Negative association with potty

Snapdragon750

My daughter will be 3 in June.  I want to start real potty training soon, especially since she is starting preschool next year, so I started doing some reading, but I didn't find anything that addressed my problem: My daughter hates the potty.

I want to keep this a positive experience for her and don't want to push her before she is ready, but all of my attempts to be positive about the potty are failing.  I bought her a potty about 6 months ago, and it all seemed to be going well with her pretending to use it and all, even peeing in it once or twice, and then for a couple of days I had her sit on the potty before nap time because she kept pooping then (which ruined naptime).  Two days in a row she pooped in the potty after sitting for a very long time (20 minutes or so, but she did it happily while reading and would tell me to go away when I'd check on her), but she seemed unhappy with the poop in the potty...she anxiously asked me to "clean it," which of course I did after assuring her that's where poop is supposed to go.  But the third day when I tried to get her to the potty she threw such a fit that I gave up, not wanting to force the issue.  But since then, she's never wanted to use the potty when I suggest it.  I'm afraid I've created a negative association with it that she hasn't forgotten, and I don't know how to fix that.  I've tried a potty chair on the big potty, instead, but it's still a no go.

She hates diaper changes and fights them regularly, so I've told her we won't have to change her diaper if she uses the potty, but she just says, "I don't want to."  She likes watching me go and seeing me flush, she loves washing her hands so I've tried to use that as a "reward," but still nope.  I bought her big girl underwear in princesses and ponies, and she loves them and asked to put them on, so I put one on her, but when I told her that she can't pee and poop in them so if she has to go she has to use the potty, she took them off and hasn't mentioned wearing them since.

She hides when she poops and goes long periods with dry diapers, and I know that she's cognitively ready to follow the potty routine, but for some reason she just really does not want to go.  She reads the potty books, but she's just got it in her head that she will not use it and isn't budging from that.  When I bought her a book called "Even Princesses Use the Potty," she read it over and over and over and over and then later told me, "I don't want to use the potty like all the people in the book."

TL;DR: The question here is...does she need me to be more firm about this or do I need to back off?  I've been backing off for 6 months and nothing seems to have changed.  She holds memories for a long time and really doesn't just forget about things when I stop mentioning them (yesterday she asked me for a toy that she hasn't seen in a year and a half).  She hates hates hates HATES dirt, food, or anything spilling on her hands or clothes or the floor or anywhere, so I have a feeling if I switched her to training pants or underwear she'd train very quickly, but I'm also afraid of coming on too strong and making it worse.  WWYD?

Snapdragon750

I do get Parenting, and since several people have joked about my daughter's "OCD," I read that article very carefully!!!!  They did say age 4, so I think I just have a quirky toddler who likes to be clean (and recently I realized that she only freaks out about dirt and cream cheese on her hands when she knows I'm looking...so maybe it's more of an attention thing), but it's still on my radar.

Thanks, I try to remember that she's still young, but I'm at my wits' end with her poopy diapers.  Unless I catch it right away, that poop can get all up in her business (because she will play nicely and sit in it for literally hours if I don't catch it, though I usually do before then!!), and even if it wasn't there long enough to leave a rash, she will scream and fight and cry like she's being violated...it's sad and awful and I just want her to go on the potty already. 

phdprocrastinator

This is my first foray over to this board, and I have the exact same issue with DD.  She actually started sitting on her potty around January when one of her friends at day care started using the potty.  All was good until she pooped in it.  We even went through a period of her holding poop, which we seem to have overcome by giving her lollipops when she did poop (in her diaper).  

I've been playing games with the potty by asking her to touch it with her hand, her foot, her belly, her head, etc.  She thinks the game's a hoot until I ask her to touch it with her tush.  Then it's "change diaper!" and running away.  

I also don't want this to be a fight...  but I may try the "three day" plan later this summer...  it would be wonderful to have her out of diapers before #2 appears.

homediva

I'm working on training my son and found this article very good!

https://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

frasey

I realize this thread is a few weeks old, but just wanted to say that DD is doing pretty much the same things as you ladies all mentioned... she also hates pooping, period, Daycare wants to try PTing, and wants us to try it at home next weekend too. Honestly I don't mind changing diapers... 

@phdprocrastinator - I like your idea of rewarding any poops - I think we might try that. And I will read that article that @homediva posted too. 

Any updates from anyone?

Snapdragon750

Yes, I have an update!  DD is completely potty-trained as of last June, really right after she turned 3.  After a frustrating and unsuccessful try with pull-ups (I should have listened to all advice to forget about them), I decided to totally back off of my stubborn DD who hates to do anything if she knows I want her to do it.  I bought training pants and just waited.  One day she told me she wanted to wear underwear, so I told her okay, put on the training pants, and told her firmly that we were not going back to diapers.  I think I gave her a jellybean for trying, two for pee, and three for poop.  Something like that.  Anyway, the first day she peed in her pants every time, but in the evening she actually told me she had to go potty and managed to get some in there.  The second day, she told me she had to go and went in the potty every time, but was still going a bit in her training pants first (no big deal though--not enough to soak totally through).  The third day she was dry!  

Also I think my DD was a bit non-typical because she has never had a poop accident.  From day 1, even when she was having pee accidents, her poop ended up in the potty (though that time it was because I saw it coming and plunked her on there).  Even now, she'll hold her pee for hours and refuse to go even while dancing and holding herself0, but if she has to poop she'll announce "I have to go potty!" and go.

Best of luck to everyone out there!!!  I worried for nothing!