2nd Trimester

Keeping gender a surprise

Anyone else planning to do this?  I wanted to know at first, but hubby really doesn't and managed to convince me to keep it a surprise.  I really can't find out without him knowing, I will never be able to keep that secret for the next several months.  We'll be able to find out at my next u/s at the end of this month.  I have a lot of people in my life who are surprised by this decision and think I should find out in order to "prepare".  Aside from names though, what is there really to prepare for?  However, my only real concern though, is registering for clothes.  Gender neutral stuff is ok, but a lot of it still looks a little boy-ish.  If we have a boy, that's perfect.  If we have a girl though, I'm not really a pink frilly kind of person, I'm all for keeping the nursery in neutral colors, but I'd like to have a few girly things.   Things on the registry are return-able though....I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone out there is in the same boat as me.  Thoughts, pros/cons, etc? 

Re: Keeping gender a surprise

  • The clothes selection for neutral stinks! I'm way to much of a planner to not have baby clothes before the baby comes. That was my only reason for not being team green. I mean it really doesn't matter but I really want to buy as much as possible before baby comes so if emergencies came up we wouldn't have to also buy clothes on top of other things.
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  • We are planning to keep it a surprise as well! My circle is truly blown away by this decision. My mom had a full tantrum about not knowing. I think this will help me to not spend so much. What influenced your husbands decision? How far long are you?

  • We are finding out so that if we have a girl we can bring her home to a girl room and if a boy a boy room. Also so that our stroller/car seat can be boy or girl oriented...I hate the idea of being asked, oh what's her name if it's a boy, this way the stroller will give it away
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  • "We are planning to keep it a surprise as well! My circle is truly blown away by this decision. My mom had a full tantrum about not knowing. I think this will help me to not spend so much. What influenced your husbands decision? How far long are you?"

    I'm 16 weeks along right now.  I think my husband has always wanted to keep it a surprise. He says there are few surprises left in life, why spoil this one?  Neither of our parents found out with us or our siblings, I guess he just likes the idea.  I'm a planner, but to be honest, it's kind of exciting and somewhat refreshing keeping it a surprise.  I guess the planner in me just struggles with the unknown sometimes. 
  • LizM05LizM05 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2013
    When we found out with our first two, pretty much EVERYONE in our circles thought it was odd. It is very much a 'thing' to not find out here, so it's definitely not strange. I think they mostly buy just a few neutral things and maybe one or two boy and girl things for, say, the going home outfit.
    As far as the nursery and big items (like stroller, car seat, crib) I really didn't wanna have to change the color with EACH child so I wanted neutral colors anyway even tho we knew what we were having.
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  • We aren't finding out.  Im excited to have that special moment in the delivery room with my husband and our daughter.  
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  • bingbongsmamabingbongsmama member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
    edited December 2013
    I'm so stupid. We wanted to keep it secret since this is our last baby. MIL noticed the pink pattern on the swing on my registry and figured it out. There were no clothes or anything else girly, I just slipped up on the swing by not choosing something blue or beige lol.
    I could have lied but she would have gone and bought a ton of boy clothes!

    We are 100% keeping the name a surprise though. And believe me the family is hounding us everyday trying to get it out of us
  • Just out of curiousity, what would be the trouble with buying some pink things either way? Boys can wear pink, and it looks adorable, in my opinion! 

    My older boys have quite a few pink items and they love it. My personal issue with pink on a baby boy is that people assume and it gets very annoying.

  • Tweeks23Tweeks23 member
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    edited December 2013
    We found out with my first son and then again with the second. Assuming our second was a girl (which he is not) we always said we would wait until delivery for #3 but having two boys already, I need to know if this baby is a girl so I can start shopping. I usually end up on bed rest at 20 weeks so we have to get a majority of the nursery, etc. done before that point.  

    I think it is great to not find out but I'm just not one of those people who could do that. DH's whole family didn't find out (5 brothers and 1 sister- 15 nieces and nephews) and we are the only ones who did and we got :frowned upon" about our decision. I figure it is our decision and nobody else's. 
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  • I have found registering for specific clothes to be a waste of time anyway. People want to pick out the outfits cause baby clothes are so stinkin cute. You could always tell people to go ahead and get you pink or blue with the understanding that you'll have to exchange it if they guess wrong! Or push for gift cards

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  • You really don't need to know the sex of the child to "prepare".  We were Team Green with DD2, so I speak from experience.

    Throw a few packs of gender neutral onesies on your registry.  Pick a girl name and a boy name.  Pick the baby gear you want.  Problem solved!

    In all seriousness, it didn't make things more difficult for us at all.  Tons of people bought DD clothes, but the vast majority waited until she was born (as often happens anyway) or bought adorable yellow outfits.  We chose an orange stroller and a beige car seat, both colors we would have picked regardless of gender.  We have a green nursery, and lots of bright accessories, again choices we would have made whether we'd had a boy or girl.
    And it was a tremendous thrill to have DH tell me it was a girl.
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  • kd&cd said:
    We are finding out so that if we have a girl we can bring her home to a girl room and if a boy a boy room. Also so that our stroller/car seat can be boy or girl oriented...I hate the idea of being asked, oh what's her name if it's a boy, this way the stroller will give it away
    This baffles me.  

    DD2 has a pale green room, which was used by a boy before we bought this house.  Does this mean it's a boy room?  Or is it a girl room since that's who's using it?  Do the animal wall decals make it a boy room or a girl room?  Am I causing my DD permanent harm by not surrounding her in pink and purple?

    And really, who the hell cares if a total stranger asks, "What's his name?" when you have a girl, or vice versa?  Do you think anyone really cares?  Or am I doing my baby more permanent harm by not insisting on strict gender conformity at every opportunity?

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    Luna Cmscannymac[Deleted User]meganedi
  • We were team green with our son, and are again for this baby. Gender specific equipment such as stroller, etc. is NMS, and his room was green. We received endless clothes after he arrived, and I arrived at the hospital with a boy and girl coming home outfit. Like you, I'm drawn to the pinkf frilly girl stuff, and others know that about me, so if it's a girl, that's likely what they'll buy. Also, as someone else mentioned, learning the gender of your baby at the moment of birth can be the most memorable surprise of your life. There are no words to describe what it added to my birth experience, and I'm so excited for our next surprise!
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  • We found out with DD and we did not find out with this LO. We really want to experience the excitement of finding out the day he/she is born.

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  • I was asked "what's his name?" while dd was wearing a pink shirt, overalls, a hair bow and earrings. Some people are just dense. Don't let it bother you.
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    [Deleted User]AmericanInOz[Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • For our first, I feel like there is so much unknown that I needed something that I could know, and prepare for.  Preparing really only for her room and stuff like that.  But now that I'm thinking longer term, I don't want to get everything pink b/c what if the next one is a boy?  So, clothes, bedding are pinks and purples; but high chair, P&P, swing, stroller - all neutral.  As much as I love the purple Chicco stroller, I didn't think its the most practical purchase so I'm sticking with the khaki one.  I hate my practical nature!  I might as well have just stayed team green!  But - now that I can refer to her as HER, it makes it feel a little more real.  That and the continuous kicks in the ribs. 
  • We are not finding out either, and registered for only a few clothing items that can be for either a boy or girl, but in small (mostly 0-3 mo) sizes.  The other larger stuff (car seat, highchair, etc.) was also gender neutral.  We did this for 2 reasons - first, I really want that moment in the delivery room where DH can announce it, and also so it will work if we are lucky enough to have more children!

    On a side note, pretty much everyone thinks we're crazy for not finding out.  We have actually even been called 'dumb' and 'unprepared' for our decision.  But U/S is done, so no turning back now!  (Not that I would)
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  • I personally never registered for clothes despite knowing what we were having. There are plenty of other things to put on it and trying to find a specific outfit/size on a registry is a pita. Onesies are different, IMO, and I prefer white ones to go under stuff anyway. I feel the same about neutral clothes. What I did for my surprise was hit up kohls before I had him and picked both girl and boy stuff. My mil brought his take home outfit in once we had him so she could pull tags off/wash it. I returned any girl stuff I to. Their return policy is great. Not finding out was so much fun.
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  • All of my big items for DS were neutral, because I knew I wanted another baby. I have found out sex with both pregnancies because I REALLY wanted a girl and knew I needed some time to adjust to the idea of having a boy (obviously, the first is a boy - looks like this one is a girl! Yay! I'm super excited to have one of each!), but my sister truly didn't care, and didn't find out with any of hers. One thing you could consider is buying gender neutral on the big items and basic newborn size clothes, and then have an "after baby" shower.
  • We found out the sex only so we would know for our own knowledge. We knew we were having a boy but everything is gender neutral - swing, bouncy seat, high chair, car seat, stroller, nursery, etc. The only way anyone knew we were having a boy was the clothes in the closet. Which works out nicely since baby #2 is on the way and we can use the stuff if it's a girl.

    DS #1 born January 2010. DS #2 due June 2014.

  • We've found out the gender, but aren't sharing it with anyone else.  I know that I want another baby so I wanted gender neutral items that could be used again.  I've had my shower and all the items are gender neutral.  There will be plenty of time to purchase pink or blue items soon enough.  I can guarantee that both sets of grandparents will get pink or blue items the minute that baby appears.

  • I am in your exact situation.  I wanted to know and hubby didn't.  He said the same as your hubby about there being so few surprises in life.  I knew I couldn't know without him knowing so we are team green. I have gotten a lot of pressure from friends and family wanting to know.  We do have an envelope from the a/s that says what baby is.  I just wanted to have it so I felt like I still had the power to know.  It was on the fridge for a while and now I have it tucked in a drawer (out of sight out of mind.....sort of)   :)  I am now happy we are team green.  I think it will add to the excitement.

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  • Thanks everyone, hearing all of your experiences has been hugely helpful!  I'm starting to get excited about keeping it a surprise :-)
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