Ferber method

Patty Maciel

I was just wondering if anyone has heard of and tried the Ferber method when putting their LO to bed. I am a FTM and my 4 month old is beginning to go through a change these past few nights when we put him to bed. We have a bedtime routine of bath, massage and milk (BF) and then bed. We were pretty lucky up until now as before when we put him to bed awake, we would turn on his mobile and he would fall asleep for about 3 to 4 hours. No problems! But as of late he will fall asleep during his last feed and he will wake up again every 30 minutes at least 3 times before he falls into his deeper sleep of 3 hours. Just wondering if anyone has tried the Ferber method and how young was LO when first tried. My sister in law told me of the Ferber method and swears by it, just  as long as you have the patience.

BlondieBia21

Heard of it- yes.

Will I ever do it- heck no. I won't leave my child to cry just so I could sleep a little bit more.

4 month olds go through a major sleep regression due to all of their learning/growing. Wake up and know it won't be like this forever. Ferber isn't even recommended to try until 6 months of age.

Here are some articles that could help you:

https://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html (explains not until 6 months)

https://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/4mo-sleep/ (breastfed baby with sleep regression)

https://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/ (sleep regressions in general)

taraleanne

BlondieBia21 said:

Heard of it- yes.

Will I ever do it- heck no. I won't leave my child to cry just so I could sleep a little bit more.

4 month olds go through a major sleep regression due to all of their learning/growing. Wake up and know it won't be like this forever. Ferber isn't even recommended to try until 6 months of age.

Here are some articles that could help you:

https://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html (explains not until 6 months)

https://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/4mo-sleep/ (breastfed baby with sleep regression)

https://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/ (sleep regressions in general)

I can't do it either. When my baby cries, he has a need and sometimes he needs me, and I'm OK with that. In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way. I enjoy comforting my baby. Also, my baby falls asleep on his own (most nights) and is able to self sooth over night and I never ever let him cry it out. I didn't follow any methods but just did what seemed to come naturally but I have heard of something called the No-Cry Sleep Solution (you could google). Short of it is that you don't have to let your baby cry it out to help them self soothe (i.e.: sleep longer without your assistance). 

Plus all the links above ^^

FemShep

Yes, I've heard of the Ferber method.  We used a modified version for our elder DD at 11 months, and it helped her.  With DD2, we did something a little different-we stay in the room so she can see us, but only interact with her to put her down.  Every baby is different, and you may need to try a few different methods of sleep training until you find the one that fits.  I'd recommend going with the less traumatic options first (try the No-Cry Sleep Solution or Baby Whisperer, and continue with your sleep routine), and seeing your your LO reacts.

However, 4 months is WAY too young for Ferber.  You need to readjust your expectations; wakeups are normal, sleep regressions are normal.  Yes, it sucks.  Welcome to parenting, and embrace the coffee.  

PrimRoseMama

BlondieBia21 said:

Heard of it- yes.

Will I ever do it- heck no. I won't leave my child to cry just so I could sleep a little bit more.

4 month olds go through a major sleep regression due to all of their learning/growing. Wake up and know it won't be like this forever. Ferber isn't even recommended to try until 6 months of age.

Here are some articles that could help you:

https://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html (explains not until 6 months)

https://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/4mo-sleep/ (breastfed baby with sleep regression)

https://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/ (sleep regressions in general)

Yep. Agree.

Also, babies are going to baby. It doesn't mean there is something wrong. Ferber was a big fat fail for DD. I'm not going to bother with DS. Baby will sleep better when they are able.

BelhurstBride

Yea... I agree with readjusting your expectations. 

EmR22

Like others said almost all of our babies went/are going through the four month sleep regression. It sucks but it will pass.....eventually.

Patty Maciel

Thanks for all the responses and especially the links to other websites for more information. I was reading the info from the links all morning and I'm glad to hear that this normal and that it will eventually pass. It's so great to know that it may not just be teething and to be aware of the sleep regression which I never heard about. Those websites have so much information and I will refer to them in the future. Thanks again!!

Erinruns262

I did this with my DS when he was 5.5 months old. It was the best thing I ever did. Did I enjoy hearing him cry? No...it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But...it works! It took about a week, and we had to do it several times as he got older..esp. when we moved him into a bed. He started sleeping 11-12 hours straight around 8 months and it was great being able to put him in his crib, walk away, and he'd fall asleep in 5 minutes. Many people on the Bump are anti-cry-it-out, but to me, a few nights of crying was well worth it. Today, he is a healthy, happy 3 year old who still sleeps 8-7 and loves his mommy despite me having him cry it out at almost 6 months old! I will be using the Ferber method with my DD (now 4 months) when I feel she is ready for it.

MagPie 1986

Ahh, the good 'ole Mr. Ferber and his pesky CIO solution for bedtime.

Apparently, nobody ever put him in a cage in a dark room and left him for 8-10 hours at a time.  If so, there would be no "Ferber method."

Please console your baby when they cry.

MagPie 1986

Erinruns262 said:

I did this with my DS when he was 5.5 months old. It was the best thing I ever did. Did I enjoy hearing him cry? No...it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But...it works! It took about a week, and we had to do it several times as he got older..esp. when we moved him into a bed. He started sleeping 11-12 hours straight around 8 months and it was great being able to put him in his crib, walk away, and he'd fall asleep in 5 minutes. Many people on the Bump are anti-cry-it-out, but to me, a few nights of crying was well worth it. Today, he is a healthy, happy 3 year old who still sleeps 8-7 and loves his mommy despite me having him cry it out at almost 6 months old! I will be using the Ferber method with my DD (now 4 months) when I feel she is ready for it.

This doesn't work for every baby and all it does is teach your baby that you don't come at night when they cry.  It doesn't matter if he's hungry, soiled, or scared; you won't be there.  Eventually, they just stop crying because they realize it's useless and they're exhausted.  Studies have shown that babies that have been taught to CIO still have elevated cortisol levels (the stress hormone) even when they're not crying so they're not learning to "self-soothe," they're just learning that crying expends a great deal of effort with no end result.

brown214

I just did this method with my lo. Tonight is night 3 and he fell asleep on his own which has not happened once since birth. I tried this method with caution knowing it might no feel right. At no point during the first 2 nights did I feel like he was distressed. Yes, he cried. When I went back in after each time interval he gave me a huge smile and was happy to see me and closed his eyes right away. He just needed the assurance that I would check on him. I chose to try this method because lo is a great sleeper (most nights 10 hours) but never self soothed or fell asleep on his own. He is very active and alert so I knew it was important that he learn to wind down himself instead of us doing that for him. I definitely understand why people disagree with this method but it worked for us.

* I also know tomorrow night he might not put himself to sleep and tonight may have been a complete fluke!

taraleanne

I was just reading "the no-cry sleep solution" book last night. It was my first time ever picking up the book and there is some sections on there about CIO which may be good for you to read. 

I read quite a lot of the book and although my LO is a pretty good sleeper at night, I thought the advice and the approach was gentle and realistic; going forward I'll certainly be using some of the tips in that book!  I wish I had had it when my LO was brand new.   I'd highly suggest buying this book! (and don't worry,it's not too long or difficult to read, I am actually really enjoying reading it!) 

Erinruns262

My 4 month old has torticollis and goes to physical therapt 2x per week. She SCREAMS the entire time. I'm sure her cortisol levels are raised to a very high level. It's horrible when she looks at me pleading at me with her eyes to make it stop. Many times I feel like the sh&ttiest mother ever for allowing the therapist to stretch her neck. Am I going to stop taking her because she cries? no. It's what is best for her. Ferber is mild compared to this. It's NOT just locking your child in a room and letting them cry. Sometimes as parents, we need to decide what is in our child's best interest. To me, a child who knows how to fall asleep and stay asleep is in his/her best interest. To each their own.

keyshahart

here is a method that we tried. i didnt let my baby cry it out, however i did not rush into the room either. i would lay her down at night in her crib and soothe her for a minute or so until she was calm and then leave the room. if she cried i would leave her for 1 minute then go back in and soothe her again without picking her up. leave the room again, and if she cried i would leave her for 2 minutes and go back in and soothe her without picking her up. i would go up to a max of 5 minutes with leaving her to cry. can get tiring going in and out of the room so much and i know its not for every baby, but it worked great for us! only took a couple of nights for her to learn how put herself to sleep within 2 minutes. what also helps her to sleep is white noise (i just use radio static)  we started it at 3 months. shes now 5 months and goes to bed at 9pm and sleeps until 8am since 4 months old.

mysticl

Erinruns262 said:

My 4 month old has torticollis and goes to physical therapt 2x per week. She SCREAMS the entire time. I'm sure her cortisol levels are raised to a very high level. It's horrible when she looks at me pleading at me with her eyes to make it stop. Many times I feel like the sh&ttiest mother ever for allowing the therapist to stretch her neck. Am I going to stop taking her because she cries? no. It's what is best for her. Ferber is mild compared to this. It's NOT just locking your child in a room and letting them cry. Sometimes as parents, we need to decide what is in our child's best interest. To me, a child who knows how to fall asleep and stay asleep is in his/her best interest. To each their own.

Treating an actual medical condition and letting a child cry it out are two different things.  Many people feel that cry it out it is not in a child's best interest to cry it out and that it can be harmful.  

BelhurstBride

Erinruns262 said:

My 4 month old has torticollis and goes to physical therapt 2x per week. She SCREAMS the entire time. I'm sure her cortisol levels are raised to a very high level. It's horrible when she looks at me pleading at me with her eyes to make it stop. Many times I feel like the sh&ttiest mother ever for allowing the therapist to stretch her neck. Am I going to stop taking her because she cries? no. It's what is best for her. Ferber is mild compared to this. It's NOT just locking your child in a room and letting them cry. Sometimes as parents, we need to decide what is in our child's best interest. To me, a child who knows how to fall asleep and stay asleep is in his/her best interest. To each their own.

Is it in her best interest or yours?

carolyn02

We did ferber with #1 when she was 8 months old because she wouldn't fall asleep on her own without being rocked. Worked like a charm and has been a great sleeper since then. #2 is coming on 4 months and is already a decent sleeper but I intend to use ferber later on if needed. If you know for sure that baby's needs are met then I see nothing wrong with helping your baby learn to fall asleep on their own. To each their own.

hmlynch84

My LO had a serious nurse-to-sleep association, so much so that he was waking up on average 10 times a night for me to comfort nurse him back to sleep. One night...15 times...I kid you not. The second my nipple was in his mouth, he would fall asleep in my lap, it was crazy! We decided to just see what would happen if we left him to fuss/whine/cry for a little bit, to see if he could or would fall back to sleep if we didn't respond to him immediately in the middle of the night. I braced myself for screaming and to have to go in and get him, but he didn't even cry really. He fell back to sleep within minutes. Sometimes he'll sleep cry for a couple minutes then fall back to sleep. I think there's a huge difference between leaving your LO alone in their crib all night while crying for hours, and letting them fuss, whine and cry for a couple minutes. My LO just needed the practice of falling back to sleep in the middle of the night without needing a nipple in his mouth, now he wakes up once to eat and is back to sleep and I didn't have to leave him to cry it out for hours. He even takes naps in his crib now, something he never did before.

s2becrawford

We the Ferber/ no cry solution with my daughter she had a hard time falling asleep on her own we tried it at 61/2 months first night I could tell she wasn't ready. So we tried it at 71/2 months again first night was hard she cried on and off for 40 min. I did go check on her every 5 to 10 min, second night she fell asleep with in 10 min , third she fell asleep within a couple of min. Now she's 21/2 she loves her bed! Everyone has there own method I think if all there needs are met I think it's a good method just listen to your gut:) good luck

Speshul

I have the book because my child fights naps like it's her job. So far it has helped with nap time, and she is a completely different child when she gets naps. If you are going to use any sleep training...I would read the book on that method. Ferber talks about what's right in different scenarios and also suggests a multistep approach for parents not comfortable leaving the room.

jkl52588

MagPie 1986 said:

Ahh, the good 'ole Mr. Ferber and his pesky CIO solution for bedtime.

Apparently, nobody ever put him in a cage in a dark room and left him for 8-10 hours at a time.  If so, there would be no "Ferber method."

Please console your baby when they cry.

You obviously aren't fully aware of what the Ferber method has you do. You don't let your baby CIO for 8-10 hours without consoling. You console at structured intervals, from 3-20 minutes as the nights go along until they learn to put themselves back to sleep. It has been shown to provide babies with a better sleep at night as well as the parents. Please don't resort to scare tactics like this to try to push an agenda without properly understanding the method itself.

veetveet

4 months is too young for any forms of cry it out.

Carnation77

4 months old is tough for sleep.  Your LO may go back to being a pretty good sleeper in a couple weeks.  Just give it some time.  Only you know if your LO would benefit from CIO.  We don't feel it's necessary for our LO, but I guess there might some babies who do well with that method.  It does seem like something more suited for older children.

yeah.

Ferber generally doesn't support his method until 6 months. You just have to deal with sleep regressions (and 4-5 months has a big one). Sorry! You signed up for this...and it'll pass.

yeah.

BelhurstBride said:

Erinruns262 said:

My 4 month old has torticollis and goes to physical therapt 2x per week. She SCREAMS the entire time. I'm sure her cortisol levels are raised to a very high level. It's horrible when she looks at me pleading at me with her eyes to make it stop. Many times I feel like the sh&ttiest mother ever for allowing the therapist to stretch her neck. Am I going to stop taking her because she cries? no. It's what is best for her. Ferber is mild compared to this. It's NOT just locking your child in a room and letting them cry. Sometimes as parents, we need to decide what is in our child's best interest. To me, a child who knows how to fall asleep and stay asleep is in his/her best interest. To each their own.

Is it in her best interest or yours?

Since you're trying be snarky here...it actually is in your baby's best interest to sleep. That's where all the growing and brain development happens. I didn't do CIO with my kids, but if sleep was becoming an issue, I would have considered it...for them and for me.