I need help, moms!

kareik01

Ladies --

I have a really tough decision ahead of me and so I decided to put something on here and see what the general thoughts are. I have 50-50 mixed reviews from my family, so it hasn't made my decisions any easier.

My husband and I have been determined for me to go back to school. I already have a Bachelors degree, but it's in Exercise Science and I live in a small town in Nebraska so my options are slim to none. I currently work as a receptionist for less than $10 an hour...and I have a Bachelor of Science degree! It's so frustrating!

So anyway, shortly after we got married I completed all the necessary steps to apply to a local RN nursing degree program. And just this past week, despite the steep competition, I was accepted! But...

My due date is 8 days after the start of the semester in August. So as soon as I got my acceptance letter I met with the director of the program to talk about my options. She was very nice and helpful, but she basically said she'd be able to give me a week after the birth before I'd need to return to classes. I was dumbfounded. 7 days after delivering a baby...my first baby! She said she understands it's a tough situation, she's seen it happen both ways. Some women back out so they don't miss the time with baby, others stick it out and find a way to juggle baby/school. However, she did say I was one of the top picks for this years nursing class, so she offered me a deferment, something she's never done before. I could defer acceptance until next August.

Since I live in small town Nebraska, I am a little over an hour from the school where this program is. They do "telecourse" some of the classes in my town so we don't have to drive that distance every day, but two days a week we would have to go there for classes/clinicals. So basically two days a week I would have to have my mom and husbands mom alternate babysitting so I could go to school until baby is old enough to go to daycare.

I want more than anything to have that time with my first born baby...figure out how to be a mother, and just love my baby. But I am so tired of living on my husbands back! I went to school so I could make good money, yet here I am making peanuts while he has to pay my student loans and all our other bills! I want so bad to contribute to our family financially like he does, and a nursing degree would be perfect. Yes I could defer, but that just means another year of waiting and still 2 years of school to go.

I've considered all the "ifs", such as what if I have to have a C-section, or what if baby comes early, etc. But that all comes down to the deferment, I would have that defer option clear up until the start of classes.

What are some of your opinions? Thanks so much, mommas!

BlckRoses

This is a hard decision for you, I'm sure.  Personally, for me, I would defer until next August.  I know 3 years sounds like a long time now, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a drop in the bucket.  I'm a FTM too, and I know it would be hard for me to take my attention away from baby after 1 week.  I've heard that first month is difficult with limited sleep and getting into a new routine.  

Ultimately you have to do what's best for your family, right now, as well as long term.  When you do you have to decide by?

kareik01

Not until mid-August when classes start, thank goodness. For the time being I have accepted the offer for the program, but the director said I can change that status at anytime because she understands that anything can happen with a pregnancy.

My biggest fear would be that first month, like you said. I've never done this mom thing before and that's scary in itself.

kareik01

I'm seeing a trend starting already I'm glad your all so supportive of it, thank you!

That was my initial reaction (even before I knew of the deferment) was to say no way. But after the hard work I put in to getting in the program, I didn't want to waste that time and money. But now with the deferment option I had some room to breathe as I come to a decision. I had honestly wished before the acceptance letter came that I didn't get in, just so I wouldn't have to make this decision!

RunningJ

Would they allow you to defer until January (the beginning of the spring semester)? I think that would be a good compromise. Otherwise, if it was me personally, I would take the deferment to next August. Congrats on being accepted!

kareik01

RunningJ said:

Would they allow you to defer until January (the beginning of the spring semester)? I think that would be a good compromise. Otherwise, if it was me personally, I would take the deferment to next August. Congrats on being accepted!

I can't defer until January. The only alternate options I have are defer until the following August or go part-time starting this August. In that case I'd only have maybe two classes, both of which would be offered in my current town so I wouldn't have to drive. I considered that option too, but it would still mean 3 years until completion. So in that case, I'd rather just not have any classes and wait until the following August.

Tinkerbell084

Congratulations on your acceptance!!! I agree with the PP, this 100% depends on what works for you and your family (time wise and financially). Just as the program director mentioned, I have also seen women who are able to stick it out and others who choose to break and not to take time away from family. I can absolutely see benefits to both sides, from getting the degree done/potential better career sooner to having more baby time. I personally would defer the acceptance until next August. I am currently working on a higher ed degree, but the program (outside of a one week annual residency in November) is completely online.  If I actually had to attend a physical location regularly, I would be taking a break until our family is a bit more settled. Even with doing the online program, I'm being cautious to determine if I may even need a break to focus on little one and home for a bit. 

kareik01

This only became a hard decision for me after talking to my family. My husband, mom, and grandmother all said they think I need to stick it out. My husband because he knows how unhappy I am working as a secretary after I worked so hard in school.
But my mom and grandma threw me for a loop! I expected them of anyone to tell me to not accept and enjoy my baby! Both of them were single mothers with their first and had no choice but to figure out how to work and support new baby on their own from the start, so I expected them to tell me to hold on to the time I have! So when they both told me they knew I could do it and I should at least try before giving it up, it suddenly made the choice much more difficult.

GinnyJ2012

First, congratulations on your acceptance! I also have a degree in exercise science and know how difficult it is to find a good paying job in the field. I know it's frustrating to not get the pay for your qualifications, and wanting to start this new chapter of your education/career ASAP.

However, I would defer until next year. Looking back at my first few months as a new mom I know I would not have been able to make it in classes also. DS was a difficult baby. He nursed around the clock, refused a bottle, wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time, but then be awake for several hours.

Good luck with your decision, whatever you choose, and let us know!

kareik01

laurelcharles said:

I'm on the fence as well. At first I was going to say definitely defer, BUT of you have your mom, grandma, MIL and husband all supporting the decision AND they are willing to help out as much as humanly possible, I would say to start now. But if you feel like there's even a slight chance that they won't be available when you need them, then I would defer until next August. 

Congrats on getting into the program! 

That's basically what it's going to come down to...the support I'm sure I'll have as August gets closer, as well as depending how the rest of the pregnancy goes. Since I have clear up until the first day of classes, the decision may change depending on many factors! If I would go into labor a month early or something, it might be easier to still accept the program this year because I'd have a solid month behind me already. Or as someone else said, I could have baby late, like two weeks late as my sister did. That would make it even harder to do. So pros and cons both ways, I'll just have to wait and see what happens as the time gets closer

I REALLY appreciate everyone's thoughts! I definitely feel much better if I end up deferring for whatever reason. Knowing, as a mother, that I'd be making the right choice for me and baby/family is most important.

MC03

100% I would defer too.  A week after having DD I barely felt human and could hardly find time to pee or brush my teeth.  Especially being a FTM it is so HARD and it would be so much added stress on you starting a new school program.  1 year in the grand scheme of an entire career really is not that long.  Good luck with your decision. 

NSAbby

laurelcharles said:

I'm on the fence as well. At first I was going to say definitely defer, BUT of you have your mom, grandma, MIL and husband all supporting the decision AND they are willing to help out as much as humanly possible, I would say to start now. But if you feel like there's even a slight chance that they won't be available when you need them, then I would defer until next August. 

Congrats on getting into the program! 

This.  I'd say start the program now, as it would "only" be two days away each week, and you have a pretty good network, it sounds like.

The trouble with big changes (starting school, having kids, changing jobs, moving) is that something will always pop up, and challenge the situation.  Having a 1yo may be harder on you than having a newborn, when starting school.  You won't know until it happens.

Can you be happy with a baby, and going to nursing school?

Can you be happy with a baby, and being a receptionist for another year?

 

Good luck, and just know that whatever decision you make is what is best for your family!

Congrats on the program, btw! 

schnookee

I'm a STM. My advice is definitely to defer. No matter how prepared you think you are, there are still things that will be completely different than what you thought they would be. There are also so many variables that could happen with having the baby. Like you mentioned, what if you have a c-section? You don't know what the baby's sleep pattern will be. Could be a great sleeper or not sleep at all. The baby could have colic or reflux issues. I really think you should take the time to adjust to your new life with your baby and get used to it. If you jump into school there are possibilities that could make it very stressful which would cause stress for you and your baby. Your school work could also suffer. Take the time and enjoy your baby. Especially since you're a first time mom. You don't want to end up regretting missing out on this time with your baby or having it end up being a far from pleasant experience.

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Lawgrl04

Defer, defer, defer. You sound highly motivated to do this program, so you will. But do it in a year since you have that option! Consider this - your new program will be challenging, and if you enter it and take on too much, you might be setting yourself up to do not nearly as well as if you entered the program fully recovered from birth and adjusted to motherhood.  

As for "living off" your husband, I understand the desire to contribute financially.  But even if you don't make as much money as he does, I am sure you contribute to the well being of your household in numerous ways that can't be measured in dollars.  For example, my H has to travel and work long hours.  He could not accomplish all this with his work and have the kids we have if I weren't doing what I do.  We are a team.  His name is on the paycheck, but we both work for the good of our family.  

Congrats on your acceptance and good luck with your decision!

shaylagirl

Another voting defer until next August.

Nothing else helpful to add except CONGRATULATIONS on your acceptance into the program!!! 

tamarar5

Having BEEN in nursing school right after having a baby... DEFER! I was breastfeeding and couldn't get the necessary breaks to pump. Even worse, when I started leaking during clinicals, I was marked down for "contamination.". I found it too much to handle with a newborn. I finished the semester but didn't sign up again.

chase16

trawas01 said:

I'm in the minority. I would plan on starting. 2 days a week would likely be doable. If it was 5 or 7 I would say defer, but if you want this, really want it, then you could do 2 days a week. I've had many friends do this with medical school. Offering a week off is the norm in med/nursing school. They take a week away from classes and they're back. Is it easy? absolutely 100% not but every one of them has found it worth it.

I'll be back 2 days a week at 3-4 weeks postpartum. I'll be back full time by 8 weeks tops, possibly 6. Finishing my degree is a priority, it whats best for me and in the long run its whats best for baby and my family.

Also in the minority, I say start it. If it's only two days a week, I think it might be difficult, but it sounds like you have a solid support network. To me, graduating a year earlier would be work it.. My career is VERY important to me, and I would want to get started as soon as possible.. but I'm also a really impatient person, and a year to me is a long time. (Little background, I've been at 5 different duty locations in 7.5 years in the military, so anything over 18 months feels like a REALLY long time to me). I will be starting 2 college classes within 3 weeks of baby being born as well. It will be rough, but if I finish my last 5 classes before next May, I will graduate next spring, which is very important to me.

pmpkn219

I would defer, since they gave you the option. So many variables you don't (can't) know. And even best case scenario, that's a lot of driving and time spent away from a small newborn. First time parenting can be easy if you get a really good recovery and baby, but even in the best circumstances it's still a big adjustment. Add on a new degree program, I could see it getting ugly.

IMO it would be better to defer to next August, than try to do it and have to back out this fall... who knows if the deferment offer would still stand in that scenario? Plus you stressed yourself out by starting a week behind anyway...

Valancyy

I say defer.  There's not just the actual classes to think about, but the studying that goes along with it.  I would not have been in any frame of mind to worry about school 1 week after having a baby.  You're going to be sleep deprived, possibly a little bit of "baby blues" (I always have this for 1-2 weeks after baby).  Plus..even with a vaginal birth you're most likely still going to be sore and a little achy.  I can't imagine going to classes in that condition. 

If you didn't have any options, you'd have to suck it up and do it.  But...you have the option of deferment...it's only one year.  Some women take year long maternity leaves.

shevaCC

Can you tell us more about the part time option? Does that not buy you anything since you said it would still take 3 years? Can you not switch to full-time later? And are the part-time (in town) classes online or are they at somewhere local you have to attend in person?

After DD was born, I felt like my brain wasn't functioning at normal speed until after the first several months. Everything was kind of fuzzy and I wasn't on top of things, apart from caring for her. I would be concerned you'd get bad grades that first semester trying to fit everything in.

If you had to attend class in person, I would worry about establishing breastfeeding successfully in those first 6 weeks (if that's your plan) since babies often need to eat every 2 hours and not always right on a schedule. Or you finding time and appropriate facilities for pumping every 2 hours. You said class was a long drive away...how long does it last while you're there?

If you could figure out feeding your baby and had supportive childcare lined up both so you could attend class and so you could do homework, I think I would strongly consider going ahead with nursing school now. If you were planning on trying to do schoolwork while watching your baby, that's a lot easier up until 9 months old. Once your child is older they'll demand your attention and you likely won't get anything done without a babysitter/day-care provider watching them.

mikescutie7

I think it's up to you what you think you can handle

I'm in a similar situation where I'm putting off transferring to a 4 year university until next august. I made this decision because I really wanted as much time with my LO as possible, considering that I have a job and some pretty intensive classes to take. It will be only the time I'll ever have no school and no work for a few months so I want to take advantage of that time to learn to be a mom and enjoy my firstborn

audreylaine510

As a STM I would definitely say defer to next August. No way would I have been in any shape to start a new program that soon after my baby was born!

Nuclearcupcake

I would defer. Congrats on your acceptance!!!

caballablanca

I would defer. What if baby is late?

violajack

Defer.

I get where you're coming from. I have a post graduate degree and chose to stay at home after realizing what I brought in as a freelance performer and private teacher would not leave me enough to make it worth being away from my baby. I wanted to breastfeed and we cloth diaper. There's no way breastfeeding would have worked if I had tried to go back to the studio to teach. I could save us more by staying home than I could make out of the home and I got to be the one to raise my son. 

But still, I really struggled with my identity and self worth, especially since I'm the one with student loans and we're living on just my husband's salary. It wasn't until DS was 11 months old that I got the itch to get out of the house again. I teach a few afternoons a week and still perform quite a bit on the weekends, but it's still just enough to cover the sitter. 

Yes, it sucks to think about how little I'm contributing to the family financially. But then I remember that breastfeeding and cloth diaper do save us a lot of money. I also have time to cook more rather than us eating take out all the time, so that also saves money. I may not be bringing money in, but I can prevent it from going out.

And, by spending the first year home with your baby, you are contributing so much to their growth and development. Don't feel like you're not going to be able to contribute to the family just because you're not going back to school right away. You've got the whole rest of your life to go back to school and start a new career. Kids are little for such a short time. 

Also, one week post partum, there is no way you'll be in the right state of mind, body, or emotion to get the most out of school. Sure, you can push through and survive, but you'll get a lot more out of it if you wait. 

aelhunt

Since this is for a career and not just an add-on to your degree for higher pay I'd say to take deferment and make it work.

HOWEVER, I am not the poster child for this. I have a career (teacher) and wanted to move to the counselor role. Started school and they shut down my campus so I had to drive over an hour also and had my first child. Needless to say I haven't gone back. Way too much time from home for a shift in career. I also found a better teaching position (working g from home) so I really didn't want to go back.

kareik01

shevaCC said:

Can you tell us more about the part time option? Does that not buy you anything since you said it would still take 3 years? Can you not switch to full-time later? And are the part-time (in town) classes online or are they at somewhere local you have to attend in person?
.

No, I gain nothing by going part-time and I cannot switch from part to full-time, you sign up for classes at the very start based on part or full-time because certain classes are only offered certain semesters. Meaning if I start part-time, I'll have to follow the part-time class schedule because of the way they're offered. The classes themselves would be a local site, I live about 2 minutes away from the campus in my town.

kimberlydlee82

I totally understand everyone saying to defer and because it is your first baby, I would probably agree. I will tell you my situation. Im in my second semester of RN school, getting ready to start third semester and am due 2 days before fall semester. Now I have a trend of going two weeks early with both my previous pregnancies, so with that said im continuing and not taking any time off. My mil watches my other baby so I already have trusted childcare. And I should say I started the program with a 5 week old and have done well. If you think you can do it, I would- barring any unforeseen circumstances like csection, bedrest etc. You may want the time with your baby, but at any point you are going miss a lot of time with your chikd once you start. It depends on your amount of help from hubby and othets too. Either way, you will get it done! Good luck with whatever you choose and congratulations on the acceptance!

BeachM

Defer. The sleep deprivation after you have a baby is indescribable.

JadaBlue

Defer-no doubt you want to excell at school and care for your newborn in whatever way you consider best. Requiring yourself to do both simultaneously seems like setting yourself up for unnecessary difficulties. For me, starting and possibly needing to quit would be much more disheartening than a conscious decision to start in a year and give it your all. I'm older than most around here and would echo that a 12 month delay in starting a program is inconsequential in the long-term.

4PrivetDrive

I would also defer. There would have been no way I would have been capable of handling school one week after having a baby, no matter the support system.
Congratulations on getting accepted!

ellaef1984

I would defer until next August, personally. Congrats on getting into the program!

BabyM82714

Congrats on nursing school! I know how hard it is just to get in! I would defer. I'm due 2 weeks into fall semester of my RN program nd I'm taking off until spring semester in January. I would only have1 week after birth and not only do I think that's insane I don't want to do that. The sleep deprivation that cones with nursing school already is almost equivalent to a newborn. The two together sound awful. It may take you a little longer but it will still be worth it and it seems like you want to finish so I used you finishing. However, what
happens if you enter now and find out its too much a few weeks or even days in? If you quit do you have to reapply? Will you be able to reapply? Or will they automatically take you the following august again?

cooha939

One of my best friends is a first year nursing student who just gave birth to baby #2 the week before spring break. She also has an 18 month old. She basically had 2 weeks before having to go back to school and her mother came to help out for a month since her hubby works full time. It's been crazy and a bit busy, but moms seem to just figure out how to make it work. I don't know exactly what to tell you to do, but my limited anecdotal experience shows me that you can manage both mommy hood and nursing school if you so choose, and your bond with your baby won't be affected.

kareik01

BabyM82714 said:

Congrats on nursing school! I know how hard it is just to get in! I would defer. I'm due 2 weeks into fall semester of my RN program nd I'm taking off until spring semester in January. I would only have1 week after birth and not only do I think that's insane I don't want to do that. The sleep deprivation that cones with nursing school already is almost equivalent to a newborn. The two together sound awful. It may take you a little longer but it will still be worth it and it seems like you want to finish so I used you finishing. However, what happens if you enter now and find out its too much a few weeks or even days in? If you quit do you have to reapply? Will you be able to reapply? Or will they automatically take you the following august again?

By the sound of it, the nursing director would still allow me to defer if I would start the program and then discover that it's going to be too much for me. But that's something I'd have to make sure of and get in writing before I'd be positive about!

Thanks so much, everyone, for all the congrats and well wishes no matter what I choose! I've turned in my acceptance letter for the time being, because I can always retract it and defer at a later date, but if I decline now I have no option but to wait. So, depending on the circumstances surrounding baby and how I feel as the time gets closer I will make a final decision. I see pros and cons to both after reading all the comments. If I remember when August actually comes I'll let you all know what I decide!