Special Needs

Help- Parents of Runners/Bolters/Wanderers

DD has been increasing her bolting and running lately to the point of very, very close calls with cars and her favorite spot to do this is into streets and parking lots. When at walking speed she will wander ahead and especially outside be in her own world if a therapy lead walk is attempted even with cues. Therapist and I worked very hard at getting her to follow cues to only open the front door when asked, stay at the inside apartment building door and/or by mom and not open the door to the outside; weeks and weeks of work. She is now testing those limits and/or not thinking/stopping first. She has started now with and at the grandparents’ house as well. I am at a loss it is becoming such a danger, to the point where I have a rational fear she will soon be hit by a car. She is just shy of 3, sensory, gross motor, speech, hyper-lexic, OCD, behavior problems including manipulation of adults, emotionally/socially delayed, “possible autism” diagnosis in medical chart (new to me as of a couple days) for background.

This last time I was at a loss – I literally just picked her up, did not speak, put her in the car seat, drove home without speaking or looking at her, carried her in, and went to my room and locked the door behind me (after locking the house).  At this point was the first time she showed any proper emotion by crying because she wanted mommy to come out – real tears but soon disappeared after I came out.

This is the lock I have on the front door below, she has seen me open the patio door now and will unlock that please link to a good lock, and I am considering the same front lock for her bedroom door as well.

https://www.amazon.com/ProGradeTM-Lever-Handle-Safety-1st/dp/B001FD4VNI/ref=pd_cp_hpc_0

Leash all the time no matter what? Umbrella stroller for grandma with bad back? I will ask therapist but no idea what to do to keep her safe/alive.  She does not get danger and argues death (long story) and I am at my wits end. 


P.S. - Sorry I only post when issues mostly, been in the denial that 3 year eval and first IEP is about a month around the corner and in deep fear that DD will have some sort of ODD too like my nephew. 

Re: Help- Parents of Runners/Bolters/Wanderers

  • Spooko said:
    I'd say to do whatever you need to in order to keep her safe. Leash if needed. Stroller if needed. I have a 6, nearly 7yo who still has minimal self preservation skills. He "gets" it on an intellectual level but not on a practical one that can outweigh any of his impulses. I still have him sit in the cart at the store because he'll wander off. 
    Been thinking this - she also has been taught the intellectual "danger" part and will tell you what to do and when like instructions but cannot practically get it. It has been a big point of frustration lately. 
  • edited April 2014
    My DD1 is very similar. Her special needs coordinator ended up prescribing her a handicap placard due to her bolting and lack of understanding danger. That alows us to minimize the length she needs to walk in busy parking lots were she gets distracted/over stimulated and bolts. We worked with OT to help establish routines for her; putting her hand on the same "spot" on the car while we are un/loading, certain lines she can't cross on our driveway.  She has to hold a stroller strap when in public. If she's being too flighty and not following directions, she has to go in the stroller or ergo.  I've also been lookingin into safety harness/backpacks. 

    Whenever we're going somewhere,  we run over the schedule, transitions,  and safety points with her. We re emphasize them several times over. (I.e. we are  going to the zoo, it will be busy, you need to hold the stroller strap and be careful in the busy parking lot)

    The times she has had close calls, I try to remain calm and point out the dangers for her. She now will talk about things being "dangerous" but still doesn't get it 
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  • My son and your daughter sound semi similar...except he doesnt open doors yet. He is 2.5 and got an ASD dx in Jan. Looooves to run.

    You have probably tried this, but I made a rule with him that he had to be holding hands with me when he wasnt in the stroller and we were out and about. It was my saving grace this pg when my DH was deployed. It took a few times of following thru ("hold my hand or you have to go in the stroller..."), but now as we go out the front door his hand shoots up for mine.

    I concurr with pp that if his caretakers cant either keep up or keep her contained, then they shouldnt be her caretakers. Its a hard convo to have, I have had similar talks with my Mom.

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  • edited April 2014
    I have stressed that DS has to hold my hand or DH's hand. It took a lot of work to get him use to that. DS has bolted out of a daycare a few times.

    I will admit that I will throw DS in a shopping cart until he can't fit in it. I went to the only Target in our town once and an employee gave me a judgement that DS is getting too big for the cart. I still see that employee but I don't listen and doubt he would get it.

    I do still have a toddler lock that covers the door knob on DS's door from the inside of his room. I can open from the outside.
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  • -auntie- said:
    I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

    The first piece is safety.

    You need to install double (keyed both sides) dead bolts on all doors to the outside. This can be a fire hazard, so you and your DH might consider having multiple keys around the house and wearing one in case you need to get out.

    We are in an apartment - just DD and I, not DH - which is why for night time I thought about the lock outside her door and during the day the one on the front which we have. I have looked and there are unfortunately no ways to reverse the door handles like a friend of mine did when they put her daughter in a big bed. Luckily my folks to have this system though - the key double dead bolt.

    You need to contact your local first responders and share this information with them. Often there's a community outreach officer who will take your information along with current photographs to have on hand. Keep this information updated yearly. 

    I hadn't though of this - our OT also recommended this morning that I put dog tags with info on her shoe laces in case she gets lost as well. Also sheets to friends and family around town. 

    Be especially prudent around water, kids on spectrum tend to be drawn to water- pools, ponds, creeks- drowning is a leading cause of death in children with ASD.


    The water scares me, even last year she was testing around the 5-6 foot end of the pool almost daring to jump and testing as well. We have a couple apartment ponds around here but I have not taken her to those areas. And well, walks are just out of the question so she won't see them. For now, bells on the doors before any major locks are installed are a must. I do worry though because when her parental side does take her - they often go to state parks, lakes, etc. I am going to have to drill them as last year I was told "well she just refuses a life jacket" - umm...she does not have that right, sorry. They will be getting schooled on her stuff and their local responders aware as well. 

    It's hard to say what is the best approach for right now. It might make sense to limit her outings to situations where she has an adult dedicated to wrangling her. Either bring your DH, or leave the littles home with your mom so you can give her 1:1 attention and keep her safe without distractions. If your mom isn't physically up to the demands of a physical child, she shouldn't be a primary babysitter. Could you hire a mother's helper type kid who can do the chasing for her?

    My mom should not lift her per her back, I am working on either a day time job where I can pick up and drop off myself or someone to help in the afternoons. My dad can get her some days to do the heavy lifting. I need to find out the policy on asking the interns at our local therapy office if they are up for outside baby-sitting jobs. My folks have a kid across the street who is looking for work but she is a middle schooler with after-school activities - I may have to play that card though so my mom could get some help. My mom did say, from here on out she will just pick her up and take her to the car even though it is bad on her back long term, hoping I can get my dad on board for pick-up more days.


    If you must take her out with the sibs, she should be FILO- first in/last out of the car. And she should be tethered until she is 100% compliant around holding hands/staying with you.

    She is an only so first in last out is the story - just no more groceries. I drive a high up SUV so I think I can get her monkey tether on in the car seat before I get her down. The compliance thing is tough - I thought she was getting to 90% but then this turn around came about so even if I see it - I feel as if I can never trust it. 

    This "skill" could remain emerging for a long time, until then you need to assume she can't/won't comply with safety rules. DS wasn't big on eloping as a preschooler, but he didn't have the executive function skills to truly "get" the why of safety rules and comply 100% so I had to continue to keep him safe as I might a toddler. Being able to tell you the rules about a situation but unable to access them in the moment is often an ADHD trait, as is the executive function notion of cause and effect that says, if I walk away in the parking lot I will get hit by a driver who doesn't see me. And some ADHDers are sort of dare devils by inclination.

    This can be exacerbated by those with ASD who tend to lead rich fantasy lives. DS is often distracted by his special interests in situations he deems mundane which can sometimes lead to not paying attention. Anxiety sometimes exacerbates his tendency to be in his head thinking about what he needs to do to be socially appropriate.

    All of the above - I am concerned an ADHD component will be present during the evaluation. True she is just about 3 but all over the place. Even when talking/narrating her day she will just go off course killing the context of it all. Any sun, bright light, animal, person, you name it will distract her outside. She only knows the danger and safety narrations from therapy and home work based upon that. 

    True story- I dropped DS off on campus 2 years ago to take a summer course. We all thought it would be a good transition to give DS something to do over the summer and get him used to campus and college level expectations. First day, DS exited my car and walked right into the path of another. Here's here it got funny, another student grabbed him and pulled him physically to the curb. That student turned out to be a fellow Eagle Scout/band member who was 3 years older and consequently didn't really consider DS a true peer. Said scout was on his 3rd college, should have been a rising sophomore and was enrolled in DS's Western Civ I class. His mom reports that seeing DS "caught up" was the come to Jesus her DS needed to get his shit together. They both kind of did their "good turn daily" that morning.

    ^ The above is good to hear - it will be interesting delving more into the atypical world and seeing what her peers will be like as well as typical peers if she does the particular developmental pre-school post evaluation/IEP. I have been told it is a teacher's kid-first selection then they add in the other kiddos so there is a good mix of typical v atypical. Yeah, my nephew getting kicked out of the 3rd school (no IEP so they were warranted) and being home schooled now per his ODD may be the kicker for my folks as they are finally getting that there is something about him - and he is not just a crazy kid or a rough and tumble boy. He may be our opening to acceptance of DD's issues. 

  • Spooko said:
    Spooko said:
    I'd say to do whatever you need to in order to keep her safe. Leash if needed. Stroller if needed. I have a 6, nearly 7yo who still has minimal self preservation skills. He "gets" it on an intellectual level but not on a practical one that can outweigh any of his impulses. I still have him sit in the cart at the store because he'll wander off. 
    Been thinking this - she also has been taught the intellectual "danger" part and will tell you what to do and when like instructions but cannot practically get it. It has been a big point of frustration lately. 
    It's definitely frustrating! I haven't figured out a better way to get it through to DS, though, so I just go with the death grip on his wrist (wrap my pinky around for extra security) for parking lots and carts in the store for when he's having a difficult day, and I write my phone number on his arm if we go somewhere super crowded.
    I may do the phone number with the "new skin" over it for awhile, also like I wrote below - our OT suggested the dog tag on the shoe laces thing as well. I thought about a car seat tag, but until now never really thought about getting lost else where on the day to day. 
  • I have stressed that DS has to hold my hand or DH's hand. It took a lot of work to get him use to that. DS has bolted out of a daycare a few times.

    I will admit that I will throw DS in a shopping cart until he can't fit in it. I went to the only Target in our town once and an employee gave me a judgement that DS is getting too big for the cart. I still see that employee but I don't listen and doubt he would get it.

    I do still have a toddler lock that covers the door knob on DS's door from the inside of his room. I can open from the outside.
    Oh yeah - carts all the way - the good part about her orthotics is that they get stuck in the cart on the way out - so it makes me feel a bit more secure. I don't mind the looks - we once had a 10-15 min stand off in the cart before leaving Target over putting her hat on before we went outside. 
  • My son and your daughter sound semi similar...except he doesnt open doors yet. He is 2.5 and got an ASD dx in Jan. Looooves to run. You have probably tried this, but I made a rule with him that he had to be holding hands with me when he wasnt in the stroller and we were out and about. It was my saving grace this pg when my DH was deployed. It took a few times of following thru ("hold my hand or you have to go in the stroller..."), but now as we go out the front door his hand shoots up for mine. I concurr with pp that if his caretakers cant either keep up or keep her contained, then they shouldnt be her caretakers. Its a hard convo to have, I have had similar talks with my Mom.
    It is a tough talk, my mom is willing to physically handle her - it's just bad for her health. Glad for the sacrifice but my dad may have to step in this role more often; also hoping for some changes in circumstances so that she can be with me more often soon. I am hoping that I can find a trusted sitter/capable/SN understanding sitter soon. 
  • Thanks all! Some great ideas.

    I think I will go with the med alert bracelet and I know I will be able to make it "special" to her I hope - she is still stuck on the hair band incident, but I don't think it will be a problem. (She gets stuck on a lot of things). 

    We used the harness today for anything, it goes on before the doors become unlocked, comes off when in the safe place (when she is in the cart at the store today or when we had group tonight with multiple people watching the door during leaving time) then off again once back home. When "walking" her - her behavior therapist compared her strength of resistance to having a German Shepard - I had to laugh. I got a simple stroller that I instructed my mom to stroll into the daycare, strap her in, then stroll out to the car and dropped that off to her today. My dad may think we are nuts but I really don't care. Daycare will be informed as well. The info sheets too - and I am on twitter and hooked up with the local cop and news feeds who get the word out on anything quickly, seems silly but it has helped find some missing kids the past few months. 

    I have a little while to focus on summer/spring safety here in the mid-west so I will be looking at those links for water safety. My main focus will be drilling into the "visitor's" heads that you follow x-y-z or you don't visit per medical safety. 
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