"Rainbow baby"

tyedyeme12

I'm curious from some of you PGAL grads how you feel about the term "rainbow baby". I learned the term from you guys, but I have a friend who is PGAL, and I want to call her baby her rainbow baby to show my support, but I'm nervous that if she asks what I mean, I won't explain myself well, or say that the baby is the beauty behind the storm. I wouldn't want my angel baby to be considered part of a "storm". I know I can just not use the term, and that's fine. I just want to be as supportive as I can, without making one of those "blunders" that people have mentioned. Ugh, I hope I've made sense.

So in short, would you have rather someone not have used the term rainbow baby? Do you have any other advice for how I can show my support without a foot in mouth situation?

TIA!

BootsOrHearts

I don't mind the term. I think the most helpful thing you can do is make sure she knows you remember her angel baby. Use his/her name or nickname if she gave them one. Be careful not to refer to new baby as 'her first' because her first is in heaven. One of the nurses at my OB's office once asked '(DS) your only living child right?' and I thought that was nice.

kelliskoviraWed244758

I agree. I like when people remember that there was one before. I wouldn't mind someone calling DD a rainbow baby!

thebobloblaw

I had a really hard time coming up with a reply to this thread for some reason, my emotions are so mixed over our loss that it's hard to say how I would feel in this situation. In one sense I agree with colerose because it is still hard thinking about it and would maybe prefer it not to be brought up by others. I've been having feelings of guilt when thinking about where we would be if there hadn't have been a loss, but at the same time that would mean we wouldn't have our LO we have now and it just turns into a vicious cycle if thoughts.

At the same time if I bring up the loss to SO or family members they get weird now, like I should pretend it never happened or be over it since LO is here. So to have someone acknowledge it would be kind of comforting right now.

I realize this probably wasn't helpful for any advice on what to do for your friend, but I've actually thought of making a post about this topic and how other PGALers have been coping now that LOs are here, so it felt nice to get that off my chest. Maybe just come from that angle of just being supportive and checking in in how she is feeling rather than labeling it anything?