Starting to feel insecure about my body. (longish)

Chicky0727

So last night as I was laying in bed, because I couldn't for the life of me get comfortable to fall asleep, I was thinking about what has me in such a shitty mood. I mean I have a lot going on, especially family wise, so I thought maybe it was that, but then it hit me. I'm starting to feel insecure about my body and the changes it's going through for this pregnancy. 

I'm not worried about my weight gain, but more of the fact that my body is physically changing...I don't know if that makes sense. This is my 3rd pregnancy and you'd think I'd be used to it by now...but the thing is, is that I've always struggled with my body image. When I was thin, I wasn't happy. When I was bigger, I wasn't happy. I have a hard time finding a happy medium. 

I'm currently seeing a counselor and have been seeing them since the birth of my son, who is now 8, but I don't know right now I just don't want to hear what they have to say. I know I need to love myself the way I am. My body is doing a great thing, by holding this little person and taking care of him/her. But I feel angry. I love my baby and I'm not angry at my baby or anything...but I just feel angry. 

I don't feel like my H is attracted to me anymore...even though our sex life is through the roof right now and I know that he is, but I feel like any type of rejection from him hurts. Even though I know I set it up for him to say no. Like last night, I knew he was super tired, but I couldn't sleep and was feeling a bit needy, so I tried getting fresh with him and he said he wanted to but he was really tired (which I knew, because he had a super shitty and stressful day at work.), but it still hurt. 

Ugh. I hate being that person. 

Normally I have no problem with him turning me down when he's tired, he very rarely turns me down, but last night I just lost it. I cried and told him he didn't love me anymore, because I was pregnant (so stupid) and that I was disgusting to him now because of my belly and how it makes having sex a little more awkward. I know none of what I said is true, except maybe the belly part, because it's starting to get a little awkward with the belly in the way, but I know he loves me and I know he finds me attractive and he's not disgusted by me. 

Gah...I just hate dealing with these emotions, especially when I still struggle with them not being pregnant. Thankfully I don't struggle as bad and I am starting to get over my dislike for my body, but it's just really hard when you make progress only to have it set back and then feel like a total failure. 

Bleh, not sure if that all makes sense,  but I just needed to get that out a bit. I haven't been on the bump in a while, because I've got waaay too much going on right now and I'm at work this weekend so I have a bit of "free" time so to speak, because none of my family members can bug me while I'm here! 

Anyway, thanks for reading...I know it's a bit long and kind of all over the damn place. Lol. 

Chicky0727

trawas01 said:

Your the not only one. Between the physical changes and the hormones its enough to drive anyone a little batty.

DH walked into the bathroom the other day and found me naked in tears. All I could articulate was that my nipples were dark and huge and never going to be the same again. I felt like I lost my mind for a little bit.

Been there too! And you're right, between all that is going with our bodies, inside and out, it's enough to drive us all a little crazy. 

I'm sorry you broke down...it's hard sometimes coming to terms with things, especially the physical changes. 

kshare18

I can totally relate to you.. I almost started crying when I was shaving my hoo ha the other day. I was naked staring in the mirror exposing my money shot to my self. My nipples that use to be so light pink and pretty are brown and have tripled in size. My ass looks like someone threw cottage cheese on it, my vag is swollen and my tummy is hairy? My H doesn't really seem to care that I haven't wanted sex that much. It sucks...

Chicky0727

kshare18 said:

I can totally relate to you.. I almost started crying when I was shaving my hoo ha the other day. I was naked staring in the mirror exposing my money shot to my self. My nipples that use to be so light pink and pretty are brown and have tripled in size. My ass looks like someone threw cottage cheese on it, my vag is swollen and my tummy is hairy? My H doesn't really seem to care that I haven't wanted sex that much. It sucks...

oh my gosh...that's exactly how I feel. I'm sorry. it'll get better and it won't be like this forever, but right now it just sucks.

Jules_Shamblin

Feeling insecure is the worst because every little thing starts to make you feel even more insecure. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you feel better soon.

I had a breakdown a few weeks ago when we took a trip to see my dad and my FIL. My dad was really excited to see my pregnant belly but he said completely the wrong things. At one point he made a big deal about how I've really gotten a lot heavier everywhere else too. When I told him he should probably never say that to a pregnant woman he tried to fix it by saying that at least I don't look like one of those women who just has a basketball in her belly, but that my legs and hips are so much bigger too now. I held it together while we were there but the second that my husband and I were alone I burst into tears.

Then, the rest of the weekend I was really self-conscious every time we ate. On our last morning we went out for breakfast I ordered pancakes. When I ordered them both my dad and my FIL jumped in saying that the pancakes at that restaurant are SOOO huge and that there's no way I could eat it all. I felt like I was about to cry again so I just ordered a bowl of oatmeal.

I wanted to tell everyone that my weight was right on track for having twins and that even if it hadn't been, it's none of their business. I felt like if I said anything I'd burst into tears and just be that crazy pregnant lady.

Chicky0727

Jules_Shamblin said:

Feeling insecure is the worst because every little thing starts to make you feel even more insecure. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you feel better soon.

I had a breakdown a few weeks ago when we took a trip to see my dad and my FIL. My dad was really excited to see my pregnant belly but he said completely the wrong things. At one point he made a big deal about how I've really gotten a lot heavier everywhere else too. When I told him he should probably never say that to a pregnant woman he tried to fix it by saying that at least I don't look like one of those women who just has a basketball in her belly, but that my legs and hips are so much bigger too now. I held it together while we were there but the second that my husband and I were alone I burst into tears.

Then, the rest of the weekend I was really self-conscious every time we ate. On our last morning we went out for breakfast I ordered pancakes. When I ordered them both my dad and my FIL jumped in saying that the pancakes at that restaurant are SOOO huge and that there's no way I could eat it all. I felt like I was about to cry again so I just ordered a bowl of oatmeal.

I wanted to tell everyone that my weight was right on track for having twins and that even if it hadn't been, it's none of their business. I felt like if I said anything I'd burst into tears and just be that crazy pregnant lady.

Oh my goodness, men sometimes really have NO clue. I'm sorry they made you feel horrible.

I'm the maid of honor in my BFF's wedding and it's next month so I'll be about 7 months along...I was letting my boss know that I was going to need a week off because of the wedding and told her I was the MOH, she looked at me and said, "you'll be a chubby MOH." um...thanks??? 

Ugh...guess it's not just men who have no clue sometimes. Lol. Oh and the kicker is she owns a maternity store!

chase16

I 100% understand you.. It has been REALLY hard for me to cope with the fact that my body is changing permanently. (Regardless of whether or not I can lose all the weight, which also has me freaked out), I know that my body is going to look different from now on. It has been difficult for me to be ok with gaining weight, even though I know it's healthy. FI has not been as interested in sex lately either, which I know doesn't have anything to do with me, he just works a lot of hours right now, and in 3 more weeks when this cycle graduates, he'll be back to normal. BUT it still sucks, when I get rejected.

Chicky0727

chase16 said:

I 100% understand you.. It has been REALLY hard for me to cope with the fact that my body is changing permanently. (Regardless of whether or not I can lose all the weight, which also has me freaked out), I know that my body is going to look different from now on. It has been difficult for me to be ok with gaining weight, even though I know it's healthy. FI has not been as interested in sex lately either, which I know doesn't have anything to do with me, he just works a lot of hours right now, and in 3 more weeks when this cycle graduates, he'll be back to normal. BUT it still sucks, when I get rejected.

for sure! 

my H was off of work for a while so he didn't have a whole lot to do, so us having us time was a lot easier, but now that he's back to work and has to have his full 8 hours of sleep...it sucks. 

Sorry you're going through that too.

Raclla

You are definitely not alone!

I'm a super mess this time around. 

Can we still blame the full moon for making it worse?

poofwok

I know how you feel! Before getting pregnant I had finally reached my goal weight. I was content. This is my first pregnancy and I've noticed a lot of changes with body (except for the belly popping!) my breasts are huge, the nipples got darker and bigger in size. I started crying a few weeks back because I just hated the way the looked.

My SO has been purposely complimenting and fooling around with them more then usual and I know it's mostly to make me feel better. I appreciate it lol even though it feels a little silly!

Chicky0727

stoofewok said:

kshare18 said:

I can totally relate to you.. I almost started crying when I was shaving my hoo ha the other day. I was naked staring in the mirror exposing my money shot to my self. My nipples that use to be so light pink and pretty are brown and have tripled in size. My ass looks like someone threw cottage cheese on it, my vag is swollen and my tummy is hairy? My H doesn't really seem to care that I haven't wanted sex that much. It sucks...

Ditto to all of this. ALL of it.

Chicky0727 said:

I'm the maid of honor in my BFF's wedding and it's next month so I'll be about 7 months along...I was letting my boss know that I was going to need a week off because of the wedding and told her I was the MOH, she looked at me and said, "you'll be a chubby MOH." um...thanks??? 

Ugh...guess it's not just men who have no clue sometimes. Lol. Oh and the kicker is she owns a maternity store!

WHO says that?!


I know right!? Another comment she's made when I first told her about the wedding and me being the MOH and pregnant was, "and she still wants you in her wedding and the pictures?" Ugh. She has no filter. I generally have a pretty good relationship with her but those two comments have me pretty close to cooter-punching her.

Anyway thank you ladies for making me not feel totally crazy. Sucks we all go through this.

A funny thing my H told me yesterday was that he's been gaining all my baby weight. Lol. Which just the other night I was kinda thinking the same thing...lol. not that it's a bad thing...just kinda funny.

andatcdc

Gosh reading this thread has made me feel better about hating my body. I was feeling guilty that I didn't like the changes I was going through. I guess part of me thinks that a pregnant woman should love and embrace all the changes because she is making the ultimate sacrifice and creating a life.

Lately I have been so self conscience of how I look. 3 years ago I lost 70 pounds and was pretty comfortable at the new weight. Well last year I got married and honeymoon and celebrations I gained about 15-20 pounds back .. was ok not mad but a little frustrated with myself. Then I got pregnant and now I feel like that fat girl again!!! I have ALWAYS been the fat girl. The scale keeps going up and it will be getting pretty close to the number I NEVER wanted to see again! I know its for a good reason. I know the weight will be slightly easier to lose this time. But the fat girl mentality is still with me and when I look in the mirror I see fat Ashley not pregnant Ashley.

I have told DH about these feelings and he just says "your pregnant .. you are supposed to gain weight" but this does nothing to console me! UGH!!! This was my biggest fear of pregnancy! At least we all know we are not alone in these feelings!! 

raquelynn714

Another one in the crazy hormonal boat here. On the biggest most stressful day of my husbands work year, I accused him of not wanting to communicate. despite my good reasoning telling me that he was tired and exhausted from the beginning of the season, I cried. H had to coach me into better spirits. I felt like I was watching my crazy self act like a lunatic but I couldn't stop myself from being weepy and needing comfort. Bah, I thought I got rid of my PMS.

mhbraymer

I'm there with you. I never liked being string bean skinny cause people made fun of me for that. I finally found my happy place with my weight and I got pregnant with dd and gained a lot of weight. I had ppd after she was born and my weight made me feel worse. I just when I started losing weight I got pregnant with ds and gained more weight but not as much. 8 months after ds was born I found out pregnant again so far I've only gained 3lbs but I still don't like the way I look. I'm to get my but into shape and really focus on me and my happy place after this baby is born.

krisleico

Count me in on the crazy train. I have been feeling really guilty the last couple weeks because I've wanted this pregnancy for a very long time and not liking the changes in my body somehow feels like a betrayal to how grateful I am to be here. It's like logically I know this is all supposed to happen, but it's still hard to accept emotionally. Everyone said I would be the cute little pregnant girl who stayed thin and fit with just a cute little belly... but here I am at 23.5 weeks with noticeably (to me) thicker thighs, bigger butt, and 15 extra pounds. Nothing fits right and I just feel BIG. It really scares me that I will get significantly bigger in the next couple months. I'm hoping that as the baby/belly starts growing more, other parts will stay the same (or maybe even appear smaller in comparison?!). Needless to say, you are not alone!

chase16

@krisleico‌ , yup, ditto everything you just said. I am freaking out that my face is getting round.. I Wish staying this size for the next 19 weeks was an option. I'm big enough! My also pregnant friend told me that I still didn't really look pregnant on Fri night, but I'm significantly bigger than I was before... So now I'm wondering if I just look fat. Sigh.

absterboss

This is most likely from the hormones, or maybe it's because I feel like I'm not alone (finally), but I'm crying reading all of this! I have been feeling gross for the past couple of weeks. I talk to my H about it and obviously he tells me I'm beautiful but I feel like he's lying (even though I know he isn't). I'm so grateful I'm pregnant after 3 years of trying, but wow the roller coaster you are put on emotionally, hormonally, and physically? I was not expecting that, and no one really prepared me for it. I'm glad this thread was posted because it helped me feel less alone. Thanks guys! Just think, we're more than 1/2 way there!

shaylagirl

I hadn't realized I was feeling insecure about myself until Friday afternoon.  A long-term guy friend who I'd been semi-sorta-involved with in my past told me over lunch that I looked like I was in my 20's again, I was glowing, I looked amazing, and he couldn't understand how DH could keep his hands off me (DH and I haven't had any sort of sexual contact since first tri).

I went home and broke down in tears, because I hadn't realized how bad I felt about myself until I heard all of those nice words.

DH warned me before I got pregnant, he didn't think his ex-wife was attractive during pregnancy.  He's made a few comments that really stung during mine (he seriously asked me why I didn't have big, huge pregnancy boobs...and he also mentioned I had back boobs).  I finally whipped around at one point and told him now I understood why his ex-wife left; his lack of support when a woman is feeling her worst.  This isn't the REAL reason she left (he kicked her out; she was cheating on him), but...I was angry and hurt and kind of lashed out about it. 

He came to me that night later and was contrite and humble and said he did think pregnancy was amazing and I was beautiful.  True or not...I've still been feeling bad, and just never realized it. 

I'm genuinely ready to get my body back.  I don't like feeling icky about myself, with my pants too tight, sleeping isn't comfortable, I'm up every 2 hours to pee, and my nipples hurt SO damn bad that if a breeze hits them, I want to break down into tears from the pain.

I know that "This too shall pass", but...4 more months of this?  I might lose my sanity. 

ljraff29

I hear all of you on this. Before getting pregnant I was an avid exerciser and took pride in how I looked. Now I notice that I'm losing muscle tone in my arms and legs - even though I'm still exercising fairly consistently. I worry that I'll never fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes every again. For whatever reason in my head I thought I'd be able to wear my regular pants with a band throughout, but that stopped around 3 weeks ago. DH has been good for the most part and told me yesterday that my face still looks the same (as in not fatter) which means to him that I'm not gaining more than I need to for the baby. I've also gained more weight than I wanted to at this point. I'm making healthy food choices, but still gaining (which I know I'm supposed to). I have my monthly appointment this afternoon and I'm dreading the weigh-in. 

kareik01

I also know exactly how you feel. This is my first pregnancy and I'm having a really hard time accepting the changes I've got going on already. I've always been fairly thin, about 5'7'' and 120-125 pounds. The 6 months or so before baby I had started gaining some weight, to about 127-134, which was around our wedding time so I was starting to feel insecure even before baby.

Now that I'm a little over half way done and sitting at 145, I'm really insecure. But it's not just the weight gain. It's the brown nipples, the peach fuzz over my stomach, and the butt that now wiggles when I'm not even walking. And I've noticed my hips getting wider. My regular jeans would go up without my effort except that I'm now wider. I got my mom's hips, they were always a little wider than I would have liked for how thin the rest of me was. But now that even those continue to grow it's really scary!

I love my baby and I'll gladly give my body up for it and it's siblings when they come, but I know how you feel of just getting overwhelmed with the feelings of how much you hate the changes!

My husband tells me I'm beautiful and non of the changes bother him because "all pregnant women are beautiful". But I'm one of those odd ball pregnant women where my sex drive has greatly declined in my second trimester, but I sometimes feel like it's not always me that's the problem. My husband has admitted he's to blame too for our decline in intimacy, which really bothers me. Is it the pregnancy? Is it other stress of his? Or is it just me? All thoughts I know don't actually need to worry about, but at this point it's hard to avoid them.

Sorry, there's my little rant, too
I know how you feel 100%, let's all just plan to be skinny and perfect after these precious babies make their arrival