Advice for a new SAHM?

bohemianlc

Hi, ladies! I'm currently almost 5 months pregnant, and I will be staying home with our baby. My husband and I have crunched all the numbers and have found that it's financially feasible for us to do so, and both of us have been really excited about the idea. I grew up with a SAHM, and my husband's mom worked very limited hours when he was little, so we both feel from personal experience that it's worth it. 

I am very confident in our decision; I feel it's what's best for not just my little family, but also for me personally. As excited as I am about this new period in my life, it's also scary to think about no longer having a career of my own outside of the home and trying to break back into the workforce once my child is older, especially because I am only 26. I would love to pick the brains of those of you who are already SAHMs. What have been the most rewarding and challenging aspects of the transition, and do you have any advice for newbies?  

olga1311

I am a new sahm ( lo is 6 months old). The few pieces of advice I have:

- if your field has any additional certifications/designations that would further your career do them while at home with your baby. This way when you are ready to go back to work you can show you stayed on top of what's happening in the industry etc.

- find a mommy group in your area if you don't have a lot of sahm friends. I found it indispensable to get or of the house, do play dates etc.

MomIn2013

I'm no expert yet, but I would say to not set unreasonable expectations regarding cooking, cleaning, etc. Yes, you will sometimes have more time to do those things since you're home, but some days you'll just be too exhausted, your LO will be having a rough day, etc. and you'll just need to focus on getting through the day. I got a Julia Child cookbook when I was pregnant and was all excited to do some gourmet cooking once I started staying home, but I admit DS is 14 months and I haven't opened it yet!

For me, the most rewarding thing is just being able to spend all day with my DS. I imagine having to go to work every day and only being able to see him for an hour or so in the evenings like my DH does, and I think that would be very hard. I'm enjoying it now because I know it won't be like that forever.

Spin313

1. It's harder than you think; you don't have to be "Susie Housemaker."

2. Find a support system of other SAHMs (mom groups, mom & baby yoga, a walking group)

bohemianlc

Thanks for the feedback, ladies; it was really helpful. Keep it coming if anyone else has any other thoughts!  

I have already considered taking some extra coursework towards my master's degree once the baby is a little bigger, so that advice really reaffirmed that I would love to do that to keep growing academically in my field. I love your advice about survival mode. I am NOT going to even try to deal with graduate school with an infant- LOL. 

I feel like there aren't many other people my age that I know who have stayed home, so the advice I have gotten outside of The Bump has been from women who are much older than I am (aunts, mom, MIL, etc.). While that's still valuable, some of it feels kind of irrelevant to my generation and my experiences. I will definitely have to check out some of those mommy groups, as I really don't know any other SAHMs in the area. I don't want the baby or myself to become too isolated! 

Thanks again!

jlpev

I hAve some to give but i dont always follow it...
1. Get out & about. Fresh air is great for you & baby.
2. Treat yourself to some time alone. Im horrible at this.
3. Meal plan, freezer meals, crockpot.
4. Playdates or mom group.
My Problem sometimes is to think i can keep the house is perfect order, laundry kept up & clean & dinner every night!! Haha i was wrong. Dont have crazy expectations!!
Good luck!

littlemermaid

Check out your local public libraries, Storytime I think starts around 6 months old and it's a great place to meet other moms with children around the same age as yours will be.

 I know you didn't ask about finances but a lot of couples don't think about it beforehand but don't wait until you've quit to start adjusting your financial lifestyle down to 1 income.  Start now by depositing your paycheck completely into an account that is not used to pay any bills and just start living off of your husband's paychecks so that way it's not a complete shock to either one of you how much disposable income you'll have at the end of the week/month.  Hopefully you and your husband have a mind set of "our" money not "his" and 'my" money because when you go down to 1 income your husband cannot have the attitude that "it's my money since I'm the one working."  These are things you want to figure out now before you quit your job. Do you have access to the bank accounts or will each of you have a set amount that you can spend without having to get an ok from the other spouse for example for hair cuts, pedicures, coffee, going to lunch..etc.

bohemianlc

I love all of the advice about expectations; we have had so many discussions about this between the two of us and are on board with each other, but I can see where this could be a huge issue both with money and housekeeping if not communicated beforehand. 

My husband makes double the amount of money that I make, and we share everything, so we have been comfortably living off his income for several months now to see if it works for us, and it really does. My mom has a friend whose husband used to "enforce a set budget" (Seriously, that's how they referred to it!) that was ridiculously low for groceries every month, and he wasn't okay with her ever doing anything special for herself. Needless to say, that marriage didn't work out. My husband is nothing like this and has told me countless times that he sees being a stay at home mom as a job just like anyone else's; in fact, he was thrilled when I first brought up the idea to him.

I love the idea about libraries, by the way! Can you tell I was an English major in school?