Depression/Anxiety Check-In *2/21/14*

notthecheat

Been thinking of everyone this week- those that are not doing too bad, those that are overwhelmed, those who are wrestling with emotions and loved ones, those who are embarking on a brave new journey to seek treatment. Been sending you all good thoughts!

Because cyber food has no calories, have some cake and wine.

MissyC979

I'm really off today, but some days I'm fine. It's so confusing. I just keep crying today. I've cried about the Olympics, the View, and because DH took the burger I was going to eat for lunch. I also can't seem to get off the couch today, even though I'm hungry. I'm still in my pajamas and am just wallowing. I've also been picking a fight with DH (over said hamburger). Ugh.

ETA: I don't know what to do about treatment because some days I'm fine....but other days are really low.

MissyC979

Cashingn2 said:

I don't even know how I feel anymore. I did get to see a psychologist but it turned out to be someone I'm in LLL with so I have no idea if I will have to switch or what I need to do. Also, yesterday was my Mom's birthday so that was hard then we found out my Dad has stage 4 cancer. He's going to take the pills but there's not much else they can do. I am just having a hard time.

I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. ((hugs))

cboink

I have been crying for several days now and when I'm not crying I am just resentful towards my SO. I keep telling myself its just the weather but I know it's more than that. I have fought with depression my whole life and I am jut tired of trying anymore.

cboink

Cashingn2 said:

I don't even know how I feel anymore. I did get to see a psychologist but it turned out to be someone I'm in LLL with so I have no idea if I will have to switch or what I need to do. Also, yesterday was my Mom's birthday so that was hard then we found out my Dad has stage 4 cancer. He's going to take the pills but there's not much else they can do. I am just having a hard time.

So sorry to hear about your dad. I can't even imagine. So many positive vibes for you and your family.

aundrea1225

MissyC979 said:

ETA: I don't know what to do about treatment because some days I'm fine....but other days are really low.

This is me lately, some days are great and I couldn't feel better. Other days I get so low I can hardly get out of bed or eat, and don't want to be around anyone or talk to DH. It's frustrating. Just trying to stay positive and find the best in each day. Taking it one day at a time.

aundrea1225

cboyington said:

I have been crying for several days now and when I'm not crying I am just resentful towards my SO. I keep telling myself its just the weather but I know it's more than that. I have fought with depression my whole life and I am jut tired of trying anymore.

I'm sorry *hugs* I hope it gets better for you soon. And this weather does suck!

boston143

Hi everyone, I checked in here once a long time ago but reverted to lurking for a while. I have been on the board since early 1st tri though. Anyway, I have struggled with depression for my whole life and more recently with anxiety. The best I have ever felt was on Prozac but I stopped taking it when TTC and returned to depression for the 8 mos it took to get pregnant. I felt better while pregnant and now am back on the roller coaster. I cry a lot these days and am really struggling with anxiety about LO. He has had some health problems (chronic green diarrhea) that we can't figure out and then on top of that I worry about all the tiny things too. DH told me yesterday he was worried that I wasn't enjoying being a mother and was missing all the good stuff and that made me cry harder because I am afraid he might be right.

Anyway, I would like to try to check in here more. What a great support thread. I am so sorry for everyone else struggling with depression/anxiety, and Cash- SO sorry about your dad. I have no words but will send positive thoughts for your family. Depression is that much harder when you have something that big to be sad about.

NurseKMM

I might not belong here because nothing has ever been officially diagnosed other than my ADHD, so sorry if I'm stepping on any toes. I am sure I suffer from anxiety, and have always wanted to post, but didn't know if I belonged due to lack of official diagnosis.

Right now the winter weather is going to kill me. Minnesota has either been below zero or it's snowing. Yesterday, of course the battery light on our snuza starts blinking red. We were scheduled to get another huge snow storm starting at noon. I gathered LO up drove out to batteries plus, before the snow started, only for them to tell me they don't have any in stock anywhere in the twin cities. Drove home, and was not able to turn into our driveway from our alleyway due to deep tire tracks in the snow. (Think a ride at Disney or in Jurassic park, with the cars that are attached to a track down the middle of the road)

The snow started to fall heavily. My DH was finally able to get both our cars in the driveway/garage. But, I spent a majority of my night and early this morning before DH left for work, shoveling, for fear that I'd have an emergency with DS and I'd need to drive him somewhere. Additionally, the stupid polar vortex is coming again, so all of this snow we just got is going to freeze.

I had to go on amazon to get more batteries, but they aren't scheduled to get here until 2/26. I think I got maybe 45min of sleep last night because I was either watching the monitor for movements from DS, worrying about the snow, or mentally rehearsing what is have to do if DS needed CPR or choked. I have contemplated getting the angle care monitor as well as the snuza, and just might once I start getting a paycheck again. (I'm beyond parinoid about SIDS. I check his breathing all of the time) I debated letting him sleep downstairs in his swing while I sleep on the couch, but SIDS could still happen there. It just seems with the lights on in our living room and me sleeping downstairs as well, I'd be more comfortable. These next several days are going to kill me.

Sorry this is so long.

NurseKMM

@cashingn2 I didn't want to put it in my loooong post, but I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Many thoughts and prayers sent to you, your family, and him right now.

readyornot12345

Still struggling here too. Still not able to sleep much at all and some days are really rough. Other days are better. I have an appt with a dr but they are booked until early march. She suggested I start taking Carlson liquid fish oil before my appt and I just started it today. It can help with depression and mood. It's natural so can't hurt to try it!

mamaj1220

@cash sorry to heat about your dad.

While I am not having these issues I just wanted to lend my support to you amazing ladies. I hope everyone finds the help they need.

MissyC979

Heaven802002 said:

I have been doing ok. My mom stays with us to help me with LO and will take care of her when I go back to work in April. She left on vacation yesterday for 6 days. I have had so much anxiety leading up to this because I am not comfortable taking care of LO alone. She does so good when my mom is here and we have a routine down so I can get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night but without her here it's all me and DH (when he's not working the next day). Last night went pretty smoothly so I'm feeling good. I just hope the next 5 are just as good. Also, yesterday was the first time I drove with just me and LO in the car and I had all this anxiety leading up to it but it was great. She slept the whole ride and I even stopped by a drive thru! Lol I'm just trying to stay positive and keep thinking "I can do this!". It's helped a little but sometimes my anxiety still takes over. Day by day ladies. Stay strong And cash many hugs to you.

You can totally do it. My Mom stayed with me the whole first month with DS1. I had such anxiety and didn't think I could do stuff on my own. But I could, and you can too. Sometimes you just need to be forced into doing it to build your confidence.

northport6

@NurseKMM You belong here.  ::hugs::

boston143

mrssturm45 said:

Horrible time this week. Had to tell DH that I want therapy, suffering from horrible anxiety turning into depression. He takes it as an insult and acts like he's doing something wrong. The ILs are a huge issue, his dad is very mean to me, his mom follows me around while here making comments on how poorly cleaned my house is, and points out everything I do wrong. It's very hurtful because I know I'm doing a good job with my son, I work so hard on the house and I think it' looks good for someone taking care of a newborn. They are constantly insulting me for being a SAHM. (I have a contract position where I can work a day or two a month IF I WANT and I am to keep my skills UTD) what's worse is my husband doesn't ever stand up for me. My ILs are causing MAJOR issues in our marriage. I feel so alone now. I've dealt with two deaths in a week, and I have to have a d&c next week. I love my husband so much but I just don't know how much I can deal with. We both need to be working towards a healthy & happy marriage and I put in 1000% and he doesn't put in any effort. Marriage was easy before we had LO, it requires work now & I feel like he doesn't want to do that.. When I tried to express my concerns with him his response was "are you seeing someone else".. I feel so lost & heartbroken.

Wow, that is a LOT to deal with. I am so sorry. Don't let them make you feel bad about the house. They should be offering to clean it for you! I can barely keep the dishes from piling up and spend all my housework energy just on keeping us all in clean clothes. Keep pushing for therapy at least for you and maybe for both you and DH. Maybe it would help him to get some outside perspective so he could realize he needs to put some work in and support you.

NurseKMM

@mrssturm45 I'm sorry you are going through so much. I agree with others, if at least you can get help, maybe DH will come around. Does he know when they say stuff about being a SAHM it hurts you? I'm sure you guys have talked about it, but if not, I'd bring it up to him. Men are dumb, and he might not hear how it sounds to someone coming from outside his family.

serend

Apologies for the late post, but I wasn't sure how much of what is going on is normal FTM stuff vs not. Plus, typing this takes time, which I can't seem to find much of these days. Tonight DH said I should probably talk to someone when I was on the verge of a panic attack over how we are going to do tonight's bedtime (move LO to the crib in his room or keep him in the bassinet in ours). So I'm going to look into finding some support and/or therapy locally.

Some back story... I had a some depression when I was younger, but never reached out to anyone because I was so ashamed of it. At some point that turned into anxiety. One of the reasons we had LO so late (I turned 37 a couple of months before he was born) was so afraid of having a kid and all I could think of was every horrible thing that could happen. I used to say that I would look into therapy when if/when we decided to have children, but I never did. I told my DH that I would over communicate how I was feeling because I was a little worried about PPD etc.

So fast forward to now. I thought I had been doing pretty well and things had calmed down by about 4 weeks in. But I feel like the anxiety is creeping up. I keep the bassinet next to our bed so I can check on LO. I also get worried when he sleeps longer than 4 hours (crazy, I know). I can't seem to sleep past 2:30 or 3 even if he is because I'm ridiculously worried about SIDS or something happening to him.

To add to it, last night he managed to rotate his entire body 90 degrees in the bassinet so that he was perpendicular, and the width of it isn't even 20 in. The night before he had his head and face deep into the corner so that it was pressed against the mesh sides. He's obviously too big for the bassinet, so we need to move him to his crib, but I'm just so anxious about him sleeping so far away. The rational part of my brain knows how unlikely something happening is, but the rest of it doesn't care.

Sorry for the super long post. I know it was kind of all over the place. The past couple of weeks have been pretty challenging, and I've found myself getting more emotional and on the verge of tears lately, especially with all of these stupid Olympic themed commercials and feel good stories. If you made it this far, thanks for reading and here are some donuts for your trouble.

notthecheat

Not the best week for me. I feel like I have no emotion anymore. I feel like all I do is work and sleep and occasionally take care of baby. I am struggling to try and eat healthy and am too exhausted to exercise. The few moments I have with DH are spent with one of us sleeping or eating while the other one watches LO. Cant remember ths last time i saw a friend much less hung out with them. A bit lonely. Have zero libido and while I'm not depressed, I'm not really happy either. Most of my waking moments are spent at work, dwelling on how much I miss my family the whole time no matter how often I try to distract myself. I have come to see work as the enemy, purpsosely keeping me away from my family. I am grateful LO's grandmas are able to care for her during the day so I can sleep, but I miss her so much and resent that they get to be with her more than me. Feeling slightly down on myself about all the things I am NOT doing that I should be, but can't because there aren't enough hours in the day. Starting to have little patience for the way things are right now, but don't know what to do about it.

notthecheat

@cashingn2 so sorry for your awful awful news. I'm sure it just makes everything so much harder/worse.

@cboyington I hope you have someone you can turn to when things get really bad. When I had my worst days, I went to DH or my sister or my mom and they helped keep me sane. Depression is a never ending battle for many people, and takes so much of your effort/energy and time to deal with. I get tired of dealing with it also. I'm so sorry you've been struggling with it for so long.

@boston143 sometimes being on meds is the lesser of the two evils. After discussing with my psychiatrist, I decided to stay on my antidepressants while TTC, pregnant, and breastfeeding because I was just that bad off of them. Perhaps there is a med that will help you with less risks than prozac? Is it worth a discussion? It sucks to have that extra stress in your daily life.

notthecheat

@NurseMMK all are welcome here. I'm sorry you are dealing with the anxiety that brought you here however. Stay safe in the weather. *hugs*

@Mrssturm45 I have been thinking of you and always hoping for some good news. I wish I could help you! I hope therapy will do something positive. Props to you for hanging in there, keeping your head, and seeking help. This too shall pass.

@serend GL also in your search for help. We can do this!

Also I really wish those donuts were real. I really need one right now.

starskit1283

Checking in late but not much to report this week. Anxiety hasn't gotten better but also hasn't gotten worse. Went to a friends house this week with LO and talked to her about things and that was nice cuz she had some of the same issues after she had her daughter.

Still taking sertraline but I almost feel that it makes me not as emotional (that's not the right word but I can't come up w a better one). I do laugh but it's harder?? I don't know sometimes.

We went to a wedding last night and I had to talk to ppl I don't know and that always causes anxiety for me. Anyway now I'm rambling. Thanks for reading.

starskit1283

@cashingn2 sorry to hear about your dad ((hugs)) cancer sucks