Babies on the Brain

Too early/young for Baby fever?

Hi all,
I have been married 2 blissfully wonderful years. Please don't think I'm naive, my husband and I have fights and petty arguments and still disagree over how to load the dishwasher like every other married couple, but seriously, I could not have married a better man.
I got married very young - I was 22.  I'd already finished college and lived on my own (paying my own bills, etc, truly on my own) for a year so I felt ready. While some people still like to remind me that I was still a baby when I got married (whatever) I have no regrets.  I'm now 24 (still young, I know) and loving married life.  But...I'm starting to get baby fever.  DH thinks we should wait longer. He says we're having so much fun just the two of us and lets prolong that longer. No turning back after baby! My brain says he's absolutely right, I'm still so young and have plenty of time...but then BOOM the baby fever grips my heart!
I say all this about my being so young to give some perspective. I know I have plenty of time and should probably want to wait longer. I will admit to having every other friend getting pregnant left and right. It's really not a jealousy thing. It's an AWWWWWWWWWWWWW my ovaries are exploding!!!! kind of thing ;)
Please tell me if I'm crazy or if 2 years or even 3 is a normal amount of time to wait to have kids or something!
For those logical folks out there: We have zero debt (only a house payment - no car payments, student loans, debt, etc). Hubs has a fantastic job, we have a house, great support from family and friends, etc. I feel like we're ready. But again, 'feel' isn't the best indication, I know ;)
Someone please put my head on straight!!!!
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Re: Too early/young for Baby fever?

  • Jags8Jags8 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Photogenic
    edited March 2014
    DH and I were 23 when we got married, and have now been married for almost two years. If you really feel ready, and are financially set/stable, I don't see the harm. But like your DH said, you can't go back once it's done! I thought I wanted a baby right after we got married, but now I'm so glad we didn't! I really believe in spending lots of quality time with your spouse before completely changing the dynamics. Though I'm finding it harder to resist the thought of babies now, since my DH is actually the one with baby fever!

    Edit: spelling


    Christian1JuJu2nath1120
  • I second what kimbus22 said. You are ready on paper and in your mind, but your DH isn't ready and you have to consider the hard part of having kids too. Trying volunteering with young kids or babysitting your friends' babies as often as you can. I've worked with kids for 15 years (I'm almost 26 and started babysitting and vomunteering at church kids programs when I was 11) and DH grew up around the kids in his mom's daycare so we both are aware of the challenges of all age groups. We also have a young niece and nephew we watch sometimes. It might not seem important but believe me, you learn a lot! I would say do that for 6mo to a year (and get DH involved by at least talking to him about the struggles) and then see where you are. But don't nag or trick him into fatherhood (not saying you would, just throwing it out there for anyone who might read this). Discuss it again every six months until you're both ready and then keep discussing it to start talking more specifics while you're TTC (things like, in our case, wanting to be a SAHM and homeschool, or how many, or where we want to live - we don't have a house yet - how we want to parent, etc). Best wishes!
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  • I just turned 24, been happily married, and we are considering TTC soon-ish. I want kids, but I also struggle with when is the "right" time...should we travel more, have more time together? Or get on it? lol. I only know I want to be done by the age of 30 only because I would rather have kids young.

    I know some people who had kids young wish they had waited or become more secure...but 24 really isn't that young imo. At the same time I have also been advised that there is no "good" time to have kids, and if you put it off until X, then it becomes needing to accomplish Y, and before you know if years have passed. So ultimately, for you and me, it is between us and our spouses and what works for our goals and position in life.

    marissaluciabbyskittels
  • I got married one week shy of my 22nd birthday and had DD one month shy of my 24th.  Like you, we hit the checklist of finishing school, getting married, etc.  When DH and I met, having kids was always in our future and something we discussed often.  Our parents both had us later in life and we wanted to be active and involved for our kids.  We also plan to travel as a family and experience things together.

    Like many of the PP's have said, I think once you're both ready, it will be time.  But if you're worried about justifying to anyone else, you have to be happy as a couple.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
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  • mm529mm529 member
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    I can relate to your post. H and I got married at 23 and never expected to want kids until we were 30 (some obscure number/timeline we had picked out). Well now at 26 I have baby fever bad. 

    The only advice I would say is don't make plans based off 'what is considered normal'. Does it matter when other people start their families if you and your H are ready? Yes there are logical thing to consider like gainful employment, debt, and so on... but only you and your H can truly know when the time is right. The scary part is how to figure that out, and that is really up to you. I completely understand how scary that can be. As a childless person how can you really understand all the changes having a baby will bring? How will you ever really know it's right? I struggle with the same thoughts and I just try and remember that there is no perfect time to have a baby (or so people have told me). Best of luck!
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  • I mean, this is so personal.

    For me-- I was a hot mess at 24.  Also, I live somewhere that it's the norm to marry later and have kids later in life.  I have only one friend that had a baby in her 20s-- she was 29.  So to me, 24 sounds really young to have a baby.

    But there are plenty of people that DO have their shit together much, much earlier and a baby is the next logical step.

    You really have to discuss this with your H.

     

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    jordannpaige10[Deleted User]prinsesslolli
  • If DH isn't ready, you arent ready. Don't you want to bring your child into this world to meet TWO confident and enthusiastic parents? Do some traveling with your DH. Start a baby savings fund. Think of it like this....you are strengthening your marriage and finances for the baby. So you are not stagnating. You are just prepping a really great future for LO.
    prinsesslolliEricaNichole91SoulTerminationHeavenBlessedMom
  • I'm 23 almost 24 and DH and I have been married for almost 2 years. We always knew we'd want the first 2 years of our marriage to be just "us". Now, that we are creeping up on our 2 year anniversary I have baby fever bad!! H would still like for us to wait a few more months before TTC, so that's currently our plan.

     

    I always wanted to have kids young and where I'm from it's normal for most women to have their first before they turn 25. I think that if your H isn't quite ready, you should wait a little longer. But it's definitely a personal choice.

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    jordannpaige10sparkleannemrstraxnath1120
  • OP, I got married when I was 22 (almost 23). DH and I waited 4 years to TTC and it ended up taking a year for us to get pregnant, so we were married 5 years before we had a kid...and I wouldn't have it any other way. Waiting gave us time to get our finances in order, do some traveling, and enjoy being young for a little while before we added the responsibility of children. Don't get me wrong, I love DD more than life itself, but I am glad DH and I had some time to ourselves before we added her to the mix.

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    nath1120
  • Look. I can tell you really want a kid. But the internet's not going to tell you when the time is right. Your DH will probably come around at some point. Until then.... get a puppy?
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  • kdm06c said:

    I got pregnant when I was 21 and in college. We were definitely not ready then but quickly got our stuff together after we found out.  I obviously don't regret my kids at all but some days I do wish it would have happened a little later so H and I could have some more us time. 


    If your H isn't 100% on board, I wouldn't push. It is a HUGE step and kids do change everything (in good and "bad" ways). I wouldn't say there is a normal amount of time to wait, just whenever you BOTH are ready. 
    I can relate. I was 20 and in college. I had been responsible and working since 14/basically helping raise 2 sisters, since 12, so I've been mature for a WHILE. Some people just get it together. Even while in high school I just always new I wanted to be a mom. That was my main goal. Actually, about 10-15 people from my small 55 person graduating class all have kids now and seem to be doing just fine. BF and I were together a VERY short time before unintentionally getting pregnant. Luckily for me, he is truly my soul mate and we are now engaged. My daughter is my everything. And although I was never into trouble, partying, or anything I still feel like she saved me. She has taught me so much about myself. I have no regrets. And like PP said, I want to be young with my kids. Although I planned to have kids around 24, and we didn't have much time for "us" one day we will have that time again and I'm not worried. :) 22 and I'll be ready for baby number 2 maybe 2015 or 2016. Good luck!
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  • I didn't read all of the comments but I was married at 22 and had our first baby at 23. My hubby is 4 years older than me but it still took a little to convince him for a baby. We were together for 7 years before we got married, I had graduated college, both of us had great jobs and built a brand new house. It just felt like the next step in our eyes. We have always been a pretty boring couple, dont drink/party, never go on vacation and only would really go out for supper as our night of excitement. It does change your life but totally worth it. It just felt like the next step for both of us. Baby fever is very hard to overcome, but make sure you are both on the same page and dont push it on him. It will only push him further away.
    sparkleannebbyskittels
  • You wanna talk about being a "baby" when you got married, I got married when I was 20 and pregnant the year after. My husband and I have not had the opportunity to go to school, but have one wonderful baby boy! The plan was to wait for 5 years! 5 years ha, that didn't happen. I think a decision like this is very, very personal. It is between you and your husband. Statistically, yes you seem ready, but it takes some serious soul searching to know your ready. There is so much that changes with a child and you need to be ready to be completely selfless toward your spouse, and he to you. You have to be ready to put a little someone before you 24/7. That is what you need to decide, am I just wanting a baby because it's time, or am I truly ready to put myself on the backburner in nearly every aspect? Enjoy this time, and if you decide to try and you get pregnant enjoy that time too! This is a beautiful time in your marriage and it will not last forever enjoy it. And enjoy your children when you do have them. That stage is beautiful too. But it will come in it's time don't worry.
    NevaraDBnath1120
  • This is a personal question with social influences! I was raised in NYC and when I was growing up, women were putting off babies for a career. My current neighborhood (3000+ miles away!) couples got married younger and have kids younger. It's sometimes hard to do what's best for you through social expectations, but you must do what's best for you! If DH isn't ready, give him time! For us, I wasn't ready and now I am. It's hard because social pressures are why we have 5 weeks to get back to pre-baby weight, to be do it all moms who master Pinterest. Some of these are laughable but having a kid comes with it's own social pressure like what sports to let them play, what preschool to put them in. Don't let us or these dictate when you start TTC! It'll be hard but it'll be perfect timing when it's the perfect time!


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  • I think that finding "the right time" is a mythical number that doesn't exist. I believe that every couple is different and you have to find your own way. All of my sisters and brothers had at least one child before their 19th birthday. At 24, I am the only one in my family without a child, but for me...having them before wasn't the "right time" for me. I have only been married for 6 months but I now feel like it is "the time". My siblings look at my child free life and think that I should wait longer and enjoy my "freedom" but its not freedom to me. For me, and for my wife, this is "our right time".
    BellaJane918
  • I wouldn't wait if I were you and your heart is saying go for it! Your body can handle it best when your young. i wish I had started sooner. I got married at 24 and had my daughter at 25 but she passed away (sorry for getting off topic) I am going to start trying for my #2 and am now 26. Depending on when i get pregnant I could be 27 when i give birth. So time really does fly!!! Keep in mind your pregnant for almost a year of your life so you really may be 25 when you have the baby not 24 depending on when you get pregnant. I say start the love making !!!!!!!!
  • Married at 23 (after first year of law school), first baby at 28
    Loved having those years to sleep in , eat out, go on vacations, etc. (also had to finish school, pass the bar etc)

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    Everyusernameistaken[Deleted User]
  • I had wanted kids since I was a teen and that desire only got stronger when DH and I got married at 19. He wasn't ready for kids right away so I patiently waited and he decided we could try for kids just before our 2nd anniversary. DD was born a few months after our 3rd anniversary when I was 22. It is totally normal to be experiencing the desire and "need" for a baby right now, but wait until your H is on board. Being a parent will change your life forever and as others have said you don't ever stop being a parent. GL in this journey and make sure to have open communication with your H so you both are on the same page.
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    MyaSch
  • Just thought I'd add my perspective in there...

    I was 22 when I got pregnant, 23 when my DD was born. I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband about when he would ideally like to start trying. I think you're at a point in your life where you know what you want and can bring a child into a stable environment. Good luck to you!
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  • I dont think 24 is too young at all. My H and I waited until I was 27 to start TTC and I am now 6 months along and will be 28 when I deliver.  In reality, I wish we would have started earlier. I have many friends in late 20's and early 30's that are having such a difficult time TTC and it terrifies me. I always wanted 3 children but I worry about having kids in my 30's. I know that many people have no problems and I don't think that it is 'too' old- I just worry as so many close to me have had issues...and gone into debt because they were TTC.

    We also had a checklist to get ourselves together and I think when it comes down to it, no one is ever 100% ready. There will always be something that needs to be worked on.

    It really is a personal choice- talk to your hubby and see why he is hesitant...and then go from there!

    In the interim, have fun practising!

     

     

     

     

  • First of all, you should both be ready.  Instead of having the baby right now focus on doing some of the things you want to do before you have children.  My husband and I were married in August, I am 25 and he is 26.  We had been living together for a while before we got married and both of us decided to have a baby right after we are married.  I am now 7 months pregnant, and the honeymoon that we were going to take this winter didn't happen.  We did go skiing for a couple of days at the beginning of my second trimester.  But being pregnant does make things harder.  What I am trying to say is plan some things that you would really want to do before you are pregnant, because while you are pregnant trips aren't easy.  You are quickly tired, sore, and your clothes don't fit.  Once the baby is there, you're going to have even less time!  Plan and enjoy your time with each other, when the time is right and you both feel ready to sacrifice some of your freedom then let the baby fever kick in again! 
  • I second what PP said, talk to your DH and see when he thinks might be a good time. If the two of you are able to come up with a timeline then having it planned out a bit more may help baby fever. (Fyi I'm a crazy planner)
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  • edited April 2014
    I had baby fever at 24 as well. The timing just wasn't right though because we were still in college.  The last semester of college, my husband got baby fever. I'm happy I waited until he was onboard. I got pregnant in November after graduation, and turned 26 in the following February. I don't think you're too young, you just have to make sure he`s with you on it. 

    Edited to add: Also, I think sometimes guys don't tend to look too far into the future. Like my oldest brother didn't think about any future children he might have when he bought a house in a bad school district. Now they're stuck there and thankfully, their children are little geniuses so they can go to a special school, otherwise they would have been put in the worst/crime ridden schools in our area. 

    I would never say to push your husband into something because that doesn't work, but maybe check to make sure that he's thinking ahead. If you want three children and you want to space them out by six years, now would be the time to do it if you want to be young still. If you are cool with just one child or having them all close together, that's another option. If you're cool with being an older mom, then that's fine too. Communication is key.
  • My hubby and I were married when he was 22 and I was 23. We are about to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversy and we are now expecting our first child a month after our anniversary! I can't tell you how happy I am that we waited the years we did to just be together. We've learned a lot about each other and how we work together and apart. He was the one that always seemed to want kids, and I was the one encouraging us to wait! He is more than thrilled and I am getting on board ;) We are very much looking forward to experiencing this next step together! It's obviously a personal choice, but I wouldn't trade in those years of just us for anything! 
    NevaraDB
  • I can relate, I got married at 21 and by the time I'm due I will be 24. I have always wanted to have kids young (before I'm 25 at least) but I waited until MH was ready & gave the green light. Something went off in his head on his 25th birthday & he decided he was ready to start trying. My advice would be to wait till he's ready. You don't want to push him too much.

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  • I was 25. That was just right for me. Where I come from people tend to start even younger so I thought I was being responsible by "waiting" till 25. DH and I already had 5 yrs of time to just enjoy each other and we were both ready. I wouldn't push anything on your DH if he's not ready but that doesn't mean you can't bring it up every so often to remind him it's still on your mind.
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  • I married my husband at 23 and I'm now 24 and 18 weeks pregnant. We didn't wait long after we got married but we have been together for 5 years and living together for 3.5 of those years. We  both graduated school and we bought a house before we were married. We've talked about having children pretty much from the start of our relationship and decided since we are both in steady jobs now was a good time. My parents were young parents and I got to do so many wonderful things with them that my friends with older parents didn't get to do. However if the hubs wasn't on the same page I definitely wouldn't push the issue. I work in a childcare center and I know it's a lot of work and responsibility. I definitely wouldn't force him into that. 

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  • ajacot924ajacot924 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Photogenic
    edited April 2014
    I don't think anyone can answer that question except for you and your husband. In my experience, I had to weigh the emotional feeling behind wanting a child and whether or not we were ready (emotionally, financially, career-wise, etc.). I got married at 21 and got big time baby fever. I decided that if I still felt that way in one year, we would go for it. After the year had passed, the emotions had passed (I still wanted a child, but it didn't feel like a "baby fever" level urge) and we knew it was better to wait. I am now 27 and I feel like I am in a much better place in my life in regards to all of the above mentioned categories to have a child. While I don't think I would have regretted it at 22, I am glad we waited. But like I said, only you and your husband can answer that. I agree with other posters, if your husband isn't ready, you should wait. 
  • I am currently 25 and DH is 26. When in high school and just after I was convinced that I wanted kids right away. I didn't meet my DH until I was 20 and didn't get married until I was 22. We still don't have kids but DH is finally starting to feel ready. He even sends me random baby names he thinks of at work. I was all sorts of baby crazy when we first were married but I am so glad that we have waited to TTC. I want for him to be excited with me while I am prego. We come from an environment where people get married typically before they are 21 and start having kids right away. I think that you are being smart by waiting on the hubby. Another suggestion that I would have is something that I hadn't thought about until recently but look into and learn as much as you can about the pregnancy and labor stuff. It's crazy how much isn't discussed and I would much rather learn about the scary stuff (like risks of different meds and such that they typically use) while I don't have the crazy hormones making me cry all of the time. 
  • We got married when I was 24 and had my son at 26.  I don't think 24 is too young for a married couple to have a baby.  If you BOTH want a baby, I say go for it.  It sounds like you have most things in order.  

    If you DH isn't ready yet...wait.  Give him some more time.
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  • Got married at 27 and started TTC at 30.  We have had a crazy few years with school and moves etc but I am really glad we have waited a while to have kids.  We have gotten to travel Europe, have some last few crazy weekends and still have the luxury of doing things last minute.  We are both on board TTC but I totally will have a melt down when I get a BFP- then take a deep breath and be happy to enter the next stage of our relationship.
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  • There is no right or wrong time to start a family. That's between you and your husband. I am 25 and have been married one year and we're talking about having kids in the next year. For us, that's what we want. It sounds like you are ready but your husband isn't, yet. Explore that more. Make a list of any goals or dreams that you want to accomplish pre-kids. How would your life change after kids? How would that affect you? How would that affect him? 

    For me, my main desire in life is to be a stay at home mom. That's my goal. So there is nothing holding us back except getting our finances in tip-top shape, fine-tuning some health issues, etc. Then we have the green light. Figure out why your light is yellow, and decide whether it should turn red or green. It's up to you!
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  • I was married at 19 (one week shy of 20), and DH and I started TTC a year later. Fast-forward three and a half years, we are still riding the TTC train with no baby. I believe that I was ready at 21 (it also helps that DH was 29 at the time), and I feel MORE than ready now at almost 25. It is a personal choice, and DH might just need a bit of time to feel out the idea.
  • Crow22Crow22 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Young? Yeah, I was married at 18, had my first kid by 19. And no, it wasn't a 'teen mom knocked up in high school' scenario, more like, my ex husband is 8 years older then me and was the ready one. So yep, super young. If y'all have good heads on ya and feel ready, and you're both wanting a baby, get going! And after babies come, people who truly want to stay together, make time for each other, that's just how it goes. You make all situations work. Does that mean I'm telling everyone to get married as young as I did? Nope, but honestly the thing I would change most is who I chose to marry, not my choice to have kids. My little dude's are awesome, and now at 26 yrs, pregnant with #3, I've got the right guy and the right life :) Despite my prior decisions, I'm happy with the outcome of my life :)
  • You are not physically too young to have a baby.  That part is obvious.  but are you emotionally ready?  From reading your post, it sounds like: you are emotionally ready and you have experience with kids, which will help you.  Yes, you are ready.  However, parenting takes two.  Is your husband ready?  If I were you, I would sit down with him, and make sure you have clear communication on: his fears, his hesitation, and what timeline he would like to have children.  Sometimes men tend to not plan ahead, and remember it will be 9 months from the time you conceive till the time you have the baby.  Plan out a timeline together that you are both comfortable with.

  • I had my daughter when I turned 19 and I just found out we're expecting again and I just turned 22. I will admit that I wish I had time to travel and have my own experiences before I had my own family, but I'm now more excited that someday I'll be able to take my kids with me for these adventures. We're planning a Disney trip for September of 2015 and at least one big trip every year. We aren't rich by any means, my boyfriend works as a medical assistant and I'm still in school, but we're making ends meet and choose to use our tax refunds as something fun we can do all together.

    If I were in your position, I would take the next year to travel and do whatever it is you want to do without children (or needing to get a babysitter) so that you can start seriously working on having your own family.

    Best of luck! :)
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  • I don't think age is the issue here. Personally, DH and I got married when I was 3 days shy of my 29th birthday and we aren't planning to TTC #1 until this summer - right before I turn 31. For me, I wanted my 20s to be about, well, ME. I cannot fathom the idea of having a child at 21, 23, or even 26. However, as a PP stated, I live in an area when it's very common to get married late and have kids late - our only friends with children had them at 31 and 32.

    That being said, the real issue is readiness. If your DH isn't ready, then you both aren't ready. You can only move as fast as your DH. If you both have the financial stability and desire, and feel secure with having a child then go for it. If not, then wait. If DH isn't on board, then that's that.
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  • OP, like you, when I was very young, I experienced the baby fever - all I could think of was babies.  I craved them like one craves chocolate.  It would make me so sad to see babies that I couldnt go home with.  I would babysit and it would leave me longing to be a mom.  I was a very mature teenager and young adult (I preferred quiet conversations over partying and hanging around kids over being with immature kids my age - adults around me always said I acted about 10 years older).  I met my husband at 15 and we got married when I turned 18.  We waited until almost 21 (and hubby 25) to have my son (and that wait felt like forever!).  We were financially set and were very happy and very much in love. 

    Initially, he wasn't ready, but it was all I could talk and think about so he finally was convinced that we should try.  Once my DS was born, I was ecstatic.  This had been what I had wanted for so many years.  But unfortunately, hubs was not as thrilled to see my affection go to another.  He was not as mature as me and becoming a dad did not work out for us.  Seeing the lack of effort and enthuism on his part really disappointed me and it became a huge strain on our marriage.  I ended things when my son was a year old because it was not getting better. 

    My son is now 13 years old and I don't ever regret having him, even if I had a long period of being a single parent as a result.  He is still the best thing that ever happened to me. 

    I agree with most people here that you BOTH have to be ready 100% - yours may handle fatherhood way better than my ex, but I figured I'd share my experience in case it helps to get a different perspective. 

    Good luck and when it's time, I am sure you will both make wonderful parents, no matter your age.

  • I was married at 22, and I remember a lot of people talking behind our backs saying we were only getting married because I was pregnant (which I wasn't), and it drove me nuts! Don't worry about what the rest of the world and maybe even those around you might say about being too young. If you have your financial and relationship ducks in a row and if/when you're both wanting a baby, then go for it.

    I was married just over a year when we had our first baby (would have been 9 months after the honeymoon if DH didn't need a little more time), and while it was a planned, wanted pregnancy, we were young, exhausted, and inexperienced but it was the best decision for us, and like most parents, there's no regret.
  • Compromise with him he says 5 years say 2 or so. But even I have baby fever now too.
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  • bdl4349bdl4349 member
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    edited May 2014
    I got married at 21 and found out I was pregnant in March... I will be 24 when the baby is born. Are we ready? Not even close! Excited... yep! It's all up to you. I don't know if anyone is ever ready but do what you and your husband want. Just both be on the same page because it will help in the long run!
  • I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 20 and we just found out a few weeks ago that I'm pregnant (7 Weeks Today) and surprisingly he was really on board when he found out. It took a few days for it to set in for him but I think he's more okay with the idea of baby than I was/am. I dont think it matters how old or young you are, but that you put all the love you can into the baby and remember all the responsibilities and whatnot that come with parenthood. I wouldnt have had it any other way, I may be young but I feel ready. 
  • i was reading all your ladies' comment, all i can think of is, you all are so young. I doesn't even know what I was doing/ thinking in my 20s. I guess I was busy searching my (career) path and being depressed :( . Anyway, I got married when I was 28, and I think I still have many year till I have to think about babies. Today, I am 30 and DH is 37. I suddenly realize we doesn't have much time, the quality of the eggs & womb start going down at 34, it gets harder to get preggo. I wish I thinking about babies a few years earlier. 
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  • Some guys are different. My man is more ready for another baby than me. After 3 premature births. 2 resulting in death in nicu. I really don't want another baby because 1. High risk pregnancy 2. Depressed 3. I am scared.
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  • OMG i am sorry to hear that. :( 
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  • My husband and I were married when I was 19. I know what you mean when you talk about your husband being the best thing ever and still feeling that way, we have been married close to three years now and I still have butterflies when I talk about him and am with him. We thought we would wait about five years because we were so young, but we are Christians and really want Jesus to lead us in all things so right around our first anniversary we felt it on our hearts to trust God and not be on birth control anymore. We found about three weeks later that we were pregnant with our now nine month old daughter Maxine. Our marriage has only gotten better since she has been born. We love every second of being married and being parents. So while many may have tons of practicals to think about, I truly believe you will know when it's right. And if you find out you are expecting before you feel ready, you have nine months to be equipped and to prepare. Plus you will never truly be ready, it's always a learning process and I hope to learn how to be good at this for the rest of my life. 

    Anyway if you care to read more of my thoughts on parenthood I write at www.thewanderyears.co!

    Good luck, follow your heart! 
  • My husband and I were married when I was 19. I know what you mean when you talk about your husband being the best thing ever and still feeling that way, we have been married close to three years now and I still have butterflies when I talk about him and am with him. We thought we would wait about five years because we were so young, but we are Christians and really want Jesus to lead us in all things so right around our first anniversary we felt it on our hearts to trust God and not be on birth control anymore. We found about three weeks later that we were pregnant with our now nine month old daughter Maxine. Our marriage has only gotten better since she has been born. We love every second of being married and being parents. So while many may have tons of practicals to think about, I truly believe you will know when it's right. And if you find out you are expecting before you feel ready, you have nine months to be equipped and to prepare. Plus you will never truly be ready, it's always a learning process and I hope to learn how to be good at this for the rest of my life. 

    Anyway if you care to read more of my thoughts on parenthood I write at www.thewanderyears.co!

    Good luck, follow your heart! 

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  • I will be having baby #2 and 3 this year at the age if 26. DH was on the same page with me 100% with wanting kids. (I should note he will turn 25 right before these babies come). Also, you never know how hard/easy it will be to get pregnant. It could take 1 try it could take 20+. You could end up with two babies like we did this time around. You have to know it's more complex than "we want a baby". But when your both ready then age doesn't matter.
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  • I also got married when I was 22, but DH was 27.  We waited four years and we are expecting our first baby to arrive any day now.  I think what you're feeling is totally normal, but if your husband needs some time, let him have it.  I am personally so glad that we waited and enjoyed time as a married couple before having kids- especially because I was so young when we got married (something I would never change.)  We've had time to appreciate our marriage and do things together that we couldn't have done otherwise, not to mention nurture friendships that probably would have gotten tossed aside if we had a kid sooner.  Since we waited a lot of my friends are on the same page now, and they wouldn't have been if we had a baby when I was 23 or 24.  It's nice to have a support system around you, and not just from your husband!  I know baby fever is difficult to push aside, but I don't think you'll regret waiting.
  • Girl, wait! Sounds like you have a lovely life. Use that stability to enrich yourself. You can travel the world, learn new hobbies and skills, plant a garden, own a pet, learn a language, learn to play an instrument, get a graduate degree, make your dreams come true! And most importantly, learn about you and what makes you, you! A wordly, self aware adult makes the best parent. Age aint nothing but a number, true, but wisdom is something that takes time and can't be replaced. Take advantage of the big beautiful world, at least for a few years. Your future children will thank you for it. 
  • I am 22 and just married. I've pretty much had baby fever since I was 19 (and my husband also can't wait to have a baby), but I definitely want to wait until my mid to late twenties before TTC. Maybe even later. My husband is also wanting to wait until the time is right. What really helps me is to just remind myself that once I have a baby, I can't "un-have" a baby, but if I don't have a baby, I can always have one. 

    We have a list of things we want to do before we have a baby - a few big vacations, and a few years of being able to sleep in on the weekends. If you're trying to talk yourself out of it, focus on your life now. Find  a new hobby!
  • Its not about age, its about if you and your H are ready! You both need to want it and be ready for it and make sure that it is a responsible decision. I got married just shy of 21 and our 3yr anniversary is in august and I am snuggling my 2 month old dd as i type this. Age is just a number, there are many other factors that need to be considered

    note: I did not read all the other responses.
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  • I know that feel, girl! My DH and I are 24 and 22, respectively, got married right before senior year of college and will be celebrating two years of marriage next month! We've been talking about it for YEARS (literally, since our first and only "scare" when I was 16) and have recently decided that the time is right. I definitely wouldn't say you're too young or I'd be a hypocrite, but make sure your DH is 100% on board! Good luck!
  • I don't think anyone thinks your crazy. I know I don't, I got pregnant when I was 18 & I love my son with all my heart. Yes I was young,  I say make that decision one you and your husband make together because it affects both of you, for the baby fever a pet is very good especially puppy's they are just like baby's I wish you and your husband all the best of luck. image
  • I love babies.  I also love traveling.  Had I gotten pregnant when I was younger and less well off, I wouldn't have realized how much I loved to travel and see the world!  Now that I have more money, I am able to do those things. If I had a kid, I never probably would have realized that.  

    I totally think its your choice if you want to have a kid and support it.  But like anything, there are going to be long term impacts as a result of your choices.  (which aren't always bad either!)
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  • It's super important that you are BOTH 100% ready. My husband and I were at the same place you are. We were torn between starting a family and enjoying our freedom a bit longer. We decided to take a big trip! The time I spent planning the trip consumed all of my free time so I had no time to think about a baby. We enjoyed our vacation, came home with clear heads. We spent the next few months taking weekend trips and really enjoying traveling together and spending time alone. Soon after that we felt like we were ready to start a family. We just needed that little extra time to experience eachother. Now we have a one year old and another baby on the way and we couldn't be more in love. Life hasn't ended... we still travel and have fun but it's family fun and we wouldn't change it.
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  • I got married at 18, my husband at the time wanted kids immeidately, but my gut told me not to.... at 25 I filed for divorce from him.....  Im 29 now, have since been re-married and have a little girl and also have a little boy on the way. 

    EVERY person is different though, I have two friends of mine from high school that married their high school sweethearts, both have kids and are still very happily married.  My advice is to go with your gut, my gut thankfully told me to wait.

  • Rebecca, I'm in the same boat as you. A little different situation I had my first child then got married. Now I'm 24 and 4 months onto my second. And it is AMAZING! I never loved a human more in my life. It's an absolute blessing to watch something you created grow up in front of you. But there are some things I would love to do by myself. Even the smallest thing like food shopping, going pee alone, blow drying my hair. Not only date nights, time with friends, but time for yourself and simple chores go out the window too. Not completely but it's a lot more complex and a lot of organizing and planning just to put away the groceries. If I were you I'd really talk with your husband and find some of the things on your bucket list you haven't done and DO THEM! It's a lot harder when you have a baby bjorn strapped too you. But if you feel like this is something you really want, there's no better end result. I didn't get to do everything I wanted but I have everything I need right at home. 
  • Oh my goodness I hear you on this in such an EXCESSIVELY big way. I always wanted to be a young mom (married at 22) but DH want ready and asked for a 4-5 year wait. I have been feeling that crazy woman my-ovaries-will-burst feeling for four years now. We're going to start in 2015 and poor DH has no idea how much of this crazy woman I've been holding back all this time lest I freak him out. If all goes well with TTC I'll be a mom at 27. Not bad but truely not the 24 I had envisioned.

    I think it's most important to come up with a timeline that works for you both. Something that he's comfortable with and you can handle. You have to respect that it's his life too.

    That being said DH's eyes were about the size of dinner plates when I reminded him of the timeline we had set together ;)

  • I will say the hardest thing, relationship-wise, was that when you have a kid you suddenly have someone that you both care about more than your partner. Where you may be willing, even happy, to make compromises for each other in every aspect of your life... when you differ on what is /best/ for your child, it can create great tension. 

    So while you are figuring things out, and your DH is not feeling quite ready, take this opportunity to talk about all the things. That's one thing I wish we had done. 

    Thoughts about birth? Hospital, medicated, natural, home? Midwife or OB? In what way would he support you?
    Feeding baby. Breastfeeding? Formula feeding? Pumping? Who handles nighttime feedings, how can he support you in that? Extended nursing? How old is "too old"?
    Baby's sleep. What are your/his thoughts on cry-it-out? Cosleeping? Baby in your room in crib, baby in cosleeper, baby in own room? 
    Circumcision, if it's a boy. Yes? No? Why?
    Are you going to work or be a stay-at-home-mom? How will you two handle housework, what are his expectations there?
    /School/. This was a big one for us, though I guess it's probably more straightforward for others. Public school? Private school? Homeschool?
    Discipline is another big one. Where are you both on the subject of spanking? Time outs? Methods for handling tantrums? 
    What are your thoughts/expectation about gender roles? Do either of you mind if your son plays with Barbies and wants his hair to be long? Do you expect your daughter to wear pink and avoid superheroes? 
    Finances. Part of this is the whether or not you'll be working. Do you intend to save money? Buy a house? Start a savings for the baby? A college fund? Do you have health insurance that will cover the birth you want? Can you easily afford formula (if you're FF)? What changes might you need to make to accommodate a baby?

    Those are just some ideas... and I'm not suggesting that you sit him down and interrogate him, lol. But since he's not ready, take this time to start learning about these subjects and bringing them up to discuss with him "for the future."

    My fella and I had babies young. We met at age 20, were engaged by 21, married by 22, had our first baby by 23 and second baby at 26. Now we'll have our third at age 28. And I don't regret it /at all/. We just switched up the order. We put off our traveling, exploring, adventuring days for awhile - we'll do it in our forties, and that's fine with me (or sooner, with the kids! if finances ever allow).

    My only regret is that we didn't discuss some of the above subjects ahead of time. We dealt with them as they came up, and we're pretty damn good at communicating so we've managed, but it's led to some pretty tense conversations and some bad feelings that I think could have been avoided if I'd had more foresight to figure this stuff out with him beforehand. For us the big ones were circumcision (I was against, he was for), school (I wanted to homeschool, he wanted public school), and discipline (we had to find a middle ground, he was much more severe than I). BFing and cosleeping he was iffy on with the first baby - he felt like it was going to last forever, and the idea of extended BFing was weird to him. By the second baby he just took it for granted, lol. 

    Anyway. Just a thought. You should really wait for your DH to be ready, but that doesn't mean you can't start preparing. Read books. Figure out what you want. Figure out what your DH thinks. Find what works for both of you. Then you'll both /really/ be ready when the time is right.

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  • Thanks for all the great feedback! A little follow up:
    I would NEVER force or trick DH into this. EVER. No offense to anyone, but I think tricking your husband and either going off the pill or whatever without telling him and without his support is just stupid. I don't want to try for kids until HE wants to try for kids too.  This is definitely a both person decision.
    Someone mentioned a great point: spend lots of time with kids of all ages, babysitting, etc. This is almost what makes me think I'm ready actually because I spent all of middle school and high school babysitting, I was a full time nanny at one point, I volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center and I work for my church in the children's department.  Now instead of coming home going 'whew, so glad it's just the two of us!' or coming back from a playdate with my ADORABLE bundle of energy nephew saying "I love him but OH MAN do I need a break" I find myself wanting to go back, I want that for us now.  My attitude towards all that is going from "glad I'm done" to "I want more!"
    But really, I'm encouraged to hear fellow young wives that think these feelings are totally normal. I agree: When DH is ready, I'm ready. I just kind of wish he'd be ready sooner :D
    I am in the same situation! My husband and I are almost 23, and I have horrible baby fever! We are trying to get our finances together in order to have a child. We have discussed trying in May when I graduate from college, and hopefully have some money saved up, but my DH is not completely sure if he will be ready by then. I totally get what you're feeling!
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  • Hi, a prespective from the flip side -my husband and I were together 15 years before we got married, we did all the stuff we thought we needed to do first - lots of travel, worked hard, built a business (him) and a career (me), renovated houses and set ourselves up. Then we got married and spent years trying to get pregnant and failing. We still wondered if we were "ready", if we were doing the right thing or if I lives were full enough...we flip-flopped between still trying to have a baby or being happy as we were just the two of us.   Happily (I'm 39 now) I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and we are both happy (still nervous) about it. But...it was a long hard road to get here.
    There's never a perfect time to have a baby, and if you wait too long to get everything ready - your body (or his) might have other ideas.
    Ultimately, if he isn't ready yet, then its not a good idea to push (or worse- trap him) into it. 
    But, lots of talking, and maybe even investigating your fertility early in case it may be an issue might be a good start. 
    Our parents were 22 when they had us, and we have a great adult relationship with them. They are like my best friends.   I wish I had done it earlier but hindsight is a wonderful thing. By the time I am ready to retire, my child will be only 20 and most likely still at home, so I wont have the freedom to go back to all the fun stuff once i finish work either - so I did it early and might miss out later - or worse, leave my kids parentless at a younger age than I would like as we are not getting any younger.  Either way, sacrifices are made, and you can only make decisions based on how you feel for now.  Best wishes
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  • I got married at 20 and now 2 wonderful years later with my husband we decided we wanted to TTC. I believe that it is a feeling that you have to go with. If you feel everything is in line and you both are ready to be responsible for another human life I say go for it. There is no set age to have a child. It's maturity and ready and willingness to put someone's needs before your own.
  • I got pregnant at 20, I'm going to be a single mommy since the "father" doesn't want to be involved. This will sound insane but I was ready to be  a mother at 18. I know it's very young but you'd be amazed at how fast I was prepared when I saw those lines. I'll never regret my choice to become a mother and my daughter (everyone even the docs say girl and so do I) is my absolute world. Talk about it with him. Maybe schedule tests to make sure you're both healthy for when you're ready to conceive you positively can. It only took me a month and a half lol but I kept at it relentlessly!
  • rissatey94rissatey94 member
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    edited September 2014
    Likewise, I am 20 years old and I'm having my first child after having many miscarriages and trying with the wrong guys. You wouldn't want to push it if he's not gun hoe about tiny feet running thru your home just yet. 

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  • You aren't ready if he doesn't want a baby. That's sort of end of discussion. 

    I got married at 21, after 3 years of living with my husband. Our marriage is really strong and we are best friends. I am now 24 and happily pregnant with our first. It was planned and did not feel early at all to us. We finished college, bought a house, have a great flexible jobs, and are ready for the next step. We also had a lot of fun - we have traveled, sky dived, gone on nice vacations, etc. This baby was conceived on the other side of the world lol. We are ready for the next step and age has pretty much nothing to do with it. 

    Also, kids do not make it where you never have fun again. You will have different kinds of fun. You will have to mature and deal with new struggles. We are the type who spend our anniversary at the aquarium and a perfect night is pizza and netflix. We aren't going to miss too much and are just so excited to meet this new little family member in February!  
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  • Just to add - I live in an area where getting married young and having kids young is very common. When we announced our pregnancy everyone said it was about time. Not because of our ages but because we had been together so long and it is just expected. We don't feel too young at all. When the baby comes I'll be 25 and DH 27. We want 2 or 3 kids. 
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  • Hi!

    My husband and I started dating four years ago, got engaged in 2013, and married in June of this year! And, two months later, we're pregnant! Not gonna lie, we didn't completely plan this, however, I couldn't be happier. Like you, I had baby fever like none other. Heck, I had it before I got married. Everyone told us we should wait to have kids, but EVERYONE has their own opinion and will live their own life! Everyone does it different! What works for some won't work for all. Being that my husband and I have been together for so long, we were both already wanting a baby. As to the people who say you're young and got married young (I also got married at 22), well I just like to think of those love stories where the grandma and grandpa are 90 and got married at 17 and had kids at 20 and so on. That's how it used to be. Times are changing, however, so it's really up to you! If you guys feel financially ready, talk to your husband and go for it. And heck, even if you don't feel financially ready, if you get pregnant, you will MAKE yourself be financillay ready. So that's my two cents. You followed your brain for two years. You can follow your heart now if you want! Oh, my mom always says, if you wait a year, you'll still be young! True! But also think about how many kids are you wanting to have and where will that put you age wise when you're ready to be done? and yadah yadah, good luck!!!!
  • I'm only 22, i'm not married but we've been together for years. As a PP said, i also live in an area where it's very very common to have a baby around this age, though the trend in this area is also long engagements and having kids before marriage.
  • It definitely sounds like you guys are in a good position to have children, but I agree with some of the PPs. If your DH isn't 100% on board, but also isn't necessarily avoiding the idea then you shouldn't push him. Keep loving your married life and just let it happen naturally.

    Enjoy your "you" time. Take a romantic vacation. Maybe come up with a "cradle  list" of all the stuff you and DH want to do before getting tied down and start doing them so that when you do start TTC conceive there's no apprehension and you're both actively excited about the whole process.
  • It sounds like you guys are really on the ball and I don't think you're too young (I had my first son at 20). However, if your husband isn't ready...don't push it. 
  • I didn't read any of this thread. But OP, I just turned 24, hubby will be 24 in January. Our oldest will be 3 in December and youngest is 13 months, thinking about #3.
  • fmf5fmf5 member
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    edited October 2014
    Lurker from TTGP. I wouldn't say you're "too young" for TTC. Although I guess it is really just a personal opinion. I am 20, will be 21 in march/SO is 29, and I am TTC (call me crazy but we are ready so that's all that matters) But I agree with others on if your H isn't ready yet I wouldn't push it. Or talk to him about it more because it can take up to a year, maybe longer, to actually conceive. And I read on the newbie blog that the younger you are the more likely it is to conceive, After I Wanna Say 20 your chances of conception decrease, so as long as you feel you're ready go for it. If I am wrong please someone correct me on what I've read in the newbie blog. Good luck!
  • I was married at 21 and had my son at 23. Age is often just a number. What really matters is how you and your husband feel. It doesn't seem like your husband is quite ready yet and that can lead to feelings of resentment later on. I do wish that I had traveled more before I started my family. I can see his point about enjoying each other and having fun a little bit longer. Love on your friends babies and wait for your husband to come around!

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  • My dad told me (after my hubby and I had been married about 6 months) you're never really going to be ready to start a family, so don't worry about it too much. Once you've made the decision, or the decision has made itself, you just kind of roll with the punches, and that's kind of how life is too I think. Sometimes we just have to take it day by day and have faith that it will work out with a little hard work and a lot of love. 
  • 22 is not what I would consider "very young". Just from society's standpoint, that's considered an acceptable age for a woman (especially a married woman) to begin thinking about and starting a family. :)
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  • Hi! I got married at 20, now I'm 24 and six  months pregnant. Only you know when it is right for you. My in-laws were certain that DH and I would not be married this long, but here we are, happier than ever and they are getting their first grandchild. 
    I've known a lot of people who had babies much younger than 24, and with a lot less financial stability.
    My point is, everyone is different and you should do what you feel is best.

    A year and a half ago, when I started feeling baby fever, I talked to DH about it and we decided to wait six months and then if we still felt ready, we'd go for it.

    Hope this helps! :)
  • fmf5 said:
    Lurker from TTGP. I wouldn't say you're "too young" for TTC. Although I guess it is really just a personal opinion. I am 20, will be 21 in march/SO is 29, and I am TTC (call me crazy but we are ready so that's all that matters) But I agree with others on if your H isn't ready yet I wouldn't push it. Or talk to him about it more because it can take up to a year, maybe longer, to actually conceive. And I read on the newbie blog that the younger you are the more likely it is to conceive, After I Wanna Say 20 your chances of conception decrease, so as long as you feel you're ready go for it. If I am wrong please someone correct me on what I've read in the newbie blog. Good luck!
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  • I got married at 19, DH 20 at the time. We are now 23 and 24 and married almost 4 years. We will start trying after our 4th anniversary. We would have earlier but our finances wouldn't have allowed me to work only part time and still buy a house etc early.
  • My fiancé and I did things completely backwards. After only dating three months we got pregnant with our first, not by choice, all though we were not using any contraceptive. Anyways, believe it or not we had talked many times in that first few months about having children.  At the time I was 21, and he was 23.  He said he would like to have kids by 25, but we didn't put the pressure on to have kids, we just let it happen. 

    Four years later, we are expecting baby number two in five short weeks and could not be happier.

    We have had to struggle a little, but if anything having our fist child, got our priorities straight.  There are times when we wish we had "us" time, but that's what babysitters and date nights are for!

    We wanted to have children young so we could enjoy their childhood with them. And when they are ready to be out of the house, we will be young enough to enjoy adulthood still!

  • I agree with the first poster: I'd wait until your husband is ready too. It's fun seeing how excited they are about the entire process.
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  • bmo88bmo88 member
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    edited November 2014
    911Diva said:
    Our society looks down on wanting to start families young. When the reality is that is exactly what we are suppose to do. There will never be enough time, money, ect. You do however need to get your husband on board I would't do anything without him. You both need to be on the same page. This is a great article I read about starting a family young vs waiting. I think 24 and 2 years of marriage is normal not to mention it could take a year for a normal healthy couple to get pregnant. 

    While I am not against having children young, I don't think it's right to say it's what "we are supposed to do." From a biological standpoint, perhaps, but that's a pretty primitive approach. And there are a lot of reasons why some people shouldn't be young parents. 

    What you should do is have children when you and your partner are ready to have children. 

    I will also add, that is a really odd, poorly written blog post (wouldn't call it an article). It's a biased perspective and provides no evidence for it's outlandish claims. It says more people are immature these days and that it is probably linked to people waiting to get married/have children (according to what study). It also assumes that you don't "grow up" until you get married and have children. Well, that's just plain stupid. It's a terrible assumption to think that if you do those things you will automatically "grow up" and become mature. Instead, people should be mature and be grown, responsible adults before they engage in either endeavor. That happens for people at different ages and stages. That blog gave really poor advice, sorry.
    Me: 28 | DH: 29
    Dating: August 2003 | Married: August 2013
    TTC #1: January 2017

    Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
    [Deleted User][Deleted User][Deleted User]aditigirl
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  • edited November 2014
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  • bmo88bmo88 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic
    edited December 2014

    911Diva said:
    bmo88 said:
    911Diva said:
    Our society looks down on wanting to start families young. When the reality is that is exactly what we are suppose to do. There will never be enough time, money, ect. You do however need to get your husband on board I would't do anything without him. You both need to be on the same page. This is a great article I read about starting a family young vs waiting. I think 24 and 2 years of marriage is normal not to mention it could take a year for a normal healthy couple to get pregnant. 

    While I am not against having children young, I don't think it's right to say it's what "we are supposed to do." From a biological standpoint, perhaps, but that's a pretty primitive approach. And there are a lot of reasons why some people shouldn't be young parents. 

    What you should do is have children when you and your partner are ready to have children. 

    I will also add, that is a really odd, poorly written blog post (wouldn't call it an article). It's a biased perspective and provides no evidence for it's outlandish claims. It says more people are immature these days and that it is probably linked to people waiting to get married/have children (according to what study). It also assumes that you don't "grow up" until you get married and have children. Well, that's just plain stupid. It's a terrible assumption to think that if you do those things you will automatically "grow up" and become mature. Instead, people should be mature and be grown, responsible adults before they engage in either endeavor. That happens for people at different ages and stages. That blog gave really poor advice, sorry.
    I say young as in 22-26 years old the average Americans are waiting well into their 30's to have children today. It is becoming less common to see couples in their 20's with children as the blog states and that is based in real studies. We have the lowest birth rate we have every had in years due to people waiting longer and longer to have children. Young adults are less mature than they use to be because another study also shows that we have more young adults living at home with their parents today than we have ever had in history. Young adults especially young men are not moving out and starting families like they use to and it is obvious in our culture. With getting married and having a family their is a different level of commitment and maturity that comes with that you don't need a study to now that it is common sense. Our society looks down on having families in your 20's and all I was saying is there are benefits to not waiting until you are in your 30's. 
    @911Diva What studies are you citing (peer reviewed) that the reason is because people are less mature? Many young adults also live at home because the economy is crappy and jobs are hard to come by. Young people also delay starting families and buying homes because they are buried in student debt and don't have stable incomes. Times have changed. Yes, many people do wait longer to have children. But I don't think it's mainly because of immaturity. That is an incredibly narrow sighted perspective. 

    Women have far more options than they ever had in the past regarding education and careers. I am sure that has something to do with the decision too. More people are obtaining higher degrees, which delays when you get a career and when you are stable enough for marriage and kids. There are so many other factors than simply "maturity." 

    Also, do not assume that just because you decide to have a child means you are mature. I know plenty of poorly prepared, immature young parents. Getting married is a form of commitment, but it also does not guarantee that someone will be more committed, more mature or more faithful. That is entirely dependent on the individual and their personal growth. 

    Yes, there are benefits to having children young, if that is what someone decides to do. But there are also benefits to waiting until later. Biology does become a factor once you are in your late 30's, but in your early and in mid-30's, women are still capable of successfully conceiving a healthy child. If that is her decision, so be it. If someone wants to have a child young and is truly prepared, then so be it.

    But don't come on here saying "it's what we are supposed to do." 

    ETA: Average american woman gives birth to her first child at 25. Yes there are women who wait longer, but check your facts first. 

    Here are two credible sources, as opposed to a biased blog with a clear agenda...


    Me: 28 | DH: 29
    Dating: August 2003 | Married: August 2013
    TTC #1: January 2017

    Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • Everyone I know has told me "you'll never have enough time, money, knowledge etc. to really be prepared for parenting" but I do think both potential parents should feel that they are in a good place before TTC.  I met my husband when I was 19, we've been living together since I was 21 and we were married when I turned 25, which is really young where I live (NYC area)--most of our friends and acquaintances are years away from marriage and kids (according to them).  I'm now 27 and ready to give birth to our first any second.  However, DH and I had many years of togetherness--living apart, living together and even living with/caring for my two little brothers for two years--and many years of accomplishing our own personal goals--he earned an MS and DC and started a practice and I earned 2 MAs and became a teacher, before we got married and decided to have a child, and my husband was realllllly iffy even after I told him I was pregnant.  It wasn't until I actually started to show and we went to our first ultrasound that it became real for him and he got excited.  I know that this is not the norm for most couples, but I have always pushed DH to reevaluate his priorities and think about the bigger picture--he can be a very shortsighted person whose first concern was always "Will this interfere with my ability to buy/play with toys/electronics/videogames/cars or go out with my friends all the time?" for the first few years we were together, and it took a lot of work and compromise to get to a point where he instead considers "Does this meet my financial/career/relationship/life goals?" instead (he's almost 30 and I'd say he's really only affected this change in the past year and a half).  We are in a good place in our relationship, our finances are the best they can be (we do have school loans but no other debt; we live very comfortably), and are exactly where we want to be in our careers.  

    All this to say, you need to continue to talk to your husband about why he doesn't feel ready--if his concerns are deep and you recognize that they could be detrimental to your child, your relationship and/or your future--like, if he says, "We're still not making enough money to save significantly for a baby this year," or "I feel like I really can't concentrate on a pregnancy and a child until after I get this promotion/pay this debt/complete this project," those are things you may really have to understand and accept, especially if you can establish a timeline for when you'll both be ready.  If, however, it's a selfish concern like that he doesn't want to stop spending ten hours a week on his fantasy football league/he'd rather buy a new sound system for his car/he thinks he's going on an all-summer-long road trip with his buddies, then it merits further discussion and you really need to speak up so that you don't end up resenting him for putting off your wants and goals in favor of superficial things.  Only you know if your husband's feelings are a well-considered refusal or a knee-jerk, unconsidered response, and only you know if you guys are really ready to have a baby at 24--but you should know that your desires are no more or less important and valid than his, especially when it comes to something as serious and bringing a new life into the world.
  • bmo88 said:

    911Diva said:
    bmo88 said:
    911Diva said:
    Our society looks down on wanting to start families young. When the reality is that is exactly what we are suppose to do. There will never be enough time, money, ect. You do however need to get your husband on board I would't do anything without him. You both need to be on the same page. This is a great article I read about starting a family young vs waiting. I think 24 and 2 years of marriage is normal not to mention it could take a year for a normal healthy couple to get pregnant. 

    While I am not against having children young, I don't think it's right to say it's what "we are supposed to do." From a biological standpoint, perhaps, but that's a pretty primitive approach. And there are a lot of reasons why some people shouldn't be young parents. 

    What you should do is have children when you and your partner are ready to have children. 

    I will also add, that is a really odd, poorly written blog post (wouldn't call it an article). It's a biased perspective and provides no evidence for it's outlandish claims. It says more people are immature these days and that it is probably linked to people waiting to get married/have children (according to what study). It also assumes that you don't "grow up" until you get married and have children. Well, that's just plain stupid. It's a terrible assumption to think that if you do those things you will automatically "grow up" and become mature. Instead, people should be mature and be grown, responsible adults before they engage in either endeavor. That happens for people at different ages and stages. That blog gave really poor advice, sorry.
    I say young as in 22-26 years old the average Americans are waiting well into their 30's to have children today. It is becoming less common to see couples in their 20's with children as the blog states and that is based in real studies. We have the lowest birth rate we have every had in years due to people waiting longer and longer to have children. Young adults are less mature than they use to be because another study also shows that we have more young adults living at home with their parents today than we have ever had in history. Young adults especially young men are not moving out and starting families like they use to and it is obvious in our culture. With getting married and having a family their is a different level of commitment and maturity that comes with that you don't need a study to now that it is common sense. Our society looks down on having families in your 20's and all I was saying is there are benefits to not waiting until you are in your 30's. 
    @911Diva What studies are you citing (peer reviewed) that the reason is because people are less mature? Many young adults also live at home because the economy is crappy and jobs are hard to come by. Young people also delay starting families and buying homes because they are buried in student debt and don't have stable incomes. Times have changed. Yes, many people do wait longer to have children. But I don't think it's mainly because of immaturity. That is an incredibly narrow sighted perspective. 

    Women have far more options than they ever had in the past regarding education and careers. I am sure that has something to do with the decision too. More people are obtaining higher degrees, which delays when you get a career and when you are stable enough for marriage and kids. There are so many other factors than simply "maturity." 

    Also, do not assume that just because you decide to have a child means you are mature. I know plenty of poorly prepared, immature young parents. Getting married is a form of commitment, but it also does not guarantee that someone will be more committed, more mature or more faithful. That is entirely dependent on the individual and their personal growth. 

    Yes, there are benefits to having children young, if that is what someone decides to do. But there are also benefits to waiting until later. Biology does become a factor once you are in your late 30's, but in your early and in mid-30's, women are still capable of successfully conceiving a healthy child. If that is her decision, so be it. If someone wants to have a child young and is truly prepared, then so be it.

    But don't come on here saying "it's what we are supposed to do." 

    ETA: Average american woman gives birth to her first child at 25. Yes there are women who wait longer, but check your facts first. 

    Here are two credible sources, as opposed to a biased blog with a clear agenda...


    All of this plus Matt Walsh is a vitriolic assclown so citing anything he says as "proof" of an argument is laughable.
    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]bmo88
  • I got married at 24 and was told we were really young (my parents and aunts that were saying this got married at 21 or 22). My DH and I agreed that we wanted to enjoy married life and have it be just us for a while. We waited until we were 4 years in before we started TTC, and honestly, I had baby fever so many times it wasn't even funny. But we enjoyed our freedom and wanted to wait until we both felt we were ready. Ride out the baby fever, unless both you and your DH agree it is time.
  • Nobody here can tell you when its the perfect age to get pregnant.  There are no magical formulas lol, just when you and your husband feel its the right time.  That being said, I will share my experience and you can draw from it whatever you want :).

    I met my husband when I was 21 going on 22 and he is a year older than I.  We have been together for over 6 years.  I got engaged at 26, and married at 27.  I am now 28 years old, he 29 and we have just now conceived our first child together.  For us, we definitely wanted to wait until we really enjoyed each other not just as boyfriend and girlfriend, but as husband and wife as well.  I have finished most of my life accomplishments.  In my mind you will NEVER be 100% complete in your life goals because something new is ALWAYS going to pop up.  But the point I am trying to make is definitely enjoy each other as well! We knocked a lot of our traveling out before having kids and also set up a CD and added our money to it which should mature around the time I am 4 or 5 months pregnant. 

    But whatever your decision, make sure it is one that you and your husband both agree to.  I know baby fever can be difficult to deal with, but good things can come to those who wait.  How long you wait is up to you! :)

  • I'm sure it's different for each person, but I'll share this - I've been married a hair over 5 months. My husband is 25 and I'm 19. We just found out a few days ago we're expecting our first! We weren't actually planning on having kids for at least a year after we got married (my personal preference - hubby has had baby fever since we got married :p). I think it's nice to have time to yourself for a little while after getting married - but honestly? I think while you're still young is the best time to have kids. I think you should both at least be 90% on board with the idea, but if you're really wanting a little one, talk with your husband about it! I know some couples who waited almost a decade before they had kids, choosing to focus on their careers or other things. Some of them it worked out for - others said they really didn't enjoy the emptiness they felt not having children for that long.
  • bmo88bmo88 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic
    edited December 2014
    chicky4ba said:
    I'm sure it's different for each person, but I'll share this - I've been married a hair over 5 months. My husband is 25 and I'm 19. We just found out a few days ago we're expecting our first! We weren't actually planning on having kids for at least a year after we got married (my personal preference - hubby has had baby fever since we got married :p). I think it's nice to have time to yourself for a little while after getting married - but honestly? I think while you're still young is the best time to have kids. I think you should both at least be 90% on board with the idea, but if you're really wanting a little one, talk with your husband about it! I know some couples who waited almost a decade before they had kids, choosing to focus on their careers or other things. Some of them it worked out for - others said they really didn't enjoy the emptiness they felt not having children for that long.
    Eek...sorry, going to have to say I have heard far more people say they wish they had waited a little longer to have kids, rather than spending some time establishing themselves. I haven't heard too many people say they had an empty void for years (unless they struggled with fertility, which is a different situation).
    Me: 28 | DH: 29
    Dating: August 2003 | Married: August 2013
    TTC #1: January 2017

    Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
    aditigirl[Deleted User]
  • My dh (23) and I (22) were married at the beginning of the year and have just decided a few weeks ago to TTC. We have been talking about when we want children and now seems like this is the right time. We live in a small apartment, make good money (in a few years his salary will significantly increase (60%+), (in 8yrs his salary will more than double).  We are young, healthy, have a good savings built up (saving for a house), great benefits, great maternity pay and are really happy! We've also done a little traveling, but we plan to do a lot more in the next few years.

    The way we look at it is that if we have children now at this young age, by the time our kids are moving out of the house, that will be when we financially are really doing well (seniority with dh's job means he can retire at 50), still relatively young when our kids are moving out (40), and full of energy. If we wait 5-10 years to start our family, we will be a lot older when our kids are finally moving out and might not be in as great health or be able to travel as much.

    I think your dh needs to be on the same page with you though in wanting to start a family. Talk to him about how you're feeling, weigh the pros and cons, be honest and let your voice be heard and valued as well! My husband and I first decided next spring to start ttc. Once we set a time, it became more realistic to start seeing ourselves growing our family and making a baby. Then a few months ago we decided now seems good too!
    TTC: Dec. 2014    -     BFP: Jan. 3rd, 2015    -     EDD: Sept. 15th, 2015   
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