so I have a new nanny now for 3 weeks since I got back to work. We installed cameras in his room and the living room just to check in on him during the day. We didn't let the nanny know and just assume she probably saw them since we didn't really hide them. She seems really nice and plays with him etc. she follows his feeding schedule to a tea. The only thing that annoys me is that she can't help me get him on a regular napping schedule. She lies to me about when she put him down for a nap and never writes down when she did it... so its always a recall. I ask her every morning to write it down. I only have her for 4 times a week then I watch him on Fridays while doing work from home. Another thing that bothered me is that I came home one day to find a rash all over his face and flakes on his hair. I asked her what did she put on his face and what happend to his hair (he has alot of it for a baby his age) she says she dabbed just a little lotion on his nose because it looked dry. I never use lotion on his face and I don't even know which one she used cause I have 4 different ones by his changer. I only use right now two different ones for his body after the shower. thats it. then I asked about the flakes she says she was brushing and brushing his hair to get his fuzz down lol. Isn't that just annoying?? I hid all the stuff from her so she doesn't use it. But otherwise I don't know what to do... I can't fire her... she's actually ok and agrees to the pay we offered her. :-/ any suggestions??
First of all, I have a serious problem with you recording someone who you have invited into your house without telling her that you're doing it. That is a really shitty thing to do to someone.
Second, I think that you are SERIOUSLY overreacting to pretty much everything -- except to the writing down part. If you've asked her to do that and laid it out as an expectation of her job, then she should do it. Perhaps she's not lying about when she put him down, and it's more of a situation where she can't remember exactly because she didn't write it down. But -- you wouldn't know that unless you were creepily recording her.
The lotion thing, it's not like she was doing anything with malice. She was trying to help. You're going to run into things like this all of the time. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you try to micro-manage everything. Unless he has a known allergy to a lotion, and you've communicated that to her, I'd say to just let it go.
she says she dabbed just a little lotion on his nose because it looked dry. I never use lotion on his face and I don't even know which one she used cause I have 4 different ones by his changer. I only use right now two different ones for his body after the shower.
Also, the 4 lotions are by his changer -- what part of that would suggest to her that you never use lotion on his face? Unless you specifically told her, "don't put lotion on his face," you were essentially expecting her to read your mind.
I have to agree with @peanutmuse. I think it is okay to record someone as long as you tell them. I would think she would understand that you want to check on your LO during the day.
In regard to the lotion: if I was caring for someone else's child a noticed dry skin I would want to help. If there are 4 lotions to choose from I would just pick what I thighs look best. I would have a hard time tolerating lying, but maybe she is confused about the time? I would have a honest conversation with your nanny about your concerns. Communication is key, and it isn't fair to her if you are not honest about your concerns.
Yeah, I don't think any of that is a big deal. I provide a form sheet for my nanny to fill out about naps and food. Maybe you could just remind her. And for any nanny, there is going to be a learning curve about how you like things.
First of all, I have a serious problem with you recording someone who you have invited into your house without telling her that you're doing it. That is a really shitty thing to do to someone.
Second, I think that you are SERIOUSLY overreacting to pretty much everything -- except to the writing down part. If you've asked her to do that and laid it out as an expectation of her job, then she should do it. Perhaps she's not lying about when she put him down, and it's more of a situation where she can't remember exactly because she didn't write it down. But -- you wouldn't know that unless you were creepily recording her.
The lotion thing, it's not like she was doing anything with malice. She was trying to help. You're going to run into things like this all of the time. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you try to micro-manage everything. Unless he has a known allergy to a lotion, and you've communicated that to her, I'd say to just let it go.
ALL of this. I would be pissed if I were her and didn't know I was being taped. Also, which of the four lotions was she supposed to choose? Give her more specific instructions when it comes to things like that and then you won't need to be annoyed.
1) Simmer down. 2) Ditto everything @peanutmuse said. 3) Seriously? You are bent out of shape because DS's nose looked dry and she put lotion on it? How dare she! 4) These babies are little and a nap "schedule" is unreasonable to expect at this age. 5) Do you give her a notebook to write down the napping and feeding times? Or any tools so that she can record it for you as you demand? 6) How dare you for recording someone without their consent. That is so wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I think she's probably not writing it down because she isn't getting him to nap when / how you want her to, and she doesn't know how. Maybe she could use some more training / demonstration from you on how you get your baby to nap? She probably doesn't want to ask as she feels it would imply she is not a good nanny or something.
I think she's probably not writing it down because she isn't getting him to nap when / how you want her to, and she doesn't know how. Maybe she could use some more training / demonstration from you on how you get your baby to nap? She probably doesn't want to ask as she feels it would imply she is not a good nanny or something.
My eyes are rolling so far back in my head, I swear I see brains.
RE: the bolded -- there's no way that you can possibly know this. Babies don't necessarily
follow the nap schedules that we want. She could be the most trained
nanny in the world, but it doesn't matter because what works on one day
might not work the next day. Or ever again.
I think she's probably not writing it down because she isn't getting him to nap when / how you want her to, and she doesn't know how. Maybe she could use some more training / demonstration from you on how you get your baby to nap? She probably doesn't want to ask as she feels it would imply she is not a good nanny or something.
My eyes are rolling so far back in my head, I swear I see brains.
RE: the bolded -- there's no way that you can possibly know this. Babies don't necessarily follow the nap schedules that we want. She could be the most trained nanny in the world, but it doesn't matter because what works on one day might not work the next day. Or ever again.
Exactly!!! This is exactly what I mean, maybe I didn't word it right, but what I mean is that the nap schedule @Nviener28 is requesting isn't working, and the nanny doesn't know what to do. Should she disagree with the woman who employs her? Is she copping out by just saying she didn't write it down? Is she having trouble getting LO down at specific times, so she just does her own thing with naps? Either way a discussion needs to be had about all this but I think there's got to be more to it than just "she forgets to write it down". MY baby personally doesn't have a schedule during the day besides a morning nap about an hour after he wakes up. But, I assumed this girl's baby has a reasonable schedule that has been working for her, in order for her to expect a nanny to follow it.
I quite agree with pp-none of this sounds like a big deal to me. I'm thinking that the cameras you have set up are the type you can log into remotely and watch? I wouldn't assume she knows, and let her know of this. It sounds like maybe the baby might have some cradle cap? This might be the flakes in the hair? If you don't like this nanny, let her go and find a new one?
I agree with @peanutmuse. There is sooo much wrong in the OP post. When a baby has dry skin, what do you do? Put lotion on it. Why is there four lotions out if you don't use but two? How would she know if you didn't write it down? I assume you would be equally annoyed if you came home and LO's nose was dry. Why didn't she put lotion on my poor baby's nose!?
She brushed your child's hair and it pulled up some flakes? Not her fault. Maybe your child has buildup from you not brushing his hair, dry skin, or cradle cap.
I will not even touch you recording her without your knowledge. That's just shitty on your part. Also, is that even legal?
Usually posts don't get me riled up or even pull at my strings unless a lurker comes out and calls one of our ladies a B.
If I could afford a nanny myself I would steal her out from under you. She sounds pretty awesome to me. I think I could overlook the sleeping schedule because 1. These babies are too young. 2. I forget things all the time so I'm not perfect about recording anything.
I'm side eyeing all up off in hurr...
ETA: I wouldn't call it lying necessarily if she didn't remember the time. Maybe se should obsessively watch herself on video before relaying the time for you. I get her not writing it down when you ask, but if she knows he slept and she is pulling a time out of her ass, who can blame her?
Unrelated but how was your epidural birth? Quick and pain-free like the video you saw on YouTube?
**giggle**
Missing Our July Sparkler BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13 BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
Firstly, I've worked in many places that had a camera to see what we are doing and it's usually pretty normal. My cousin does it and many other people I know, and they actually hide those. I didn't hide it from her, it's standing right on one of the shelves and she can clearly see a camera. I Have every right to watch my baby if I can and make sure he is ok. Anytime you let a stranger in your house you are taking a risk. My cousin saw things on the camera that are horrendous and I wouldn't wish for any kid to go through and that woman was so sweet your thought she was made out of honey! No one would ever suspect she would do anything harmful to a baby. We can't afford to put cameras in every room, so if she felt like doing something to him in another room, we would never know(that's if we told her we have a camera only in those two rooms) @peanutmuse- It's very sweet and innocent for you to trust any nanny that walks in your home and your ok with whatever. But I'm ok with being accused of being too crazy over stuff than letting things happen to my child. I worry about his safety and how he is handled every day. Maybe it's a Jewish mom thing lol it's in our DNA to be crazy worrying moms!
The bottom line about his schedule is very simple. I hadn't trained him when to nap yet, all I asked her to do was write down when he's most tired to nap, so I could find a pattern at the end of the week and know when to put him down for naps when I'm with him. It's very easy. I don't like finding on the camera that she feeds him for 10 minutes then right away lays him down to sleep without letting the food settle. Just an example.
Lastly, the lotion on his face- why would anybody assume that it's their decision to make to rub lotion on his face? I never asked her to do it. She doesn't bathe him, only I do. And who knows what else she could just assume to use on him because it's there?? He's not a doll for crying out loud!! What are you doing brushing the shit out of his hair and rubbing lotion on his face?? That was not asked of her. All I allowed her to use was the butt cream for his butt!
You sound... Less than reasonable and your latest post doesn't help much. Is this some kind of subconscious projection because you want to be at home with LO instead of working? Honestly asking, not being snarky.
Did you ever tell the nanny to not use lotion? You are not being reasonable if you didn't go over this expectation. What does the bath have to do with anything? I don't only use lotion on DS after baths. Please be fair to your nanny and communicate p. Good luck
@ababymaybe- which part of this is so unreasonable?? I want to be home with him all the time! I always want to be with him. I just can't! And I'm supprised everybody has no problems with the nannys -that is if anybody on this board has them yet.... I knew going into this that she would never do things exactly the way I do... But there is no reason for someone to make decisions without letting me know. I was with her for two weeks before I left to work just to show her what I want her to do. It should be clear not to use lotion on the face. What if it gets in his eyes and burns? I totally forgot to mention, his eye was red as well. Anything extra- I don't care if it's to manicure his nails or polish his shoes- it is NOT her decision to make. I asked her after that not to do it again. Anyway I the most annoying was that she won't ever write down his nap times.. After asking her multiple times. That was the main issue that I asked for suggestions about. If everybody here is super happy with their nannys and have absolutely no issues with them then please send me the agency they're from!! I want merry poppins too! Lol
Missing Our July Sparkler BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13 BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
Ok so if LO vomited all over himself would you get upset if she changed his clothes? Bathed him? Or would you come home pissed if she didn't do anything about it. I guess you would expect her to let him lay in his own filth since you wouldn't want her to 'assume' it's ok because his bath 'is there' . If she did as little as you wanted her to that poor baby would only have butt bream when you are away. Does it make you mad that someone else can do things for your baby while you are away? Stay at home then.
As far as when she lays him down after a bottles tell her not to.
Another thing that bothered me is that I came home one day to find a rash all over his face and flakes on his hair. I asked her what did she put on his face and what happend to his hair (he has alot of it for a baby his age) she says she dabbed just a little lotion on his nose because it looked dry. I never use lotion on his face and I don't even know which one she used cause I have 4 different ones by his changer. I only use right now two different ones for his body after the shower. thats it. then I asked about the flakes she says she was brushing and brushing his hair to get his fuzz down lol. Isn't that just annoying?? I hid all the stuff from her so she doesn't use it. But otherwise I don't know what to do... I can't fire her... she's actually ok and agrees to the pay we offered her. :-/ any suggestions??
Question for you OP: If you have a camera in his room, (because a changer with 4 lotions next to it sounds like it would be in LO's room) than why don't you just consult to the tape to see which lotion she used? I'm not understanding why you seem to have trust issues with this woman when you apparently have the ability to verify almost everything she tells you.
I get being annoyed with her for not writing down something you've asked her to multiple times, but as everyone else has said, you sound uneasonable with eveything else, especially when you have a tool at your disposal that allows you to check up on her.
What I am confused about is.... did you give her some kind of orientation to your expectations? Write down the "What's normal for my son" and "what our 'usual routine' is" for her? Just because you have taken care of a child before does NOT mean you can take care of ANY child-- nor does it mean that you automatically know what is appropriate or acceptable to that mother of what to do. If you are not given any instruction then it is entirely reasonable of her to have done ANY of those things and you have zero room to be upset about it if it was YOUR error by not telling her.
Additionally, if you hired her-- you didn't ASK questions, or call references to find out what kind of person she is? NO one with a nanny on this board would blindly trust someone to take care of their LO-- they would have done their due diligence to find out what kind of person that is taking care of their child by asking the right questions, finding out how they interact with their child on the first meeting- call references of previous people she's nannied for....do a follow up interview or a trial run.
Having cameras isn't unreasonable- what is unreasonable is not saying that there are cameras. You don't have to tell her where they are necessarily if your'e concerned about sneaky business- but if the babies things are in certain rooms, there is no reason they would go into those other rooms anyway and if you notice on camera that they are moving away from the line of sight frequently... move the camera.
It just seems like you were completely careless in telling your nanny what was expected of her to begin with and just assuming she should know how you want your baby cared for. Even when my parents watched DD, they wanted to know lots of detail on how we change her, feed her, play with her, bathe her, sunscreen, hats, you name it-- they wanted to know. It was a full on hour orientation and they've both raised children. Soo..... ** edit: Also- they watched me with her for a couple days before that. Watching does not equal telling **
If you watched me only during my work hours for two weeks you would not see everything that I do with and for my baby. So it's possible that since it's out she figured it gets used as needed not all the time. If you didn't want her to use lotion on your child why would you leave 4 bottles of lotion out and never give her the direct instruction not to use it? It is not enough to assume that she understands that she can't use the lotion because you didn't use it in the two weeks that she watched you.
As for recording her without her knowledge. While yes, many employers do have cameras installed partly to watch employees. There is usually a disclaimer either in the employee handbook or a sign posted where it is highly visible. To my knowledge taping employees without prior notice is illegal. If it is not in your area it is highly immoral.
If there are things that you have for the baby or are typically done with a baby and you do not want her to do it you need to tell her in advance the list of things that are off limits. For example, if you have a jumper, but haven't been using it because your child is too young and you don't want her to use it until you are sure your baby is ok in it you need to tell her not to use it. If she isn't told not to use it and it's obviously for a baby of about the correct age/development how could she guess what to use and what not to use?
I didn't open this thread earlier because I was worried it was going to be some entitled rant and would you look at that I was exactly right!
There is so much. Let's start with you are BSC and you don't seem to know a good thing when it smacks you in the face. She had good intentions with the lotion. Would you rather she not pay any attention to his skin? I forget to write down exactly when DD started a nap all the time. Does it really matter if she slept for 27 or 28 minutes? Nope I still call it a half hour. Her daycare rounds to the nearest 5 and that's fine by me and I consider myself overly analytical because I even still care about all of this. Take a few chill pills.
The Jewish mother thing? Are you saying because I'm not Jewish I'm not a helicopter FTM? Because I am. But even I say your nanny sounds sweet and I'm sorry she's employed by someone like you. Hopefully she's job hunting because she can do better. She sounds nice. Invite her to join our board and maybe there's a place somewhere else on the wide wide internet where other people complain about nannies who only have LO's best interest in mind and you can go there.
Recording her is fine. No one has contradicted that point. It's the fact hat you were sneaky, whether you'll admit it or not, about it and didn't tell her during her "orientation" and just expect her to find the cameras on her own. Just tell her. Why would you start off such an important employer relationship with such murky boundaries?
Have you ever considered that while you may know YOUR baby better than she does, since she's (I assume by your nit picking) an experienced child are provider and might have a thing or two to teach you?! Be receptive! I work TOGETHER with DD's teachers and in 5 weeks she went from napping only in someone's arms or a carrier to unswaddled in a crib for up to 2.5 hours.
Will you listen to anyone here? Prbly not. But you'd be better off than the current path of horrifically prententious behavior you're on.
Okay I feel for your nanny.. I am a SAHM and I cannot for the life of me to get DD, whose 3 months old, to be on a nap schedule. I know you want your nanny to write down a nap log, but ain't no one got time for that. Your nanny is taking care of your baby and she might be too busy to write down. I tried keeping a nap log on my baby app and you know what? I uninstalled it because I didn't have the time to write it down asap. Maybe you and her can talk about when he naps when you get home and you write it down.
I think you need to relax and let the small stuff go like putting on lotion (unless he's allergic) or brushing his hair. If these small things are bothering you maybe something underlying is wrong. I felt the same way when my MIL did small stuff on her own when DD was a week old. I chalked it up raging hormones since what my MIL does now to DD doesn't bother me.
I highly suggest letting your nanny know you have cameras to check up on your LO and hope she doesn't leave.
But there is no reason for someone to make decisions without letting me know. I was with her for two weeks before I left to work just to show her what I want her to do. It should be clear not to use lotion on the face. What if it gets in his eyes and burns? I totally forgot to mention, his eye was red as well. Anything extra- I don't care if it's to manicure his nails or polish his shoes- it is NOT her decision to make. I asked her after that not to do it again.
Anyway I the most annoying was that she won't ever write down his nap times.. After asking her multiple times. That was the main issue that I asked for suggestions about. If everybody here is super happy with their nannys and have absolutely no issues with them then please send me the agency they're from!! I want merry poppins too! Lol
What if it gets in his eyes?! I would think that if you're trusting this women to watch your child, you would know that she knows how apply lotion. I mean it isnt rocket science. In regards to the manicure thing, so if his nails was long and he scratched his face, wouldnt you want her to trim them so he wasnt hurting himself? Or you would want her to just wait till his face is scratched up so you could do it? I think you might kinda be a control freak..
Firstly, I've worked in many places that had a camera to see what we are doing and it's usually pretty normal. My cousin does it and many other people I know, and they actually hide those. I didn't hide it from her, it's standing right on one of the shelves and she can clearly see a camera. I Have every right to watch my baby if I can and make sure he is ok. Anytime you let a stranger in your house you are taking a risk. My cousin saw things on the camera that are horrendous and I wouldn't wish for any kid to go through and that woman was so sweet your thought she was made out of honey! No one would ever suspect she would do anything harmful to a baby. We can't afford to put cameras in every room, so if she felt like doing something to him in another room, we would never know(that's if we told her we have a camera only in those two rooms) @peanutmuse- It's very sweet and innocent for you to trust any nanny that walks in your home and your ok with whatever. But I'm ok with being accused of being too crazy over stuff than letting things happen to my child. I worry about his safety and how he is handled every day. Maybe it's a Jewish mom thing lol it's in our DNA to be crazy worrying moms!
The bottom line about his schedule is very simple. I hadn't trained him when to nap yet, all I asked her to do was write down when he's most tired to nap, so I could find a pattern at the end of the week and know when to put him down for naps when I'm with him. It's very easy. I don't like finding on the camera that she feeds him for 10 minutes then right away lays him down to sleep without letting the food settle. Just an example.
Lastly, the lotion on his face- why would anybody assume that it's their decision to make to rub lotion on his face? I never asked her to do it. She doesn't bathe him, only I do. And who knows what else she could just assume to use on him because it's there?? He's not a doll for crying out loud!! What are you doing brushing the shit out of his hair and rubbing lotion on his
face?? That was not asked of her. All I allowed her to use was the butt cream for his butt!
Can I have your nanny's phone number? I want to tell her to run and that there are far better people to work for.
Is she supposed to call you before she changes his diaper each time? What about before she gives him a pacifier? Or puts him in the bouncer or exersaucer? Because good God woman you are micromanaging the shit out of this poor girl for no good reason. His face was dry so she put some fucking lotion on it like a caring person. You are a beast.
Also, you're right. He's not a doll. He makes messes and gets dirty and changes daily. You need to let go a little and trust the person you have caring for him. You obviously don't. So let her go and allow her to work for someone who respects and trusts her.
Do you allow your husband to watch your son without you present?
Totally off-topic... @cnctf, I love the pic of your LO! We look like that all the time at our house :-S
ETA: wrong smiley...
TTC #1 since July 2010
July 2011: Referred to RE, started Letrozole
August 2011: BFP #1! M/C @ 5wks
September 2011 - September 2012: test, after test, after test... S/A, HCG, B/W... Diagnosis: unexplained infertility. Letrozole, Metformin... nothing.
September 2012: Diagnosed gluten intolerance; now living strict GF diet.
November 2012: BFP #2! MM/C @ 6wks (discovered at 8wks). 2 rounds of Misoprostal - nothing. D&C December 2012.
May 2013: BFP #3! Hoping this one sticks! 4x prometrium/day EDD: 01/25/14
06/03/13: 1st u/s We have a heartbeat! Team green!
01/24/14: Team green turned team pink. Baby girl was born!
08/05/14: Surprise BFP #4! (Unmedicated, no pp period, EDD unknown)
08/15/14: 1 u/s We have a heartbeat! Measured 6wks 2 days. EDD 04/08/15. Team green!
04/08/15: Team green turned team pink. Baby girl was born!
03/29/16: BFP #5! (Unmedicated, 1 cycle TTC) EDD: 11/09/16
I haven't read all the responses yet, but I'm shocked at so much of what you are annoyed with.
First I used to be a nanny, for twins, and the parents were very specific with instructions and to write things down. I followed what they wanted, but still used my best descretion when needed. I would have been so hurt if they put in cameras and didn't tell me. When they hired me we formed a great relationship and I wouldn't have stayed with them if they did that to me.
I really think if you don't trust her then you should find a new nanny. And if you need to put up cameras without letting her know then I really don't think you trust her.
We also have a nanny for our 3 kids. The only thing I ask is that she writes down feeding times so I can understand being annoyed with her not writing things down. Naps for my 3 month old still aren't consistent but most times when I come home we chat about the kids day and she lets me know how nap time went. She spent 2 half days with the newborn and one of my other children before I went back to work so they could get to know her and that was it! I gave her examples of what I do, but always let her know that they'll find their own routine and what works for her. I came home one day the first week and she did a load of laundry because the baby was sleeping and my other 2 had been playing together and she felt like she needed something to do. The next day I came home and she had given all 3 kids a bath. That was awesome, one less thing for me to do that night! When she's here she makes the best decisions she can and if it's really important she'll call or text me at work.
I know you love your child and want what's best (as we all do) but I think you're being a bit overbearing and controlling. If you're not comfortable with the choices she's making then you should look for a new nanny who fits your style.
Lastly lotions are not poison, and I think it's silly that you put them away so she couldn't use them. I have about 4-5 different creams and eczema relief aids and she didn't ask before applying them at her descretion. Also brushing hair stimulates the follicles to help avoid cradle cap. My son had a terrible case of cradle cap and I was so thankful when I came home and our nanny said, "his scalp looked dry so after a bath I put baby oil on." I never told her to do that, but clearly she wanted to help.
I'm curious to see other responses from families who have a nanny.
I am really confused, how is applying lotion a HUGE decision? You need to cool it; as mentioned previously I bet there is a lot you can learn from your nanny as a FTM.
Your nanny should be writing down all feedings and nap times. An occasional miss isn't a big deal, but not doing it at all would piss me off. Talk to her about it, make her papers to fill out so she has a consistent practice. Put the paper in a spot so it is easy for her to fill out.
As a STM I'm not going to tell you how to parent, but you do need to let your hair down. Being a parent is a crazy, messy, not perfect, fun ride. If you are freaking out about all the things you listed you are going to kill yourself.
Re: annoying nanny!
Second, I think that you are SERIOUSLY overreacting to pretty much everything -- except to the writing down part. If you've asked her to do that and laid it out as an expectation of her job, then she should do it. Perhaps she's not lying about when she put him down, and it's more of a situation where she can't remember exactly because she didn't write it down. But -- you wouldn't know that unless you were creepily recording her.
The lotion thing, it's not like she was doing anything with malice. She was trying to help. You're going to run into things like this all of the time. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you try to micro-manage everything. Unless he has a known allergy to a lotion, and you've communicated that to her, I'd say to just let it go.
2010: Infertility
October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
2) Ditto everything @peanutmuse said.
3) Seriously? You are bent out of shape because DS's nose looked dry and she put lotion on it? How dare she!
4) These babies are little and a nap "schedule" is unreasonable to expect at this age.
5) Do you give her a notebook to write down the napping and feeding times? Or any tools so that she can record it for you as you demand?
6) How dare you for recording someone without their consent. That is so wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself.
My eyes are rolling so far back in my head, I swear I see brains.
RE: the bolded -- there's no way that you can possibly know this. Babies don't necessarily follow the nap schedules that we want. She could be the most trained nanny in the world, but it doesn't matter because what works on one day might not work the next day. Or ever again.
My eyes are rolling so far back in my head, I swear I see brains.
RE: the bolded -- there's no way that you can possibly know this. Babies don't necessarily
follow the nap schedules that we want. She could be the most trained
nanny in the world, but it doesn't matter because what works on one day
might not work the next day. Or ever again.
Exactly!!! This is exactly what I mean, maybe I didn't word it right, but what I mean is that the nap schedule @Nviener28 is requesting isn't working, and the nanny doesn't know what to do. Should she disagree with the woman who employs her? Is she copping out by just saying she didn't write it down? Is she having trouble getting LO down at specific times, so she just does her own thing with naps? Either way a discussion needs to be had about all this but I think there's got to be more to it than just "she forgets to write it down". MY baby personally doesn't have a schedule during the day besides a morning nap about an hour after he wakes up. But, I assumed this girl's baby has a reasonable schedule that has been working for her, in order for her to expect a nanny to follow it.
She brushed your child's hair and it pulled up some flakes? Not her fault. Maybe your child has buildup from you not brushing his hair, dry skin, or cradle cap.
I will not even touch you recording her without your knowledge. That's just shitty on your part. Also, is that even legal?
Usually posts don't get me riled up or even pull at my strings unless a lurker comes out and calls one of our ladies a B.
If I could afford a nanny myself I would steal her out from under you. She sounds pretty awesome to me. I think I could overlook the sleeping schedule because 1. These babies are too young. 2. I forget things all the time so I'm not perfect about recording anything.
I'm side eyeing all up off in hurr...
ETA: I wouldn't call it lying necessarily if she didn't remember the time. Maybe se should obsessively watch herself on video before relaying the time for you. I get her not writing it down when you ask, but if she knows he slept and she is pulling a time out of her ass, who can blame her?
**giggle**
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
Due Date 11/10/16
The bottom line about his schedule is very simple. I hadn't trained him when to nap yet, all I asked her to do was write down when he's most tired to nap, so I could find a pattern at the end of the week and know when to put him down for naps when I'm with him. It's very easy. I don't like finding on the camera that she feeds him for 10 minutes then right away lays him down to sleep without letting the food settle. Just an example.
Lastly, the lotion on his face- why would anybody assume that it's their decision to make to rub lotion on his face? I never asked her to do it. She doesn't bathe him, only I do. And who knows what else she could just assume to use on him because it's there?? He's not a doll for crying out loud!! What are you doing brushing the shit out of his hair and rubbing lotion on his
face?? That was not asked of her. All I allowed her to use was the butt cream for his butt!
Anyway I the most annoying was that she won't ever write down his nap times.. After asking her multiple times. That was the main issue that I asked for suggestions about. If everybody here is super happy with their nannys and have absolutely no issues with them then please send me the agency they're from!! I want merry poppins too! Lol
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
As far as when she lays him down after a bottles tell her not to.
Question for you OP: If you have a camera in his room, (because a changer with 4 lotions next to it sounds like it would be in LO's room) than why don't you just consult to the tape to see which lotion she used? I'm not understanding why you seem to have trust issues with this woman when you apparently have the ability to verify almost everything she tells you.
I get being annoyed with her for not writing down something you've asked her to multiple times, but as everyone else has said, you sound uneasonable with eveything else, especially when you have a tool at your disposal that allows you to check up on her.
'>v
Due June 25 2017
There is so much. Let's start with you are BSC and you don't seem to know a good thing when it smacks you in the face. She had good intentions with the lotion. Would you rather she not pay any attention to his skin? I forget to write down exactly when DD started a nap all the time. Does it really matter if she slept for 27 or 28 minutes? Nope I still call it a half hour. Her daycare rounds to the nearest 5 and that's fine by me and I consider myself overly analytical because I even still care about all of this. Take a few chill pills.
The Jewish mother thing? Are you saying because I'm not Jewish I'm not a helicopter FTM? Because I am. But even I say your nanny sounds sweet and I'm sorry she's employed by someone like you. Hopefully she's job hunting because she can do better. She sounds nice. Invite her to join our board and maybe there's a place somewhere else on the wide wide internet where other people complain about nannies who only have LO's best interest in mind and you can go there.
Recording her is fine. No one has contradicted that point. It's the fact hat you were sneaky, whether you'll admit it or not, about it and didn't tell her during her "orientation" and just expect her to find the cameras on her own. Just tell her. Why would you start off such an important employer relationship with such murky boundaries?
Have you ever considered that while you may know YOUR baby better than she does, since she's (I assume by your nit picking) an experienced child are provider and might have a thing or two to teach you?! Be receptive! I work TOGETHER with DD's teachers and in 5 weeks she went from napping only in someone's arms or a carrier to unswaddled in a crib for up to 2.5 hours.
Will you listen to anyone here? Prbly not. But you'd be better off than the current path of horrifically prententious behavior you're on.
Married: 9.22.12 - DD: 1.7.14 - EDD 2: 10.30.17 - J14 OG
Permission to put lotion on one spot on his face?
FFS.
You're probably the type who forces your husband to sit down on the toilet to pee. Wouldn't surprise me at all.
Just read the post and comments....thanks for making me choke on my overly-bitter lactation cookie....
I think you need to relax and let the small stuff go like putting on lotion (unless he's allergic) or brushing his hair. If these small things are bothering you maybe something underlying is wrong. I felt the same way when my MIL did small stuff on her own when DD was a week old. I chalked it up raging hormones since what my MIL does now to DD doesn't bother me.
I highly suggest letting your nanny know you have cameras to check up on your LO and hope she doesn't leave.
Can I have your nanny's phone number? I want to tell her to run and that there are far better people to work for.
Is she supposed to call you before she changes his diaper each time? What about before she gives him a pacifier? Or puts him in the bouncer or exersaucer? Because good God woman you are micromanaging the shit out of this poor girl for no good reason. His face was dry so she put some fucking lotion on it like a caring person. You are a beast.
Also, you're right. He's not a doll. He makes messes and gets dirty and changes daily. You need to let go a little and trust the person you have caring for him. You obviously don't. So let her go and allow her to work for someone who respects and trusts her.
Do you allow your husband to watch your son without you present?
TTC #1 since July 2010
July 2011: Referred to RE, started Letrozole
August 2011: BFP #1! M/C @ 5wks
September 2011 - September 2012: test, after test, after test... S/A, HCG, B/W... Diagnosis: unexplained infertility. Letrozole, Metformin... nothing.
September 2012: Diagnosed gluten intolerance; now living strict GF diet.
November 2012: BFP #2! MM/C @ 6wks (discovered at 8wks). 2 rounds of Misoprostal - nothing. D&C December 2012.
May 2013: BFP #3! Hoping this one sticks! 4x prometrium/day EDD: 01/25/14
06/03/13: 1st u/s We have a heartbeat! Team green!
01/24/14: Team green turned team pink. Baby girl was born!
08/05/14: Surprise BFP #4! (Unmedicated, no pp period, EDD unknown)
08/15/14: 1 u/s We have a heartbeat! Measured 6wks 2 days. EDD 04/08/15. Team green!
04/08/15: Team green turned team pink. Baby girl was born!
03/29/16: BFP #5! (Unmedicated, 1 cycle TTC) EDD: 11/09/16
First I used to be a nanny, for twins, and the parents were very specific with instructions and to write things down. I followed what they wanted, but still used my best descretion when needed. I would have been so hurt if they put in cameras and didn't tell me. When they hired me we formed a great relationship and I wouldn't have stayed with them if they did that to me.
I really think if you don't trust her then you should find a new nanny. And if you need to put up cameras without letting her know then I really don't think you trust her.
We also have a nanny for our 3 kids. The only thing I ask is that she writes down feeding times so I can understand being annoyed with her not writing things down. Naps for my 3 month old still aren't consistent but most times when I come home we chat about the kids day and she lets me know how nap time went. She spent 2 half days with the newborn and one of my other children before I went back to work so they could get to know her and that was it! I gave her examples of what I do, but always let her know that they'll find their own routine and what works for her. I came home one day the first week and she did a load of laundry because the baby was sleeping and my other 2 had been playing together and she felt like she needed something to do. The next day I came home and she had given all 3 kids a bath. That was awesome, one less thing for me to do that night! When she's here she makes the best decisions she can and if it's really
important she'll call or text me at work.
I know you love your child and want what's best (as we all do) but I think you're being a bit overbearing and controlling. If you're not comfortable with the choices she's making then you should look for a new nanny who fits your style.
Lastly lotions are not poison, and I think it's silly that you put them away so she couldn't use them. I have about 4-5 different creams and eczema relief aids and she didn't ask before applying them at her descretion. Also brushing hair stimulates the follicles to help avoid cradle cap. My son had a terrible case of cradle cap and I was so thankful when I came home and our nanny said, "his scalp looked dry so after a bath I put baby oil on." I never told her to do that, but clearly she wanted to help.
I'm curious to see other responses from families who have a nanny.
Bahahahaha.
And it's appropriate, so I have to use it again...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ4YyPPOREY
Your nanny should be writing down all feedings and nap times. An occasional miss isn't a big deal, but not doing it at all would piss me off. Talk to her about it, make her papers to fill out so she has a consistent practice. Put the paper in a spot so it is easy for her to fill out.
As a STM I'm not going to tell you how to parent, but you do need to let your hair down. Being a parent is a crazy, messy, not perfect, fun ride. If you are freaking out about all the things you listed you are going to kill yourself.
annoying, crazy-pants, micro-managing, creepy stalker!