Preparing for a new baby

voplo

For those that are pregnant, or already had siblings. How did you prepare yourself, and your son/DD for the arrival. At the moment I staying at home with my son and we play a lot, but I know that when the other baby arrives, we won't be able to do it and he won't take it well. He is a very sweet boy, he is used to share his toys, since he was in a daycare. He also listens very well and helps a lot at home but since we told him about the baby he is acting off all the time. Throwing tantrums that we have never seen before and asking me "if he is my little baby". Also I don't have a lot of support, I can't count at all on my family and my husband family is there but they work and can't help me too much. My husband is taking 2 weeks after the birth to help me with the house and our son (we think I probably will have another c-sec) but after that I am pretty much on my own. Was it hard? Did you still go out a lot with both children? How is the experience? What about a newborn with a toddler, almost a preschooler at home? Any advice Thank you!

melissa0726

Mine are 22 months apart, DD2 is now 9 months (in case you can't see my siggy).

The best thing that I did was start taking them out on my own as soon as I physically felt able.  It really helped to find a groove/routine for getting in and out of the house/car/stores while DD2 was still an infant and would sleep a lot on the go.  Even just a short car ride felt like an accomplishment.  By the time DD2 was two months, I was fine taking them on my own for  a short outing to a local park. 

That's the other thing, we kept outings short and expectations low.  Even now, if I feel like I am getting stressed, we simply pack up and head home. 

At home, here are a few things that helped me the most:  1) I ALWAYS made sure DD1 had a snack and drink BEFORE I sat down to feed DD2.  2) There was a LOT of TV in the beginning.  I had to suck it up and just go with it.  DD1 is high energy, and it's the only thing that would keep her quiet while I would settle the baby for a nap.  3) We set up a wireless camera in the living room.  I can watch DD1 on it from upstairs while I feed and settle the baby, without worrying about DD1 popping in to "help" with the baby.    4) Made sure DD1 was very involved in helping care for the baby from day one.  5)  When DD2 is asleep, DD1 and I try to do something one on one that doesn't involve me doing chores around the house.  Even just 20 minutes coloring or walking around the yard together makes her so happy and gives her some mommy attention.

Some days are easy, some are hard.  Not sleeping and caring for two little kids was the hardest part for me, personally, for the first few months.  But now we are at the point where everyone is sleeping a little better, and the girls play nicely together while I throw together a meal or do a load of laundry. 

Third&goal

voploBlinkMe182 

I'm a prior Aug '11 mom too (with a new username) and I'm due again Aug '14.  

We have been talking about the baby for a while.  I think it has helped some to get past the "I'm not the baby idea".  She still doesn't fully understand what is coming though.  

melissa0726 You may have just made my case for getting a video monitor for DD1's room.  Thats a great point that you could be out nursing but still watching her play.  

voplo

Wow thank you everyone. @melissa0726 your answer really helped me. I actually have a baby-cam that I barely use. Thank you so much!

@blinkme182 Congratulations!, yeah same due date, and my first son was also born in that same day! Crazy! How are you doing with the pregnancy? I find that right now I am starting to run out of energy. It is so hard to chase my son to put some pants on! (what it is with the pants anyway?).

@third&goal my son seems to understand and is giving us a hard time. He told me the other day "the boobies are mine"! because I explained that the baby feeds on them. My son was bf until 2 years old.

amywalt1684

When DS came along, DD was 17 mos. She was too young to really get the concept, we were lucky in that she was never really jealous. She gave him kisses and stuff but she really didn't pay much attention to him. I think it would be way more difficult now to adjust and learn how to share mommy. For us, it is sad to say, but DS was "ignored" quite a bit. He went into the infant chair or RnP a lot while DD and I played.
I always made sure to get DD involved in a new activity before tending to baby. At this age I'd stock up on arts and crafts from the dollar section of Michaels/joAnns/Target, play dough, paints, movies from the library, blocks/toys that you only get out for when the new baby nurses (all things that are for individual play). I would often put DD in her high hair with a snack and tv, also put her in the bath tub and nursed DS while sitting on the toilet watching her, and you can still read to DS or do puzzles while nursing.
It sounds like your DS gets a lot of one on one play with you right now, you may want to start prepping him by letting/making him play on his own more often.
Like Melissa said, outings will be stressful, be prepared for it, you'll survive.
Don't worry too much, the transition will likely go better than you ever expected. The first few weeks/ months are purely survival, do what you need to do and you'll make it.

8411mommy

This is all great advise. Currently dh and I are ttc our second. We've been talking to dd about it and she keeps saying she wants a "broder" or a "sista".

voplo

Thank you all for your replies. Believe or not I am making a list with all your advices so I know what I have to get/do/expect. There is nothing better than someone with experience/ other mothers to be. I hope I survive haha, like @amywalt1684 pointed. Let's go see how it goes! Seems that is going to be a big ride for all the family. I am excited though, we looked for this baby for a long time

melissa0726

@voplo and @third&goal being able to keep an eye on DD1 when I'm upstairs with DD2 has made my life so much easier!

Third, if you don't already have a baby video monitor, I highly recommend getting a wireless camera.  We have a Foscam that I got for around $70 and an app called IP Cam Viewer that is set up on our phones and ipad.  The bonus is that I can view the camera feed over 4G when I'm out of the house, so I can check in remotely. 

voplo

I have a Levana wifi video baby monitor that I barely use. It was a present. Time to get it out of the box!! 

melissa0726

I've got one more.....if you haven't already done so, make sure your main living space is baby proofed.  I quickly found out our "problem areas" when I was suddenly unable to jump up and redirect DD1 because I was stuck on the couch nursing an infant.  We ended up throwing up some temporary removable gates to keep her out of the kitchen entirely, because there was just too much stuff for her to get into when I was stuck under a nursing or sleeping infant;. 

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha

It's hard to prepare because each child and baby is different. For instance, when DD2 was born, DD1 never batted an eye: she had a little sister and that was that. She loved her from the moment we brought her home. Easy.

When I was pregnant with Baby Boy (LO#3), I figured the transition would be easy for DD2 since she was already used to sharing me and her dad). Wrong. While the transition wasn't terrible, it was nowhere near as easy as it had been when we went from 1 to 2, even thought the age gap was essentially the same.

Still, there are things you can do. As Melissa said, having a "safe zone" for your older LO to play while you are tending to the baby helps tons. Then there's all the same things you probably did when you were preparing for your first baby: freezer meals, stocking up on essentials, etc.

I know you said you don't have much help, so try and look into local groups/organizations. You might be surprised at all the resources your community has to offer. If your baby comes in early August or late July, you might be able to get a high school student to come spend some time at your house to help watch the kids/cook/clean, etc. until school starts.