Intro- PPD has struck me
nblondheim
member
For starters...
I am 26 years old and married to a wonderful DH for over a year and a half. DH and I can't have biological children to due to issues on his end. We went through an infertility clinic and decided to use donor sperm to conceive. I got pregnant in June (on Father's Day) and on my birthday we found out it was twins. We were very excited! The twins both had polyhydramnios and I was monitored closely. At just 26 weeks I had pprom with a water break and was stuck on hospital bed rest. I managed to make it almost 5 weeks in the hospital and went into full blown labor at 30 weeks 6 days. I had a C-section (which I was hoping to avoid), neither baby cried, I only got to see one of them as the other one needed immediate breathing assistance, and wasn't able to see them for hours. They were born on January 4th (my DH's birthday). Karley weighed 3 lbs 7 oz and Bentley weighed 3 lbs 12 oz. They spent just under 5 weeks in the NICU. I lived in the NICU with them. In the 10 weeks we were at the hospital I only left twice. It was super hard to see my twins hooked up to soo many things. We are now home and they are doing well! DH took some time off of work and stayed home with us which was fantastic! I decided to be a SAHM and left my job as a 4K teacher. I am currently on unpaid leave with resignation taking effect at the end of the year. DH just recently went back to work. He works 7 days on and has 7 days off. But on his 7 days on, I am alone with the twins for 19 hours.
Fast forward to today...
As I sit here in tears I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with ppd. I've tried very hard to put on a happy face and be strong but underneath it all I'm struggling!!! I'm eating everything in sight in ridiculously large amounts, feeling guilty, dealing with anxiety that something is going to happen to the twins, struggling with our change in routine, I'm irritable and moody, and other things. On top of my own thoughts and struggles, others add to it including my family, in laws, and DH. My MIL showed up the next morning after I delivered. I was exhausted and fell asleep. When I woke up she was gone and I was informed she was mad at me as she didn't get to see the kids. She sent me a hurtful email about her being heartbroken and crying the whole way home because she didn't get to see them. I felt guilted and like she thought I was keeping them from her. It really still bothers me to this day and DH keeps telling me I need to be the bigger person and let it go but I can't. My mom doesn't understand my struggles with breastfeeding. I was eping in the NICU and once we came home. I have tried breastfeeding but it's very painful. I hate pumping but don't like the pain of breastfeeding either so I am struggling. My mom has made comments about how once I look at one can of formula I won't hate pumping or mind the pain of breastfeeding but she never even breastfed. She has also made comments about how the new vacuum we got should only fit my hands and not DH's. She came over and asked who did the dishes and when I said I did, she said she was glad and impressed. I do things around the house but it's a struggle with twins and don't want to have to deal with others comments. B got sick with congestion and turned purple one night but recovered quickly. The next night he gasped for air 3 different times but DH insisted he'd be fine and he didn't need to be taken in. I would have taken him in in a heartbeat. It was hard to not be able to take him in just to be checked because DH didn't want me to. DH has slight OCD about clutter. I have the baby things set up for easy accessibility for me. There are times I go to get something and it's moved or not there because DH "took care of it." It bothers me because I have it set up to work for me and wish he would leave things that way. I truly don't think DH gets what I go through. I lost it before DH left for work tonight. Now that the water works have started, they haven't stopped. I'm already on 50 mg of Zoloft. I have a doctor appointment Monday for other things but I will need to bring this up!
You can check out my blog to understand more of our story at blondheimtwins.blogspot.com
Re: Intro- PPD has struck me
I came to this board bc I'm having a tough night...I saw your post and it makes me sad that you're sad and going through all this. You've been through a lot with your two little babes and being home alone with them can't be easy! I'm overwhelmed with one!!
My husband works super long days. 8:30-8:30 on a good day...it's 10:00 now and he's just leaving. It tortures me. My OB and the counselor I'm seeing for ppd related issues told me a lot of this stems from the lack of support and the feeling of isolation.
I had a cryfest tonight and came to this board for support/info/anything....it doesn't look super active here. If you ever need to chat, don't hesitate to pm me.
Sending love your way! Hang in there