Babies on the Brain

Life after baby with Hubby? Or Wifey?

pempempempem member
Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
edited March 2014 in Babies on the Brain
So my hub and I have been talking about wanting kids ever since we got married ha!  We got married very young (8 years ago), finished up college and grad/law school together, and now we've both been working for a few years.  I'm 28, he's 29.

Once we started working, we had a "5 year plan" but now we're cutting that short by one year and TTC this summer.  It was sudden, and I wondered if it was a rushed decision, but it's been a good 3 months, and we strongly believe it's the right time.  The thing is, we have like too much fun together, truly he is my best friend. We share similar interests in almost everything.  We travel so much all the time. 

I'm super excited, but also very terrified of having children. I'll miss our current freedom and fun. But I get so emo when I think of having a child with him, it makes me so happy.

I wanted to ask, what was your relationship like after having a baby?  Do you still do things together?
jessig13826Cassie Harris

Re: Life after baby with Hubby? Or Wifey?

  • oh my no! 8 years ago ;)
    babe5218[Deleted User]
  • Edited! just in case lol
    TrekkieMom84[Deleted User]
  • I can't take anyone serious who uses wifey.
    image
    SweetTartewillowprincess
  • pempempempem member
    Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    edited March 2014
    Yeah I can see that. But do you miss just being you and husband?
  • We have a different kind of fun now but we look at eachother in amazement when we see our LO and how wonderful he is, we couldn't imagine things any different.  It's a "new" normal :)
    [Deleted User]
  • Its a little different for us because my H travels for work a good bit. When he is home we try to do stuff as a family so we haven't been on a date in almost 3yrs. BUT, our relationship is stronger than ever, we have us time when the boys go to bed, and we still have a good sex life. It is definitely different than before kids but I love it. 


    Handprints on the cupboards and shoes in the hall.
    Toilet seats up and there's mud on the wall.
    The shelves in the kitchen are continually bare.
    There's toys on the couch and jeans on the chair.
    Wrestling and mud and cars and noise;
    I'm sure you guessed... I'm the mother of boys!

    Momma to four amazing boys! 
    Mathieu, Everett, Charles, and Russell
    [Deleted User]
  • It changes things.  There are days where I wish we could just snuggle up and not worry about interruptions for a few hours.  But, at least for us, we love having kids even more than we loved being able to travel at the drop of a hat.  AND we are traveling internationally with our toddler this year (DH has itchy feet, as it were.  I know it's not the sanest.)
    DS born 12/2012
    Little Squeaker due 6/2015
    trekflwrs
  • Things have absolutely changed since we had DD. Our relationship is really struggling right now. We have our good days and our bad. Our issue right now is that we don't get enough time together.

    Our schedules are completely off. I work 9-5, wake up with the baby and go to bed shortly after her. He works 2-10 and sleeps in as long as possible and stays up til 4 in the morning

    It's rough, but we're working on it. Time as a couple is so important and we are really struggling to find the time right now as we don't even have the same days off. Works great for watching DD..not so great for our relationship.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • laurakaz13laurakaz13 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 250 Answers 250 Love Its
    edited March 2014

    We have a blast together still.  We have weekly date nights, solo vacations each year and family vacations.  We enjoy our time together after DD goes to bed as well, have a drink together and just hang out, sit on the back porch, etc. 

    You have to make an effort.  It's hard with a newborn, but don't become one of those couples who never has alone time away from their kids.  Just don't.  Your marriage will be better if you continue to make time for each other. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    theholmanherdluvleyladietrekflwrsAshleyCalta
  • Hi,

    The bad news is that you will not have as much freedom and money as you did before.
    The good news is that your life will be absolutely filled with so much fun and good times with your child in ways you cannot imagine now.  Also, you will find time for just you and your husband...for us we do every night have alone time after we put our LO down.... and we usually get a few hours.

    Don't be afraid to start a new chapter in life.  Your DH will be there w/ you when your kids are grown and all of that too :)  It's a good thing and you will not regret it :)

    theholmanherd[Deleted User]
  • We have a blast together still.  We have weekly date nights, solo vacations each year and family vacations.  We enjoy our time together after DD goes to bed as well, have a drink together and just hang out, sit on the back porch, etc. 

    You have to make an effort.  It's hard with a newborn, but don't become one of those couples who never has alone time away from their kids.  Just don't.  Your marriage will be better if you continue to make time for each other. 

    This exactly. No firsthand experience here, but I know this to be true since I have seen this modeled in some of the best relationships I've ever seen.
    Love 8/15/10 | Marriage 11/21/11 | TTC #1 11/2012
    Unexplained Infertility
    Our herd includes DH (29), me (26), and 2 fur babies (Corgi and Bernese Mtn Dog)
    All are welcome | Join the movement #8ActsOfLove

    imageimageimageimage
    luvleyladie
  • I'm the queen of over reactions and I am fanfuckingtastic parent.
    image
    [Deleted User][Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • Well, you seem like a well-adjusted adult. You have planned everything along with your soulmate, my opinion is you and your relationship will succed. Your relationship not only will change after the baby is born but during pregnancy. You will suffer numerous changes emotionally and phisically, your hubby needs to give you a lot of support.

    Having a kids doesn't mean that your love life is going to stop there, but you'll need to plan ahead to have a couple vacations or weekend getaways once in a while and date nights... date night should happen at leat 1 per week if you have family relatives who can help you, if not, try doing it twice or once per month.

    I am new to this website but I'd like to apologize for all the others who were feeling very bitchy around here and left those hostil posts, probably that's the hormones, something you'll have deal with when you decide to become pregnant.

    I also wanna say you are young still, get pregnant when you are 100% sure you won't regret it. You have time still, i'd say until you turn 32 you could start having kids. I'm 34 and have a an 8 years old and I'm 8 months pregnant.

    Good Luck! I know you'll be fine.

    Jessica.

     

    "Don't worry about the haters... They are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live."

    -Dr. Steve Maraboli

    Pregnancy Ticker

  • I worried about that also. When my son was born, it was the exact opposite. If anything, I would say it bonded us even closer. I am not saying a baby would bond two people closer in a dysfunctional relationship. I am saying that if you have an amazing partner that is also your best friend, having a baby is wonderful! I mean, I look at my husband when our son does something cute and I see he is just a amused as I am. No one would get that excited other than the two of us.
  • You're rude lmao.
  • Tiffo123 said:

    You're rude lmao.

    WTF are you talking about?
    image
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • Hey Nariadreaming, and you have a lot to learn about life and where bad attitude can take you to. Good luck, darling.

    :x


    I am new to this website but I'd like to apologize for all the others who were feeling very bitchy around here and left those hostil posts, probably that's the hormones, something you'll have deal with when you decide to become pregnant.

    I also wanna say you are young still, get pregnant when you are 100% sure you won't regret it. You have time still, i'd say until you turn 32 you could start having kids. I'm 34 and have a an 8 years old and I'm 8 months pregnant.

    Good Luck! I know you'll be fine.

    Jessica.

     

    oh @jessig13826 you have a lot to learn if you plan to stick around. You realize hormones have NOTHING to do with being snarky online, right? 

    As to the bolded- dafuq????? Does your uterus just grow legs and run away through your vagina on your 32nd birthday if you haven't reproduced yet? 

    "Don't worry about the haters... They are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live."

    -Dr. Steve Maraboli

    Pregnancy Ticker

  • I am guessing this is a very individual situation, insofar as it will be completely different for each couple.  For myself and my DH, life is very much the same, except for two things:  (1) we have less time 'alone' with each other and (2) we both still want to DTD but dang, it is a lot harder to fit that in.  (This may be because we have chosen to co-sleep.  YMMV.)  We still have the same dynamic, and seeing DH be a great Daddy is heartwarming.  We still go lots of places and do lots of things, but now we always think about whether the venues we go to are "baby friendly," i.e., are there other parents & kiddos there, is there a changing table, etc. 
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    photo fallinginlove_zps8333e154.jpgimageimage
  • It changes but it's one that you can't possibly describe!! The joy you experience seeing the man you love holding the baby you made together - nothing tops that!! You'll never have the experience of "free" like that again once baby is here but you won't care:) It's so worth it everything they say is completely true, it's a huge perceptual shift. Sit back and relax for now, good luck
    [Deleted User]
  • theholmanherdtheholmanherd member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2014
    image
    It changes but it's one that you can't possibly describe!! The joy you experience seeing the man you love holding the baby you made together - nothing tops that!! You'll never have the experience of "free" like that again once baby is here but you won't care:) It's so worth it everything they say is completely true, it's a huge perceptual shift. Sit back and relax for now, good luck
    ETA quote
    Love 8/15/10 | Marriage 11/21/11 | TTC #1 11/2012
    Unexplained Infertility
    Our herd includes DH (29), me (26), and 2 fur babies (Corgi and Bernese Mtn Dog)
    All are welcome | Join the movement #8ActsOfLove

    imageimageimageimage
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • You'll probably just fall deeper in love! I'm excited for you! The fact yall have such a great relationship first is really important! Things will indeed be different...but it's a change yall will experience TOGETHER and it'll be SOOO worth it!!! Have fun!! ;)
  • Is there way to lock post after 30 days of the OP?
    image
    [Deleted User]Jags8[Deleted User]
  • Okay seriously you are all acting like stuck up brats ganging up on a first time mom on HER post. I find it odd that the word "wifey" would offend you so much too, but as I read on I started to think maybe you weren't so offended by the word you just wanted a reason to bully a girl off of this website. If I hadn't used this site before and already talked to some really nice ladies already I too would think this is a mean spirited stuck up site because that is how you gals are acting. I hope you treat your own children nicer when they come to you with questions. Shame on you. 
    BabyFetus Ticker
    MrsLadyTKodamaestrickland8052Doublegreen
  • pempem said:
    I did overreact. 

    I have low tolerance for unsolicited, mean-spirited comments though.

    See ya. I'll take myself to a less stuck-up site.

    If you are prone to overreactions and can't handle a unsolicited comments...then I don't recommend you have kids....
    She is most likely prone to overreactions right now because she is pregnant for the first time and experiences hormones she never had to experience before. You have already been pregnant before you should be able to at least understand or sympathize! Telling a pregnant woman on a site like this that you recommend she not have a baby is so beyond screwed up and I hope you can see how wrong it was to say that. 
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Doublegreen
  • Jags8Jags8 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Photogenic

    Okay seriously you are all acting like stuck up brats ganging up on a first time mom on HER post. I find it odd that the word "wifey" would offend you so much too, but as I read on I started to think maybe you weren't so offended by the word you just wanted a reason to bully a girl off of this website. If I hadn't used this site before and already talked to some really nice ladies already I too would think this is a mean spirited stuck up site because that is how you gals are acting. I hope you treat your own children nicer when they come to you with questions. Shame on you. 

    @Brimuz1992‌ this post is 2.5 months old.
    Look up what bullying really is.
    STFU.


    [Deleted User][Deleted User]ladycersei
  • pempem said:
    I did overreact. 

    I have low tolerance for unsolicited, mean-spirited comments though.

    See ya. I'll take myself to a less stuck-up site.

    If you are prone to overreactions and can't handle a unsolicited comments...then I don't recommend you have kids....
    She is most likely prone to overreactions right now because she is pregnant for the first time and experiences hormones she never had to experience before. You have already been pregnant before you should be able to at least understand or sympathize! Telling a pregnant woman on a site like this that you recommend she not have a baby is so beyond screwed up and I hope you can see how wrong it was to say that. 
    1. As PP has said, this thread is old and it would be grand if folks who don't actually post here could let it die. 
    2. The OP wasn't already pregnant; she was asking for advice on how life might change once she was. 
    3. Not everyone here has been pregnant in the past. That is, in fact, a potential sore spot for people with "Babies on the Brain" and it is presumptuous of you to tell us we should understand. 

    No longer posting on The Bump due to the appalling misconduct of the staff and of its parent company, the XO Group. Four thousand  active, engaged members do not represent "a few bad apples" and we are not trolls.
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]ladycersei
  • This is why I got hate mail? Please. This shit was tame. Take your cry baby ass back your local board.
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • Love to hear the different perspectives here, hubby and I are in the planning stages of TTC and this was on the bumps community homepage so I think thats why it keeps being brought back alive but I'm glad it did because it helped me feel better about some of my hesitations on getting pregnant
  • edited May 2014
    Getting pg is a whole mess of emotions. Good luck! ETA: I was quoting Mrs.Coffman. I will suggest you change your SN though
    image
  • Getting pg is a whole mess of emotions. Good luck! ETA: I was quoting Mrs.Coffman. I will suggest you change your SN though
    how come?
  • People are crazy. All it takes is a quick google and they will have everything they need to know about you at there finger tips. I believe TB even discourages you during registration to not use your real name or email.
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • People are crazy. All it takes is a quick google and they will have everything they need to know about you at there finger tips. I believe TB even discourages you during registration to not use your real name or email.
    thanks for the heads up changing now
  • I just found your first name. You have two dogs and a cat
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • And a smoking hot body. ;)
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • edited May 2014
    haha thats awesome but freaky
  • I just found your husband too. I'll stop with the creeper stuff. Just change your SN. You will need to create a new account.
    image
  • yah I saw I'll have to create a new account thats a bummer, but thank you for the heads up we lead a pretty open life through social networking but still a little weird when you think about it
  • Oh Mysterious_wife, you are the best thing that's happened on the Internet for me today.  I wish I had found this thread when it started and enjoyed the fun.
    Dad to baby Margot, born Nov 21st 2014, 8lbs and 20".  
  • edited October 2014
    A lot of things will change. When my fiance and I decided to start having kids, we did a lot of outdoorsy stuff together. Things aren't as carefree as the used to be; we can't just pick up and go whenever we want to. We are under constant time restraints to stay on our 2 year old's eating/sleeping schedule and we're having another baby in December. Having said that, I don't regret having kids. I knew what I was getting myself into and I was fully prepared to give up my old lifestyle. It depends on what sort of person you are too and what you're willing to sacrifice.

    If you even feel slightly unsure about it, I would wait a bit longer...
  • life with my husband changed, that's for sure...but we weren't really the out-going sort. What we liked to do was usually indoors or didn't last long so baby didn't hinder much. At home we enjoy playing pc, xbox, table top, and card games. Sure sometimes we had to pause or take a break when baby was hungry or needed somebody but he was usually okay with watching us. As for going out we never really dated....grew up with each other...so we go bowling, to the movies or see/do something we can only do in our current area of residence (military). I did feel very limited in doing stuff for a while since I couldn't find a sitter I liked. There's plenty of fun stuff to do with baby once baby becomes a toddler :)
  • Please check the dates before responding. This post is old
    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards