Blargh...VENT.

sharinfaith

Got a text from BD. His dad had another heart attack (sadly, this isn't much of a surprise. he ate horribly and has diabetes. second heart attack in 12 months). He wants to break schedule and take DD from school (daycare) tomorrow to see him in the hospital. He said he had to work in the evening.

I said "Fine. You can pick her up from me at 7am and drop her at school at 10am. A minute after 10am, I'll call authorities (he has a way of taking full advantage)." 

Him: God, it must be terrible to just be ugly. I am sorry for you, i  really am. That must suck"

Me: Is that a "no" then?

Him: No, cause i have to work until 2am tonight.

Me: And i'm supposed to know that how? i would've worked more with your schedule, but seeing as i'm "ugly inside", i won't. Sorry about your dad.

Him: Seeing as how "your gonna call authorities" right off the bat....yeah, fuck you. And if something happens and she doesn't get to see her grandfather again, i'll make sure she knows the reason when she gets older. And yeah, you are ugly inside. So there, go complain to your attorney about how i just broke the standing orders.

FFS. Exactly why i left this guy. 

MinnesotaMomma91

Im sorry hes being a douche. Just remember document document document. If he cant be responsible thats on him.

There is obviously a lot more to the story though, and im curious. Why would you call the cops of he is a minute late

sharinfaith

He's got quite a history of saying that he'd bring her back by a certain time and conveniently leaving his phone on silent or forgetting it in the car. The last time he did it was Christmas Day, and that's the day we left. It drives me nuts to sit around for 5-6 hours not knowing where my child is, or if she's okay, and having to threaten authority to get her back, when really, he should bring her back when he says he will in the first place. The whole reason I even hired an attorney is to make sure everything he agreed to would be enforceable by law. 

That's the story behind the story.

MinnesotaMomma91

Okay, i was just curious if hed ever broken the co by taking off with your dd and not comming back

freeatlast2014

I sense a ton of anger and hurt on both parts. It's so sad to see how it affects kids (whether they know it or not). 

This is the same issue I am having with my XH. 

Is there a way you could bring her on your day off to see him (grandfather) or is that just not a good option?

klv

What an ass. But yeah. Try and find a way for DD to see her grandpa

sharinfaith

The reason for that time was that he had to work tomorrow evening, while I work during the day. Daycare won't take her past 10am as she'd be off schedule all day. I though it was reasonable as to not disrupt completely the one consistent thing she has. Since BD hasn't given me a cent for daycare, food for her, clothes etc (atty is still doing discovery) I had to get a second job, meaning I work 6 days a week minimum. I'm not going to spend my one day off with the crazies that are his family (his sister is always on drugs, his mom tells me she wants to slap the shit out of me regularly, etc).

And yep, resentment. I definitely can't stand anyone on her dad's side at all. Nailed it.

sharinfaith

Also, the time I'm offering him is outside his regular visitation. We had agreed that he could have her the Monday and Tuesday after the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends. I offered him Wednesdays and Sundays too. It "didn't fit his lifestyle". I thought I was being generous to give him any extra time at all, considering.

MinnesotaMomma91

Im with mrs d. And im going to page @beccaga16 to the conversation see if she has anything to add.

Remember, we all understand being hurt being resentful. But at some point you have to let go or you are just hurting your dd these people while crazy are still her family.

sharinfaith

I'm not going to the hospital and put my DD in a possibly dangerous situation. I set the rules already, where he could pick her up and drop her at daycare. He's pissed because that doesn't fit his schedule. What gets me, if this were actually a life threatening situation, he wouldn't be working. He would be with his dad at the hospital. His drama filled mom is in town, and I can guarantee she's fueling the situation. I offered him tomes to get her, drop her off, even set it up with daycare. It wasn't good enough for him. So I need to bend more? It's better to throw off her schedule, cancel plans that she and I had, and take her up there myself? I'm not trying to argue, I promise, and I appreciate everyone's input. After everything she's been through, and her only being 2, she's finally getting to a point where she's getting into a routine. It's not even been a month since we got temporary orders and he's tried to change them 5-6 already. He picks her up late, drops her off super early, doesn't let her nap, or let's her sleep all day. She comes home hungry and tired every single time . He's not interested in actually being a parent, just showing her off.
Also, if his dad is in as serious condition as he's making it out to be and he can't wait until his next visitation to see her, it's highly doubtful he would even know she's there. And yeah, it sound crappy to say that, but their family has a history of lying about disease and illness. His mom was in a wheelchair for 3 years saying that she had MS, then all of a sudden could walk again. I couldn't make this stuff up.

freeatlast2014

After reading your posts I felt like it was me writing. I get what you are saying 1000%. And I would not continue to bend. To my kids the new daycare I put them in and pay for on my own with my tiny part-time salary and zero support is exactly the constant they need.
With that being said. I am still very very angry and know that it's not good for our kids. But right now that's the way it is for me. I hope that changes for both of us.

sharinfaith

Thank you for that

I tried to bend a little and let him know that I would take her to see him if he told me the info. Unfortunately, the hospital he's at is a good 50 miles from where I am. I suggested that he take DD tomorrow (Saturday) up there and he could drop her off with my parents as I'll be at work all day. Yeah, he told me his dad would be out of the hospital by then.

Thanks everyone! Even if I didn't agree with everything said, it did give me a whole new perspective to things. I'll do better about getting along with her dad. He's hurt her and I so much in the past that it'll be hard to get over those trust issues.