1st Trimester

Partner doesn't understand prego symptoms.

So...I'm having a hard time getting my partner to understand how I feel physically right now. According to my LMP, Im 10 weeks along, but my periods are so irregular that this could be totally off.  According to my SO, who likes to throw it in my face that there's no way I could be more than 5 weeks, Im just milking my pregnancy symptoms.  I'm tired, I'm dealing with hypoglycemia,  and no matter how much I try, I usually can't sleep.  Plus, I have no energy and really don't want to spend all my time cleaning the house by myself.  If I try to nap, and never have I ever needed naps before, Im lazy in his eyes. The few bouts of energy I have, I want to spend with him in the bedroom, to which he acts totally uninterested anymore. I just want to tell him in a way he'll understand how I feel physically and he'll quit comparing my pregnancy to his ex wives' pregnancies (he has 7 kids, so he thinks he knows it all when it comes to being pregnant and having babies).  Just a note, this is my first pregnancy and he's 13 years older than me, so that's why he has 7 kids to my one.  Please be kind in answering,  because I am not looking for judgment,  just on advice to talk to him about how all pregnancies are not the same and how I'm seriously not milking my symptoms.  I just have to go with how my body feels and I understand these changes even less than he thinks he does. 

Re: Partner doesn't understand prego symptoms.

  • cparr89 said:

    So...I'm having a hard time getting my partner to understand how I feel physically right now. According to my LMP, Im 10 weeks along, but my periods are so irregular that this could be totally off.  According to my SO, who likes to throw it in my face that there's no way I could be more than 5 weeks, Im just milking my pregnancy symptoms.  I'm tired, I'm dealing with hypoglycemia,  and no matter how much I try, I usually can't sleep.  Plus, I have no energy and really don't want to spend all my time cleaning the house by myself.  If I try to nap, and never have I ever needed naps before, Im lazy in his eyes. The few bouts of energy I have, I want to spend with him in the bedroom, to which he acts totally uninterested anymore. I just want to tell him in a way he'll understand how I feel physically and he'll quit comparing my pregnancy to his ex wives' pregnancies (he has 7 kids, so he thinks he knows it all when it comes to being pregnant and having babies).  Just a note, this is my first pregnancy and he's 13 years older than me, so that's why he has 7 kids to my one.  Please be kind in answering,  because I am not looking for judgment,  just on advice to talk to him about how all pregnancies are not the same and how I'm seriously not milking my symptoms.  I just have to go with how my body feels and I understand these changes even less than he thinks he does. 

    I would be blunt and just tell him that your not the same as his ex and you're having a tougher first trimester and how much his support means to you. Hope second tri gets easier for you!
    Soon to be mommy of 3!
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  • He sounds like a complete dick. 

    I would tell him it feels like the flu/hangover that doesn't go away. 
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  • He sounds like a real supportive guy. If he didn't get it with 7 other pregnancies, I'm not sure why you think he's going to suddenly change and understand with this one.

    My best advice is to tell him to fuck right off. Stand up for yourself.

    All of this.

    Given his attitude, it doesn't surprise me that he has more than one ex-wife.
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  • Well I second PPs on you needing to stand up for yourself. My boyfriend walked out on me when I was 5 weeks pregnant and has been off and on coming around for the last 5 weeks... he was the same damn way, "You're angry at me all the time and Amy was never like this with her pregnancy, I KNOW pregnant women, and you're just psycho!!" Also thinks he's the king of parenting... hugely false... stand up for yourself and tell him to fuck off if he's going to be this way. you dont need an unsupportive POS around right now. I told mine to fuck off, and he did. After many "IM NOT AMY" fights he still didnt get it. But, he has left me alone for this past week and it's been the most peaceful week so far. You're letting him treat you this way every time you forgive it and think he will change. Set some boundaries lady! You deserve it.
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  • The thing is, this isn't the kind of situation where you need to plan a special sit down chat to make him understand.

    You should be able to say, "I'm experiencing x, y and z problems. I need you to..." 

    Obviously your guy needs a reminder that, "all pregnancies and women are different and that his ex's experiences have absolutely no relevance to your own."

    The fact that he says you're milking it, makes me want to slap him. What is he like when you're sick?

    You need to sort this out because its not just about now but about your birth experience, and then how you parent together, and what went down with his ex's, again has no relevance.
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  • You shouldn't need to explain anything to him regarding your symptoms or how you feel.

    Here are appropriate responses to I feel sick/ tired/ nauseated :
    How can I help?
    What can I get you?
    Go lay down and relax
    Would you like a massage ?

    _____________________________

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  • Your partner sounds like a super huge dickhole. You can't fix lack of empathy or awareness, sorry. If it were me I'd tell him to shape up or get lost. Ain't nobody got time for that bullshit.


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  • all sarcasm and personal feelings aside... you're pregnant, and he should be doing nothing but supporting you... if he isn't capable of doing that now then what is going to happen later on when the baby comes?  I am thankful for how awesome my husband is being... husband/bf/so whatever someone is to you if they were adult enough to be there and be part of the baby making process they need to be adult enough to know that it won't be an easy road and there will be bumps. No one knows everything regardless of what they think so you need to stand up for yourself and tell him how you're feeling. Best of luck with that.

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  • It's pretty hard not to completely go off on your husband as he sounds like a pretty big jerk. You need to demand respect and start focusing on yourself. I'd probably kick my husband out if he treated me that way, at least until he learned how to treat me with respect. Don't be a doormat, it's bad for you and will set a bad example for your child.

    I don't know if this is real because I can't imagine what woman in her right mind would put up with this.
  • First I want to say that I am sorry you having to deal with this along with everything that comes along with the 1st trimester...fatigue, morning sickness, change in hormones, change in body image, and everything else. Have you had your 1st OB appt? Maybe taking him to your appts and both of you speaking with the dr about what to expect during your pregnancy will probably give him a better understanding of what you're going through. Or go get a pregnancy book and encourage him to read a few pages/chapters so he can understand what you are going through.
  • Unfortunately, you cannot control him and what he thinks. However, you CAN control yourself. Make your decisions wisely. What are you going to do at 3am with an infant who won't sleep... Has gas/colic, is sick, is teething?? What about after birth when you are recovering and can possibly barely sit/walk?


    And besides all of that... Children learn from their parents. Your S/O is teaching your future daughters how to expect to be treated and your sons how to treat their wives. Is this the kind if influence you want to signal is okay to your child?

    Personally, I'd take this as a red flag and get out. Especially considering how many children he has. No man should be this disrespectful to the woman carrying his child. Even IF you were "milking" it.

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  • ncchnat said:

    Lady, you got the responses you did because you flipped your shit. You are the only here who owes anyone an apology.

    Word. @excitedpreggo12‌ , you behaved deplorably.


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  • Thanks for all the helpful responses Ive received. SO has become a lot more understanding towards how I feel, both physically and emotionally.  He and I are still getting over a lot of shock concerning this pregnancy, but as the days go on, things are looking up. He's quit demanding so much me and has begun encouraging amd doing everything he can to keep my stress level down. Again, all the responses answering my question were helpful in encouraging me to just talk to him about how I'm feel and what my needs are at this time. I hope I can depend on you wondeful ladies more in the future since this is my first pregnancy and there's so much change going with my body that I dont know whats normal and what I should be worried about. 

  • Oh man. If my husband acted like that it would be on like donkey kong! 1). Don't ever fucking ever mention me in some comparative statement to your ex or exes..... It ain't right. 2) when you grow a life inside of you then you may speak about such things. 3) unless you are working a full time job, the dishes are always clean, dinner is always cooked, house is spic and span, animals are taken care of etc. by you all the time.. Don't call me lazy. No one is perfect 100% of the time pregnant or not.
  • To the person who asked how can there be shocked when he's been through this 7 times. Its because several doctors told me for the last few years that I wasn't going to be able to conceive unless I lost between 50-100lbs (I was 227 at the time of conception) or I took fertility meds. So thats why we were both shocked. I had maybe 3 periods last year, so I didnt think I was ever ovulating. We didn't think that I would ever be able to conceive naturally. 

  • Ok so shocked you specifically got pregnant but after 7 kids he should have easily fallen into the role of doting dad / SO and recognized this is your first kid. I see this all the time on these boards. Being surprised shocked overwhelmed whatever does not make it ok for the guy to be an asshole and treat you like shit. Grow up guys. Kids are gonna throw some super overwhelming stuff at you. Is the way you are always going to react 1) start fight with my wife. 2) treat her like shit and make her feel like she's a lazy slob.
  • racheldiariesracheldiaries member
    edited April 2014
    cparr89 said:
    To the person who asked how can there be shocked when he's been through this 7 times. Its because several doctors told me for the last few years that I wasn't going to be able to conceive unless I lost between 50-100lbs (I was 227 at the time of conception) or I took fertility meds. So thats why we were both shocked. I had maybe 3 periods last year, so I didnt think I was ever ovulating. We didn't think that I would ever be able to conceive naturally. 


    If you weren't using protection, you can get pregnant. Even if you were, you could still get pregnant. how have people never heard stories of people who werent able to get pregnant then all of a sudden did? Why do doctors say these things to people?
    Maybe there's an underlying condition poster didn't mention having? Taking a guess. I know those with PCOS whom are overweight are told to lose weight and see if that helps regulate cycles. I have a similar story to hers but I lost the weight -- never was put on any meds-- and my cycles still didn't normalize. Although, I never thought I couldn't get pregnant just that it would be harder due to not having cycles. But I do agree that doctors shouldn't tell patients that especially if they really don't know...
    BFP #1 - 12.25.13 // MMC - 01.23.14
    BFP #2 - 03.27.14 // EDD - 12.07.14

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  • cparr89 said:
    Thanks for all the helpful responses Ive received. SO has become a lot more understanding towards how I feel, both physically and emotionally.  He and I are still getting over a lot of shock concerning this pregnancy, but as the days go on, things are looking up. He's quit demanding so much me and has begun encouraging amd doing everything he can to keep my stress level down. Again, all the responses answering my question were helpful in encouraging me to just talk to him about how I'm feel and what my needs are at this time. I hope I can depend on you wondeful ladies more in the future since this is my first pregnancy and there's so much change going with my body that I dont know whats normal and what I should be worried about. 

    Well, I'm glad he's gotten so much more understanding over the past three days.  Let's see how he acts for the rest of your pregnancy.
    *********

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  • racheldiariesracheldiaries member
    edited April 2014






    cparr89 said:

    To the person who asked how can there be shocked when he's been through this 7 times. Its because several doctors told me for the last few years that I wasn't going to be able to conceive unless I lost between 50-100lbs (I was 227 at the time of conception) or I took fertility meds. So thats why we were both shocked. I had maybe 3 periods last year, so I didnt think I was ever ovulating. We didn't think that I would ever be able to conceive naturally. 




    If you weren't using protection, you can get pregnant. Even if you were, you could still get pregnant. how have people never heard stories of people who werent able to get pregnant then all of a sudden did? Why do doctors say these things to people?

    Maybe there's an underlying condition poster didn't mention having? Taking a guess. I know those with PCOS whom are overweight are told to lose weight and see if that helps regulate cycles. I have a similar story to hers but I lost the weight -- never was put on any meds-- and my cycles still didn't normalize. Although, I never thought I couldn't get pregnant just that it would be harder due to not having cycles. But I do agree that doctors shouldn't tell patients that especially if they really don't know...


    Those with PCOS get told to lose weight to improve their chances, not that they are sterile until they do. And overweight =/= PCOS. And those with PCOS very often get pregnant without intervention. The main time it causes issues is when they don't cycle regularly. 

    I would expect more from someone that has similar issues than throwing out straws for her to grasp why she should be surprised. If he had a vasectomy and she had a tubal ligation and she was pregnant- shocked would be appropriate. Her dumbass doctor told her that she "can't" get pregnant until she loses weight? No. Then she's just an idiot that didn't take proper precautions to prevent pregnancy because she thought that "it may be harder for you to get pregnant" = "you can't get pregnant ever". 




    Except I never said or implied have of the things you stated in your first paragraph. All I stated was that people with PCOS (if that's even what she has or another underlying condition) are told to lose weight to regulate cycles if they're overweight as she said she was and maybe that's why the doctor suggested to lose weight. Not they are sterile or that being overweight automatically means you have it. Lol. Really unsure where you pulled any of that out of my initial response. also I'm well aware people get pregnant without intervention but just as they do many also don't. But regardless I'm happy for her. Congrats girl on your BFP! Happy and healthy pregnancy.

    BFP #1 - 12.25.13 // MMC - 01.23.14
    BFP #2 - 03.27.14 // EDD - 12.07.14

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