September 2012 Moms

Will you/do you spank your kids?

fireflygirl12fireflygirl12 member
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edited November 2013 in September 2012 Moms
I apologize if this has been discussed recently, but I've been MIA and couldn't find anything.

Will you/do you spank your kids?

This is a private poll: no-one will see what you voted for.
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Re: Will you/do you spank your kids?

  • I voted yes, but I want to clarify that I have on occassion spanked my older son. It is an absolute last resort and I have only had to do it a handful of times. I haven't spanked my s12 baby yet and wouldn't even think about introducing that until 2 or older, once I know he is capable of learning right from wrong (in small scale situations) and once I have introduced time-outs and other methods of discipline first.
                           
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    PortermansWifeyL8kissie
  • Special snowflake. I don't plan on it, but I'll never say never. I was spanked only a couple of times when I was a child. Once when I stuck staples in an electric socket after specifically being told not to multiple times in the days before (I was 5), and once when I ran out in front of oncoming traffic for the third time in a week (I was 4). I never did either again. So, while I don't plan on using it as standard discipline, I'm not counting it out in an extreme situation when she's older.
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    [Deleted User]L8kissie
  • I voted yes and agree with Holly.
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  • I voted yes. I am not spanking yet though.
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  • I was just talking about this with DH. When I was little, my mom used to hit us with a wooden spoon or a belt. She regrets it now. She did what her mother did. So, remembering that and knowing how traumatic it was, I will be careful with how I discipline LO. 
    A pat on the butt? Maybe. In fact I have patted LO on occasion when she just keeps going back to something - like the hot glass on our fireplace. It's more like a "move along!" kinda pat, not a spank, per say.
    A pull-down-the-pants smack on bare skin? Never. Nevernever. 
    Me: 27 DH: 28
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    December: Round one of Femara  - BFN
    Round two - ? 

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  • I would as the last resort/extreme cases. Right now I threaten the spoon and it works without having to use it.
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  • Now? Heck no. Someday? Maybe
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    (Formerly MamaBearKendy)
  • plus12012plus12012 member
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    edited November 2013
    I voted yes. But it would only be in extreme circumstances. My parents spanked but only in situations where we were doing something that could hurt us. My Mom thought it would help us identify discomfort /pain with doing an action that would cause pain and would keep us from doing it again.

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  • I was just talking about this with DH. When I was little, my mom used to hit us with a wooden spoon or a belt. She regrets it now. She did what her mother did. So, remembering that and knowing how traumatic it was, I will be careful with how I discipline LO. 
    A pat on the butt? Maybe. In fact I have patted LO on occasion when she just keeps going back to something - like the hot glass on our fireplace. It's more like a "move along!" kinda pat, not a spank, per say.
    A pull-down-the-pants smack on bare skin? Never. Nevernever. 


    1) OMG at your new siggy

    2) I'm sorry you have those memories :(

    3) I remember when my dad would say I'd have 3 spankings (bare butt, bent over the bed) and he'd break a paddle on the first spanking so he'd make me sit in his room while he went to the basement and carved another one out with his saw and a piece of plywood, then come back upstairs.

    Nope, I will never create that kind of terror in my child.

    OMG, I'm sorry. I think that's just mean. I can't even imagine how afraid DS would be if I told him to sit in one spot while I went off to find something to use to hit him.

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  • I've never spanked either of my kids, but I've been tempted with DS1.  When I feel like that, I remove myself from the situation so I can calm down a bit.  I was only spanked a handful of times.  I can't say that I'll never do it.
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  • I voted yes but no spanking here yet. I won't use it as the end all be all but if an action warrents it then yes. I wasn't spanked a lot when I was younger but if I was I knew it was for good reason and wouldn't do the action again.

     

     

  • I'm interested by all the parents who say they regret spanking.  Mine spanked on rare, rare occasions (after trying other things and I kept pushing) and they have said a few times that they don't regret that parenting choice at all.  And I don't either--I was a really well-behaved kid, and I I firmly believe that their strict discipline when I was young (of which spanking was only a small, but effective, part) shaped me into a responsible young adult.  

    I'm actually kind of ok with my kid fearing me.  Just a little.  A tad Machiavellian, I guess.
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    [Deleted User]Pokedot[Deleted User]Unem
  • I'm just curious what action warrants a spanking? Hitting? Running?
    To me, it's not a certain action, but direct disobedience or lying.  As in, when a child is told "Do not run" and then deliberately tests that directive by running anyway, repeatedly.  I'm not saying that's an instance I would definitely spank, but that's the circumstance I feel the sternest discipline is warranted.
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  • I'm just curious what action warrants a spanking? Hitting? Running?

    the few times I have spanked Keagan were dangerous situations. example He kept running into the road. We had a talk about it, he did it again, he went in time out, did it again, we had another talk and timeout he did it again. (laughing and smiling each time he did it) he got a warning that if he did it again he would get a spanking. he did it again. he got a swat on the butt. trust me, it was nothing abusive, but I will tell you that was over a year ago and he has never run in the road again.
    I should also add that typically he is VERY good about roads/ parking lots and situations like that, he was just being a complete ass that day.
    I would never spank my child for hitting, that is counter productive to me.
                           
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  • I'm just curious what action warrants a spanking? Hitting? Running?

    LL I'm assuming this was a question for me. I can't really say a specific action. It will be more in the moment but if I were to repeat myself several times and the action was still being done then yes a spank might happen. It wouldn't be like "Oh you hit your sister so now I'll spank you!" It's more of a dangerous situation like running out into the road or sticking fingers in light sockets kind of thing. I won't be spanking anytime soon however. When he actually realizes that this action aren't allowed yet he keeps pushing the boundaries, then I can justify it.

     

     

  • I just feel like there is always a discipline that is more effective than hitting your child.

    everyone does what works for them.
                           
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  • I agree wholeheartedly with @melody921. ;
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  • I just feel like there is always a discipline that is more effective than hitting your child.

    Like what?  I agree that spanking is unnecessary the majority of the time, but, for the sake of argument and productive conversation, what discipline or series of discipline is always more effective?  I guess I'm curious what the "last resort" discipline is for the nevergoingtospankers.  
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  • I never want my child to fear me. ever. respect, yes. fear, no.

    That being said, I was spanked maybe 3-4 times? and I never feared my parents growing up.  I do think there is a difference between bare hand swat on the butt and using any kind of paddle/board/wooden spoon.  Though, I have no plans of doing either.
    Respect is probably a better word.  But I have to admit, I'm not sure that respect and healthy fear (not terror, just a knowledge that you stand to lose by disobeying mom and dad) look very different to a four year old.  At least for me, I remember respect for my parents growing as I grew older and wanting to please them because I respected them, no longer because I was afraid of consequences.  But as a ten year old, not as a three year old.
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  • also, there is a huge difference between a pat on the (fully clothed) butt and a wooden spoon on a bare butt.
                           
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  • Spoof - exactly my thought. This is why I hate discussions like this because the word "spanking" has many different meanings to different people. A swat on the butt, open hand, a spoon, a belt, etc, etc. Is spanking only on the butt? One time? 3 times? 10 times? VERY different, in my opinion. If I answer yes to this am I a cold-hearted, terrorizing child beater? What if, like Bookelly described, DD is reaching for a hot pan or something and the quickest instinctual way to get her away from it is to smack her hand away? Spanking? Abuse? To people who say that it doesn't matter because hitting is hitting, I think that's bullshit. Bullshit that smacking a kid's hand or giving them a tap on the butt is "the same" as systematically hitting them for a predetermined number of times with an object like a belt or a paddle or whatever. 

     
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  • I have a better chance of winning the lottery than never giving a little swat to W's cute little butt. Hey, both are possible. I hope to rule with expectations, disappointment, and fairness.

    Will I have my child laid over my bed, bare-assed, cracking the belt as I walk over to give her a royal beating? Over my dead body.

    At age 16 I couldn't stop laughing at my mom because she was whipping my bare ass over the bed. I was a mischievous kid, but no drugs, straight As, played sports, worked a job. It was just funny at that point - that she couldn't control her anger. She thought she wasn't hurting me enough and she nearly killed herself trying to whip harder. At that point my ass was bleeding, I was still laughing, and she had a mental breakdown.

    It hurt to sit down for awhile, but I accepted the fact that laughing in her face was not respectful, and I told my dad that- and explained I was making a stand. I was a good kid and the whipping wasn't about my behavior. Anyway, aside from 3 face slaps in college, she didn't touch me anymore.

    To me I just don't see the point. I'm not traumatized and I didn't fear them.quite the opposite, actually. I lost respect for them at a very young age because they whipped so freely- like when my brother told them i did something i didn't do. I didn't respect them because they weren't fair. And there was no scale/consistency for their punishments. We never put dishes away, but randomly on a Friday id be grounded for it? Let me get away with something 12 times then ground me for 6 months on the 13th time.

    Oh, and threatening punishments they would never follow through with. Not effective.

    I turned out okay, so maybe they weren't as bad as I remember. Or maybe they got lucky.
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    melody921
  • Hyaline said:
    I'm just curious what action warrants a spanking? Hitting? Running?
    To me, it's not a certain action, but direct disobedience or lying.  As in, when a child is told "Do not run" and then deliberately tests that directive by running anyway, repeatedly.  I'm not saying that's an instance I would definitely spank, but that's the circumstance I feel the sternest discipline is warranted.
    One time when I was a kid and lied to my mom, she pulled my hair -- like to the point where I thought I would have a bald spot. Was that also warranted? In my mind, that falls into the category of things I'll never do to my kids.

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  • I just feel like there is always a discipline that is more effective than hitting your child.

    I agree.

    Though, I don't like calling it 'hitting your child.' I know that's a UO around TB, but it has a more negative connotation than what spanking SHOULD be, if it's used.  Like I said, I have no plans to ever spank. But I do think there's a difference.

    No, I agree. But for me and MOST others, it was hitting or whipping, not a swat or a tap or a spank.
    ^and that breaks my heart.   I was just throwing out the disclaimer, because I have heard people talk about spanking 'the right way' (if that exists.)  Calmly, not out of immediate anger, that kind of thing.

    What you experienced is child abuse, IMO.
    See, and I feel like being calm and deliberate and telling your child (maybe I'll feel differently when they are 7 or something but my 3 year old is who I'm thinking of now) "ok, Tessa. You didn't listen and you ran into traffic. So now, an hour later, I'm going to bend you over and spank you and punish you for what you did. Ok?" IDK, it seems more wrong than spanking in frustration and anger in the 3 seconds following the undesired behavior.
    I don't think that everyone was made to wait a certain amount of time before being spanked. I was spanked a handful of times when I was young (over clothes, by hand). It was always within 5 minutes of doing the "bad behavior" (key in light socket, running to our pond when I didn't know how to swim) The conversation came after the spank...

    Just to echo everyone else, I'm sorry you went through such a traumatic experience in your own childhood, and personally, if I were you, I probably would never lay a hand on my kid either. I get it.
                                                                            
                                                          
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  • also, my children don't fear ME, they fear the CONSEQUENCES of certain actions. there is a HUGE difference.
                           
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  • melody921 said:
    Hyaline said:
    I'm just curious what action warrants a spanking? Hitting? Running?
    To me, it's not a certain action, but direct disobedience or lying.  As in, when a child is told "Do not run" and then deliberately tests that directive by running anyway, repeatedly.  I'm not saying that's an instance I would definitely spank, but that's the circumstance I feel the sternest discipline is warranted.
    One time when I was a kid and lied to my mom, she pulled my hair -- like to the point where I thought I would have a bald spot. Was that also warranted? In my mind, that falls into the category of things I'll never do to my kids.
    I, um, definitely did not suggest or condone HAIR PULLING as a disciplinary method for children. Or anything aside from a swat on the bottom, fully clothed. And I think it's pretty absurd to suggest that anyone here is saying that ripping hair out is on the table for discipline.
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