Birth Stories

Probably too early to think about this, but....WWYD?

My husband missed the birth of DD because she came a week earlier then expected and within about 4 hours and he was a 6 hour plane flight away on business. This time around, we find ourselves having the debate of if he will be in the room. He made a comment about how he will be 'scarred for life' if he watches the birth. Ever since then, I don't know if I want him there at all. Last time, I had a doula and my mom. It was serene, quick, and perfect. I don't want to worry about his impressions of me while I'm trying to stay focused on pain management and the birth of our child. I'm also afraid he will never see me the same again.

Have any of you intentionally not had your SO in the room? Why? 

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Re: Probably too early to think about this, but....WWYD?

  • No not me... But i will tell you my husband was so focused on me and helping me in the pain i was i that nothing else mattered... And when he looks at me now he does see me different, but not in a bad way... He says i am the strongest person he knows, and he has no idea how i did what i did, and he is always in awe that i gave him the best miracle of his life...
    Nothing can compare to the way you feel holding that new baby, he wont even care ab the rest...

    Good luck!

    After 5 years of trying to get pregnant, it finally happened!
    FET #1: 11/23/11 Transferred 2 little embryos
    12/2/11 9dp5dt Beta #1: 37; 12/6/11 13dp5dt Beta #2: 130; 12/8/11 15dp5dt Beta #3: 315; 12/15/11 22dp5dt Beta #4: 3200
    Maison Thomas came in to the world on August 18th, 2012 after a crazy labor, emergency c-section, and 9 days over due! Glad he is here!
    DS is 1 year old, and we are starting round 2 now!
    FET#2: 10/17/13!! : 10/24/13 - BFP : 10/28/13 Beta #1: 3, Chemical Pregnancy
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    Grow baby grow!!!!

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  • My husband wasn't in the room the first time around. And now this time I'm worried about it. But I definitely think you can't be worried about him while your in labor. If it was good last time keep it that way. But tell him he is welcome to be in the room, if HE wants
  • I gave mine the option.  He's decided to be there in the delivery room and I have his dad there to back him up and keep him calm.  I'm tickled because he is my rock and calms me down so it will be good for him to be there.

    However, if I thought he would stress me out, he would not be allowed in the room and if it's something he couldn't handle, then he doesn't need to be in there.  The reason being is if he passes out at the sight of blood then he's not going to be a big help to me.

    Each dad to be handles it differently.  Maybe find someone around your age group who's male that's been in the delivery room to talk with him and can calm those fears.  While he says he will be scarred for life, it sounds like it's something deeper and he's covering it up.  So maybe ask more pointed questions.

  • If you haven't had LO yet, here's my little bit of info,...

    I can tell you I was afraid my hubby would view me differently because he is a very private person, even with me, he won't strip down, he waits until I'm not paying attention or out of the room.  I can't blame him though, right now, I am shy about him seeing my body too.  I was afraid he would view me like "well you had that come out of THAT" kind of look.  He didn't want to watch her come out, he avoided the bottom half of the room all day, but when it came time to push, he had to hold one of my legs, (I pushed for 3 hours), so by the end of it, he saw her head coming out on accident, so he threw all his cares out the window, and watched her being delivered.  After, all he could do was tell me how great of a job I did, and he posted a picture on FB of LO and said "Mommy did a good job", and he has never once acted differently about watching her being delivered.  He has however viewed me as a strong woman/mother, he has been so supportive and has often said he admires how I am with LO!

    So even though your hubby says he won't be able to "handle" it (I used my own term), I would ask him to be there to start and if he is having trouble with it, tell him he can leave at any time without any resentment.  I feel like my hubby would have really regretted not at least trying to be in there if he felt that way.  I think your hubby needs to give himself more credit, I think ya'll can do it!  There's something different about this experience, it brings out a whole other side to all of us, he might surprise himself!


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  • alexgeniealexgenie
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    Is there any way you can take your DH to childbirth classes? If he's with other men and hears and sees what he's in for he may feel more prepared and less likely to let you down emotionally on the big day.
    He'd have to be a pretty shallow, immature man if he began viewing you differently (negatively) after watching you give birth. I'd say 99% of men view their partners more positively after that experience.
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