Making the call...BFN

StacyLH24

It seems as though I'm looking at a BFN for this cycle. I couldn't help myself and I've been testing since 9 dpiui. Not even a hope of a squinter. Today is 12 dpiui.

TMI warning - I have recently started seeing some brown/dark red discharge with the Endometrin. I did a little Googling and maybe it is from my cervix being irritated from the Endometrin. My personal thought is that my body is going to try and bleed through the Endometrin. At this point in this cycle, it does not matter. If we are going to drop the money for IVF, then it will matter. I haven't had any side effects for about two days now. I am having some very mild pain/cramping and am fearing that it may be from the endometriosis. I really wish there was a way to know without having to have surgery. I'm going to pay close attention to my body when AF arrives and see if anything matches up with what I was experiencing pre-surgery.

C and I started the conversation last night of what our next step is going to be. I need to make a phone call today that will help determine that. The mudroom to our house needs to be fixed...new floor and one new wall. Our mortgage holder agreed to give is $5000 to fix it, but I need to see if that is a second loan or if it will be tacked on to what we currently owe. If it is a second loan, then IVF is not
in our near future. We may just do one last IUI and then buy one last vial if we get to IVF. When you're spending thousands already, what's another $469?

My beta is Tuesday and I'm just going to wait until then. I'm going to continue the Endometrin until I get the official call. That is unless I start full on bleeding and then I will call the office. My gut feeling is that the pain/cramping may not only be related to the endo but also my body trying to produce AF against the Endometrin.

KH826

Stacy, I am so sorry to hear that it is looking and feeling like a BFN this cycle... I know there really aren't any words that will make you feel better right now, but know that we are hear to listen and support you no matter what. Sending you supportive thoughts and hugs!

JGY

I'm so sorry.  I know the frustration well.  Good luck with the mortgage lender, here's hoping it works out in the best way for you.  We're here to listen.  Hugs!

2momsinCA

I'm sorry to read this, I was so hoping that this cycle was the one for you. I hope all the finances fall together perfectly so that you can go ahead with IVF.

healz413

This sucks. Infertility sucks.
I'm sorry that you have another BFN. and I'm sorry that infertility has made it so that you can't even trust that your body is doing what it is supposed to on the endometrin. I will tell you that folks in the PAIF board very often experience relatively signifant spotting as a result of cervix irritation as a result of the progesterone suppositories. Although if you do do IVF you may feel more confident doing PIO (progesterone in oil) injections for the first few weeks.
IVF is excruciating and incredible at the same time. If you get good embryos, it is such a different experience to know that when you transfer one, you've already guaranteed the meeting of the sperm and the egg.
I hope that all the finances work out so that you can pursue that soon.
Sending lots of good thoughts your way

ATXmommas

Stacy, I'm so sorry. I have been so hopeful for you and there is no doubt that you are deserving of a break and some good news soon. I hope the financing for your house works out and you can move forward with your IVF plans. Thinking warm thoughts for you.

ball.and.chain

I hate this post.  I was really hoping for a different out come, and I hate that money has to be a factor in pursuing treatment, but I get it.

If it's any consolation on the Endometrin front, you are usually on a higher dose for IVF cycles than you are for IUI cycles.  So hopefully even if you are experiencing breakthrough bleeding, it would not happen after IVF.

Take care of yourself this weekend.  Sending lots of hugs and hope.

StacyLH24

Thank you everyone.  Unfortunately, the bleeding has only gotten worse.  I called the office and my RE happens to be the one on-call and working this weekend.  I have to call back in the morning with an update for them and then we'll take it from there. 

Right now, it is basically the same as my cycle with the c/p, except no positive HPT at this point.  I bought more to keep testing.  C will probably have a fit.  If I wouldn't have tested so much last time though, I wouldn't have known whether it was a c/p or if my beta was picking up the tail end of my Ovidrel.  I know it was a c/p because the test line got darker before it got lighter and went away. 

I'm also having pain on my left side, similar to what I had pre-surgery.  It definitely isn't as bad as pre-surgery, but it is there.  I had it with the c/p cycle as well, but ended up chalking it up to potentially implantation and then my body passing everything, which was a much different pain.

@ball.and.chain - I am on 200 mg of Endometrin per day.  I do 100 mg twice daily. 

C and I are going to need to decide what we want to do, at least with this coming cycle.  I thought that we'd at least have a few more days before we'd need to make any decisions.  My RE said we could move into another treatment cycle if we want.  I do and I don't at the same time.  Part of me wants a break and part of me doesn't want to waste a cycle.  I hate having to factor endometriosis into this.  It makes me even more desperate to keep doing IUI cycles.  If we aren't going to, then I need to go back on BC pills to control it.  If we are going to move forward, then it is another cycle where it can continue to grow.  I did call the mortgage lender this morning, but of course didn't receive a call back.  I'm thankful for the extremely low interest rate that we have, but I'm not thankful for their horrendous communication. 

Last night, part of me really thought about giving up and looking at either living child free or at adoption.  Then I woke up at 3:30 am and was extremely sad about giving up at the age of 30.  Maybe we'll look at doing another IUI cycle and sit down with our RE at the same time and talk about WTF is going on and what we can do.  I'd be interested to see if there is other testing I can do, or maybe have a repeat HSG, even just to clean things out again.  At the very least, another IUI cycle gives us another chance and buys us more time to get the financial piece figured out. 

Thank you again for all of your thoughts and comments.  I do appreciate it so much, and I'm so thankful to have a place to turn to. 

ball.and.chain

StacyLH24 said:

@ball.and.chain - I am on 200 mg of Endometrin per day.  I do 100 mg twice daily. 

For IVF cycles I have been on 200 mg of Endometrin daily PLUS injectable progesterone.  It seems that people who are on just suppositories for IVF usually do the 100 mg 3x a day, so 300 mg total.  Might make a difference if/when you get there, or even for another IUI cycle if you end up going that route.  Worth asking your RE, anyway.  Of course it's more money, but worth it if it works.

StacyLH24

ball.and.chain said:

StacyLH24 said:

@ball.and.chain - I am on 200 mg of Endometrin per day.  I do 100 mg twice daily. 

For IVF cycles I have been on 200 mg of Endometrin daily PLUS injectable progesterone.  It seems that people who are on just suppositories for IVF usually do the 100 mg 3x a day, so 300 mg total.  Might make a difference if/when you get there, or even for another IUI cycle if you end up going that route.  Worth asking your RE, anyway.  Of course it's more money, but worth it if it works.

If it might increase our chances, I'll do it.  I have excellent coverage for IUI cycles.  Our largest cost for them are the vials, so I have no problem adding medication.  That's the other reason I'm having such a hard time making the plunge from IUI to IVF.  We've had a total of 7 attempted medicated cycles, with 5 of them resulting in an IUI.  With that, and with my surgery, we have spent probably around $3,000.00 out of pocket.  $2,100 of that was sperm.  We feel incredibly lucky and know that we are.  It is the emotional toll it is taking on us, plus the early hours and the drive time that makes IVF so enticing..and of course the endometriosis. 

2MamazInSeattle

Stacey I hadn't chimed in yet but wanted to say how sorry I am for the BFN. I really hoped this was it .

I did do 3x a day prometrium for all my ivf transfers fwiw, they were 200mg each so way more than you're on now.

anything I can do to support you plmk.

firstcomeslove2013

This news sucks. I am so sorry for you and C. I am so sorry that this is happening to you guys and I am hoping brighter skies are coming your way. Infertility is so hard and really REALLY sucks. Hopefully whatever you guys decide will bring you to the perfect solution for you and C. We are here for you if you need anything! Support is ready and waiting!

Jazibel

I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work out - I just read through the thread & I'm so glad there is so much wisdom & experience here for you to tap into. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the finances work out for an IVF cycle (if that's the route you chose to pursue).
I really hope that your BFP and take home baby are right around the corner for you & your wife. Hang in there!!

StacyLH24

Thank you all . I have a feeling it is going to be a long weekend. I have the smallest amount of hope yet. I always do until that beta comes back. I'm hoping I can call tomorrow and tell them that everything has stopped. My RE said he wanted to be optimistic but didn't want to be too optimistic.

doodah1013

Oh man... I hate this for you all and I hate how hard this journey is for some. It is all very unfair.
The money factor is also very hard... It makes it that much more bitter. There were so many days that I could "class half full" my way through things and then i would remember the thousands of dollars we had "wasted" and it would reset the anger all over.
The good news is, it sounds like you have a loving partner who you can look to for support. That was the main thing that got us through day by day. That and knowing that no matter what we were always one day closer to a baby, even if we didn't know where the finish line was.
We are thinking of you all. I have transferred all of my fertility wishes to you for a take home baby as soon as possible. We are all hear to listen if you need more venting space!

clairmeij

I'm really sorry to read this :-( Good luck with the decisions ahead, such a tough road.

StacyLH24

We have decided to go ahead with another IUI cycle. Today is officially CD 1, so were going to head back to Buffalo tomorrow for blood work and u/s and then I will start Gonal-F on Monday. I'm going to ask for as much progesterone as I can safely have. We definitely weren't prepared to have to decide so soon.

2MamazInSeattle

Glad you have a plan!!!!

2momsinCA

Sounds like a great plan! You mentioned that meds have all been covered for your IUI cycles (which is amazing btw). I wonder if you could try the progesterone in oil injections that some my friends who have done IVF used. It delivers a way higher dose without any cervical irritation. I used endometrin for all my IUI's (for LPD) and had break through bleeding twice and cervical irritation bleeding the first cycle I tried it.

StacyLH24

It looks like I'll be sticking with 200 mg
of Endometrin per day. I asked at my appointment this morning and the nurse said that for IUI, 200 mg is usually the max. Since I didn't start fully bleeding until 12 dpiui, she wasn't concerned about it. She was going to leave a note for my RE though and see what he thinks.

shelly2314

I hope that it all works out for the best. I will say that I swore I had a BFN in Jan and now we are expecting twins, so you never know. And I don't mean I just said no to make myself feel better, I went on planning cruises and summer trips abroad b/c I knew we were not going to have anything to stop us.

Fingers crossed for you