Birth Stories

Terrified to give birth

Hello!
I'm in my fifth month and having nightmares about giving birth. I am a baby when it comes to pain and have heard horror stories about epidurals not working and tearing. I am definitely all for an epidural once the time comes but how will I keep my fears under control until then?!
hillaryseidl

Re: Terrified to give birth

  • grodagirlgrodagirl
    First Comment
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    The more information you have, the less afraid you will be!! I would HIGHLY recommend calling a couple of birth centers and finding out if you can enlist the services of a doula. This is a women who will attend your birth for the sole purpose of assisting YOU through it through breathing, massage, and support. Traditionally they work on a sliding scale so all mothers can afford one regardless of income. SHE WILL BE YOUR LIFELINE and help you so much with your anxiety!! I would also recommend getting a couple of books that go through your pregnancy week by week so that you can understand what is happening, what is about to come, and the process that giving birth really is... but really, the more you know about birth and your options when it comes to choosing meds, procedures, etc, the better you will feel! 
    LilBabyBeansmbbach
  • I'm not going to lie, it hurts, BUT it's doable, whether you use meds or not. Educate yourself. Read as much as you can about giving birth, go to classes at your hospital so you know what your options are there, even watch videos online if you think you can.

    I second getting a doula. Just make sure you get one that you are compatible with. If you want to get an epidural, you don't want a doula who is anti-meds.

    You can do it. Good luck!


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  • alysonmhalysonmh
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
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    No need to worry between now and then because it won't change anything. I had a pretty intense 28 hour labor with episiotomy (cut to prevent tearing, 14 stitches) and I still don't think labor is as bad as it's made out to be. Once it's happening you just get through it. It hurts but it's absolutely manageable and I just remind myself that labor doesn't last forever.

    I recommend taking birthing classes. I didn't the first time and I felt like without those techniques I made the whole process a lot less efficient and pleasant. I wasn't controlling my breathing well which exhausted me. I didn't know what positions would help my labor/pain or what my partner could do to make me more comfortable.

    And don't worry, epidurals rarely don't work at all and there are other pain medications they will offer you in addition to the epidural.
    Parvathm
  • Definitely hire a doula and take some childbirth courses, like bradley or lamaze. Your doula will help ease your fears, and being educated about the process will help a lot too. Best of luck!
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  • KyMommy86KyMommy86
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    Take a child birth class. You will have a chance to ask questions and get information that you need. Talk out your fears with friends (preferably mommy friends) or your mother. Read some birth stories of people who had an easy time with it and know that even if things go slightly south the hospital staff is trained and your doc knows you and your baby well enough to help you through it.
    Not gonna lie with my first I brought my stuffed mouse from childhood with me into the delivery room. I was 22 and terrified. Having that comfort item from when I was little was oddly comforting even as an adult.
    Don't forget to breathe. Not just in labor but in life.
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  • Read a lot of positive birth stories too. You can just google "positive birth stories" - and Ina May Gaskin's guide to childbirth is a great book to read.
    LilBabyBeansBeevol
  • It definitely hurts but you will be fine.  Everyone is different so don't pay attention to horrific birth stories.  Who knows you might be one of the lucky ones and have a positive birth story.  

    I am no good with pain either but I can't wait to have another baby.  I didn't have the greatest experience (definitely not the worst one either) but I will do it all over again.  Thankfully, labor is the shortest part of the whole process.  I like the counting idea and hopefully will remember that for next time.

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  • The pain is manageable, and there lots of interventions if you need them. I was on a pit drip and got an epi at 6cm. I had maybe five very intense contractions. No big deal in the grand scheme of things. Honestly, I had gallstones and those hurt more. Birth is hard but by no means traumatic. It's going to be fine!
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  • 14whitney14whitney
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    My aunt gave me the best advice EVER." Ignore everyone! We all have horror stories about birth. Truth is, it hurts. But no one else's pain will will feel like yours. No one else's experience will be like yours. No one else's body is quite like yours. Just remember to count..." So I stopped asking others what it was like, frankly, it scared the crap out of me! When the time came, I forgot to count.... and guess what... IT HURT! So i asked for meds each and every time i saw a nurse and became too stoned to remember many details about the delivery of my daughter. And when I was pregnant with my son, I sat down with my aunt again. and she repeated "count". O she was a life saver! With each contraction, I would count. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5....12, 13, 14, ...however long it took. And I got through it. When the next contraction came, i knew i had to count to 15...and the pain would be over. I was so focused on the numbers and running out of numbers....i wasn't focused on the pain. Before long, you will be set in a pattern...one that allows you to look forward to the end of the contraction rather than be scared of the coming one. Try to ignore all the horror stories...and count....good luck.
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  • KyMommy86 said:
    Take a child birth class. You will have a chance to ask questions and get information that you need. Talk out your fears with friends (preferably mommy friends) or your mother. Read some birth stories of people who had an easy time with it and know that even if things go slightly south the hospital staff is trained and your doc knows you and your baby well enough to help you through it.
    Not gonna lie with my first I brought my stuffed mouse from childhood with me into the delivery room. I was 22 and terrified. Having that comfort item from when I was little was oddly comforting even as an adult.
    Don't forget to breathe. Not just in labor but in life.
    I was 32 when I had my first child, and I brought my childhood teddy bear to the hospital.  Do whatever it takes to make you feel better, no shame!  Also, I second the recommendation for childbirthing classes.  I found mine exceptionally reassuring, and the techniques they went over were extremely helpful.
  • I felt exactly like you. I had my baby on May 22nd and I echo what everyone else has said. Having a Doula really helped me. I got an epidural though didn't get it as quickly as I would have liked. I also had a very long labor and hours of pushing but to be honest it was only 3 weeks ago and I've already "forgotten" the pain. Once you see baby that's all you'll be able to think about, and until then you will have nurses, Doula, meds, and relaxation strategies to get thru it. Definitely take a childbirth class. And try not to think about it too much -- you have to go through labor to get your baby so its a given. Try to just enjoy the pregnancy now.... Labor is still far away.
  • Don't worry when you get to the end of your pregnancy, you will be happy to get the baby out. Just remember not to listen to everyone's horror stories, tell them you're not interested in hearing them. You will do great. Look at it this way, most people have more then 1 child, some have 5 and 6 kids. Think of yourself as a warrior, you are woman hear me roar. The prize at the end is sooooooo worth it, you won't give it a second thought. Enjoy your pregnancy.
  • mrsb9608mrsb9608
    Fifth Anniversary First Comment
    member
    edited July 9
    I just took my 3rd baby class... and honestly, I think it's making me MORE scared.  They're showing us the graphic videos and all the tools they have to use and it's making me MORE worried and WAY MORE scared.  I don't know what I'm going to do come time.  Good luck to you, honey.  I'm in the same boat and I've got 8 weeks left.
  • THIS! Love this! @grodagirl
    grodagirl said:

    The more information you have, the less afraid you will be!! I would HIGHLY recommend calling a couple of birth centers and finding out if you can enlist the services of a doula. This is a women who will attend your birth for the sole purpose of assisting YOU through it through breathing, massage, and support. Traditionally they work on a sliding scale so all mothers can afford one regardless of income. SHE WILL BE YOUR LIFELINE and help you so much with your anxiety!! I would also recommend getting a couple of books that go through your pregnancy week by week so that you can understand what is happening, what is about to come, and the process that giving birth really is... but really, the more you know about birth and your options when it comes to choosing meds, procedures, etc, the better you will feel! 

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  • edited August 4

    Truthfully I say you need to prepare for all situations. It is possible (and likely) to tear with a first baby. Epidural can fail, and even if they work you may be in quite a bit of pain before you get it.

    First you need to remember that labor and birth hurt, there is no way around that. Even with pain medication it will be sore/painful after. What I suggest is looking into pain relief methods that you can use before you get your medication. Having those tools may help calm your fears.

    I also suggest reading up on the different situations that can happen. I made sure to read up and on c sections, and so when I ended up needing one, I wasn’t as scared as if I didn’t know what was going on.

  • I had a couple of painful contractions than the epidural kicked in. I felt zero pain giving birth. I pushed for 1 hour. I had 2 tiny tears but not enough for stitches. I did NOT poop on the table(seems to be everyones worry)...lol. Overall my labor experience was completely different than some of the horror stories I heard. I did not take any labor classes or read too much about giving birth. (For me the less I know about the details the better). The hardest part for me wasnt labor it was trying to Breast feed.
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