Shower responsibilities whining

sarahjanisse

I am so appreciative that my BFF is hosting my baby shower. But she has now asked that I get to the venue with her 2 hours prior to help set up bummer...I really wanted to relax and enjoy the day..but I know I shouldn't complain, smile, and say thank you. I had planned on buying her a spa package to say thank you but it seems every week more responsibilities are handed to me...but I'm guessing a thank you gift is stil in order huh?

spacepotatoes

In all honesty, I'd be kind of annoyed by that too. Is there no other friend or guest who could do that? You should be able to just enjoy it.

I will most likely end up going early to the shower my mom is hosting, but only because she's finding some of the games confusing and it's easier if I take care of getting that stuff organized. The actual setting up, like decorating, food, etc. won't fall on me.

sarahjanisse

She's says so I can make sure I like how everything is set up.....

deanna1313

That sucks! I don't mind doing little things, but I don't want to have a hand in everything and also have a lot of work to do that will exhaust me before the shower starts.
Can you find some volunteers to go help set-up and then maybe she will just tell you not to worry about it? There have been multiple offers to help from guests coming to my shower, but my family seems to have it under control.

sarahjanisse

My mother in law and sister in law would definitely help. I'm not sure why she's putting it on me? They are already making a lot of the food and centerpieces.

usernewname

I'd be annoyed too, but I'd probably end up doing it - I offered to my mom to help clean the house and I even let her go out for coffee with my aunt while I tidied and hung with some friends.

But isn't there someone else she could find to help? Then if all else fails ask you?

mileswithmyles

I would feel the way you do.  Maybe you could see if your mom would be able to help or if you could get there 30 minutes before?  2 hours seems excessive...

Jillzy86

hcorcoran said:

I would feel the way you do.  Maybe you could see if your mom would be able to help or if you could get there 30 minutes before?  2 hours seems excessive...

I was going to say the same thing. 30min seems like enough time to say you love everything she's done.

cnbean

If I had to show up 2 hours early to help set up my own shower I'd be pissed. Just tell her you can't because then you'll be too tired to enjoy the shower. Honestly anything longer than an hour outside my own home is exhausting for me right now. 

chillypenguin

That would irritate me too. I just threw a baby shower for my best friend yesterday and all she had to do was show up! That seems a little excessive.

julesf817

She wants you to set up your own shower? That seems crazy to me. You are supposed to be able to just enjoy the day! Can you let her know that two hours of set up will be really tiring for you?

dogsombrero

I went in to help 30 minutes early. I asked because I needed something to do to keep myself busy. I just ended up telling my friend how cute it was and assembling a dozen cupcake favor boxes which was not hard work at all. It was good because a cousin showed up early and wouldn't have known my friend.

cbrust

2 hours seems a little excessive for "set up," IMO. I would kindly mention that you tire easily these days and would 30-45mins early be okay? 

kshampeny

I agree with PPs that you should just be able to relax and enjoy your day.  I was there 30 minutes early to bring the music and player for my mom, and so I could be there to great guests when they got there, show them where to put there coats/gifts, etc.  That way my mom and the other hosts could finish up what they needed to do.  That is about all the work you should need to do for your own shower.

ThereBeDragons

I guess I'll be the lone dissenting opinion. I don't really see a issue with showing up early to help set up. Maybe because they were doing the shower at my house? But I think even if it had been somewhere else I would feel a little uncomfortable having a big party set up for me to just show up for. But I'm pretty hands on with anything to do with me. I wish I could have done more to help my hosts.

sarahjanisse

Good maybe I'm not being as selfish as I thought. She is insistent that I go with her...I think she feels insecure in her decision making or something. Good news is our husbands are going early too and can hopefully do the lifting and carrying in (it is at a local winery)

Helmink0804

I agree with PP. You shouldn't have to set up your own shower- you should just be able to go and enjoy yourself. I don't think baby showers belong at a winery- wedding showers, yes- but definitely not a baby shower!

sarahjanisse

I'm sorry you feel that way. They serve food also and we aren't providing alcohol. I figured people that would like to have a glass of wine could do so...no big deal...we are all grown ups. I live in a rural area and venues are very few.

sarahjanisse

I'm hoping she realizes that and changes her mind.

iqwedding3

I totally agree with not wanting to show up early and help set up, I'd be exhausted.  If she just wants your opinion on stuff, you could show up, and maybe bring an extra person to help with set up?  I had 2 people offer to throw me a shower, so I had them do it together.

awknyc

I actually don't mind helping out my sister as she's throwing the shower alone. I went over there this past weekend to help cut out some decorations she's making. I know throwing a shower is a lot of work and even if I'm going to get her a thank you gift, I'm more than capable of throwing a helping hand in for a party that is dedicated to me. I totally understand that you shouldn't have to do it, but I guess to each their own. Maybe when it's your turn to throw it for her, you can have her come and help set-up as well. She clearly thinks it's okay to ask, so maybe she won't mind either.

sheriot

I agree with pp's--we had our shower a little over a week ago and I was beyond tired by the end of the day. I can't imagine going two hours early to set up.

I also think it's hilarious that someone is telling you that baby showers don't belong at a winery. Relax. My grandfather owns and runs a winery and they host every type of celebration there. It's a gorgeous venue. And, like you said OP, we are all adults. My shower was held at SIL's and everyone drank wine and beer. GASP.

BeesKnees181

My shower was at my house, but hosted by my mother who lives out of state.  So, I helped set up, too   I had a ton of help all around from family and friends and really didn't do too much.  I was also in charge of favors for the shower.  Yes, I was a little miffed about that, but I got over it and still gave my mother a thank you gift (nothing big like a spa package, which was my original thought too).  I ended up buying her her favorite moisturizer from Lush (which still cost me about $30).  But she did work hard to make it a special day, and I was/am very grateful for that.

sarahjanisse

If it was 30 minutes I wouldn't blink an eye..2 hours is just a long time

MrsT2008

That would really annoy me.  The mother-to-be should only have one responsibility on the day of her shower - show up and enjoy the company and appreciate the generosity of the guests.  I showed up at my shower maybe half an hour before it started but that was only because I wanted to make sure I beat the guests there (my mom, MIL, and SIL were there setting up ahead of time).

MissLadyTay

Helmink0804 said:

I don't think baby showers belong at a winery- wedding showers, yes- but definitely not a baby shower!

Eyeroll.

jfletcher3113

Don't wait for her to change her mind. Tell her, in a nice way, "no". I think you need to just tell her it's not a good idea but that you'll come 30 minutes early to check everything out.

I'm arriving a little early at mine but only so I can greet guests and whatnot.  I'm planning to stay afterward to help with clean up (as much as I possibly can).