3rd Trimester

Mom in Delivery Room

At the beginning I thought I wanted my mom in the Delivery room with me now that I'm almost 33 weeks I just want it to be my hubby and me.Being at this stage in my pregnancy i feel different about who's in the room with me and i want the moment for just us. My mom and I are super close and I just don't know how to break it to her. Anyone with any ideas on how to tell her and what other role can she play other then just waiting in the waiting room??

Re: Mom in Delivery Room

  • I had this conversation with my mom. We are very close, but it's a time I want with just LO and DH. I actually told her to stay home (30 minutes away from the hospital), as well as DH's parents, until we call them. She was a little upset at first but she completely understood. I hope your mom is as understanding. It's a special time for you, DH and LO to bond/get to know each other. You carried that baby around for 9/10 months. If that's what you want, that's what you need to tell her. Good luck!

     

     

     

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  • No way I can have my mom in the room, it will be me and hubby... My mom being there will cause me more stress, I love her but its a no no.
    You can just tell her I want this moment to be unique between you and ur husband.
    Naniebeans
  • She will understand.  Maybe have her be the first person other than your hubby and you to hold the baby?
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  • My Mom understand that whatever I want during labour, I get.  So if I change my mind and want her near me, she will be fine with that, but if I don't, she's also ok.  We're planning to have this baby at home, and I've told her my main need for her to come to our house is to look after DS.  I don't want to be worried about him in labour, and other than DH, she is the one I trust the most with keeping DS occupied.  
    If your Mom is ok once you let her know you don't want her in the room, that's great. If she gets insistent or pushy, you can use the nurses at the hospital as your 'security guards'.  If you tell them whom you do and don't want in the room, they are generally pretty good and making sure your wishes are followed.  
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  • At the beginning I thought I wanted my mom in the Delivery room with me now that I'm almost 33 weeks I just want it to be my hubby and me.Being at this stage in my pregnancy i feel different about who's in the room with me and i want the moment for just us. My mom and I are super close and I just don't know how to break it to her. Anyone with any ideas on how to tell her and what other role can she play other then just waiting in the waiting room??
  • thanks everyone great suggestions :)
  • My mom had her mom with her when I was born because my dad was over seas but beyond that, they should understand that its an intimate time between you and your hubby. 

    My mother in law was determined that she was going to show up at our house when I was in labor with our son.  Not only was he breech but we ended up having to to go the hospital because my CNM was out of town.  We just waited till after he was born to call her because she didn't respect our decision.  This time around, we're a good three hours away from her. We will call my parents ASAP so that they can come up and be with our son but beyond that, everyone else will know AFTER our daughter is born. 
  • At the beginning I thought I wanted my mom in the Delivery room with me now that I'm almost 33 weeks I just want it to be my hubby and me.Being at this stage in my pregnancy i feel different about who's in the room with me and i want the moment for just us. My mom and I are super close and I just don't know how to break it to her. Anyone with any ideas on how to tell her and what other role can she play other then just waiting in the waiting room??

    If you want to give your mom a special role, she could be in charge of notifying other friends & family what's going on?
  • Thanks OP for starting this thread. I do not want my mom in our delivery room, but I worry that she assumes she will be. She is really high anxiety/intensity and that energy isn't really good for any labor and certainly not Hypnobirth. I'm going to have to have that conversation with her and hope she takes it well, but I'm worried she won't.

    She actually asked me a few months ago if my husband would be with me in L&D and I was totally shocked! Who else would be, mom??? I'm not looking forward to that convo....
  • I have the same issue.  I actually want my DH and my sister in the room with me.  My mom is so high-strung, and she stresses me out very easily.  We have been trying to make everything fair between my mom and his mom, so I just told my mom that I couldn't have either mom in there, and I had her attend an regular appointment with me, just to make her feel "more" special.  I love my mom, but the last thing I need while trying to deliver my child is her putting a guilt trip on me about all of the pain I caused her.  Which is what she has been reminding me of since I got pregnant.. "You had colic for 2 years and never slept, I threw up every day when I was pregnant with you, I gained so much weight..."  Yup, I did all of those things on purpose, as soon as I was a little ball of cells. 

    No thanks!  She can complain to everyone else!

  • My first delivery (I was 16 years old and scared out of my mind) I had my then husband (yes, I'm married for the second time), my mom, and a person who is closer and more of a mom to me there. My second delivery I had my mom, my sister (she was 16 and we wanted to scare her into not having babies), and again the closer "mom figure" to me... Third baby was my husband only and so was my last baby.... This time around only my husband will be there and I prefer it that way. Too many people have been there in the past and it's very stressful to be in labor and have all these people around you who are so excited they won't even let you sleep when you've been in labor 25+ hours.
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  • I told my mom I want it to be just me and DH in the delivery room.
    However, we have talked, and if at some point I'm like "dammit, I want my mommy!" She will be there. But if that never happens, that's good too.


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  • My mom and I had a similar agreement. Up until the day I had my baby, I thought it would be best if it was just my husband and I. But at the last minute when it was time to push, my mom came in to wish me well. She ended up staying with me through it all and im so glad I had her support. But I know she would have been just peachy staying in the waiting room if she knew it would make me happy.

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  • I don't have this option.  My mom lives 17 hrs away, but I really want her in the delivery room.  My husband actually offered to buy her the first available ticket as soon as I go into labor, but she doesn't seem on board.  :-(  My best friend said she thought she just wanted it to be her and her husband, but in the end she was really glad she had her mom in the room.  She said there's just something nice about having a woman you love and respect who has been through it already being there for you your first time through.
  • I don't have this option.  My mom lives 17 hrs away, but I really want her in the delivery room.  My husband actually offered to buy her the first available ticket as soon as I go into labor, but she doesn't seem on board.  :-(  My best friend said she thought she just wanted it to be her and her husband, but in the end she was really glad she had her mom in the room.  She said there's just something nice about having a woman you love and respect who has been through it already being there for you your first time through.

    That's nice it worked out for her but not everyone has that kind of relationship with their mother.
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  • Just talk to her and be honest.. her feelings might be hurt, but at the end of the day, you're the one who's going to be in labor so its 100% your call.
  • Thank you for posting this... I am very close to having baby and EVERYONE wants to be there... my Mom, Mil, Dad, Bil...ect...My husband is excited for them to all be there and share this experience. . I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or seem selfish..but I just want it to be me and hubby..... they will all be coming from out of town... any suggestions? ? What would be a good compromise? ?
  • For my delivery it was just my DH. I made it clear early on that I didn't want anyone else there. My parents who live halfway across the country came our and they waited in the waiting room. They were our first visitors once we were ready

     

     

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  • Just be honest with her. 
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  • Currently my girl has said that she wants me and my mother in there. Except in the case of a C section then itll probably be just me. Which I hear is disgusting. I am teetering on the idea of having just us though. Seem to intimate to have other people around.
  • I started out wanting my mom as well, but it's really important to my DH that it be us two and our midwife.  To him it's a very special, intimate moment.

    I think your mom will understand - just let her know that you are feeling differently.  You will gladly call her when you go to the hospital, but let her know you aren't sure when you will want/need her in the room.  You never know, you could change your mind in the middle of labor and need the extra support.
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  • Thank you for posting this... I am very close to having baby and EVERYONE wants to be there... my Mom, Mil, Dad, Bil...ect...My husband is excited for them to all be there and share this experience. . I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or seem selfish..but I just want it to be me and hubby..... they will all be coming from out of town... any suggestions? ? What would be a good compromise? ?
    I let a bunch people hang out while I was in labor then kicked them out when it was time to push (and for any checks). They got to feel involved and I got privacy for my vag. No farking way would I let my BIL in while I was pushing. Also my hospital has a 2 person limit besides the SO so try had to take turns anyways. Check with yours, they might also have a limit so that you can just say, "sorry, hospital rules!"
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  • cmbice85 said:

    Thank you for posting this... I am very close to having baby and EVERYONE wants to be there... my Mom, Mil, Dad, Bil...ect...My husband is excited for them to all be there and share this experience. . I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or seem selfish..but I just want it to be me and hubby..... they will all be coming from out of town... any suggestions? ? What would be a good compromise? ?

    A good compromise is you get what you want and they stuff it.

    Labor is a lot of work, it's exhausting, you're stressed hoping everything will go okay and wondering if you're making enough progress, it fucking hurts.

    By the time I was seriously for reals in labor enough to go to the hospital, I did NOT want to socialize. (I was induced so I was in the hospital for the whole process though, so family visited for an hour during the cervical ripening boringness)

    Does your family want to hang out with you basically doing NOTHING, not having friendly conversation even, for 12 hours? Probably not. DH held my hand and talked me through contractions but I don't need 10 people for that, and would have told the rest of them to shut the fuck up and stand in the corner if they were present.

    Tell your family to get a good nights sleep and then come visit the baby as soon as YOURE willing after birth. I let my family (only parents travelled) admire her during the second hour of skin to skin, after I was all stitched up, while I was still holding her. They got to hold her after a few hours.
    Stephdb
  • Did you already tell your mom she could be there? If you didn't, then I would casually slip it in that it will just be DH and not make a big deal out if it. If you already told her, then just talk to her and say you and DH really want it to be an intimate moment between the 2 of you and she will be the first phone call you make! She may be disappointed but I'm sure she'll understand.

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  • I have a similar situation. I told my Aunt that I did not want anyone other than myself and my DH in the delivery room and she told me if I didnt have my mom in there she would be completely crushed. Now I dont know what to do.
  • smeame14smeame14
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    edited February 13
    Our hospital has a rule of no more than three people in the room (besides medical staff) and no one may be in the halls, unless going to/from a room leaving the floor or going to the waiting room, no hanging in halls, so moms can comfortably walk the halls and medical staff can move freely, have open halls in case of emergency. My mom had no issue with not being in the room. She said that is what her and my dad did when me and my siblings were born. We did not want it to be a spectical. I could not imagine having people in the room with me while laboring, I wanted it quiet, I did not want anyone to bother me. Having other people in the room would have pissed me off. We told my parents when she was born, at 930 at night and they stopped by the next day around 10, it was perfect for us. We did not tell friends until later that day, and do not want visitors until we got home. Just our preference. Side note: DH was amazing, and we got through it together, and wad amazing to hear him announce we had a girl.
  • When I first found out I was pregnant I want my DH, mother, and Sister there. I'm 31 weeks and my mind has changed and I just want my DH. I felt horrible telling my mother, but she understands. And also if I change my mind she'll be there. Also hospitals different rules, so I'm not even sure if she's even aloud in . :-) just tell her how you feel she'll understand
  • I would just say something very similar to what PPs said: I know we talked about having you in the delivery room with me, but as the time has gotten closer, my feelings have unexpectedly changed. I know you're going to be disappointed, but do you mind waiting in the waiting room until after the baby is born? It'd still be comforting to know you're there, but still allow me to focus completely on whatever hell is about to let loose.

    I wouldn't say anything about wanting it to be an intimate moment for just you and DH. It seems unnecessary - like saying you want to break up b/c you think his bestfriend is hotter.

    And since everyone's sharing: I had a c-section for DS, so only one person was allowed in the room (great way to solve the problem if you need a Plan B). Originally I wanted my mom and DH. My DH was flipping out about that, but I was not going to be deterred no matter what he wanted. Only one person is pushing 9 lbs out of her tiny vagina and that person gets to decide who is where, when, how long, what specific sorts of comments will be necessary to make it through, and opt for continuous massage. Seriously. If he dictated who was going to be in there with me, then I was going to get to make the choice about whether he gets anesthesia the next time he goes to the dentist, passes a kidney stone, or gets a vasectomy or colonoscopy. 

    That said, I ended up having a scheduled c-section. I told everyone when in advance. It was their choice when to show up. I didn't care who was in the waiting room. I breastfed the baby for the first time in private with my DH, then was eager for everyone to meet their first grandson. I could only have one person back in the recovery room before I was transferred to my regular room. I brought my mom back. And before we could swap her out for my dad - we were moved. Then everyone was able to come in. 

    I have issues with my in-laws, but it was still exciting to me for them to see their first grandbaby - I was so proud! Of what, I have no idea. Other than trying to cut back on the bacon for a few months, he pretty much grew on his own. And he certainly didn't turn out better b/c of all my hard work in the delivery room. But these were his grandparents and I knew that they would mean something to him. Everyone meeting everyone else for the first time was just very special to me. As effing ridiculous they are as adults and in multiple facets of life, love is love and I didn't want to deprive DS of any of it. The rest of the baggage they bring will just be fodder for our discussions about life later on. 

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