prepartum depression

ohshenaniganz

About six weeks ago after putting my son to bed I had a severe anxiety attack /ptsd episode. Long story short I ended up having to be hospitalized.  I had ptsd after a car accident and the birth of my ds I assumed that the stress and anxieties I had been having with this pregnancy had come to a head. I thought that I would be in and out of the hospital they would regulate my meds and I would be fine. I was  wrong,  I was diagnosed with PrePartum Depression. Never in my life had I heard this term I had only heard of postpartum depression and being a year and half out of my first birth I thought it was crazy that they were diagnosing me with it. The Dr. explained to me Prepartum occurs before the birth and during pregnancy and that it has a lot of the same signs and symptoms of postpartum depression.  I have therapy three times a week and am on medication. I have joined support groups and online boards. I am having more good days than bad. The bad days are so bad they take every ounce of energy to get through. I am aware there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is just a day by day thing.

 Anyway enough about me.  I am writing this more of a PSA than anything.  The thing is my husband knew something was wrong, my parents knew something was wrong even my ultrasound tech had mentioned something in a chart but no one said anything. I had been suffering from extreme insomnia since December I had been experiencing headaches  and  extreme weight loss. I had become distant and withdrawn from my friends and family I stopped taking my son to play groups , music and swim class. In the few weeks before my “attack” I had maybe showered twice hadn’t brushed my hair since god knows when I had extreme mood swings and was just not myself at all. I know I am an adult but I didn’t see the signs I knew I was a little down and not embracing the pregnancy.  I did not realize I was entirely disconnected from this pregnancy. I still have very little connection to my unborn child I feel distant and have not had a bonding experience I had with my first.  However no one said anything until after the fact, after I was hospitalized they all said well we saw signs we knew something was wrong we just didn’t want to concern you or stress you out more.  If just one person had spoken up and said hey something not right here I could of gotten help sooner, not had so much of an extreme break down not caused so much stress on myself and my baby. No one had heard of prepartum depression they had assumed I was going through a hormonal issue and I just had to work through it. Please just be aware that this is a real thing its more than hormones and baby blues if you are feeling withdrawn and distant and disconnected talk to your Dr it is not taboo there is nothing wrong with it and getting help sooner than later is always better.

Jennyfahh

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.  So many people just assume it's normal to feel "down" during pregnancy, chalking it up to hormones.  Depression in any sense is very scary and it's sad to me that so many people saw the signs for you and never said anything, ESPECIALLY a medical professional!  It's important for everyone to be mindful of the signs and seek help (obviously easier said than done) or to watch for signs with friends and family.  Thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm thinking of you.

chase16

Thank you for sharing this. Take care of yourself, we are always here if you want to talk. There are a few other ladies on this board that have struggled with depression/anxiety, and might be able to understand what you're going through. I have OCD, which has "flared up" (for lack of a better word) since I've been pregnant, which has been a struggle. I'm glad you're getting help

ShadowsRainFalls

Thanks for sharing! I know it must take a lot to reach out, but sharing your story could really help a lot of women! I hope things look up for you more and more each day, and that the meds and therapy help out. 

I had depression before DS, and so I knew I was at a higher risk for postpartum depression. I was aware of all the signs and STILL didn't "get it" when I had it, and would honestly contemplate suicide. Depression is scary, because it's so hard to see a way out. You are so strong and so brave. Going on meds helped me immensely, and I weaned off of them about 6 months after starting, successfully. 

Again, thank you. I didn't know pre partum depression was a thing either! I will be thinking of you!

JadaBlue

I just wanted to share that Jessica Grosse wrote about her experience with antenatal depression on Slate. It might be worth looking up in case she referenced some good resources. I'm glad you're getting the help you need and hope that you feel more like yourself soon.

olii1

I've never heard of this, thank you for sharing. Good that you are getting treatment that you need. I'm sure everything is going to be fine and you are going to have plenty of time to bond with baby #2 after  he/she is born.

MrsMonsterInMyCloset

Thank you so much for posting... I feel like mental illness is such a taboo subject, especially during pregnancy. I have a history of all sorts of "mental interestingness" and it needs to be talked about so people know that help IS out there!

kimberlybethh

Thanks for sharing!! I had horrible ppd with dd. It was a very scary time. I wish more people would have been brave like you and shared their struggles with pre and postpartum depression when I was pregnant with dd. I would have felt a lot less isolated knowing that so many women experience it. I'm glad that you are getting the help and support you need. Sending positive thoughts and good vibes your way!!!

ladybuginl0ve

I'm pretty sure I have this. Anyone taking pills mind sharing what they're on? From what I've read buspar is the only category b out there. I miss my Vibryd and my Klonopin a lot but I know they're a no-no. I feel bad for even considering taking medication. There's always the what if in my mind. Not to mention DH is totally unsupportive. I'm not suicidal, but often times I think about how there's no joy in my life and how any chance of happiness in the future looks bleak or how it just might be easier to be dead. Only happy thing in my life right now is baby. The baby I love and will do anything for even if it makes me miserable. I've felt so guilty for feeling depressed while pregnant. Especially since I've heard how pregnant people can't get depressed. Why is that rumor even around? I guess not too many pregnant women are willing to admit it out loud.

marathonmommy82

ladybuginl0ve said:

I'm pretty sure I have this. Anyone taking pills mind sharing what they're on? From what I've read buspar is the only category b out there. I miss my Vibryd and my Klonopin a lot but I know they're a no-no. I feel bad for even considering taking medication. There's always the what if in my mind. Not to mention DH is totally unsupportive. I'm not suicidal, but often times I think about how there's no joy in my life and how any chance of happiness in the future looks bleak or how it just might be easier to be dead. Only happy thing in my life right now is baby. The baby I love and will do anything for even if it makes me miserable. I've felt so guilty for feeling depressed while pregnant. Especially since I've heard how pregnant people can't get depressed. Why is that rumor even around? I guess not too many pregnant women are willing to admit it out loud.

It's really shitty that your H is unsupportive. Do you see a psychiatrist or therapist ?

I take 5mg lexapro daily