Division of labor

DCKate

There have been a couple of pretty thought-provoking articles in the NY Times lately about equality in relationships, specifically division of labor.

And as I was once again the last person to go to bed last night (after midnight) after reloading the dishwasher, washing bottles and taking out the recycling, it got me thinking.

For DH and me, I'm at home working for a client as a consultant and he is a DR at a hospital near by. He's great and really hands on with DD. as long as he gets home at a reasonable time, he does DD's bath and puts her to bed. When he's got a weekend off, he will watch DD so I can meet a friend, grocery shop, etc.

I know he works out of the home and I'm here, but I'm working two full time jobs-- DD and my consulting. I make every meal (unless DH picks up take out), do all the cleaning, laundry, etc. I haven't really pushed it, because my husband is pretty helpful with the baby. But every once in a while, I would like to not be the only person who cleans up. Or makes dinner.

How do you split up chores in your relationship?

DCKate

There is a great book called 'The Second Shift,' that deals with the idea that working moms get home from job number one, only to start job number 2--cooking, cleaning, etc.

This week I was so wiped that we have had take out almost every night. In trying to be better about letting some of the cleaning go...but then it doesn't get done.

Ugh.

ohiodoxiemama08

I consider myself pretty lucky, our division of labor is pretty equal. DH actually cooks most meals, but I meal plan (if it was up to him to meal plan we'd eat the same thing every week). We both do laundry, cleaning and on his non-shift nights he does bath time.

However, since he works 24 hour shifts I obviously do all baby and house things on those days. I work part time and go to school full time so I don't mind it too much. When he is home he is very hands on with DD.

I actually feel like our roles are reversed though because he nags me about house stuff more than I do him. I am admittedly a little messy (cluttered actually) and apparently I do not wash dishes to his liking. But for the most part I feel lucky. My advice to you ladies feeling overwhelmed is definitely have an open, honest convo about how you're feeling.

Mom2anAngel2

DH is actually pretty good about pitching in.  His work schedule allows him to be home more often.  He works 6-8 24 hour shifts per month.  I do most of the cooking.  He will BBQ and cook if I leave very detailed instructions.  He will even throw laundry into the washer if (and only if) I have separated the clothes and labeled the settings and detergents for each load. 

DH does most of the outside work, I think he actually likes to work outside as an escape from the craziness that can occur inside. 

spainy17

DH does okay with our division of labor but that is a loose term. He does all of the outside work including taking garages out, shoveling, dog care, etc. He cooks at least half of the time and well go grocery shopping if I leave him a list. He will pretty much do anything in the house that I ask but I have to ask. He would never think to do any of it independently. He dusts, vacuums, etc. however I do most of the cleaning and would never let him clean a bathroom. The problem is that he does maybe 10 percent of the work with DD. I do work evening shifts about a third of the time so he does all of the stuff with DD on those nights and if I have plans he steps in but he would never just be like honey go do something ill watch DD. Ever. I love doing the baby stuff but I do feel like he should be more involved. I hope he does more as she gets older.

lulamagoo

I work part time from home and am a SAHM.  DH is an aerospace engineer and his job is pretty stressful.  We have a rule that he must be home by 6pm so that he can eat with DS and I and get some quality time in during the week.  Because of this rule, he ends up working from home after bed time.  (I do work then too)

I cook, DH does the dishes and cleans up.

He does bath time while I get DS's room set up for bed time.  I put DS to bed since I am still nursing.

I do all the cleaning but DH will help if I ask.

We have fairly "traditional" marital roles but DH always makes sure I get an hour to myself on both Saturday and Sunday that is not doing something for the house or family.

spikeinc

Would your h consider hiring a cleaning person to come in once a week to do the major cleaning? You both sound extremely busy and if you can afford it it would really give you both more time together instead of trying to determine whose turn it is to clean the bathroom etc which seems to clearly fall on you right now.

jobiann

Ha, what division of labor?!? I do everything. LOL, mostly because I'm a neat freak and I like things done my way. DH is great with DS and does whatever he needs to do with him. But I do most all cleaning. DH does all yard work and exterior house work (except for washing windows). And he also does laundry and runs the dishwasher/empties it when it needs it if I haven't already gotten to it. He also does 90% of the cooking. It works for us, sometimes I get frustrated that he doesn't pitch in more with the daily cleaning...but I understand too since I'm so picky.