Stranger anxiety/shyness in 15 month old

AimeeL85

My DD is 15 months and I'm wondering if her level of "shyness" is normal for her age.  I use "normal" for lack of a better word because I'm not worried something is wrong - I'm just curious if it's the age, or if she just has a super shy personality.  My DS, who is now 3, has always had a very outgoing personality, so this is new to me.  DS also went to daycare twice a week when he was younger, which my DD hasn't experienced. She is pretty much always with me or DH, and if not, my mom is the one with her.  

DD has stranger anxiety to the max...if a stranger even smiles at her she will almost always scowl and hide her face in me. Today we had a parent/teacher conference for DS, which we were welcome to bring her to, and she wouldn't play with the toys in the room with her brother because one other girl was in there, she clung to DH for 20 minutes and didn't move.  She will often cry if anyone but us tries to talk to her...things like that.  Again, I'm not worried something is wrong with her, I really do just wonder if it's her personality or if she'll likely get better with it once she's a little older. 

We are going to be trying out a new church soon where I'd like her to go to the wonderful kids/nursery program they have during the service. With DS I was never worried about him adjusting to something like that, and I know she will, but I can't help but feel a little bad. I think it is a good opportunity for her to "have" to be away from us for a short period, but I know she will freak bigtime the first time.

emberlee3

It is probably her personality. but also the age. DS is very cautious and behaved just as you describe your daughter. He has been in daycare his whole life, so daycare has nothing to do with it. DD is much more social, but at 22 months I am sure she would be devastated if I left her in a strange place. She is in a hard core mommy stage right now.

DS is now 4.5 and has gradually become more comfortable talking to strangers. From 1 to 3 years old, he pretty much never spoke to anyone he didn't know.

mb314

That sounds "normal".  DS has gone through some major stranger anxiety phases. From about 14 - 16 months was a major stranger danger phase for him. He has an outgoing personality when he is a familiar situation, but he does get clingy or scared when in a new situation or around new people (even now).  He's at an in home daycare, and my daycare lady jokes that he is like an alarm system for them.  He'll scream if a "stranger" is at the door or in the yard, many times before the daycare lady even knows they're there.  But he's fine with the parents that he sees come and go every day. 

He's gotten a little better now that he's 19 months, but it hasn't 100% gone away.  Your DD may have a hard time with the church daycare.  Short term daycares like that can be hard on kids, because they are not there long enough or regularly enough to get used to being in that environment away from you.  DS freaks out if I try to leave him at the gym daycare (and they have a policy that if they can't calm the kid within 10 minutes, they come get the parent, so basically we have never had a successful trip to the gym daycare).  But DS loves his full time daycare because he is used to it. 

If you want to try the church daycare, I suggest spending one day in there with her, during the whole service/mass.  That will help her get used to environment with the security of you being there.