dealing with loss of family member

baabybud

Yesterday I got the call from my mom, my grandfather passed on Sunday. I don't really know how to cope with this rite now, i'm stuck at home alone all day witch just makes everything worse digging deeper and deeper into my own thoughts. i was so happy to be entering my second tri, and now its just turned bittersweet, I couldn't go visit him last month because of an appointment and now i feel guilty. i just don't know how to deal with the emotional side of this, one min I'm fine and the next i just break down the extra hormones definitely don't help. i don't know how to be exited about this pregnancy now, my grandpa was an ob/gyn and now i don't know how to be happy about going to my appointments when its just going to remind me of him every time.

I have an ob appointment next week and really don't want to break down while im there. anyone have some advise on what kind of coping methods i can use before i go and while im there?

Emerald27

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A close friend, pastor of your church (if you attend), or even a counselor?

Talking about your feelings and grieving in a safe and loving environment can really be a helpful step toward healing. Much better than trying to work through it on your own.

Also, I would be upfront with your doctor right away. When he asks how you are doing, tell him not great. That your grandfather, who happened to be an OB, passed away this week. He'll understand and may even be a great source of support!

::hugs::

jlabbe1123

So sorry for your loss. Don't really know any coping methods for you but I'm sure he would want you to celebrate his life. You need to grieve in your own way & it's going to be tough but you can do it. Maybe bring a picture of him with you to your appointment & make him a part of it. Again I'm sorry for you loss

heathera1979

((((Hugs))))) I don't have much advice but I can sympathize. I'm so sorry you're going through this. My grandfather passed away during my first ivf cycle (got my bfp the day after his funeral) it's definitely hard but I takecomfort I knowing that he is caring for my angel baby and I know he held this LO long before I ever will. I am due 4 days before his bday and I desperately hope she is born then. I'll be praying for you to get through this. You will always miss him, but it does get easier.

MissMandyD

Allow yourself to feel however you feel. Don't push yourself to rush through the grief or to try and be happy before you are ready. Give yourself time and talk to your husband, family, friends and maybe a therapist. 

My grandfather died 6 weeks after I lost the twins last fall. I felt guilty and devastated because if I hadn't lost them then maybe he would have been able to meet his great grand children. I knew it wasn't rational but I just had to feel it and cry and be depressed until the emotions had been processed. 

One day you will wake up and be excited again but if that day isn't tomorrow or two weeks from now it doesn't matter. Don't put pressure on yourself. There is no right way to respond.

sarajones84

I'm so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

ohioloveyou

I have no advice about coping, but I find time really helps.  I know you want it to be okay right now, but I have found grief needs time.  I am so sorry for your loss.

LaDyBostonRN

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some peace soon.

MrsL2B

I'm very sorry for your loss. 

BeckyH05

I am so sorry for your loss. Take time to grieve. I hope you find peace and comfort in your memories of him.

AmandaJean12

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

My best advice is to not think too far ahead about what you won't be able to be happy about or what might set you off. Just let yourself be sad now and grieve the way you need to grieve. 

lrobi13

I am sorry for your loss.

SaphireShimmer

Sorry for your loss. My advice is let the grief run its course. Don't rush it. Everyone deals in their own way and their own pace. It usually goes in cycles and some days will  be fine and others it will feel just as bad as the beginning. Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad, and try not to feel guilty. I'm sure he understands why you couldn't come. *hugs* Best wishes that you will be able to focus on the happiness of pregnancy and remember the good times with him.

beachbumsc

I don't post a lot, but I lost my dad less than two weeks ago. It was extremely unexpected and devastating. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Make sure you are eating, taking your vitamins and resting. My OB suggested taking Benadryl or unisom to help sleep. I also have to have a movie on that I've seen bunch of times on to fall asleep. It's kind of like white noice so I don't lay there and think about it too much.

MLE_C2B

They don't joke about the grieving process. I lost my dad in 2012 to a motorcycle accident and it changed my whole world. Was shocked, grieved, bargained, felt guilt, depressed, angry, then slowly got help and started to move on, laugh at memories.cry every so often instead of every hour. If he was an OB he'd know how important it is for you not to get too upset. It's ok to cry just pull yourself out of it before you get too upset. Maybe you can try and push sad out by thinking positive GPa memories at the appts so you're in control. Good luck and sorry this advice had to come up.

IrishHoney123

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma shortly before DS1 was born, and I remember how hard it was to accept that she wouldn't be meeting him. Hang in there

kyashley1227

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandfather when my DD was 9 months old. It hit me really hard, and still does honestly. I keep thinking that this baby is the first that is never going to get to meet him and that makes me sad.

Hang in there ((hugs))

fireflyrebirth

I am so sorry for your loss.

To echo PPs--you need to give yourself time and room to grieve.  You don't have to try to push it away.  You hurt now because of how much you love your grandfather.  It's okay to feel miserable for a little while.

Even if you feel bad, try to get out some--perhaps long walks in the sunshine.  As you start to feel a little better, you can find some way to celebrate your grandfather and your pregnancy at once--was there a hobby he enjoyed that he shared with you, something you can pass on to the LO?  Or a family vacation spot he loved where you can bring your own family someday?