for the MFI ladies

kushie77

Has your RE brought up the topic of donor sperm?  Mine keeps mentioning it, I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I know we have adoption as a backup plan, but my RE feels since I O on my own and my cycles are long but pretty regular that it could be an option to try with IUI.  H won't discuss it, I think he finds it degrading and hurtful.  I was just curious if any of you ladies dealing with MFI have been offered donor sperm and how your H's have reacted to the idea.  

MissEm15

My DH has low/normal count and motility but very low morph. She has brought up IVF w/ ICSI quite often, but never donor sperm. We are also younger-ish.. so we have time on our side for awhile.

It's a tough decision. I think if we got to that point, my DH would feel the same way. I'm sure it's shocking & heartbreaking for him to hear. If you've discussed adoption, then maybe discuss donor embryo instead of just donor sperm?

BunnyBerry

I don't think my DH could handle the idea either, it's a really tough thing for a man I think.

I know we would do anything we could to pay OOP for IVF/ICSI with his sperm before considering donor sperm. Our RE hasn't mentioned it yet but we are waiting on a repeat SA.

The funny part is, though, it doesn't bother me at all to consider using my sister's eggs if it ever came to that...but non-family DNA would take some grieving and time to warm up to.

SweetieShellieH

It's never been mentioned to us, but personally, I wouldn't. I don't think there is anything wrong with using donor sperm, I just don't think it is for us. It's not something either of us want. I told my DH before we went to our first RE visit that our children will either be 100% biologically ours, or 0%. Right now, I am no where near giving up having a child that is 100% biologically our. DH was adopted, so I really, really, really want to give him a child that will be his blood, so I want to fight tooth and nail to get that. But also because he is adopted, we're (well him more then me) open to the idea of adopting if things don't eventually turn out the way we want them to. I think I'd be more open to the idea of a donor embryo, since it's similar to adoption, but I'd still be able to carry the baby. I've never told him about donor embryos, but if it gets to that point I'm sure he'd be all for it too.

tifga

Sometimes I think husband and I must be "lucky" because I have known for 18 years this was a probability (him for a little longer then that) and 12 years it was a certainty. So maybe we just have had a lot of time to come to terms with it.  

When I told husband I would prefer DS to IVF he was fine with that, and then he was excited about the prospect of having red-headed babies (though that is probably unlikely). 

I actually have a hard time understanding why it is such an issue, but DNA has no meaning to me. What matters is husband and I having a family not where their genes came from. 

cymber217

It makes my husband sad, but the thought of using his brother (which we have never remotely discussed with anyone else) doesnt make him as sad. Can you tell me your husbands count, motility and morph? Has your husband tried supplements, acupuncture, and been seen my a urologist to check for a variococele?

Mommalawyer

I have a tendency to break all the rules when it comes to being a little too honest. Prior to our IUI I brought up this subject with DH. He was not thrilled with it, especially since I brought it up prior to knowing whether or not we have exhausted the option of his sperm. He was an adamant no. Our RE brought it up casually, in the sense of "If you ever decide to use donor sperm" when explaining IUI, but not to us directly. We'll see how DH feels after this IUI results (which is likely a bust) and maybe 1 more.... I can see how he wouldn't want to. However, if it's the only way to have a baby, why not? No one on the outside would know......

jenkellen

For us its going to be 100% biologically ours or 0%. We would either do IVF or adopt (embryos or traditional). We decided this before we started testing.

kushie77

cymber217 said:

It makes my husband sad, but the thought of using his brother (which we have never remotely discussed with anyone else) doesnt make him as sad. Can you tell me your husbands count, motility and morph? Has your husband tried supplements, acupuncture, and been seen my a urologist to check for a variococele?

His last SA they had to use High power and found 400 sperm. Of those 400 only 48 were alive and only 8 were showing any movement. We know he has a large varicocele, we are waiting on fertility urology appointment. Regular urology told us that he doesn't feel repair would help much. He takes vitamin D, folic acid and coQ10 as per RE recommendation. We also found out recently that his father had agent orange exposure in Vietnam. Major exposure as he was the guy loading that shit onto the plane.

Lillovebug79

Our RE has never brought it up but it's something I've thought about. Don't get me wrong, we will do everything possible to have a biological child together, but if we can't donor sperm will most likely be our first option. Don't get me wrong, I think adoption is great but it's not for us. I'm going to be honest, I would have an incredibly difficult time knowing I can carry and have a child and sacrificing that. I don't think my husband would ask that of me. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would definitely want to use donor eggs so that he could have a biological child. I would possibly be open to adopting embryos if we weren't able to conceive any other way. My husband has said it would be incredibly difficult to decide to use donor sperm but in the end his is open to it. Either way one of us would have to make a huge sacrifice.

KT416

Our RE has brought up the topic. It was actually right after my DH's first SA after getting zero motility and he asked what his options would be if those results ended up being accurate, which they were.

That evening he quietly mentioned after dinner that he wouldn't want to do donor sperm, because it wouldn't be his genes. (He is his Dad's only child, and the family name dies with him).

Our RE brought it back up because we are moving to IVF and she said that some couples have donor sperm as a backup and asked us if that would be an option for us. We are going for 100% or 0% at this point.

TLooney17

Our RE or uro has never mentioned it. I am not really sure how DH or I feel about since we have never discussed it. We are open to adoption, but the cost of that is staggering. It is something I would consider if it came down to it. I would definitely want an unknown donor though.

Cindal

Donor Sperm has been mentioned in the past and my DH was 100% against it the first time it was brought up. The second time it was brought up he was probably 90% against it.
Just the mention of it would send him into a spiral of negative emotions., sadness, anger, and more. I don't understand his reaction, mostly because it wouldn't bother me to use donor eggs if that was our issue, but it is what is and I respect his ability to feel that way.

ladyteach0505

I am still adjusting to this MFI diagnosis, but I don't know... As a woman I don't personally have an issue with donor sperm. I am trying to feel DH out before our initial appt next week and he has said that while he doesn't like it he likes the idea of me carrying the baby. And as others have said I am very open to donor embryos if that becomes something we need to do. I would be so thankful to be pregnant- it's an experience that I feel heartbroken over when I consider the possibility that I might never get to have it. So... Hmm.. It's a personal question but I feel open to it at this point in the game if it comes to that.

cymber217

Well, my husband went to a regular urologist and they found nothing.. we went to and RE and he said there was no hope. I felt terrified of moving onto IVF..Then we went to a urologist specializing in MFI and he found the vein immediately and gave us much more options.. If I were you I'd add L carnitine and vit c to that little cocktail.Also, ask him to try acupuncture.  Im not sure what orange agent exposure is?  *other ppls children mentioned* My one cousin had variococele and could not have kids and he got the surgery and now has five. My other cousins husband had zero sperm and they went in there and got some out for IVF and amazingly she has twins. Miracles are out there! keep your chin up i know its hard. 

Sigh202

We used donor sperm with our IUI cycles. DH made the decision after his count dropped to 0. I was ok with it all along but wanted him to be ok with it too. For me, donor sperm is just biological matter and the child will be raised and formed by us. Using donor sperm is also quicker and cheaper than adoption.

TTCBabyJ

We kind of discussed donor sperm a little after initial SA results. DH has a son from a previous marriage so he really wants me to have a baby by any means. I guess we both feel more comfortable with a stranger donor or even the mixing sperm option.