Discipline/Punishment

cedenton

So our kids are rapidly approaching the Terrible Two and most of us are initiating some type of discipline.

1) What is discipline worthy in your house?
2) How do you handle discipline?
3) Are you and SO/DH on the same page? If not, how so?

Please don't make this into a spanking debate.

cedenton

1) What is discipline worthy in your house?

It used to be only hitting and messing with dangerous stuff (like stove knobs). Now it's starting to also include not listening, because he clearly understands what we're saying, but laughs or ignores us.

2) How do you handle discipline?

Generally I do time outs in the pack n' play for 1-2 minutes until he calms down. Occasionally I get frustrated enough, usually with hitting, that I might pop his hand, but then I feel terrible afterward and it isn't effective, while normally time outs are (unless he's sick like he was this past weekend).

3) Are you and SO/DH on the same page? If not, how so?

Eh, not really. DH seems to be warming up to the time out idea since I've been more consistent and the hitting has been better (again, not this weekend). I know he used to think the time outs were "what is wrong with kids today". I used to be more open to spanking, mostly in life/death/safety situations. With more experience, though, I fell like spanking is the easy route. It's easy to pop a bottom. It's hard and time consuming to do time out over and over, especially at this age where it takes longer to sink in. Plus time outs don't make me feel like a total a-hole and like crying like corporal punishment does.

vvvvvfee

we use positive discipline, natural/logical consequences (like if he deliberately dumps his water on the floor after we tell him not to, he helps wipe it up), describing the behavior we want rather than what we don't want, echoing back his feelings (a la dr. karp's toddlerese), and redirecting. DS hitting and throwing things are definitely things that we correct. for hitting we tell him "gentle hands," "that hurts mommy/daddy/kitty," etc. if he's really being rough we put him down and explain why. throwing is tough. usually i just take away the offending item and try to give him a substitute. that's not to say that we don't ever slip up- it's hard not to yell when your kid conks you on the head sometimes. i am not a fan of time-outs in general, but i also know they would absolutely not work with DS's personality. DH and i are completely on the same page as far as parenting and discipline are concerned.

sdlaura

We've been pretty lucky so far that a strong 'no' and redirection seems to be enough. She takes 'no' really seriously - DH has to be careful not to say it too strongly or she will burst into tears. DH and I seem to be on the same page with how we discipline, but not for things that require discipline - I tend to be a little more lax than he is. Like I'll let her play with things he won't just to buy myself a few minutes of peace

shakinros

So far we're just disciplining for hitting. Not much else going on that seems worth it yet. Redirection and saying no is still working for stuff like trying to color on herself.

For hitting, it's a firm NO and holding her arm to stop her. Then looking in her eyes to say "that hurts. We don't hit. Be gentle. "

We're on the same page. But I don't think we've been tested yet so we will see when it gets worse! I know we're on the same page about no spanking but I bet he'll yell more than me.

Reilly626

Wow we haven't needed it so much, I will do the nanny time out chair. I think they would giggle at me now.

vic8504

We do the counting to 3 and if we get to 3 then we do time out which is holding her on my lap because she won't sit in the chair.
We also take things away if she throws them. Like people have said it's not just a lets toss this across the room it is a I want to hurt you.
She was big into hitting, pinching and biting (so hard she drew blood and I was bruised for a week) about a month or so back I ended up pinching her back one time. I felt terrible but she hasn't done any of those since...

fastcarsandfreedom3319

1) What is discipline worthy in your house?
Hitting, pushing, pinching, throwing fits. I hate this phase. He is so rough. Being mean to the pets, purposefully standing on his toys or otherwise being destructive, and not sharing are other fun things that get some kind of discipline.

2) How do you handle discipline?
It varies. I try to explain things to him. He will avoid eye contact when I try to talk to him though, and then I know I'm not getting through to him. I'll hold his hands and get him to look me in the eye, then if that doesn't work, we do "quiet time" in his crib when he starts escalating his fits, and I tell him to call for me when he is happy again. Maybe it's not the best terminology because I don't want him to think that it's not okay to feel frustrated, but it's just what comes out. I'm trying to be more conscious of it but it's hard when you are so frustrated yourself. Quiet time also happens when he is just whining and crying for no reason because he is overtired or about to throw a temper tantrum. We also make him hug the person/animal he may have hurt and say he's sorry. He's actually pretty good at that.

3) Are you and SO/DH on the same page? If not, how so?
Somewhat. He says no a lot more than me, as I try to reserve it for the more serious stuff. He is also more strict in some ways, like not letting him play with certain things, or do things "his" way if he is making a mess. I don't care much if he makes a mess, it's when he makes a mess on purpose (throwing food on the floor) that I intervene. But I'm more strict on some days too, like at bedtime when he is stalling or jumping in his bed. DH will let him play some more and then try again later to put him down but I don't have time for that because when he goes down my house work begins, so I just let him take that over.

99frontier

What is discipline worthy? Throwing toys other than balls, deliberately disobeying after being told not to do something, trying to kick during diaper changes (not fun kicks, hurtful kicks). 

How do you handle discipline? I guess we're the odd-ones-out...we don't do any form of time out, but I don't think it would mesh well with DS's personality (not against using it, just not for us). Usually redirecting works - especially with the kicking during diaper changes. I've found that if I talk to him and stimulate his brain (ask what we did today, what we saw at the park, who we played with, what he wants to do, etc.), he immediately stops kicking or throwing a fit. For throwing, I warn him that we only throw balls, not his other toys and that I'll take it from him if he does it again. This followed by redirection works well. Deliberately disobeying - varies. This one usually gets a small pop on the hand and a forced apology. Then hugs and kisses and redirection. 

Are you and DH on the same page? Mostly. We're on the same page, but definitely different lines! He has less patience than I do, and he assumes DS understands more than he actually does so DH holds DS responsible for doing things that DS just doesn't understand yet. But we are working it out and learning how we want to deal with the issue of discipline together.