down.

Around 33 or 34 weeks, I started having some serious swelling and upper right abdominal pain. I thought it was just the baby pushing on my ribs. I remember telling my coworker my ribs hurt really badly and asked her if that was normal. She said it was probably the baby in my ribs. I threw up a few times here and there but thought it was just normal pregnancy stuff.

I had my baby shower at 35 weeks and my work baby shower at 36 weeks. The next Saturday night (36.5 weeks). I was very sick. I was having severe upper abdominal pain and vomiting every few minutes all night long. I finally called my OB Sunday morning, and she had me meet her in L&D. She ordered labs and an abdominal ultrasound. I remember feeling like I was dying. My BP had been high (170/110) when I took it at home but was OK at the hospital.

My husband and I were waiting for my doctor to come in and release me to go home when the nurse came in and said my labs weren't good and I was having the baby today. She said I couldn't have an epidural (I later learned that this was because my platelets were 50,000) , so I opted for a c-section. I was in the OR within the hour.

The surgery went well. I had a spinal, so I was able to be awake. It was all a blur, and I was so thankful to not be able to feel pain anymore. DD ended up in the NICU for sepsis (meconium) and labored breathing/fluid in the lungs. She did well and only had to stay for 4 days. I know we were extremely fortunate.

The day after I delivered, my OB explained that I had developed HELLP Syndrome and was very lucky to be alive. My ultrasound showed liver damage, and I was close to needing a platelet transfusion. My OB let me go home for the weekend on Thursday, but I was on strict bed rest and had to follow up with her on Monday. My BP wouldn't stabilize, so I ended up on BP meds for about a month. I was also followed by a GI doctor for about 6 months. Thankfully my liver was OK after that point.

My OB told me that there is about a 25 to 40% chance that I would get HELLP and/or Pre eclampsia in my next pregnancy. She is an optimist and feels that my chances of a healthy pregnancy are good. My husband and I decided that the risk isn't worth it, especially given that TTC was so hard on me, emotionally.

We are happy with our family of 3, although I do feel a twinge of sadness when I see women with pregnant bellies or new babies. DD is amazing, and I am so thankful for her.

Thanks for the chance to share my story. @Meo34, I don't know if you ever feel this way, but I feel like I was traumatized by HELLP. I worry all the time about something being wrong with my physical health. I'm hoping that it will get easier as time goes by. We'll see....

TiffanyBerry

I want to send a big giant hug to all of you guys.

**HUGS**

meo34

Myaflowers said:

  Thanks for the chance to share my story. @Meo34, I don't know if you ever feel this way, but I feel like I was traumatized by HELLP. I worry all the time about something being wrong with my physical health. I'm hoping that it will get easier as time goes by. We'll see....

Yes I definitely felt that way.  Physically I felt it was a long time to recover and feel like myself. It is worrisome as I also almost went into liver and kidney failure.  I also found a lack of support and education.  They just release you with no real follow up and discussion.  It wasn't until 6 weeks later I got a run down and that was rushed at best.  I had to do a lot of my own research to get information.  I also find people are misinformed and associate it with pre-E or high blood pressure, which is serious but not the same at all.

I also note yours happened after the baby shower as well....LOL...maybe there is a correlation. 

 

Thanks for sharing and to everyone that has contributed.  I think it is really healing and to know you are not alone.  I think it is important for others, especially for those just coming into this to feel ok about being sad or feel a sense of lose.  I think that was my biggest struggle because I felt I did not have a right to feel that way because I had a healthy beautiful baby.  Also I think there is a sense of lose of the birthing experience because of all the trauma and health issues.  Being so medicated I barely remember anything so that was a little sad.  I have totally come to terms with it now but at the time I felt wrong for feeling that way.  I think it is good for people to know these are normal feelings.

Smudges*Mom

Our son is an IVF baby. I developed HELLP at the very end of my pregnancy (41w5d). I was nearly 38 years old at the time. The OB who delivered our son suggested that it would be best if I did not attempt another pregnancy. Then the crushing postpartum depression set in. My parents did not dare leave me alone by myself, let alone with my son for over six weeks (because I needed the support, not for fear that I'd harm myself or the baby). Oh, and through all of this, because it was not stressful enough, but not related to being medically OAD, my DH was deployed to Iraq. (This is the bare bones of the story. It was a horrific and frightening experience. I can share more details if anyone is interested.) Honestly, being medically OAD made the decision to actually be OAD easier for me. I want and need to be here to care for the child we have. There are days that I mourn what will not be, but have been able to move on because I have to.

EMarieMe

We're one and done for multiple reasons, one of them medical. My thoughts go out to all of you ladies above, and I want to preface that what I went through is no where near what each of you dealt with, but it was enough for us to not risk it again.

*triggers mentioned*

With zero risk factors, I was diagnosed with GD. It's not uncommon but was surprising.  At 34 weeks I began having contractions and H began to drop down. Hospitalized for two days and was on bed rest for a week while taking Procardia.  At 36 weeks, went off the meds and was released to normal activity.  Because of the GD I was receiving twice weekly NST's which are done at L&D.  At 36W5D, I was just about to be unhooked from the NST machine when nurses flooded the room. One was in the hallway screaming for a surgeon and I was about to be put under. It all happened so fast I don't remember when I went from watching TV (yes, teen mom!) to nurses starting IV's/the baby warmer/surgical tray etc.  After a shot of terbutaline H's heart rate popped right back up to normal.  My doctor ran over from next door, an ultrasound was done, the perinatologist came in...no one could figure out what had happened. 

I'd been having a few contractions lower than before over the previous few days and I said to my doctor, that I thought it happened on one of the lower contractions.  I'd only been having two or three of the lower contractions for the last couple of days. Well, 45 minutes or so later, my nurse is in the room and I feel it start again.  My husband had arrived, sweaty from the gym poor guy, and we all look over at the screen and down baby H's heart rate just dropped to 42. My doctor was on the floor and said "I don't know what's going on, but we need to get him out."

Luckily one more shot of terbutaline and his heart was back at normal, so they rushed me into the OR, popped in the quickest spinal ever, and pulled out squish. Poor guys Mama had grown a super long umbilical cord that he'd swam through and created a true knot. It was also wrapped around his neck with the true knot being at an angle the ultrasound couldn't see. 

Since then I've had multiple OB's comment that for every true knot they see, one child will be born still.

If you grow one long cord you are likely to do so again. We're happy as a family of three and the risk just isn't worth it to me.  Since his birth I've also learned that GD is often present in mother's with true knots where it likely would not have occurred otherwise.  GD isn't the worst thing in the world, but combined with the risk of fetal death, we are done.

Also, they asked to keep my cord as they wanted to use it for a study.  It was that long.

KelseyFoster1991

That sounds so terrifying

Myaflowers

Is there a way to make this sticky for newcomers/lurkers who might find it comforting to read and share their own medically OAD stories? I know I have taken comfort in knowing there are others who understand.

meo34

I am ok with it being a sticky. I think that is a good idea @Myaflowers, and can give new comers a sense of regulars who have gone through this, especially those that are new to the experience.

lrichmond86

This is all in my into but this seems like the more appropriate place for it. Sorry for the xp

Warning. .. losses mentioned. ...



I delivered my first son December 14, 2011. He was stillborn at 31 weeks. I was diagnosed with pre e a week earlier but it was determined that that was not the cause of death. Ultimately they weren't able to tell us what happened other than that it was just a terrible fluke. We named him Gary after his dad. We were devastated to lose him and it took us a long time to even begin to heal from that. 

After our loss we were desperate to become pregnant again and conceived our second child the following October. That pregnancy was medically easy but extremely stressful for me. I was induced at 37 weeks and delivered a beautiful baby girl who is the light of our life! 

When dd was four months old I became pregnant again quite by surprise. I wasn't ready for it and told dh that this would be our last pregnancy, but embraced it and looked forward to having another baby in the house. 

At 17 weeks my integrated screening came back as abnormal. They thought the baby had down syndrome and scheduled a follow up ultrasound. When we went for the ultrasound they were unable to find the baby's heartbeat. We were devastated all over again. They recommended that I have a d&c because this loss was so much earlier than my previous loss and they thought it would be less emotionally tolling for me. It was terrible. The procedure had to be done in an abortion clinic. Protestors were yelling at us as we went in. Everything was very clinical. There was no compassion at all. I was left feeling like it was all a dream because I never had the chance to hold or see my baby. I've had a very difficult time dealing with that ever since. We didn't find out the baby's gender but named it Riley. They did genetic testing to confirm the downs but they found out that there was nothing chromosomally wrong. The conclusion was that there was a problem with my placenta. 

Dh and I talked after our second loss and decided that we would prevent future pregnancies for two reasons: first because we still don't know the cause of either of our babies deaths, and second because I don't think I could handle the stress of another pregnancy and be the kind of mother that dd deserves. 

ThereBeDragons

I suppose this is where I go.

After 5 years of TTC, we are accustomed to being on the wrong end of the bell curve. Our infertility is sufficiently severe that IVF was the only option. "Luckily" we made beautiful embryos. Unfortunately- 7/11 of the "perfect" embryos we transferred just.... didn't stick. The RE has no idea why I have constant implantation failure- all the testing came back normal. And of the 4 that did manage to implant 2 were early losses, and a third allowed us to discover the hard way that even when I can get a viable embryo to stick and make it past the first trimester- I have an incompetent cervix. We lost the third at 17 weeks. Traumatic doesn't even begin to describe the experience.

So, we decided to try one more time. Two embryos went in. One stuck. By the time I went in for a cerclage evaluation at 17 weeks- my cervix was already very short and getting shorter every day. They rushed me in for a cerclage a few days later and spent the next 19 weeks telling me that I'd be lucky if I made it to the next appointment before delivering my baby. The first month I was simply on restricted activity while waiting for viability. The following 3 months I was on full bed rest with the constant threat of hospital bed rest hanging over my head.

I am one of the lucky ones- for once. I made it to 36 weeks, they removed my cerclage, and I went into labor 2 days later and delivered without complications. DD went home with us with no NICU stay. She is the light of our lives.

The doctors say that I can get pregnant again. That if I get pregnant again- they can do an early cerclage and I might be able to avoid bed rest. But to get pregnant again could take even more years of infertility treatments failing. And once I got pregnant there's no guarantee I'd make it out of the first trimester- we still don't know why I had two early losses. And If I did make it out of the first trimester- I'd be back in the hospital for another cerclage and another 20+ weeks of constant worry about bed rest and preemies. And I'd have to do all of that with a child who needs my full attention- not whatever is left of me after the shots and pills and bed rest.

So we are one and done. We won't do more infertility treatments- the chances of getting pregnant are so low even with IVF and the risk that comes with success is just too high.

We got lucky once and that is enough for me.

TittsMcGee

Hugs to all of you ladies, you're all very strong.

Cynbok

Glad I found this board. Anyway, it took me a long time to meet my husband. I did not get married until I was 34. The Great Recession put our family dreams on hold. Things looked better in 2011, so we tried and I got a BFP within a month of trying. Around the 16 week mark, my bp started to rise. I thought nothing of it. I started to swell around 27 weeks. Thought little about it. Then the OB who checked me out at 31 weeks freaked out and sent me to L&D. They told me to go on bed rest, but I told them I needed to work. Did not take them seriously until my 24 hour urine came back over 300. Ended up on bed rest for 3 weeks before they induced me at 37 weeks. My son came out OK, but my preeclampsia got worse. In fact, my readings got up to 200/100+ and I had the worst headache of my life a week after DS was born. Hubby took me back to the doctor and then I got readmitted. There were 6 people working on me and I got put on a mag drip. That is all I can remember. It took almost a year to get my bp back under control again. And, 2 years later, I am still struggling with my bp and thyroid. With that being said, being 40 now and all, I will most likely get pre-e again if I try for another child. I am the breadwinner of my household, and we cannot afford to have me out of work. And, there's the fear of me getting sick again and dying. Then, a part of me wants another child, because hubby and I both have siblings. However, we really are not that close to them, so maybe DS won't miss out that much. I am also very jaded by my postpartum experience in the fact that other people bonded with DS instead of me. Maybe I am looking for a "do over" experience where I can be healthy, BF, snuggle, bond, without being attached to a damn BP cuff! I have a toy poodle to fill the void. I am still at a crossroads on when to get rid of DS's baby stuff.... Thanks for reading!

TundraGirl

Well, here goes ...

I have an autoimmune disease. That doesn't mean that I couldn't have more children, but it does mean that the possibility of having my symptoms flare up after delivery is very high.

In order to manage the disease, I have to take medication that can cause miscarriage and birth defects. Being off the medication could cause long-lasting issues that could effect my quality of life. I'm not willing to take the risks, so one and done it is (plus I just can't imagine how crazy life would be with more than one).

TundraGirl

@tundrabunny‌ - I was off of my meds for a while and actually felt better off of them than on them. My scans came back looking not great, so back on the meds I went. I'm glad for the meds and what they can do but would love to live a life without them. Oh well. Best of luck staying symptom free (or as symptom-free as possible)!

zeptattoo

We knew before we TTC that we would be OAD for medical reasons.  I have Factor V Leiden Mutation heterozygous with associated thrombophilia.  Basically, I can have a clot/stroke at any time.  Pregnant women tend to have issues with that as their pregnancy moves along anyway, so I was at a bigger risk of having issues that way.

The bulk of my pregnancy was normal with the exception of giving myself Lovenox and Heparin shots everyday.  Then at the end of my second trimester, DS started measuring behind and the MFM thought I might be throwing microclots.  So they upped my dosage and whenever I cut myself I would bleed and bleed and bleed.  DS was not affected in utero, but it is possible that he has inherited this.   

So, yep, no more babies for us.  Honestly, I really like being a family of three, although I mourn the choice not really being ours.  Does that make sense?

jdveatch

I really appreciated this post as I'm trying to accept the fact that we are one and done.  We went through 8 IVF procedures and have one beautiful little boy.  Like previous posts have noted, I know all the right things to say to myself...be grateful for the one you have, no more shots, heartache & disappointments in the future ttc, one is less stress and easier financially, etc.  But...I still mourn the loss of our most recent pregnancy (10 weeks and no heartbeat), hoped I would have the chance to be pregnant again, and wish our son would have a sibling to grow up with.  I hope that with time it will get easier. 

mere2005

We just added another element to our medically OAD recently. I'm not physically up to having another baby. To add to that DH just got diagnosed with high functioning Autism at the age of 31. The who time as a kid he was diagnosed as having ADHD. I do believe the ADHD was a misdiagnosis, but of course kids get tested differently in 2015, than they did in the early 90s. Also FIL just told us that he was diagnosed with Bipolar about 10 years ago. Not sure why he was ashamed to let his son in on that little tid bit as he saw DH struggling in the world (as a kid and as a adult). So, mental health is also a factor that I take into consideration. These struggles are hard on the parents and the kids. I know medially OAD weighs hard on us mom in many different ways. Here's to a great 2015, looking forward

Maladroit

Well, I developed Cholestasis when I went in for my 37 week check-up.  I told my midwife that my hands and feet had been really itchy (at the insistance of my mom), so they drew some bloodwork.  When the lab work came back, my liver enzymes were off the charts and I was told I needed to be in L&D by 5pm.  I called DH and our moms, packed up, ate, and headed in for induction.  After 2 days, 2 doses of Cervadil, Pitocin cranked all the way up, internal monitoring, a catheter, 4 hours of pushing, and a forceps assisted delivery (with threat of emergency C-section), hemorrhage, and 2 fluid boluses I had my DS.  If I get pregnant again I have a 90% chance of getting Cholestasis again and it'll likely hit sooner with each pregnancy.  DS was born at 38 weeks and had to stay a week in the hospital for IV antibiotics.  I am One and Done by choice and for medical reasons.

nomaderica22

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I will only an only child.  In October I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks that was thought to be a molar pregnancy.  After a D/C I had hemorrhaging and needed a transfusion.  I had had a retained placenta with the delivery of my first child which resulted in a D/C and also hemorrhaging and transfusion.  After hearing the results that the miscarriage was not a molar, but they were going to treat it as such due to the nature, I decided to get a second opinion.  That doctor said I would not be a candidate for their practice and referred me to a hematologist as well as a high-risk OB.  My hematology results were normal.  The high-risk OB let me know that, as I had already believed, I had placenta accreta with both of my future pregnancies and should consider myself lucky that I had survived with the amount of blood lost.  She said, technically, I COULD get pregnant, but the risk was extremely high that this would happen again and could go through to my uterus, or, again, I could die.  The risk would be to my child.  At the end of the day I felt it was more important for the child I have to have a mother rather than a sibling.  

neonpotatoes

So I found out on May 23, my step sons birthday that I'm pregnant. At my last appointment the nurse couldn't find a heartbeat at 12 weeks. Doctor did a pelvic exam and put me at 9 weeks, found the heartbeat low in my pelvis and sent me for a US. The scans showed that I have a fallopian tube that is probably fully blocked. It's huge. Since its no risk on this pregnancy, she wants to wait until after to check for sure. However, she told me that she was very surprised with the state of it, that we didn't end up with an ectopic and highly expects any further pregnancies to be high risk for it. As long as nothing goes poorly with this one, husband and I agreed that it's more important for our child to have a mother rather than sibling. It's hard to celebrate all the good things knowing they won't happen again, and I'm really anxious about the sex reveal because this will be it. Everyone here has had such heart wrenching stories that it's hard to validate my own!

meganfauer

@jdveatch I am in the exact same boat as you. 

I have been through 7 fertility treatments (2 being recent) and i am having a very hard time with this decision. I feel for me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with an only child but it is so hard that this is not my choice, b/c by choice I would have more. Fertility has taken this from me and it is hard. I adore my son and I am so beyond grateful for my "one good egg" and want his to have the best life possible. We did say that we were going to try for another one but only do 1 more round of fertility, well unfortunately we have tried the past two months and each time my cycle has been canceled due to complications. We are trying one last ditch attempt but I do not have much faith and really trying to come to terms with this. I cry anytime I put his clothes away that are too small and I cringe at the thought of giving anything away. I hope that this wound can heal and I will get past the want and yearning. 

Thank you all for sharing your unbelievable stories.

theglitteredpterodactyl

I'm really glad this thread exists. I've read through it before but now as I'm getting closer to having my one (and maybe done?) I'm finding even more comfort in it. I deal with bipolar and anxiety and for a good pregnancy I've gone off a few of my meds. The depression and anxiety have been really rough and I'm getting through it with a lot of meditating and mindfulness and a really supportive partner but man it's getting to the point where I've been thinking seriously about if I could ever go through this again. I've always wanted more than one but I'm not sure I want to put myself through this, or another unborn baby. I go through so much guilt thinking about all these bad emotions flooding the baby as well and... And I'm glad this thread exists. I'm so excited for the little person I'm about to meet (less than a month away!) and I want them to feel like enough. I know they will, for years probably, but it's still hard to think I might have to let go of the possibility of a sibling. I love my sister and we're incredibly close and I just hate that I wouldn't be able to offer that to this baby as well. But they'll have cousins and family friends' kids and my partner is an only child who is still in close friendships with people he's known since pre-k. He's well rounded, well socialized and never felt a lack of a sibling. These are the things I remind myself of, I guess. I know my story isn't really that medically dramatic or finalizing, so I'm sorry if maybe this wasn't the best place to share it, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. 

groovylocks

So this doesn't *really* count  but we're looking at it this way. 

My husband was told, due to a physiological issue, he would likely not conceive. We tried and tried and our entire life, definitely our entire sex life, became about trying to make a person. 

When we finally gave up, we were pregnant the following month. Neither of us believed it and we were desperate for her to stick around. Odds beaten twice and she did. She really is our special girl and we're very proud of her. 

We have talked about this. We realize that his likelihood of conceiving again is still very, very poor. And sure, we can try. And sure, people can win the lottery twice and we might get another. 

But it will be at the expense of our marriage. 

Our sex life became so much about making a baby that sex became a chore for both of us. And something stressful for both of us. And something heartbreaking for both of us. We don't want that to happen ever again. We are working to repair that trauma now.

So we have decided that we will stop trying now. Once our Little Dragon is born, we will do our best to be the parents of one child and be as grateful for her as she deserves. She is a gift. She is more than enough. She is the world.

If we beat the odds a second time, that's great. But we're never, ever going to put ourselves through that again. So for now, we consider ourselves to be one and done. 

nemodancer

Most likely we're one and done. I had some urinary medical issues after giving birth, I don't want to go through that again. Plus the finances too.

qutieputie71

My BP was high at about 20 weeks, I'm a type 1 diabetic (since I was 9yrs old - insulin dependent/childhood diabetes)...by 30 weeks, it was continuously 150/100 and I was monitoring daily and on Methyldopa. By 35 weeks my meds had been increased but when I went in to my weekly NST appt, it was 180/110 and they admitted me to the hospital immediately saying I didn't have the platelets or liver failure but the BP and urine counts were too high for comfort, leaning towards pre-eclampsia. I delivered that day at 4:25pm via emergency c-section. I was terrified, starting throwing up during the surgery since I had eaten that morning and wasn't aware I'd be having the baby that day, had a panic attack on the table since my husband had not yet been brought in and I was very very scared. My sweet girl came out, not crying, even though she had strong activity up until the surgery, and her apgar score was 3. It came up to 7 and they got her to scream, rushed her over to my face while I was throwing up and then rushed her off to the NICU. I woke up 20 hours later in a dark freezing cold room with a nurse over me trying to get blood out. I looked at my arms (which never gave blood easy to begin with), and I had 17 bruises covering my arms from where they took blood every hour over the last day I was unconscious. Turns out, I was immediately put on a magnesium drip after being given a shot of magnesium directly in the arm to try to bring my BP down which didn't work but they were so afraid I was about to have a stroke or heart attack. The IV Mag drip put me unconscious and also makes your skin feel like it's on fire. The worst part was that my baby was in the NICU all that time and I had not even met her yet. My husband, the saint he is, ran back and forth every hour from her to me while my parents mostly stayed with me. They also visited the baby every couple hours as allowed by the NICU. The first time I ever held her she stopped breathing in my arms and doctors came rushing over to resuscitate her. Then she was in the NICU for 3 weeks with breathing issues and it was just terrible to leave her there over night, not knowing what could happen. We stayed at Ronald McDonald house (god bless them!) because we lived an hour from the hospital and couldn't bear to be that far away from her. We stayed in the NICU from 7:30am until 11:30pm every single day until she was finally released. We were so traumatized by the whole experience...we have been scared out of a second child at this point. Doctors told me I could still have another baby though, I guess because I didn't have full blown HELLP and to this day still haven't confirmed if I had pre-e or just high BP and protein in urine (which I had before getting pregnant). It took me 9 months to get my BP down and when I got pregnant my kidneys were at almost 100% function and today they function at 64%. We love our sweet girl and are feeling very fulfilled by her these days. She is 9mo and is starting to be a independent so I fear in a year or two I might really want another but what we experienced is really stopping us. They weren't sure I or the baby would get through - I mean they wouldn't even tell us she was okay until 4 days before she was let out of the NICU. Ahhh, I am tense just writing that whole thing! Glad there are other women here to confer with. When I tell my girlfriends that story, they kind of just are like wow that's a lot to go through - do you want another? Well duh, yes, but do I want another 4 weeks of torture worrying if my baby will make it or if she will grow up without a mother? Eh, I think not. It seems like unless you went through something similar, you can't really understand how emotional and upsetting it is.

Abruce51

I'm amazed this was the first post that came up for me as I haven't posted before and I have been thinking a lot about this lately.  I'm not 100% medically out of option but getting there quickly.
I have an incompetent cervix and spent 15 weeks on complete bed rest with 3 of those weeks in hospital. I was able to make it to 34 weeks which was fantastic. I had complications with after-birth. The placenta didn't disconnect and start to hemorrhage so the OB had to attempt manual removal of the placenta. OB wasn't able to remove all of it so I had to have a D&C a few weeks later. During the D&C my uterus tore and they had to repair it.
After a year of trying to conceive baby 2 we went to fertility center and completed the testing. We discovered that the trauma for my first delivery left my uterus with severe scarring or Ashermann's Syndrome. I had surgery in March to try to remove the scarring but still only left with some good tissue for an egg to implant.  IVF isn't really an option since its implantation issue.

I've tried to read through most of the stories but was curious if people considered adoption and their thoughts.

charmedlifex3

Even before my darling boy arrived, we knew we might be one and done. My husband and I had hoped to be able to have at least two, maybe three. We bought a four bedroom house before any of these issues happened. 
And it looks like we are one and done. 
We were able to get pregnant easily. The second month trying, those two pink lines popped up. Here we go!
I suffered from debilitating morning sickness, and a recurrence of a disease called trigenminal nueralgia. All of the medications to treat the disease are dangerous for baby, and the pain is worse than childbirth. There is no cure. The pain was so bad, I tore out a muscle in my abdominal wall vomiting from it. 
Finally at 20 weeks, with most of his major systems in place, we were able to find a drug where the benefits out weighed the risks. 
Over the final twenty weeks, my body went into collapse from the pregnancy. I was severely anemic. My heart started having issues and I was referred to a cardiologist, who said my body was "just bad at being pregnant." - I was placed on modified bedrest to prevent permanent heart damage. I had a severe recurring kidney infection, with contractions, and had preterm labor stopped medically at 32 weeks. Finally at 37 weeks my body went into prodromal labor. My bile salts started to rise, a leading cause of still births, and my liver was showing signs of stress. By the time I was admitted for induction I was exhausted, and the doctors didn't know why one system after another was shutting down on me. 
After 12 hours of active labor following a successful induction, I ended up with an emergency C section when my son shifted sideways when he began to crown. During the C section my vitals crashed several times, while my husband was still in the room. They did not show me my baby in the OR.  About the time I lost awareness, the doctor pushed my husband (holding our newborn) out into the hall, and he saw a support team from the main hospital rush into the OR. I don't know what happened at that point, I woke up in the recovery room with my baby already on my chest. I did not see him, but I got to hold him. I didn't get to see my baby until the morning after he was born.  Following the C section, I had a major infection requiring imaged guided surgery and a week of IV antibiotics in the hospital. A smaller secondary infection was treated out patient. I needed a blood transfusion. 
Finally at 10 weeks postpartum I am finally allowed to return to something resembling normal. I can drive as of the week before last, I'm allowed to lift as long as I don't strain.
I don't know what damage the post op infection did to me physically, but the doctors are in agreement having another child would be extremely dangerous. Between the severe kidney infections, the heart issues, the liver problems, and the issues with delivery.... It's more important my son has a mother than a sibling. 
Another pregnancy could go completely smoothly, and a part of me wants to try again to capture some of that joy I missed out on. I had visions of prenatal yoga, hanging out at the beach with my bump. Instead we spent more time in the hospital than anywhere else. 
My son is a fighter, and he came through all this and is perfect. I'm trying to just enjoy being a one and done mommy.