Babies on the Brain

Too early/young for Baby fever?

Hi all,
I have been married 2 blissfully wonderful years. Please don't think I'm naive, my husband and I have fights and petty arguments and still disagree over how to load the dishwasher like every other married couple, but seriously, I could not have married a better man.
I got married very young - I was 22.  I'd already finished college and lived on my own (paying my own bills, etc, truly on my own) for a year so I felt ready. While some people still like to remind me that I was still a baby when I got married (whatever) I have no regrets.  I'm now 24 (still young, I know) and loving married life.  But...I'm starting to get baby fever.  DH thinks we should wait longer. He says we're having so much fun just the two of us and lets prolong that longer. No turning back after baby! My brain says he's absolutely right, I'm still so young and have plenty of time...but then BOOM the baby fever grips my heart!
I say all this about my being so young to give some perspective. I know I have plenty of time and should probably want to wait longer. I will admit to having every other friend getting pregnant left and right. It's really not a jealousy thing. It's an AWWWWWWWWWWWWW my ovaries are exploding!!!! kind of thing ;)
Please tell me if I'm crazy or if 2 years or even 3 is a normal amount of time to wait to have kids or something!
For those logical folks out there: We have zero debt (only a house payment - no car payments, student loans, debt, etc). Hubs has a fantastic job, we have a house, great support from family and friends, etc. I feel like we're ready. But again, 'feel' isn't the best indication, I know ;)
Someone please put my head on straight!!!!
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Re: Too early/young for Baby fever?

  • Jags8Jags8
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    edited March 19
    DH and I were 23 when we got married, and have now been married for almost two years. If you really feel ready, and are financially set/stable, I don't see the harm. But like your DH said, you can't go back once it's done! I thought I wanted a baby right after we got married, but now I'm so glad we didn't! I really believe in spending lots of quality time with your spouse before completely changing the dynamics. Though I'm finding it harder to resist the thought of babies now, since my DH is actually the one with baby fever!

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  • I second what kimbus22 said. You are ready on paper and in your mind, but your DH isn't ready and you have to consider the hard part of having kids too. Trying volunteering with young kids or babysitting your friends' babies as often as you can. I've worked with kids for 15 years (I'm almost 26 and started babysitting and vomunteering at church kids programs when I was 11) and DH grew up around the kids in his mom's daycare so we both are aware of the challenges of all age groups. We also have a young niece and nephew we watch sometimes. It might not seem important but believe me, you learn a lot! I would say do that for 6mo to a year (and get DH involved by at least talking to him about the struggles) and then see where you are. But don't nag or trick him into fatherhood (not saying you would, just throwing it out there for anyone who might read this). Discuss it again every six months until you're both ready and then keep discussing it to start talking more specifics while you're TTC (things like, in our case, wanting to be a SAHM and homeschool, or how many, or where we want to live - we don't have a house yet - how we want to parent, etc). Best wishes!
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  • I just turned 24, been happily married, and we are considering TTC soon-ish. I want kids, but I also struggle with when is the "right" time...should we travel more, have more time together? Or get on it? lol. I only know I want to be done by the age of 30 only because I would rather have kids young.

    I know some people who had kids young wish they had waited or become more secure...but 24 really isn't that young imo. At the same time I have also been advised that there is no "good" time to have kids, and if you put it off until X, then it becomes needing to accomplish Y, and before you know if years have passed. So ultimately, for you and me, it is between us and our spouses and what works for our goals and position in life.

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  • smg2302smg2302
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    I got married one week shy of my 22nd birthday and had DD one month shy of my 24th.  Like you, we hit the checklist of finishing school, getting married, etc.  When DH and I met, having kids was always in our future and something we discussed often.  Our parents both had us later in life and we wanted to be active and involved for our kids.  We also plan to travel as a family and experience things together.

    Like many of the PP's have said, I think once you're both ready, it will be time.  But if you're worried about justifying to anyone else, you have to be happy as a couple.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
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  • mm529mm529
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    I can relate to your post. H and I got married at 23 and never expected to want kids until we were 30 (some obscure number/timeline we had picked out). Well now at 26 I have baby fever bad. 

    The only advice I would say is don't make plans based off 'what is considered normal'. Does it matter when other people start their families if you and your H are ready? Yes there are logical thing to consider like gainful employment, debt, and so on... but only you and your H can truly know when the time is right. The scary part is how to figure that out, and that is really up to you. I completely understand how scary that can be. As a childless person how can you really understand all the changes having a baby will bring? How will you ever really know it's right? I struggle with the same thoughts and I just try and remember that there is no perfect time to have a baby (or so people have told me). Best of luck!
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  • What's normal and right for one family is not what's normal or right for another. 

    If you are on the same page with it being a good time and you're financially ready, any time's a good time. 

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  • mrsattymrsatty
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    mm529 said:
    I can relate to your post. H and I got married at 23 and never expected to want kids until we were 30 (some obscure number/timeline we had picked out). Well now at 26 I have baby fever bad. 

    The only advice I would say is don't make plans based off 'what is considered normal'. Does it matter when other people start their families if you and your H are ready? Yes there are logical thing to consider like gainful employment, debt, and so on... but only you and your H can truly know when the time is right. The scary part is how to figure that out, and that is really up to you. I completely understand how scary that can be. As a childless person how can you really understand all the changes having a baby will bring? How will you ever really know it's right? I struggle with the same thoughts and I just try and remember that there is no perfect time to have a baby (or so people have told me). Best of luck!
    THIS . . . except now I'm getting closer to 27 and married 4 years. 30 sounded like such a great age for kids, but I swear that biological clock thing is real, even if it is just me allowing myself to hear the ticking now that I consider myself and my relationship strong enough to handle a LO!
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  • I mean, this is so personal.

    For me-- I was a hot mess at 24.  Also, I live somewhere that it's the norm to marry later and have kids later in life.  I have only one friend that had a baby in her 20s-- she was 29.  So to me, 24 sounds really young to have a baby.

    But there are plenty of people that DO have their shit together much, much earlier and a baby is the next logical step.

    You really have to discuss this with your H.

     

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    jordannpaige10petitchou1019prinsesslolli
  • If DH isn't ready, you arent ready. Don't you want to bring your child into this world to meet TWO confident and enthusiastic parents? Do some traveling with your DH. Start a baby savings fund. Think of it like this....you are strengthening your marriage and finances for the baby. So you are not stagnating. You are just prepping a really great future for LO.
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  • SpookoSpooko
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    I didn't read the other responses besides your follow-up. What I'll contribute is this:

     

    We married young and had kids young (not exactly part of the plan but also not a burden) and I wish we would have had more time. So in that regard, I'd say to wait. Because there really is no going back. OTOH, I didn't have the 2 years with DH like you have had, so maybe I wouldn't regret as much with that much time under my belt. It's hard to know what might have been.

     

    Regarding your last post, while it's certainly helpful to have had experience with kids before and to not be burned out after taking care of kids for awhile, it's a whole new world when the kids are your own. Good and bad...it's just different, so keep that in mind.

     

    I do know how consuming wanting to have a baby can be. But if your DH isn't ready yet and you don't want to proceed without him being on board, obviously, try your best to really enjoy this time instead of keeping your focus in the future. These good times are important, too.

     

    GL.


    kdm06cjnnfrrose6
  • I'm 23 almost 24 and DH and I have been married for almost 2 years. We always knew we'd want the first 2 years of our marriage to be just "us". Now, that we are creeping up on our 2 year anniversary I have baby fever bad!! H would still like for us to wait a few more months before TTC, so that's currently our plan.

     

    I always wanted to have kids young and where I'm from it's normal for most women to have their first before they turn 25. I think that if your H isn't quite ready, you should wait a little longer. But it's definitely a personal choice.

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  • edited March 20
    I have to agree with the others, it's an intensely personal decision!

    I got married at 22 and less than a year later we were TTC. I got pregnant within a few months so I was a mom at 23. 

    Looking back I can't say we made the most intelligent decisions, and there are times I wish we would have slowed things down a little, but I can't imagine my life any different than it is now. We both felt we were ready when we started TTC (DH is 5 years older than me) and we wouldn't trade our DD for the world. 



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  • OP, I got married when I was 22 (almost 23). DH and I waited 4 years to TTC and it ended up taking a year for us to get pregnant, so we were married 5 years before we had a kid...and I wouldn't have it any other way. Waiting gave us time to get our finances in order, do some traveling, and enjoy being young for a little while before we added the responsibility of children. Don't get me wrong, I love DD more than life itself, but I am glad DH and I had some time to ourselves before we added her to the mix.

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  • Nicb13Nicb13
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    Kimbus22 said:
    I got married at 23.  We waited 5 years before we TTC and I don't regret that for a minute.  I wanted to earlier but my H asked me to wait and I'm glad I put it on the backburner.  Now we have a toddler and another one on the way and I am so thankful that we kept that extra time for just us before we started.  And I think it made me a better, more patient parent to have had all that time to be selfish first.

    The things is, when you're a parent, you're never "off" again.  Even if you're on vacation, out to dinner, have a sitter, etc.  The kids are at the back of your mind and at any given moment something can happen to yank you straight back to them.  You don't stop worrying about them, no matter who they're with (or how old they are according to my mom).  It just doesn't stop.  So you need to be really ready for it to start, if that makes any sense.

    And I don't regret getting married young.  We're happy and we have a great life.  But 9 years later I can look back and say without a doubt that I was absolutely a baby when I got married.
    Damn, this couldn't be more spot on IMO. So true.
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    kdm06cArmyWife114Dreamingmommy4
  • My thought is I'd rather be done raising kids sooner than later.  I'm looking forward to adult children.  (I LOVE this stage.  I'm looking forward to baby #2 and maybe even #3.  I just want to not be dealing with kids when my body starts failing.)

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  • Look. I can tell you really want a kid. But the internet's not going to tell you when the time is right. Your DH will probably come around at some point. Until then.... get a puppy?
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  • kdm06c said:

    I got pregnant when I was 21 and in college. We were definitely not ready then but quickly got our stuff together after we found out.  I obviously don't regret my kids at all but some days I do wish it would have happened a little later so H and I could have some more us time. 


    If your H isn't 100% on board, I wouldn't push. It is a HUGE step and kids do change everything (in good and "bad" ways). I wouldn't say there is a normal amount of time to wait, just whenever you BOTH are ready. 
    I can relate. I was 20 and in college. I had been responsible and working since 14/basically helping raise 2 sisters, since 12, so I've been mature for a WHILE. Some people just get it together. Even while in high school I just always new I wanted to be a mom. That was my main goal. Actually, about 10-15 people from my small 55 person graduating class all have kids now and seem to be doing just fine. BF and I were together a VERY short time before unintentionally getting pregnant. Luckily for me, he is truly my soul mate and we are now engaged. My daughter is my everything. And although I was never into trouble, partying, or anything I still feel like she saved me. She has taught me so much about myself. I have no regrets. And like PP said, I want to be young with my kids. Although I planned to have kids around 24, and we didn't have much time for "us" one day we will have that time again and I'm not worried. :) 22 and I'll be ready for baby number 2 maybe 2015 or 2016. Good luck!
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    sparkleanne
  • I didn't read all of the comments but I was married at 22 and had our first baby at 23. My hubby is 4 years older than me but it still took a little to convince him for a baby. We were together for 7 years before we got married, I had graduated college, both of us had great jobs and built a brand new house. It just felt like the next step in our eyes. We have always been a pretty boring couple, dont drink/party, never go on vacation and only would really go out for supper as our night of excitement. It does change your life but totally worth it. It just felt like the next step for both of us. Baby fever is very hard to overcome, but make sure you are both on the same page and dont push it on him. It will only push him further away.
    sparkleannebbyskittels
  • You wanna talk about being a "baby" when you got married, I got married when I was 20 and pregnant the year after. My husband and I have not had the opportunity to go to school, but have one wonderful baby boy! The plan was to wait for 5 years! 5 years ha, that didn't happen. I think a decision like this is very, very personal. It is between you and your husband. Statistically, yes you seem ready, but it takes some serious soul searching to know your ready. There is so much that changes with a child and you need to be ready to be completely selfless toward your spouse, and he to you. You have to be ready to put a little someone before you 24/7. That is what you need to decide, am I just wanting a baby because it's time, or am I truly ready to put myself on the backburner in nearly every aspect? Enjoy this time, and if you decide to try and you get pregnant enjoy that time too! This is a beautiful time in your marriage and it will not last forever enjoy it. And enjoy your children when you do have them. That stage is beautiful too. But it will come in it's time don't worry.
    NevaraDB
  • This is a personal question with social influences! I was raised in NYC and when I was growing up, women were putting off babies for a career. My current neighborhood (3000+ miles away!) couples got married younger and have kids younger. It's sometimes hard to do what's best for you through social expectations, but you must do what's best for you! If DH isn't ready, give him time! For us, I wasn't ready and now I am. It's hard because social pressures are why we have 5 weeks to get back to pre-baby weight, to be do it all moms who master Pinterest. Some of these are laughable but having a kid comes with it's own social pressure like what sports to let them play, what preschool to put them in. Don't let us or these dictate when you start TTC! It'll be hard but it'll be perfect timing when it's the perfect time!

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  • I think that finding "the right time" is a mythical number that doesn't exist. I believe that every couple is different and you have to find your own way. All of my sisters and brothers had at least one child before their 19th birthday. At 24, I am the only one in my family without a child, but for me...having them before wasn't the "right time" for me. I have only been married for 6 months but I now feel like it is "the time". My siblings look at my child free life and think that I should wait longer and enjoy my "freedom" but its not freedom to me. For me, and for my wife, this is "our right time".
    BellaJane918
  • I wouldn't wait if I were you and your heart is saying go for it! Your body can handle it best when your young. i wish I had started sooner. I got married at 24 and had my daughter at 25 but she passed away (sorry for getting off topic) I am going to start trying for my #2 and am now 26. Depending on when i get pregnant I could be 27 when i give birth. So time really does fly!!! Keep in mind your pregnant for almost a year of your life so you really may be 25 when you have the baby not 24 depending on when you get pregnant. I say start the love making !!!!!!!!
  • If your H isn't ready then you need to wait until he is. I was also ready before my H because he wanted to do more together and spend more us time. While it was difficult to overcome my "urges" sometimes and it still is, looking back H was definitely right. We have another 5 months to go and sometimes it feels like an eternity but I know it will be here soon and I am focusing on the plans we have together before we start TTC. Good luck!
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  • I was 19 when me and my husband got married. We hadn't even been married a full year when I got pregnant. We just had our first son in January and I'm 21 now. I don't think you're crazy and I don't think you'd regret having one now if you feel ready! Babies are wonderful!

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    keringtonpSweetMarie23
  • Married at 23 (after first year of law school), first baby at 28
    Loved having those years to sleep in , eat out, go on vacations, etc. (also had to finish school, pass the bar etc)

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