my baby wants to be with me all the time

consuelomarie

my 6 month old baby girl wants me to hold her and to pay attention to her all the time. I am a stay home mom but I have my own graphic design business at home, so we are always together. When I put her down in her crib to play, on the floor, her activity table and in her booster sit to play she starts crying but when i get close to play with her she stops, also if i put her down for whatever reason she stars crying. I love to be with her but I have work to do and I have due dates with my clients that I honestly cant spend 5 hours with her. How can I make it easier for her that she can play alone while mammy is in the same room working. She also have separation anxiety even when I am home and some else is watching her, she is just way to attache to me. PA the dad isn't in the picture so I cant count with his family nor with him.

LittleNugget93

I think that for now it is just a phase. I'd try some new toys and starting your work right when she wakes up. 

gallerybaby

I'm going through something similar as someone who brings her daughter to work everyday, and though my SO is great, he works long hours so I'm left with most all the baby care. Your baby going through a phase and it's exacerbated by the fact that she really only has you-- considering that her other parent is not in the picture. While it won't be easy at first, the best thing you can do is find someone with nerves of steel to take care of your daughter while you leave the house and get your work done. She may scream and cry, but by going and coming back you're teaching her to trust you: no matter what, mommy will always come back to her. Also, I may be presumptuous, but I'm guessing you don't have a babysitter come in during the day because you can't afford it at the moment? (Because, If you can afford it, then get someone who can work when you work. They can even be in the same room with you but at least someone else is entertaining her while you take care of business.) Most of all, be patient with yourself. There are going to be times when you just wish your little one would just BE. QUIET. Please. For one flipping second! Please!... And that's ok. It doesn't make you a bad mom if you get frustrated-- you're taking on quite a workload! Just have patience with yourself and with your baby. As someone in a similar spot I find that when she is just beyond fussy and won't let me put her down, the best thing is to take her on a walk. Just a quick walk, even if only to the corner and back. Usually, she'll fall asleep or enjoy watching people and be in a much better mood when we get home.

consuelomarie

i can't afford a nanny right now, and i do get help from my mother and my cousin but its getting to the point that she doesn't want them either. she will stay with them for about 5 minutes top and then i need to be to the rescue. also i am giving her all of the attention she needs, i just want her to know its fine to play alone and to have alone time while mommy is woking but if she needs me then im there. 

gallerybaby

"Uh, get a nanny" comments are so unhelpful. It's great to hear your mom and cousin are helping you out. As I said before-- when they get there, LEAVE THE HOUSE. Do you work on a laptop? Can you get some work down outside the house (drafting ideas, creating invoices, taking pictures for inspiration, client meetings)? Use these opportunities to have your mom come over and go out to get work done. The first few times, your little one may scream like a crazy person. The entire time. But little by little, with having you leave and then come back, that separation anxiety will fade because she'll realize, "Hey, mom may leave... but she's coming back." Also, you're probably entering her teething phase, which brings about a whole new set of issues. Make sure she's well-stocked with things to safely chew on and comfort her.

Good luck. This is not easy-- as someone going through the same thing. Sometimes, your baby just needs you. And that 20 minutes of cuddling with her while you put off a project can mean a lot. But, you are working to provide for her, so that needs to be a priority as well. Wishing you guys the best! I wish I could say that it gets easier, but what really happens is you just learn ways of adapting. Right now (like today), if my daughter is in a mood and will NOT let me get work done, I just have to throw up my hands and give her all my attention. And then do what I need to do during the stints when she naps (like now). Stay strong!

consuelomarie

thank you!

Burrberrymum

This might be hard to do but the only way to get her used to spending time with other people is to stop going to "rescue" her. Is it a possibility to have your mom or cousin watch her while you put headphones in and take a few hours to get work done? As long as she has everything she needs, food, diapers, toys etc.. She'll be just fine even if she cries for a while.

I understand where you're coming from, my daughter has really bad separation anxiety and it's helped tremendously to show her that I'm not coming to rescue because she will be okay with whomever is caring for her.

Cupcakes339

Hang in there OP. My LO was the same way. She needs more attention then some other babies. Since I was on leave for a long time I was all she knew during day time. And when we started nanny/sitter, she would look for me. After 3 weeks of having the sitter part time while I'm home she was ok with the sitter so i tried leaving the house and she would cry for a while. But I had to because I was returning to work.  After another 1 week of adjusting, now she is doing fine with the nanny. But she continues to check for nanny's attention every few min even when she is playing by herself. It is hard leaving your LO at care of someone else knowing she prefers you. I understand that you are working from home and just wants to see if she can play by herself. But it's hard for babies to play extended time by themselves without checking for attention. So even if it is hard, you might want to try to get her to be comfortable with your mom or cousin. Since she is in good hands, you can try leaving the house for 1-2 hrs so you wont be tempted to rescue her if she cries. Hopefully she will adjust soon and when she has you back after work, she will be sooo happy to see you.

PrimRoseMama

And?

This is normal behavior. Peak of separation anxiety is 6-12 months. You are LO's world. I fail to see an issue. Do your work & hire a sitter if you have to.

inthelost

My daughter is 8 months old today and she is like this too. ALWAYS wants to be with me all the time. I work outside of home because I'm a single mom and have to but I also do school work online. honestly, i wait until she naps or goes to sleep before I do it...It's hard. really hard. I get no sleep. but, taht's my choice for us to have a better future. It's really not feasablie to work on your project while she's awake, I don't think it's very possible. I would look into your mom or cousin watching the baby for you. It's not going to work well if you're working and watching her at the same time. 

PrimRoseMama

consuelomarie said:

i can't afford a nanny right now, and i do get help from my mother and my cousin...i just want her to know its fine to play alone and to have alone time while mommy is woking but if she needs me then im there. 

You are expecting behavior that is not developmentally appropriate for a 6 month old. My daughter didn't even play by herself comfortably until 14-16 months. Even then she frequently needed reassurance that I was in the same room.

Your priorities are all jacked, girlfriend. You should adjust your life for baby. It's unreasonable to expect baby to adjust to your schedule. All she knows is her needs. One of them is you.

Babies gonna baby.

@haygurlhay‌ : I missed that she couldn't afford hired help.


Generally, around these boards I just don't understand having a baby & suddenly expecting them to be little adults immediately. "Follow my sleep schedule, eat the way I want you to & by God play by yourself. Mommy is busy!"

Babies are babies, FFS.

3sharpkids

Just because someone works from home doesnt mean they r going to half ass anything there is enough hours in a day to make sure ur children get the one on one attention they need and to focus on work. Just have to find the balance and make sure the child is cared for while u wrk. Playing safely or sleeping or visiting a friend or relative. I support wfh moms. I think they wrk harder then moms who wrk out of the home sometimes.

Carmen101613

When I was ttc, ttcal, pal, and in the October due date forums, everyone was so kind and helpful. Now that we are all moms the claws come out. Why does most everyone find the need to be incredibly mean? This poor girl needed an outlet to vent her frustration and ask for help. What ever happened to the phrase "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all?" Will you be teaching your LO that? Maybe you should lead by example.

BelhurstBride

DD1 was a pretty unhappy infant. Things got easier once she figured the whole mobile piece out. Until then you have two choices. Wait for it... find the funds to hire a sitter or tough it out. Will she let you wear her? Get an Ergo, throw her on your back and do your work at the kitchen counter. 

consuelomarie

who said I rather ignore my daughter, my daughter is my world thats is why she is ahead of babies her age. I am there 100% of the time, if she wants to snuggle with me she can, play with me im there. You ppl aren't around me to judge me if Im been i good parent, and you guys don't know my past history to judge me or label me as a bad parent. I just ask how i could help her be in the same room with me or right next to with assurance that I am there but that she will be ok if iam just two feet away from her. Luckily she is much better, playing in her crib, pack and play, or on the floor for at least half and an hour while i am in the same room talking to her celebrating her accomplishment but also getting my work done. Oh yeah maybe because she is secure of her self because i am a good mother/father. oh and she is learning sign language because i am teaching her. SO with that said stop labeling me or any parent as bad because of how they need to work. Im sure those ladies have a men right next to them who decided to get there role of a father which let them be at their home with the baby while they provide, but there are those who arent that lucky like me.     

MauraLou25

PrimRoseMama said:

consuelomarie said:

i can't afford a nanny right now, and i do get help from my mother and my cousin...i just want her to know its fine to play alone and to have alone time while mommy is woking but if she needs me then im there. 

You are expecting behavior that is not developmentally appropriate for a 6 month old. My daughter didn't even play by herself comfortably until 14-16 months. Even then she frequently needed reassurance that I was in the same room.

Your priorities are all jacked, girlfriend. You should adjust your life for baby. It's unreasonable to expect baby to adjust to your schedule. All she knows is her needs. One of them is you.

Babies gonna baby.

@haygurlhay‌ : I missed that she couldn't afford hired help.


Generally, around these boards I just don't understand having a baby & suddenly expecting them to be little adults immediately. "Follow my sleep schedule, eat the way I want you to & by God play by yourself. Mommy is busy!"

Babies are babies, FFS.

So, I'm late to this. But playing alone is absolutely developmentally appropriate for a 6-month-old. Babies learn that it's ok to separated from their mother when the mother leaves and comes back. Object permanence is developing now, so baby needs to see that he or she can be ok without you.

consuelomarie

She is doing much better staying in her pack and play with her toys while I work at a taple right next to her, she can see me and if she stumble or starts crying I am right there to help her out and comfort her. She is getting the idea that she doesn't need to be on top of mommy to be able to breath. She is a smart little girl, but of course when she seems upset I drop everything and just take care of her.  

PrimRoseMama

Carmen101613 said:

When I was ttc, ttcal, pal, and in the October due date forums, everyone was so kind and helpful. Now that we are all moms the claws come out. Why does most everyone find the need to be incredibly mean? This poor girl needed an outlet to vent her frustration and ask for help. What ever happened to the phrase "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all?" Will you be teaching your LO that? Maybe you should lead by example.

Ring ring... Reality is on the line. Life isn't about telling you what you want to hear all the time.


What have you said that was nice, by the way? I just hear a lot of complaining & butthurt. I see nothing constructive about anything you've typed here. Hypocrisy is a funny thing, no?

PrimRoseMama

MauraLou25 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

consuelomarie said:

i can't afford a nanny right now, and i do get help from my mother and my cousin...i just want her to know its fine to play alone and to have alone time while mommy is woking but if she needs me then im there. 

You are expecting behavior that is not developmentally appropriate for a 6 month old. My daughter didn't even play by herself comfortably until 14-16 months. Even then she frequently needed reassurance that I was in the same room.

Your priorities are all jacked, girlfriend. You should adjust your life for baby. It's unreasonable to expect baby to adjust to your schedule. All she knows is her needs. One of them is you.

Babies gonna baby.

@haygurlhay‌ : I missed that she couldn't afford hired help.


Generally, around these boards I just don't understand having a baby & suddenly expecting them to be little adults immediately. "Follow my sleep schedule, eat the way I want you to & by God play by yourself. Mommy is busy!"

Babies are babies, FFS.

So, I'm late to this. But playing alone is absolutely developmentally appropriate for a 6-month-old. Babies learn that it's ok to separated from their mother when the mother leaves and comes back. Object permanence is developing now, so baby needs to see that he or she can be ok without you.

Wrong

Blanchette365

That is a real problem..You have to leave her for at least 10 to 15 min near somebody else so that she can stay without you.

HopingforChange

Wow! Some replies here are rude! OP, I hear you. I am in the same spot with my 6 month old. I am a SAHM. The best thing I have found is a pack and play with her fave toys and me in her sight line. I have also had success with a basic play mat and the vtech crawl and learn ball (amazing). I also agree with PPs that you should stop rescuing DD when she is with other caregivers. She has to learn that she is safe with them too. My DD went through this with DH, and it improved when I let him handle it on his own. Clingy babies are hard, but this too shall pass.

88sharonlee

OP, my little one is 6 months as well. While I don't work from home I do understand wanting her to play so I can get some stuff done- like make her food for the week!

Somedays if course it just doesn't happen because she is fussy or clingy but what I've had the most success with is her excersaucer. She's played I. That for almost an hour before. She loves that she can stand up and there are so many things to touch and put in her mouth.

So if you don't have one try getting one with a lot of toy options. She might be able to entertain herself for longer.

As for everyone bitching on this post, every discussion you'll get some advice, some hard truths, some sweet words and some bitching- that's the internet, just take what you want from it and move on.

ellenrunyon

I know you love your daughter and if you didn't have to keep a roof over her head and food in her mouth you would play with her all day!

My dd has a similar personality...it's called high needs...there are some books that are helpful

A few tips that are helping at my house
1. Have you tried the high chair next to your desk instead of the other things. My dd needs to be closer to my eye level...she does not want to be on the floor if I'm doing dishes, taking a shower, etc.
2. Think outside the box for toys. Everyday objects, measuring cups, spoons, anything that won't kill her I give to her, is more I retesting g than anything from toys r us
3. Is she crawling? I know you are supposed to let them develop at their own pace, but once we showed dd how to crawl she became much happier and more manageable. There are some you tube videos to show you how

The more she stays w your mom & cousin, the more comfortable she will be...if she likes bath time, let them do it, if she limes to stroll, let them do it, but it sounds like you have to find a way to get work done even if you are on your own.

Good luck! Motherhood is a challenge and it sounds like you are doing your best!

consuelomarie

We are doing much better, after her two lower and upper teeth came out she started doing much better, and after she started to craw too. I now put her on the floor with a bunch of her fav toys and music and she will have a blast. I finally can get more work done and cook more for her. I believe she feels more free and less trapped.

MrsCrossley

My LO is 9 months old & she's extremely attached. I get it; as much as you love it, it is soo incredibly frustrating!

From my experience, I started hanging out at my cousins' house or having them come over so that LO could get used to them. It didn't even take a week & my cousin was able to walk away from me with the baby & she didn't even seem to notice/care that I wasn't around.

A few days after that, I dropped the little monster off at my cousins & hubby & I went out for our anniversary I texted almost 2 hrs into the date expecting a desperate plea for help & her response was "she's been fine. Sleeping now" I couldn't believe it !

So, moral of the story, even if its little by little, you need to get her used to other people watching her. For your sanity more than work! & you need to really mean it & want it too. CONSISTENCY, sister.

skeppler1

OP, I am having a similar situation with my twins wanting mommy versus daddy these days.
I work full time though so they are taken care of by other women at daycare.
They both are teething right now also so I think they might just want some mommy time but I have found that if I get their attention on various toys on their tummies or in their bumbos that they seem to be ok as long as they know where I am when we are home after work/daycare.
I am hoping it's just a phase since they are teething and aren't feeling 100%.
I hope you are able to find something that works for you. GL