Advice for the young folk

tig594

I've been thinking about this for a few days now.  I doubt I'll even remember all the things I thought to tell you little whippersnappers.  Oh well.  Here goes.

Start or, depending on your situation, finish college.  As a young single mom you have opportunities!  Be strong, be independent, don't put yourself in a position where you have to depend on a man (or anyone else except BDs who pay c/s) to provide for you or your kid(s).  Start here:

  https://www.scholarships.com/financial-aid/college-scholarships/scholarships-by-type/college-scholarships-and-grants-for-single-mothers/

Be happy.  Yes, easier said than done.  I struggle with this myself.  But I remind myself daily that LIFE IS TOO SHORT.  It's too short to deal with other people's bullshit.  It's too short to wait until tomorrow.  It's too short to be with someone who can't commit to making you happy, to being faithful, to not abusing or disrespecting you, to being a good parent to your child, to loving you the way you deserve to be loved.  Yes, you do deserve the best whether you think you do or not.  Do not settle.  

Set a good example for your kids.  Teach them it's ok to love, to cry, to feel, to take chances.  Teach them self worth.  Lead by example.  Be fair but firm.  Teach them the value of money (yeah, not much these days!) and how to save (money is a little tight for us but I currently have 1% of my paycheck direct deposited into DD's bank account...just an idea). Teach them responsibility and how to take ownership.  Teach them to work for what they want.  Teach them compassion and how to stick up for the kid at school who is bullied or has no friends or who is just different.  Let them learn from their grandparents if they still have some around.  You get the idea.

Learn something new regularly.  What interests you?  Take a class.  Join a group.  Mentor someone.

Strive to be healthy.  Don't smoke or drink too much too often.  Use sunscreen.  Cook at home as often as possible and eat dinner together with no electronics in sight.  No TV/phone/computer for 30-45 minutes won't kill them or you.  

I have more but have to get ready for a meeting.  This took longer than I thought.  In the meantime, feel free to add your own 2 cents. 

you ladies!

MinnesotaMomma91

I love this, can we make this sticky? Cause i honestley feel like this answers up 90% of our drive by posters questions.

Now that my parents are back in state im going to get to the doctor get my shoulder looked at and go from there.

I also have some advice for m fellow youngins.

Quit waisting your time on douche bags and morons with swag. I can garauntee those idiots arent ready to be fathers and they wont be fathers.

Stop trying to change him he wont change if he doesnt want to. Quit bitching that he doesnt change/hasnt changed. Quit trying to fix men. If you need a project take up knitting.

And finally this

tig594

How do you make a sticky?

MinnesotaMomma91

I dont know, @washingtonqueen, do we need a mod to make a post sticky? If so could you make this a sticky post?

WashingtonQueen

Done

MinnesotaMomma91

Thanks @washingtonqueen, by the congrats on becoming a mod!

WashingtonQueen

Thanks @MinnesotaMomma91!

jellybean529

I'd also like to add that --  you can do everything right and it can still go so wrong. It did for me. But it's okay! At the end of the day if your little one is tucked into bed and feels warm and loved and safe and cared for, that's the most important thing. Children of single parents can grow up to do just as many amazing things as children of married couples. (I mean, c'mon, political differences aside our current President is the son of a single mom!) 

And don't worry if you feel like it's overwhelming. It is. But even though you get all of the trials, you get all of the joys as well.

jellybean529

beccaga16 said:

Have fun. Make everyday moments count and bask in the glory of being a parent.

-Indulge you inner child while spending QT with your LO. Disney, Legos, American Girl, Dr Suess, Cartoons, Comics etc.. 

Along with what others have said don't waste time. If you would not want your daughter to date a specific guy, then you shouldn't be dating him either. This mantra worked for me, along with bringing a guy out of the "friend Zone" as MM point out  

Learn how to be handy. Youtube has a lot of DIY videos on how to do normal house or car stuff. Change a spark plug, air filter (home and car), install electronics etc.. 

Learn to be proud of the rough times. Every battle you win, every tough moment you survive is something to be proud of. Don't linger in the past, but acknowledge how strong you are because of it. It didn't ruin you or jade you, it made you smarter and more bad ass.

Thank you for that last paragraph, @beccaga16, I'm having a particularly hard time emotionally this week and I needed to hear that!

MinnesotaMomma91

I also want to remind us all of this. For the moms of daughters, your teaching her how she deserves to be treated in a relationship. Dont let men, her father in particular treat you how you DONT want her to be treated.

Moms of sons, we are the ones teaching our sons how to treat their partner. If we dont want them to treat their partner poorly we need to make sure we are in relationships where we are respected and our bds respect us.

BeauTeeFulMommy

I so needed this, I'm 23 and I'm pregnant with my first child. My BD I guess puts me down with words. I went to college but had to stop when my grandmother fell ill but I did attend school for a medical assistant. I haven't took the test for certification (I'm extremely nervous about big test) but I must do it for my son so he can have a better life. Before I found out about my pregnancy I was fired from my job and since then it was so so hard to find a job (i'm 30 weeks now, no way I'm getting hired). The father of my child also wanted me to get a abortion ( I wouldn't dare put myself through that). I now find myself a bit stressed over money, how I'm going to get all the things I need for my baby, and so much more. I do not want to depend on anybody, my mom raised me to be very independent. I did however apply for assistance, get cash for food but right now I haven't received anything else (still pending). Through all of this I try my best to keep faith and stay strong, sometimes I have my down days but I always pick myself back up. I just recently got back into doing a business I wanted to start (Tee's Creations- party prints). I haven't really figured out how I would like to start it but hopefully I'll get there. 

Well I just wanted to let you know your words were very helpful and encouraging. I'm hoping for the best for myself as well as all of you

tig594

Your future won't be an improvement of your past unless you plan for it today.

tig594

It's never too early or late to start planning for your future financially.  Remember, your future is your LO's future.  Just because you may not have had help with college/your first car/whatever doesn't mean you can't help your kids.  That is part of being a family.  Just make sure you're teaching them financial responsibility along the way.

Don't wish your kids out of the house.  No more "Man, I can't wait until LO is out of diapers," or "Man I can't wait until LO starts school," or "OMG I can't wait til LO grows out of THAT habit!" While it will be nice to not have to change/pay for diapers anymore, I'll happily deal with them now because I already hate seeing my baby starting to do things for herself.  On the other hand, it's so fun and rewarding to watch her develop.  It's a horrible catch 22!

SPEND TIME WITH YOUR KIDS!  It doesn't have to cost money.  Go for a walk or to the park and show them the different birds, trees, flowers, bugs, people.  See if there are free kids movies at your local theater.  Window shop.  Play tag/ball/hopscotch.  Read together.  Glue macaroni to something.  Get creative.

Never forget to tell them you love them because...

You shouldn't take tomorrow for granted.

MinnesotaMomma91

 educate your kids. dont keep them ignorant.

MinnesotaMomma91

Stop lineing your eyes in thick heavy black eye liner. Its not hot its not sexy. It isnt even attractive! It makes your eyes look small and squinty and not in an attractive yoyr smiling with your whole face kind of way.

In fact, the less liner on the bottom the better, and only in neautral tones itll open your damn eyes up.

Also, stop with the damn 'selfie pose' you know what im talking about. The duck lips, the ass twerked out hand on the hip head tilted back mirror selfie. Or really any selfi with duck lips is a no.

You look stupid, you look immature, and you look like your in high school, plus. Lesbi-honest no guy think duck lips are hot. They are making fun of you.

So stop it!

Also LADIES! Omg, i cannot stress this enough for girls my age. GET A FUCKING LIFE! You know why that guy you like and are obsessivly texting, and facebooking, and tweeting isnt responding? Because he knows you like him, he doesnt like you back as much but he knows your always good to hit you up if nothing better is going on.

You know whats really sexy, not being available to him all day every day. Have a life a hobby. Not worrying about does he or doesnt he like me? Quit waisting your time on douche bags who dont like you and spend your time with some one who does.

This psa brought to you by, i am going to botch slap all my friends whobdo these things.

MinnesotaMomma91

Brennadaun said:

I've recently become a single mom to my 7 month old son and this is what I really needed to read!

Welcome. Jump in and participate we dont bite

LindseyG2010

I'm way late on this, but here's my two cents!

Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes/failures - learn from them and grow from them...then MOVE ON!  Here's a little one of mine...I get lost a lot when I'm driving places, sometimes even when I'm going somewhere that I've been 15 times!  it happens!  whatever!  who cares!  you'll get there when you get there and deal with it when you do!  I try not to stress about things that I cannot change, and let things go fairly quickly because it's useless to stress about something that you cannot change (and that doesn't even matter that much!)

Piggybacking on that...plan ahead.  Look at the big picture and have a plan so that you are not stuck in stressful situations that could be avoided.

Learn to put a positive spin on everything...it helps get through the tough times and helps you to "see the light at the end of tunnel" when you are having a rough time.

Make changes by taking baby steps.  Often, when you try to make a drastic change you are more likely to fail because the bar was set too high.  It's ok to celebrate the small victories that you have made towards a bigger goal. For example, you smoke regularly?  cut back from 10 cigarettes a day to 8-9 a day....and be proud of that small change!  then when you are comfortable with that, cut back a little more....keep going til you get to your goal.  Baby Steps

That is all  

camilleashleyyy

I'm going to be a single mommy, I'm 21 and 14 weeks. My BD acts like he wants to be involved but makes no significant actions, he's very manipulative, I'm in college and I plan on finishing college. I only have so much left and I'm thankful for that. I count the little blessings. I was in no place to get pregnant as my family is very poor, we all share one room, but my mother so desperately encourages me that the baby needs love. We may also get low income housing soon so please keep us in your prayers as both my mom and I are attending college. Thank you for all your encouraging words, I'm scared, but I'm so excited to have a child. It is going to be a hell of an experience.

20thirteen

@madisynsmommie  I'm not really a wealth of information as I just speak from my own experiences and usually travel by gut instincts.  However, maybe some of these posts could help you?  I'm also not so good with general advice but am willing to give my two cents in on something specific. Generalities leaves too much gray area.

apacker121

Bless this post, just some encouraging and good words I or advise needed. I'm 22, and gonna be a single mother. My fathers child basically ghosted me, but even though Im infuriated for the ignorance and abandonment of my child's father I'm still grateful for my child. I believe God does things for reason, I just pray I make a good mother and can provide their needs. I just still at times feel sad, how do I let my child know and as they grow that even though their father hadn't stayed they are so dearly loved by everybody.

annawestt

 I'm 23 and have a five month old, and honestly I cried reading through (most of) the comments on this thread. Needed this. I am in school full time with a year and a half left, working part time and trying to pay off school loans before they pile up. I feel like I can't keep up with my life. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed and sometimes discouraged, but let me just say that I am happier than I've ever been.

To the first-time pregnant single girls on here--you girls are about to experience one of the most amazing things in life. YOU CAN DO IT. and don't listen to the people around you who tell you the horror stories about pregnancy and new mommy-hood...it's not that bad Actually the joys outweigh the hard parts by far. I know it's hard, I have been right there, I remember crying on my bed at 9 months along because I didn't want to be a mom yet. But I'm doing it and it's awesome and my little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me. She truly saved my life. 

And life happens, relationships with birth dads are so complicated, but even if he left you or doesn't care or whatever, just know that you have been handed an enormous blessing and it is all for you now! So be strong girls! Be proactive, go to school, go to work, do it for that baby who needs you. And when it's difficult remember what/who your motivation is. 

So much love sent your way! I pray for healthy babies for all of you! And if anyone ever needs to talk I am here. Xo

ellielo

Sleep, sleep, sleep))) you not gonna have much of the sleep later! Go on the dates, have fun)