Friends and parenting

ReeceFamily

We had a lovely Easter over at our friends' house.  But DH and I both observe/have the same impression every time we see these friends.  We just can't shake the impression that they have singled out their 4 yo daughter as the "bad" child, and they constantly praise their 2 yo son as the "good" child.  They verbalize this to the children all the time, criticizing their 4 yo out loud for things that just seem normal to me. We have watched their shy, sweet daughter (who, of course has a "naughty" side...because she's four!) become this sad, sort of disconnected little soul.  I'm not close enough to either of the parents (this is my DH's best friend, I'm not all that close to them) to say anything, and even if I were close I'd be very reluctant to criticize a friend's parenting, unless there was outright abuse.  But it's really hard to watch.  I think they are going to run into trouble with her down the line.

Anyone else have this kind of experience?  Did you do/say anything?

ReeceFamily

EmilyK022 said:

I find that it's best to just not say anything unless you want to burn bridges and even then chances are they won't change a thing. Keep in mind DH's relationship with them you don't necessarily want to put him in a tough spot or be the "bitchy wife" One of my closest friends lives across the street an I see all sorts of nonsense go on and I never say anything I just make sure she doesn't watch DD to often because I really don't like her style of parenting.

I actually totally agree with this!  I think I was just posting because it makes me sad to witness it.

jobiann

It is very sad. 

I know someone who actually did this with their two youngest. Praised and glorified their son for everything he did whether it was good or bad. And set their older daughter up to be the bad one all the time. I decided I couldn't say anything to them without ending the relationship and that wouldn't benefit their kids any. So when I am around them I show her more special attention then her brother. I know that is doing just the same as her parents. But she really shines when I do this and her parents always comment how well behaved and loving she is when I am around them (I don't completely ignore the son, him and I get along wonderfully as well). I want to reply so badly that it's because I show her extra love and attention and let her know that she is special too and that if maybe they would do the same they would see a change in her personality. 

Both kids are very smart and really sweet kids. But I think the daughter acts up to gain attention from her parents...even if it is bad attention. 

We only have one child, and most likely it will stay that way. But if we have more then one I've already sworn to treat them each special in their own way.  

(((hugs))) I know how difficult this is.