Oh girl, I'm so sorry! Good for you, for doing what's best for you and LO.
BFP #1 July 4, 2011 Baby girl born Feb 22, 2012!!
BFP #2 December 17, 2012 MMC January 24, 2013
BFP #3 April 7, 2013 Baby girl born December 11, 2013!!
Amelia has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. She has had 3 open heart surgeries, 1 g-tube surgery, and one tracheostomy. She is the strongest, most precious little fighter.
You can follow her at. Www.ameliafaithsheart.blogspot.com
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you're going to a shelter for help. Like others have pointed out do not leave town...it will be considered kidnapping. Keep us updated. You're doing the right thing here.
@jmiller79 Thank you for making the best decision for your precious little ones! I imagine it must be so incredibly hard to just up and leave especially when you have such young kids. You are such a strong woman. I hope things have started to look up for you!
One more thought... I took my 3 kids cross-country when I left my husband, so definitely across state lines. It's not kidnapping. I got a lawyer and this is what I learned: it's not kidnapping unless there is already a court order preventing you from taking your kids across state lines. This is the USA and we live in freedom, including the right to travel with your children with or without notice to anyone, unless you would be breaking a court order.
You could also notify the local police that you are leaving the state with your kids so that if your husband files a missing persons report, they'll know what's going on. You can contact the police department via telephone, you don't have to go in-person.
Once you are out, you can immediately file a domestic violence - related restraining order and an order of order if protection and sole Custody of your kids. It will be automatically approved by the judge because of the claim of domestic violence, but it's only temporary til the court hearing that the judge will assign (several weeks out), and then you will need to have a statement for court plus any proof you have (pictures, emails, texts, witness statements, etc).
Even if you don't go to a shelter, call the shelter for a lawyer recommendation. Based on your finances, they can refer you to one who specializes in these things.
Anyway, I didn't want you to think you couldn't leave the state. Did you get out?
Thanks everyone for their encouragement to me. My kids and I are doing great. I'm at my parents now in CA and have sole custody of my kids. I'd like to participate more on this board even though I've been mostly a stranger to you, I feel like I know some of you just by following the board all along. . I have 3 kids, my son is almost 2 and my twin daughters are now 4.5 months old.
@jmiller79 hi!! :-h Just wanted to say that I'm so glad you popped on for OPs sake and hopefully she was able to read everything. I can't imagine what either of you went through, but I'm sure that if OP read it, it made her feel better that someone has been through this (in case she's feeling alone) and encouraged her that she is making the right decision! I'm sorry what you had to go through but I'm so glad you left!! Hope to see you around more!
he left to go get help, he felt since he needed to get the help baby and i should not have to be in the shelter. he grew up a pretty bad childhood that does not excuse what he does. getting him help is what is important. i do really love him and want to try to work this out, im ok i also will be doing some thearpy as i need to deal with things myself. thank you ladies for all your prayers,
@2010weddinggal I'm glad you two are getting some space and that both of you will be seeking therapy and that you didn't have to go to a shelter with your LO. I'll be thinking of you and your LO because this is a very tough path you are on and while this is a good first step this is a marathon and you 3 are just starting out.
{{{Hugs}}}
~*~*~You're Such A Pretty Melody, I'm Just Another Tattooed Tragedy~*~*~
I'm really glad to hear you are ok. Please take things slowly with him. Character and behavior don't change overnight and you are now responsible for more than just yourself. Only you can make these very difficult decisions, and studies show that violence grows. It doesn't diminish, even if he is super apologetic and brings you flowers and cries. That's just the start of another cycle. You may already be familiar with it.
Please google domestic violence and take a DV test to see what your situation is. DV includes verbal and emotional abuse, besides just physical. The verbal and emotional can actually hurt worse, but almost always lead to physical.
Please do seek counseling or even confide in a friend you trust. Make sure that somebody knows what your situation is. Even if you are not ready to leave, make sure you are telling someone. It will help you to keep things straight and know if and when you have had enough. It will ell you to recognize cycles. It will help you to not cover up for him in front of other people or even in your own mind. Verbalize his behavior to someone on a regular basis.
You may think you're going crazy when he is mean and then becomes nice and you'll want to justify his behavior (bad childhood, etc.). If you are having to cover up his actions and behavior, you may not realize it, but you might be making it easier for him to be mean to you
Anyway, I don't mean to preach, and if you're not ready to hear it, it won't matter. This issue is now very close to my heart. Please educate yourself on what DV is. It may be very different or much larger than what you think.
The first time you see him hurt your child the same way he has hurt you... You'll never forget that. Try to imagine it so you don't have to watch it. He will not treat your children better than he treats you.
I'm trying to think of a gentle way to formulate my response to your update so I really hope you don't take this the wrong way. I really think that if you have family or friends you should still consider leaving or filing for separation. You have posted too many times about this toxic relationship. Manipulative abusive people will do whatever they think it takes to maintain control over their victim. His "realization" that he needs help could be a last ditch effort to keep you from leaving him. One of my good friends is in a toxic relationship and she won't leave. I have lost all patience with her because of all the times she has said she was going to leave him but hasn't. I love her and I would do anything to help her but until she decides she wants a better life it will be a vicious cycle. I hope therapy will help you see the light. Personally if you stay in the home, I would change the locks and not give him a key until you have proof he has changed or never give him a key. I would seek the advice of an attorney and consider filing for a separation so that if you do end up with a divorce you won't have to wait as long for your "separation" period. I almost knew the update would be like this. I wish you much luck and I will continue praying for you but I truly hope you really are separated and seeking help.
My heart is so heavy for you!! It is never easy being in this situation, suffering constantly and having to make difficult decisions. You and your LO are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you are now somewhere safe. I hope for the day to come soon that you can move on and live happy and healthy. I am so sorry all of this has happened.
Re: So I'm leaving him today
You could also notify the local police that you are leaving the state with your kids so that if your husband files a missing persons report, they'll know what's going on. You can contact the police department via telephone, you don't have to go in-person.
Once you are out, you can immediately file a domestic violence - related restraining order and an order of order if protection and sole
Custody of your kids. It will be automatically approved by the judge because of the claim of domestic violence, but it's only temporary til the court hearing that the judge will assign (several weeks out), and then you will need to have a statement for court plus any proof you have (pictures, emails, texts, witness statements, etc).
Even if you don't go to a shelter, call the shelter for a lawyer recommendation. Based on your finances, they can refer you to one who specializes in these things.
Anyway, I didn't want you to think you couldn't leave the state. Did you get out?
Thanks everyone for their encouragement to me. My kids and I are doing great. I'm at my parents now in CA and have sole custody of my kids. I'd like to participate more on this board even though I've been mostly a stranger to you, I feel like I know some of you just by following the board all along.
CP: 01/2011 | MMC: 01/2012 | MMC: 10/2012 | DS: 11/2013 | MMC: 11/2014 | DD: 01/2016
BFP: 06/2018 - EDD: 02/09/2019
{{{Hugs}}}
~*~*~You're Such A Pretty Melody, I'm Just Another Tattooed Tragedy~*~*~
Please google domestic violence and take a DV test to see what your situation is. DV includes verbal and emotional abuse, besides just physical. The verbal and emotional can actually hurt worse, but almost always lead to physical.
Please do seek counseling or even confide in a friend you trust. Make sure that somebody knows what your situation is. Even if you are not ready to leave, make sure you are telling someone. It will help you to keep things straight and know if and when you have had enough. It will ell you to recognize cycles. It will help you to not cover up for him in front of other people or even in your own mind. Verbalize his behavior to someone on a regular basis.
You may think you're going crazy when he is mean and then becomes nice and you'll want to justify his behavior (bad childhood, etc.). If you are having to cover up his actions and behavior, you may not realize it, but you might be making it easier for him to be mean to you
Anyway, I don't mean to preach, and if you're not ready to hear it, it won't matter. This issue is now very close to my heart. Please educate yourself on what DV is. It may be very different or much larger than what you think.
The first time you see him hurt your child the same way he has hurt you... You'll never forget that. Try to imagine it so you don't have to watch it. He will not treat your children better than he treats you.
My prayers are with you