1st Trimester

Husband wants to name son after him.

I reaaaaaallllly wish he would change his mind.i mean, I get it. I see how a father would want a "junior." Although I am for giving a unique name to a unique being. BUT get this. Both his grandfathers have his first name (one has his exact same name), his father has his exact same name, his identical twin brother has his exact same name (yes you read correctly) and now his nephew has his exact same name. Our son too?!!!! When will this end? Not to mention the credit issues I see in the future.

Re: Husband wants to name son after him.

  • I reaaaaaallllly wish he would change his mind.i mean, I get it. I see how a father would want a "junior." Although I am for giving a unique name to a unique being. BUT get this. Both his grandfathers have his first name (one has his exact same name), his father has his exact same name, his identical twin brother has his exact same name (yes you read correctly) and now his nephew has his exact same name. Our son too?!!!! When will this end? Not to mention the credit issues I see in the future.

    Anyway you see I can convince him otherwise? Am I being silly?

  • Have you tried compromising on a middle name? I don't blame you for your feelings. I am not too keen on juniors either. But to each their own. Maybe this conversation with your SO should be saved for later (unless you are 100% team green). You may end up with a girl and the whole emotional roller coaster could have been avoided.
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  • Rosebean said:

    Have you tried compromising on a middle name? I don't blame you for your feelings. I am not too keen on juniors either. But to each their own. Maybe this conversation with your SO should be saved for later (unless you are 100% team green). You may end up with a girl and the whole emotional roller coaster could have been avoided.

    You are right. We don't know the gender yet. I doubt he'll change his mind especially since his twin brother puts major pressure on him to follow the trend. Compromising on a middle name may be the only way.
  • Deal with it when and if the time comes. For all you know, you could be having a girl. And if you do end up having a boy, talk about it. Naming your child should be a compromise. So both of you are going to have to do some compromising.
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  • Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 


    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.

    You would think the glorious social security number would serve its purpose but my husband has actually received bills from his brother and father and it's always a headache to get it straightened out.
    [Deleted User]


  • Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.


    You would think this but my husband - who has same first name on his uncle - has had "issues" with credit, even when he has given his SIN.  They will call to confirm his birthday, or ask for more ID, because when they run his name his uncle comes up, and they don't even share a middle name.  It usually works out in the end but it does slow down the process. 

    He goes by his middle name (his parents had no intention of calling him by his first name but were adhering to "family pressure" to use the naming convention) and honestly he HATES it - he would have preferred to have the name he goes by be his first name.

    How does the family tell the ones with the exact same name apart?  Like at a family gathering how do they specify who they are talking too?

    I agree with PP - it should be a compromise and a name you are both happy with.  Maybe you will have a girl and problem solved lol

    They have nicknames of course. It is the only way mom can yell at one of them from another room. Lol Throughout the years they have also picked up their differences. My husband is more playful in personality and is usually smiling. Unlike his twin. They are actually very different personality wise. They even have complete different tastes in music (some agreements of course.)

  • My FIL's stuff shows up on my husband's credit report. They share a first name and it has been really hard to correct.

    To the OP. I would want him to have his own identity. So strange that he has the same name as his brother!
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  • Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.

    You would think the glorious social security number would serve its purpose but my husband has actually received bills from his brother and father and it's always a headache to get it straightened out.
    Bills =/= credit score. 

    That also means it's likely the jackass the bill belongs to gave them your address hoping you'd be dumb enough to pay it for them. They don't randomly grab addresses and send out bills. They get it from the person that signed up for the account. 

    No. Not true. My husband and FIL have the same name and have issues with bills all the time, especially if we use the same company. Also one time the bank put FILs bank accounts in my husband's name.  Unpaid bills can affect your credit score. If you use the same company for a service, you can get confused and pay a bill thinking it was yours very easily.


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  • Is it a cultural thing for your husbands family? My best friends husband, his brother, his nephew, and his father all share the same exact name. Confusing on paper? Yes. BUT they all go by a different unique nickname (and I'm not talking Joe, Joey, Joseph). When my friend had a son they did not follow the name trend, which was not a big deal for her husband but was for his family. My suggestion would be to talk it out with your SO. Even if you have a girl this time that doesn't mean this won't come up again.

    FWIW my mom and aunt had the same first and last name, different middle name, different date of birth, and the national bank chain they used STILL mixed up their statements and accounts...
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  • WhoCanItBeNow said:

    Speshul said:
    Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.

    You would think the glorious social security number would serve its purpose but my husband has actually received bills from his brother and father and it's always a headache to get it straightened out.
    Bills =/= credit score. 

    That also means it's likely the jackass the bill belongs to gave them your address hoping you'd be dumb enough to pay it for them. They don't randomly grab addresses and send out bills. They get it from the person that signed up for the account. 

    No. Not true. My husband and FIL have the same name and have issues with bills all the time, especially if we use the same company. Also one time the bank put FILs bank accounts in my husband's name.  Unpaid bills can affect your credit score. If you use the same company for a service, you can get confused and pay a bill thinking it was yours very easily.
    Only if you aren't paying attention. Sorry you suck at details.

    There are no "bills" on my credit score. Credit cards, open loans, mortgage, yes. Medical, utilities, no. You have to let those go a very long time before those would hit. If you pay attention and clear them up right away, it's NBD.

    DH is a Jr. There are 3 other people in town with the same name. Never had a single issue.

    Yay good for you...but that does not make it impossible to happen to other people..it does happen.

    We have had 2 separate companies mix up retirement and bank accounts. Also we have been billed by the hospital for the wrong person...that one was difficult to straighten out because they wouldn't listen. If you think spending hours on the phone talking to people and sometimes having to drive your ass down to the institution(more than once, with both parties) is NBD then also yay for you. But for me...
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    OP I know someone that alternates first and middle names every generation. Like Billy Bob and then the son is Bob Billy. That might be a good compromise and you won't have to worry about possible confusion since everyone in the family has the same name.


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    dogperson11BelhurstBride[Deleted User]
  • S/O and his Dad and grandfather have the same first name. S/O gets his dads mail and vice versa. His Dad still gets mail for his deceased Dad. It's a PITA.

    Every week S/O drives two cities over to exchange mail. We just got his Direct TV bill, a medical bill, and his car registration.

    Also, I work in medical billing and I just had a HIPPA issue the other month. This guy called on his bill, he had the name and DOB right and after speaking with him, he tells me it's not his bill, it's his Dads and he keeps getting his mail because it's the same name. He gave me his Dads DOB, but the guys SSN was attached to it, not his Dads SSN.

    So, with same names, theres mail issues, billing issues, etc. It's not the end of the world, but if you don't like the name, you shouldn't get pressured into it because it's a family tradition.

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  • OP another idea is to find a different version of the name. Like if it is nicolas, you could try nikolai. I do think it should be a name both of you like. Good Luck :)


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  • Speshul said:



    No. Not true. My husband and FIL have the same name and have issues with bills all the time, especially if we use the same company. Also one time the bank put FILs bank accounts in my husband's name.  Unpaid bills can affect your credit score. If you use the same company for a service, you can get confused and pay a bill thinking it was yours very easily.

    The exact same thing would happen with my dad and grandfather. Dad refused to make my brother a III because of how many times he'd had banking and bill mix ups with his father. I'd compromise on a middle name, but don't feel pressured to use a name you don't want.

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  • Speshul said:
    OP another idea is to find a different version of the name. Like if it is nicolas, you could try nikolai. I do think it should be a name both of you like. Good Luck :)
    This is a really great idea! Even looking for a diminutive form of a name might work, or something like Harry > Harrison, Andrew > Addison for example. My husband's middle name is Nicholas and I really liked it, but he felt funny about using it, so I did some research and Colin is a diminutive form of the name Nicholas, and we both loved that name.

    It's kind of hard to come up with good suggestions without knowing the name, but there could be some compromise (although just using it as a middle name makes sense and is easy) that pleases both of you.
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  • Oh. I DO NOT like the name.
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  • Am I missing something here? Did you discuss with before marriage?

    If not, why would you allow your husband to be the only one deciding on a name? A name that you do not like, none the less. You are equals, act like it and put your foot down.

     

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  • UGHHH!!! my DH is a III, and he wants a IV...I wouldn't mid if his dad and grandfather weren't jerks (which DH agrees with) AND I hate the name...This is still in debate obviously. I offered a middle name (I want a girl to have my name for a middle name) So, then he offers up ridiculous options as the only other thing he would consider other than his name , ie: Timber. No Joke. He loves it...\

    I grew up in a house with a Jr. and Sr. and it was so annoying- phone, mail etc. I could only give in if we agreed to call the baby a version of the same name in another language, or a cute kind of not really nickname sort of derived from the original name. Still not my favs though. It is hard though b/c I know if I was a "the third", I'd probably want a "the fourth" too.

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  • I think it is super cute that he wants to name the baby after himself but I think if you don't give the baby it's own name you're not giving him is own little identity! Have you tried that with your husband? 
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  • Lurking as we've started talking names recently. OP-another thing perhaps you could bring up with him is that god forbid the kid does something really bad when they're older, it's also your DH's name, and that may be tough for him on both fronts -that it's his son and that it's his name. The chances of that happening are obviously very slim, but it happened in my family and Sr was devastated not only at what Jr did and how it affected Sr's grand kids, but also that it was 'his' name in the papers and on the news.
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  • Not saying this is common, but DH has had terrible problems with having the same name as his father. Primarily since his father has tried using DH's identity for credit/purchases/etc. At the moment we have everything straightened out, but in the past it has been a large problem for him. I've also seen the reverse happen to friends of ours, where the child has used the parent's identity.

    I completely understand if it's family tradition, etc. At first I actually wanted LO to be named after DH, but from past headaches, have just decided we'd rather choose our own name.
  • I am having the same issue with DH. We're not finding out the sex but if it's a boy we're naming it after him. It's not my favorite idea. Hell, I do not like it at all actually. But the way I see it is this is his first born, I'll bend. I think the middle name gets me more than anything.


  • Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.


    In my line of work, I have seen the son's child support judgement showing up on the father's credit report.

    OP, I get where you are coming from. I still get angry because DH could have been a IV and I would have made DS a V. BUT DH's grandfather used to use DH's father's SSN and opened all kinds of shit in his name. DH's father did not use the same name for DH because he knew the grandfather would do the same to him.

    But enough about DH's shady ass family, if you do not like the name, can you try suggesting a variation; for example, Wesley instead of Leslie?


    I have already put some compromising on the table. For all those curious... His name is Rafael. Not an atrocious name but I just like unique names or names with meanings or incredible legacies attached. I told him I would even take Ralphie, or use Rafael as a middle name. But he is so firm. His twin is pretty much saying he better carry the name.

    Lol. I didn't think this discussion would become so popular. I will love my little person no matter what. And while I would like to give a unique name, eh. I seriously wouldn't cause a strain in our relationship over this disagreement. Besides I definitely will have naming rights for any daughters.
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  • Darbie914 said:





    Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.


    In my line of work, I have seen the son's child support judgement showing up on the father's credit report.

    OP, I get where you are coming from. I still get angry because DH could have been a IV and I would have made DS a V. BUT DH's grandfather used to use DH's father's SSN and opened all kinds of shit in his name. DH's father did not use the same name for DH because he knew the grandfather would do the same to him.

    But enough about DH's shady ass family, if you do not like the name, can you try suggesting a variation; for example, Wesley instead of Leslie?
    I have already put some compromising on the table. For all those curious... His name is Rafael. Not an atrocious name but I just like unique names or names with meanings or incredible legacies attached. I told him I would even take Ralphie, or use Rafael as a middle name. But he is so firm. His twin is pretty much saying he better carry the name.

    Lol. I didn't think this discussion would become so popular. I will love my little person no matter what. And while I would like to give a unique name, eh. I seriously wouldn't cause a strain in our relationship over this disagreement. Besides I definitely will have naming rights for any daughters.



    I guess I just don't see how someone else should have a hand in what you name your child.  I would never take my siblings' opinion into account because it's not their child.  

    Name your baby what you will and do as you see fit, of course.   But it just rubs me the wrong way when I see people posting about this as if they have zero say in the matter.  Your opinion counts, too.



    This. If his brother is so adamant about the name being carried, he needs to produce a boy and name his son the same. And also mind his own business. 


    Ugh. Exactly. He named his son Rafael. Now he is pretty much telling my husband. I did it. Now you need to too. It is so silly.
  • Darbie914 said:





    Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.


    In my line of work, I have seen the son's child support judgement showing up on the father's credit report.

    OP, I get where you are coming from. I still get angry because DH could have been a IV and I would have made DS a V. BUT DH's grandfather used to use DH's father's SSN and opened all kinds of shit in his name. DH's father did not use the same name for DH because he knew the grandfather would do the same to him.

    But enough about DH's shady ass family, if you do not like the name, can you try suggesting a variation; for example, Wesley instead of Leslie?
    I have already put some compromising on the table. For all those curious... His name is Rafael. Not an atrocious name but I just like unique names or names with meanings or incredible legacies attached. I told him I would even take Ralphie, or use Rafael as a middle name. But he is so firm. His twin is pretty much saying he better carry the name.

    Lol. I didn't think this discussion would become so popular. I will love my little person no matter what. And while I would like to give a unique name, eh. I seriously wouldn't cause a strain in our relationship over this disagreement. Besides I definitely will have naming rights for any daughters.

    I guess I just don't see how someone else should have a hand in what you name your child.  I would never take my siblings' opinion into account because it's not their child.  

    Name your baby what you will and do as you see fit, of course.   But it just rubs me the wrong way when I see people posting about this as if they have zero say in the matter.  Your opinion counts, too.


    Every relationship has disagreements. This is one of ours. We women have fantasies about our future wedding and family and men have their ideas for their future. My husband has always looked forward to having a mini him. So I understand why it may be hard to give this up.

    I post this because this is a community of support. Sometimes we need to ask for advice, opinions or just need to vent.
  • Darbie914 said:



    Darbie914 said:





    Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.


    In my line of work, I have seen the son's child support judgement showing up on the father's credit report.

    OP, I get where you are coming from. I still get angry because DH could have been a IV and I would have made DS a V. BUT DH's grandfather used to use DH's father's SSN and opened all kinds of shit in his name. DH's father did not use the same name for DH because he knew the grandfather would do the same to him.

    But enough about DH's shady ass family, if you do not like the name, can you try suggesting a variation; for example, Wesley instead of Leslie?
    I have already put some compromising on the table. For all those curious... His name is Rafael. Not an atrocious name but I just like unique names or names with meanings or incredible legacies attached. I told him I would even take Ralphie, or use Rafael as a middle name. But he is so firm. His twin is pretty much saying he better carry the name.

    Lol. I didn't think this discussion would become so popular. I will love my little person no matter what. And while I would like to give a unique name, eh. I seriously wouldn't cause a strain in our relationship over this disagreement. Besides I definitely will have naming rights for any daughters.

    I guess I just don't see how someone else should have a hand in what you name your child.  I would never take my siblings' opinion into account because it's not their child.  

    Name your baby what you will and do as you see fit, of course.   But it just rubs me the wrong way when I see people posting about this as if they have zero say in the matter.  Your opinion counts, too.
    Every relationship has disagreements. This is one of ours. We women have fantasies about our future wedding and family and men have their ideas for their future. My husband has always looked forward to having a mini him. So I understand why it may be hard to give this up.

    I post this because this is a community of support. Sometimes we need to ask for advice, opinions or just need to vent.



    I understand about relationships having disagreements and it's 100% normal.  However, even though both of you grew up with different ideas for your future doesn't mean that one person should sacrifice their wants/needs for the sake of their partner.  DH never grew up dreaming about his wedding but he absolutely had a say in the planning and there were things he wanted that we both took into account.

    That's what marriage is- compromise and working together to come up with situations that work for both of you.  What will you do if you never have a girl and those 'naming rights' are null and void?  Naming your child should be a joint decision, always.

    With that said, naming a child after your husband will not make your son a mini-DH.  He will be his own person, with his own thoughts, feelings, and opinions.  I have the same name as my mother and believe me when I tell you, we are very different people.  
     


    Everything you've said is true. I know there are no mini me

  • So wait...OP, your husband and his twin brother DO have the exact same name?!

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  • ADH0906 said:

    So wait...OP, your husband and his twin brother DO have the exact same name?!

    Yes. Just yes.
    8-}
  • I said it would be shitty to push back now of this has always been something she knows he wanted for a future child. Not a deal breaker. But yeah, if she has always known that this would be his desire for naming a son, never said anything about her disagreement before marriage or baby, and only now started "vetoing" based on possible SSN/billing issues...that's pretty crappy communication on her part. Especially since she's always hated the name.

    Now, if he never brought up that he felt so strongly and he wants to carry on the tradition until now, yep...I think normal compromise applies.
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    dogperson11[Deleted User]
  • Family names do not make the child less individual. If the most important thing about your child is the uniqueness of their name...well, that's just silly. You can name a child Caesar and that doesn't make it the Emperor, you know?

    I know people have asked, but i didnt see it if you answered. Is this name legacy something you discussed before TTC or marriage? If it's something you agreed to previously it's kinda crummy to try and back out. And you know what? Sometime, especially when it comes to your child, it's ok to be crummy and play dirty. If you still feel like you don't care how crummy it is, you would hate to have your child named X,Y,Or Z you need to have an honest conversation with your husband. Nobody else factors into the equation; the twin brother already named his son and has no vote on your child.

    Basically, communicate. Be honest with your feelings, and understanding with his. He may have had a change of heart now that he is actually having a baby and really loves the idea of another Rafael.

    I hope you can come to an understanding and a compromise, with as little stress as possible. Your child will be beautiful no matter what you name him or her!

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  • Kimbus22 said:
    Am I the only person who is flabbergasted by the concept that names can be a dealbreaker if discussed before marriage?  Seriously why would you marry someone who'd be willing to walk away from you over a hypothetical name for a hypothetical child that may or may not ever be born?  I can't even fathom this.

    I was thinking the exact same thing!

    Plus, I now have images of that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding where she is introducing him to her family and everyone is named Nick. :)

    OP, DH and I had a similar arguement when we named our son. We are two different races and since DS's last name would be from DH's culture since it is DH's last name, I wanted DS's middle name to come from my culture. DH wanted DS's middle name to honor his Dad. It turned into a HUGE fight and I eventually gave in partly because I did like how his Dad's name sounded as DS's middle name. We also agreed that I could choose the middle name for our next child.

    That being said, I avoid using DS's middle name whenever possible. I cannot imagine not liking my son's first name - you need to rationally have this conversation with your husband. And if you do choose not to use Rafael as the first name, I would keep the chosen name a secret until the baby is born to avoid arguements with your IL until then.

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  • My husband is a Third, his mother was hesitant about naming him after her husband and his father, but only after they agreed to call him Trey (Latin for three) Now he wants to name our son the fourth.  I agreed at first, then started to question it once I got pregnant.  After researching baby names and being totally against any popular baby name, I am actually really excited to name our baby Frank George IV (as much as I despise the name Frank) There is something to be said about tradition, along with how many people do you know that are the fourth?! We agreed to nickname the baby Geo since his dad goes by Frank.  My great grandfather was actually named George and went by Geo.  So we decided it works well for both our families since the baby will actually be named after both sides.  I can totally see where you are coming from especially if you hate the name, b/c trust me, I have always hated the name Frank, but I'm excited that I can guarantee when my son goes to school he will definitely not have the same name as any other little boy. We even talked about just calling him Frank George, a little long, but no longer than John Paul or something but I'm worried it will eventually get shortened to just Frank.  See if you guys can work out a nickname compromise, or you get the pick the middle name (he can't veto) and you can call him by his middle name.  
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  • ADH0906ADH0906 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited February 2014



    ADH0906 said:

    So wait...OP, your husband and his twin brother DO have the exact same name?!

    Yes. Just yes.
    8-}

    What the actual fuck. 


    @marcyrenee15- Latin for three is tertius, not Trey. 




    I want to objectively participate in this discussion, but I cannot wrap my head around this enough to move on.

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  • That is something I don't have to worry about. My DH is a 4th. Get this.... His dad's first marriage they had a boy.... James the 3rd is born.. Gets divorced and remarried and my DH is born... Yup James the 4th. That is something we both agreed upon... We did not want a James the 5th!
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  • My DH told me on like our first or second date (5 1/2 years ago) that he wanted to name his son after him (Joshua Michael) and he wanted to call him JJ. We found out Monday we're having a boy, so I guess JJ it is. I can't ask him to change this now after all these years, it's all he's talked about. I'm not a huge fan of it because I want our child to have his own identity, but I knew what I was getting into. I will probably call him Joshua though, not JJ. My husband goes by Josh. 
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  • Sarafar4Sarafar4 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    Is the name something unusual? I have a friend who DH family names the first son Napolean... They call their son Ean. Or you could call your son by his middle name. My brother is the fourth of his name, but all have different middle name starting with A. I think my family would be hurt if my SIL vetoed the name because she didn't like it. I would definitely side eye her for a while. Marriage is about compromise. That being said, I have a very common name... There are over 300 of us according to FB, including 3 other girls with exact same first, middle, and last name... Never had a credit mix up, ever! What do you think people with the name smith or Johnson would do if this was the case.
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  • Oh. I DO NOT like the name.

    I may be sensitive, but I would be hurt if my husband told me he did not like my name....
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  • Okay, I just have to say to OP that your DH's family's naming philosophy is downright creepy. I'm sorry, and Rafael is really not a bad name, but the fact that seemingly every male in that family has the exact same name and they're pressuring him all Stepford style to do the same with his child just sounds like a big bag of NOPE to me. Even if he brought it up before this, I probably would have thought he was joking. I mean, really, who does that? As others have said, this isn't just his child. You are not an unwitting incubator for his offspring. This is your child, you get equal say, and you can tell the BIL to suck it! Sometimes, you really do have to put your foot down and stand up for what you want. Your DH needs to learn to stand up to his family too. They don't get a say.


  • My ex husband was like that with our son. He was the 7th in his family with the same first name. Boring!! I'm very much into unique names. So I got him to compromise and we named our son something totally different but with the same first letter. Now I'm pregnant with baby #2 with my new husband who is a 3rd in his family. I assumed he'd want a son to be a fourth but he's all for the same initials instead. Something to discuss maybe? Best of luck!!


  • So wait...OP, your husband and his twin brother DO have the exact same name?!
    Yes. Just yes. 8-}
    What the actual fuck. 


    @marcyrenee15- Latin for three is tertius, not Trey. 


    Actually if you're talking simply of the cardinal number, it would be Tres

    It's a BOY










  • Credit scores are based on social security numbers, so I kind of doubt there will be issues. 

    Do or don't. Discuss it with your husband. I knew mine's stance before we were even married. It was a deal breaker for him. Fortunately I had no issues with a son of mine being a III.

    You would think the glorious social security number would serve its purpose but my husband has actually received bills from his brother and father and it's always a headache to get it straightened out.

    Oh, it can get way worse too. My grandfather/father/brother share the same name. My grandfather owns a company (using his name) and my father owns a company that uses his name. Tax time it is HORRENDOUS. When I was doing the books for them, I finally threw my hands up and put all five of the Jim Williams at seperate banks so the stubs wouldn't get processed incorrectly.

    I hope all is well and you end up finding a good alternative.

    imageSoon to be San Diego Mommy! 

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  • I understand wanting to carry on the family name. But for me, I'd say enough after the brothers were named the same damned name. I've never heard of that! 

    What is your husband's middle name? What if you used the first name as a middle name and his middle name as a first name?

    DH doesn't mind his first name, but hates his middle name. The middle name was one of my top 3 choices for DS's first name, but since he hated it so much, I crossed it off. I couldn't imagine naming my child something my partner despised and would have to call him by forever.
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  • My dad was a III and my brother a IV. I am named after my mother and grandmother, as well as my aunt and cousin. I go by my middle name, and it causes me countless headaches, as it does for my brother and my mother, and my father too when he was alive. Some people may not mind the headaches, but it does create unnecessary hassles from time to time. In fact, I am planning on changing my name to drop my first and last (I have two middle names which I go by as my pen name). I've never liked my name, and I always felt that by naming me after herself, my mom spent absolutely no time thinking about me as an individual but me as an extension of herself. She has admitted as much to me recently when I was talking to her about baby names. I like using family names, and if you BOTH agree on a Jr. or III, then that's great for you. But it's okay for people to find it awkward and confusing, as I and my brother who are both named after our parents do. 

    Also, why does it matter if she did or didn't agree to the name before marriage? I know some women who have been dead set on a certain name since they were 12, and to me, that is really weird. Unless you're planning on being a single parent, it should reflect both parents, not just some idea you've clung to for 10 years. And would a parent really walk away from a child and a spouse just because of some stupid deal breaker like that? 

    Ultimately, I would suggest waiting until you find out the sex because maybe you can avoid it all together. Whenever people ask if we have names, I tell them we're waiting until closer to the birth to decide. I get enough opinions about what I should and shouldn't do right now that I hardly want another opinion about what I should or shouldn't name my kid. 

  • My ex and his father had the same name. They not only got each others mail but his father opened up a credit card through the bank but they somehow started billing my ex.. My ex didn't even have the credit to open one at the time! That kind of stuff happened all the time with them! I wouldn't do it.

    When we had our son. He said he wanted our son to have his OWN name and didn't want any type of confusion for him like he had.
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  • @whocanitbenow do you enjoy going out of your way to make people feel shitty about their opinions and the way they feel? Why don't you back off. Find a new hobby.
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  • edited February 2014
    It's just a name...compromise or let him name the kid or whatever

    Unless the name is vagina or something totally ridiculous it is not a huge deal. Seriously

    Also if it's such a huge deal just remember if you have more kids he might not like the name you want

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  • camanaecamanae member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    camanae said:


    Also, why does it matter if she did or didn't agree to the name before marriage?
    Because it makes the person reneging on an the agreement an asshole. That would be a massive breach of trust in our relationship. Lying shouldn't be tolerated. If she said she had no problems with it to get him to shut up about it and entered into the marriage under false pretenses, that's pretty shitty of her. What else did she lie to him about? What else was lip service and she really didn't mean it?

    Obviously I hold people to their word. If you liker liars telling you what you want to hear and having drama later when you learn they didn't mean it, whatever. Enjoy your life. I'm going to be over here with people that don't lie to each other.

    It just seems like something very arbitrary to walk away from an otherwise good relationship. (I mean, demanding you name your first son after yourself; not the lying). But circumstances change, and sometimes you need to reevaluate how you feel. What you said when you were 22 and just falling in love might look a little different when you're 30 and having an actual kid with the actual name that you don't really like that much. If it's a good marriage with good communication, they should at least be able to talk about a compromise. 

    ETA: It would be a greater lie, to me at least, for my spouse to tell me he had no issues with the name I picked out for our child when he actually felt very strongly against it. 

    bumpuser10217137
  • I don't like my husband's name either but I agree on naming our son (if we have a boy) after him and his Dad. Our son will be the III. We compromised on a nick name that every one will call him.
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  • Husband's family keeps the same initials for the eldest boys. It's a nice tradition while letting everyone have unique names.
    Is heartily apologizing to her child in advance for genes that predispose them to shitty vision and being Too Damn Tall.
  • So... All of the first born GIRLS in my family have the same name. My father put a stop to it when I came along. They compromised by naming me after two great aunts. When it came to naming my son... My husband and his father have the same first name, diff middle names. So we decided together to give our son his first name, and MY father's middle name. We will not call him by his middle name. If I wanted to call him that, I would have named him that. It was kind of a no brainer, and an honor to name him after his wonderful father. I feel great that I could bear him a son, and make him a namesake.
  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    There's a difference between lying and changing one's mind. Just because you're okay with something at one point doesn't mean you're not entitled to change your mind years later and it doesn't mean you were lying at the time you originally gave your initial thoughts.

    I can't imagine marrying someone who wouldn't let me change my mind.
    I'm being featured in a new pregnancy/motherhood blog during the month of October, so if you ever wanted to know more about my pregnancy, birth, and motherhood experiences than anyone ever should, check out my posts in the link below! :)

    Mimaloo
  • So... All of the first born GIRLS in my family have the same name. My father put a stop to it when I came along. They compromised by naming me after two great aunts. When it came to naming my son... My husband and his father have the same first name, diff middle names. So we decided together to give our son his first name, and MY father's middle name. We will not call him by his middle name. If I wanted to call him that, I would have named him that. It was kind of a no brainer, and an honor to name him after his wonderful father. I feel great that I could bear him a son, and make him a namesake.

    Wouldn't want to go the way of Anne Boleyn.

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  • afk2013 said:
    My FIL's stuff shows up on my husband's credit report. They share a first name and it has been really hard to correct. To the OP. I would want him to have his own identity. So strange that he has the same name as his brother!
    My grandfather, uncle and cousin all have the same name and there are more problems than you'd think with this one.  

    OP - DH brought up a junior once.  I said absolutely not.  Veto, veto, veto.  I told him I'd refuse to sign the birth certificate.  You BOTH get to have a say in LO's name - end of story.  
  • There's a difference between lying and changing one's mind. Just because you're okay with something at one point doesn't mean you're not entitled to change your mind years later and it doesn't mean you were lying at the time you originally gave your initial thoughts. I can't imagine marrying someone who wouldn't let me change my mind.
    This exactly.  
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