NBFR. WWYD Re Wedding Etiquette

dmndsr4eva

FI recieved a phone call from his aunt a month ago letting him know that she needed his new address because her daughter is getting married.  During the phone conversation she told him kids were not invited.  However she should have made clear that HIS kids were not invited because he believes that she told him that because my 4 year old is not invited.  So I explained to him that most likely she meant NO kids including his are not invited.  He said ok let's just wait and see what the invite says.  So we recieve the invite and it clearly states his name and my name.  It does not have his kids names on it or say and family.  So I tell him this.  Tell him again your kids are not invited.  At the bottom of the RSVP card it says, "no children allowed at this event."  So after showing all of this to him I assume it is a done deal.

Technically his kids are not children which I assume is part of the reason he is thinking they can attend.  One is 18 and one is 20.Well we went out to dinner with his kids on Friday night and he invited them to the wedding!!!  WTF.  Seriously I just don't understand what part of they are not invited he isn't getting.  There is no way I am going to show my face there if he brings his kids.  After we got home on Friday I again explained to him wedding etiquette and that you cannot bring people who are not invited.  

  

I guess I am just going to have to not go if he doesn't drop the issue of bringing his children.  Which really sucks because I already got a non refundable hotel room that was not cheap.

ambrvan

Since they are adults, they would have been specifically invited if they were actually invited.

However, the invitation saying "no children" would not apply to offspring who are no longer children.

His children are not children. So don't look at them as such.

Regardless, if they were not invited on their own, then they are still not invited.

But you should not be making an issue of this. It's not you're place. If he wants to look like an ass in front of his own family let him. Quit micromanaging.

Your 4yo is not being left out because he's not blood. He's being left out because he is a child.

dmndsr4eva

I never said I was complaining about my son not being invited.  I know the reason he isn't invitted is because he is a child.  His son barely turned 18 a month ago and I'm sure these relatives still consider him a child.  He is still in high school. 

I guess I won't worry about it but she is the first sister of four to get married so I assume if they show up uninvited we can assume we will may not be invited to future weddings.  

hopanka

18 and 20 year old are not children. Legally and otherwise, those are adults. So, the exclusion of children doesnt apply here. Now, as far as coming to the wedding uninvited, thats on your FI. Its his family, so he can deal with the faux pas, or maybe he has that kind of a relationship with his aunt where its assumed his adult kids are automatically invited. You may not know that. But, I would maybe suggest to him he should call up the aunt and check with her, especially if they do not have that kind of a relationship and your FI is just thick in the head. Because the last thing I would want is for those two young adult kids, although considered family, to end up in an uncomfortable situation of being uninvited guests. That would suck for them.

ambrvan

And some people are just not big on etiquette regarding things like this. I'm not. Maybe his family isn't.

dmndsr4eva

They seem like they care about etiquette to me.  They are not close.  We have been together for over two years and I have only met these people three times.  Once for a graduation (two days) and once for a funeral.

ambrvan

Well I wouldn't obsess about it. It's his family. Let him look like an ass in front if them if he wants. And if they don't invite y'all to anymore weddings, it sounds like there really wouldn't be any love lost there. But I think that's a far stretch.

Mom&nurse

They would have gotten their own invite if they wanted them to come. Explain to him it's usually a budget thing.

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