Godparents question

susannah2285

Hi everyone, 

Just got word that my SIL is planning to ask me and my husband to be godparents. I was not baptized (my parents wanted to let me decide for myself, and I would describe myself as 'spiritual' but not religious) and I'm not sure how to handle it. Has anyone else been in this situation before? I truly do not think I should be a godmother for religious encouragement and guidance. I feel as if it would be dishonest to just 'run out and get baptized' in order to be a godparent - I don't belong to a religion but I have enough respect for it to not do that. I also don't think they would take "thanks but no thanks" from me very well, especially since my husband is baptized and can do it without any problem. Help!!

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Ninjamama86

We just went through the same ordeal. I was baptized, my husband not. We aren't even regular church go'ers. When they asked us to be godparents we told them that we we're honored, but that we might not be the best choice for spiritual guidance. They said they didn't care that they loved us and to them, god parents meant more of a second set of parents, someone their daughter could look up to and look to for guidance through life not just the bible.

So, that being said we accepted. BUT, know that to be godparents you need to be baptized catholic, which in adulthood takes months or years so you're going to have to lie to the priest and say you've been baptized, or they'll allow you to be a "Christian sponsor" which is the same thing as far as the ceremony is concerned you just won't be officially documented as god parent.

They asked my husband to lie, so he did (pretty sure we're going to the deepest pit of hell for lying to a priest).

Ceremony is this coming Saturday, hopefully we don't burst into flames

dglvrk2

OP, you worded your beliefs and hesitations really well.  I'd first tell you SIL what you explained in your post.  She may still want you and your H to be Godparents.  

My parents are devote Catholics.  For me and my little sister, they chose good friends as Godparents. They felt we should have other adults in our lives that we could rely on for love, support, and guidance, whether they were alive or not.  They appointed family members as legal guardians in case they died while we were minors.   

We grew up several states away from most family.  I'm certain this factored into my parents' decision to have separate Godparents and legal guardians for me and my sister.  

I too live a long ways from any immediate family.  DH and I are not religious. We have a few close friends that we have asked to maintain special relationships with our children; essentially other adults that will always love them.  Religion aside, these our my daughters' "Godparents." However, my sister is their legal guardian (eg. person appointed in our will) should anything happen to DH and me.  We're planning on asking his younger brother to be a secondary guardian, should my sister ever be unable to care for our children.  

VegasGal1978

I agree that you should express your opinion as you expressed it in your post. One thing you all may need to consider is that some churches have rules regarding the religion of the godparents. Some require them to have completed one or more of the sacraments. I am sure if you express your concerns your family will be understanding. Good luck.

JackieP1023

Lurker here. I was baptized and raised Catholic. MH was not baptized, nor raised with any particular religion. We are godparents for MH's cousin's son. The church they attend didn't require either of us to have been baptized. She was looking basically for other role models for her son. We lead good, Christian lives, and that was enough for her and her religion. I would lay out to her what you said in your post, and just explain that you feel honored, yet unworthy.

dglvrk2

Sing2phins said:

MrsMuq said:

AudeSapere89 said:

I thought Godparents are appointed if the parents pass away unexpectedly and someone is needed to take custody of the child(ren) and raise them? I don't know much about your version of being a Godparent because when I chose my child's Godparents it will be for that reason. Not religious reasons.

No - that would be a guardian, as appointed in your will.

A godparent must be baptized in the church for which they will serve godparent through (from my own experience) and the purpose of the godparent is to provide their godchild with religous guidance while growing up.

OP, I would thank your SIL for the offer, but graciously decline.

I disagree.  I assume your SIL knows you are not Catholic and still wants you to be the baby's godmother.  And she likely already knows whether the fact that you're not Catholic matters in her church (as I said, in my SIL's church, it didn't, as long as one of us was Catholic).  You can talk to her about the role she sees for you, but I imagine this is largely symbolic and that they want to ask you simply to honor you as the baby's aunt. 

This.  My sister and SIL are both very religious.  If either of them asked me to be a Godmother, I'd be quite honored.  While we don't discuss religion (as it just leads to tension in my family), they know well where I stand.  I'd remind them of it, but trust they're making the best choice for their child. Of course, if sister or SIL changed her mind I would understand....

Chichigo

We also needed one godparent to be Catholic. The other is Buddhist. We feel they will support our child's spiritual and emotional development, so we are cool with that. I also think it will be helpful in teaching LO a respect for the he beliefs of others.

LO's godmother is also our choice for guardian if necessary. She will also be guardian for any future children, but we will choose different godparents.

You need to do what makes you comfortable. my husband hasn't seen his goddaughter since the baptism (2 or 3 years ago-he can't remember how old she is).