I love you but I hate you...

ilovemycarats

So, if anyone feels like I should be a great wife, not complain about anything and be okay with doing it all, please do not respond because I am really just looking for support right now.

I love my husband but he is really really getting to me. We went to target this passed weekend and just happened to be in the aisle with the BPs and he pointed and laughed... he is 31 years old! Tonight I am going to a class on BF and his response was "well, I wouldn't be any help unless I demonstrated" Needless to say he is not going. If that is his point of view (wouldn't be any help) then what is the point of him being in the delivery room with me in a few months? He doesn't need to do anything then either.

We are trying to buy another house and close at the end of this month. I am dealing with the realtor, mortgage person, insurance person. We have a rental property and of course it is me dealing with that as well (collecting the rent every month)

In the fall he lost his job. He just started a temporary position and last night he forgot to set his alarm clock so he probably got there late. He is so irresponsible. If he was the one who was supposed to remember to take vitamins every day or the 100+ dr's appointments we would literally be screwed because his excuse for everything is "I forgot".  

I feel like I am responsible for 90% of our life right now and the only responsibility he has is going to his job every day. Everything else is on my shoulders. 

julesf817

Sounds like he has an awful lot of growing up to do. My doctor told me that it's very helpful to have your partner attend the breast feeding class, so my DH is going, like it or not. i want him to understand what i'll be dealing with so he can better support me.

megmegs

Sorry you're dealing with this. Have you tried sitting down with him and having a heart to heart with him about how you need his support and how he's going to have to buck up and be a responsible adult? My hubs was just like this up until a couple years ago - it took marital counseling to help us work everything out. Counseling might be something to look into - taking care of a child while also play parent to a forgetful and irresponsible H can breed a lot of resentment in a relationship.

spinsoffresonance

You should absolutely make him go to the breastfeeding class. DH was glad he came. All the other dads were there too. They will give you a lot of important info about your baby's physiology and needs that he should know. Also you're gonna need a lot of support from him to make BFing work, so the more he knows, the better your chances at having a successful BFing relationship with your LO.

Try to talk to him about these issues. But also remember that being basically unemployed has to be really stressful for him and stress does make you forgetful. So while some of his behavior sounds unreasonable for a grown man, some of it might not be entirely his fault. I know when I went through a very stressful time a few years back, I was constantly forgetting things and was being very absent minded. Maybe counseling would be good.

kat8805

Was this a planned pregnancy? Did you have these feelings before GKU?

IBackBevo

I have no real advice, but I will say that my DH has "manned up" a lot more since having DS1.  I used to have to pretty much manage his business for him and now he is like psycho businessman who checks accounts, etc. daily and knows about stuff I don't have a clue about. Maybe the responsibility will hit him when he actually has another human being to care for???  IDK...just a thought.

TaylorHam86

My husband has some of the same, err, flaws, such as relying on me to handle bills and appointments. Sometimes I wonder how he got so far in life without me. ( ) I agree with what PP said about his job and stress possibly causing the forgetfulness. It sounds like his mind could be elsewhere, and planning for a baby could surely be making it more stressful for him. Maybe that's why he's joking and keeping his distance - out of fear or anxiety. If his employment is unstable, he could be very concerned about how he's going to provide for his family, and his behavior is his coping mechanism. I wish you luck! I think you should make him go to the class with you and face the situation, especially so he can understand and appreciate what you'll be going through.