Getting Rid of Baby/Maternity Clothes (Rainbow Mentioned)

philfemgal

Our rainbow is one and while we've always talked about and planned for having two children, we also always planned for a pretty good age difference (3+ years).  So at this point there is no reason for us to have to make any for sure decisions about having another child.  We are no where near ready in terms of just having a handle on having one baby and some big (good) career stuff has finally happened for me leading us to make a major move to another state.  So also in terms of life changes, we are no where near ready to think seriously about another child.  And yet, any time we talk about it or I think about it, I just can't see how we can have another.  I don't feel like I could take the anxiety of another pregnancy.  In the abstract it doesn't seem so bad, until I start to really reflect on what it was like to be pregnant and terrified that I would go into labor at any moment.  And while luckily everything did end up well with my rainbow pregnancy, I had cervical shortening and preterm labor and it just as well could have gone the other way. We are open to adopting (specifically foster to adopt) and honestly that is probably the most likely route we would take if we take any.  But the risks there seem significant too in terms of having a child placed with you but the adoption not going through.  Sometimes I think how is that possibility going to be less anxiety provoking and if it actually happened less terrible than another pregnancy loss?  Technically we have another option of my wife getting pregnant, but she is quickly approaching 40, has some health problems we would be concerned about, and has some potential fertility concerns.  So while I usually try to think of it being an open question whether we'll have another child one day, if I really think about the logistics I just can't see how it's going to happen. 

But when I realize that, I tend to just retreat back to the "well maybe in 2, 3, etc. years things will seem different--who knows?"  Same with when I find myself being a little sad that our baby is already a toddler (and we'll probably never have another baby), that we are done breastfeeding (and I'll probably never have another child to breastfeed), etc.  That way I don't have to actually decide (or maybe admit) that this will be our only child. 

That's all well and good, except given that we are moving, we have to decide what we are bringing and what we are selling/giving away/throwing out.  We have SOO much baby stuff.  A lot of it I think no doubt we should get rid of--like her jumperoo and exersaucer which she no longer uses, which are huge and would take up a ton of space for moving, and which we bought for like $25 each on craigslist.  There's also a lot of babygear she either never used or did use but we didn't really like it and wouldn't use it again if we had another child.  But, then there is the baby clothing Ada has outgrown and my maternity clothes.  And I just am having trouble with thinking about getting rid of that.  We do have a crapload of baby clothes--a lot of it Ada never even wore.  The grandmothers went crazy doing thrift store shopping so there really is an excessive amount of clothing.  So I feel fine about getting rid of the ugly stuff, stuff we found useless, stuff that is horribly stained after use, etc.  But getting rid of any significant amount of the clothing somehow feels like admitting that we aren't going to have another baby.  Because if we really thought we were, wouldn't we be keeping everything we might use? 

My wife doesn't look at it that way.  She's on the "let's move as little stuff as possible" bandwagon and so thinks we should get rid of all the baby clothing but stuff we really liked, is special, was really cute, etc.  She says if we decide to have another we can just get more clothes then and these clothes were all so inexpensive anyway since they were used.  Same with the maternity clothes.  I am plus size, so it's especially hard to find maternity clothes (and they are not cheap) so I really feel like selling them is admitting that I'm never going to get pregnant again.  If we really thought I might, wouldn't we keep the clothes? 

I feel like it's such a small, silly thing really.  I know that whatever we do about the clothes has no effect on whether we will have another kid or not.  But it weirdly feels like making some sort of admission/decision.

There's no real question I have.  Mostly just venting to folks who will probably understand!

jbranden12

First, congratulations on the job! That's great news. We definitively want another pregnancy/child (amazing, huh!) so my maternity clothes are staying put, but I have though about Anna's things as we contemplate an international move. I tend to be a minimalist, but I plan to keep many of Anna's outfits even if we have all boys because I would want to give them to her for her daughters like my mom gave me my clothes for her. 

So, I would keep sentimental things (home coming outfit, holiday outfits, first birthday dress, your favorites, clothes she's wearing in your favorite pictures, etc.), sell/consign/donate the things in good condition that you can't really remember her wearing, and get rid of the things in really bad condition. 

Getting rid of baby things is NOT a decision to never have another baby in the house! With your career taking off you can afford to buy all the awesome new things they'll have invented for babies in 5 years if you choose

lexusolsen

I understand. We had decided that we were likely done having children after ds and gave all of dd's things to my mom for a garage sale the weekend before we lost ds. Part of me wants to get all those things back before her garage sale. I feel like I was cheated out of my last chance to nurse, to go through all the baby stages again.

In your case, I would save what was special and get rid of other things. You can always buy more. Maybe decide how many boxes you want to limit it to.

Jellybean71514

I feel no matter what you decide it will not affect your decision later on if you choose to TTC again. I also feel like the other women here that perhaps you keep some of the more sentimental things during your move (congrats on the job advancement btw) and purge the rest - I didn't have much so I kept all of my things and asked my mom to store them at her house for now bc my fiancé and I plan to TTC again in the future. All the best and please know whatever you decide does not have to decide anything else for you regarding any future children. xo

dadalou

Keep anything that is special to you or would be hard to replace. I personally would keep the maternity clothes and a few outfits and sell or give away the rest. 

philfemgal

Thanks all.  I know you are right that not taking all the baby clothes doesn't mean making any decision about having another child. 

I think we've decided to keep the stuff we like best from the baby clothes but get rid of most of it and then keep the maternity clothes just in case since those are not nearly as easy to replace.

philfemgal

@ jbranden12--thanks for the congratulations about the job! 

You're thinking about moving out of the country?  How exciting!

weddedwife

Hi ladies! Long time

I think I'd do what you're doing- keep the special stuff and the maternity clothes and sell or donate the rest. Maybe if/when you do have another it will add some joy and excitement to go shopping again.