February 2014 Moms

Anyone else getting judged while pregnant??

Hey ladies,

So I recently started a new women's small group through my church, and each week different members are supposed to share their background / story. Well, it was my turn this week and as I finish sharing about some personal family struggles (my sister has paranoid schizophrenia and all it encompasses) the leader asks if anyone has questions for me. So this one lady says she has a question, then proceeds to ask me how far along I am. I tell her 21 weeks and she immediately gives me the stink eye and says in a hugely judgemental tone, "and is that coffee you are drinking?! Don't you know you aren't supposed to have caffeine." Umm, WTF!! That is what you have been waiting to ask me? I barely know this lady, it is my third time at this group!! Yes I had a starbucks cup in my hand filled with DECAF salted caramel latte! And even if it did have caffeine in it, it is perfectly fine in small amounts!!! It took all I had not to flip out on her and just smile and tell her it was decaf. Seriously some people just need to mind their own business. She acted as if I was drinking straight from a bottle of Jack Daniels. Has anyone else gotten judged by strangers or other people for doing or not doing certain things while pregnant? sorry this ended up being a little long, just had to vent.

dbr018Mommylove2014

Re: Anyone else getting judged while pregnant??

  • This is also not the first time someone has said something to me about this, do some research ppl!

  • Unfortunately the judgement doesn't stop after you have the baby.  For some reason people think it's acceptable to tell a pregnant woman what they should or should not be doing and then when the baby is born everyone needs to tell you how you should or should not raise your child and they judge your every decision. Next time tell her to STFU and MYOB.

    There are a lot of assholes ;)
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    ntroud01[Deleted User]MommyColee
  • I got a similar comment from someone at church. She was a little older than me so maybe that was the rule when she had her baby? No idea, but yeah, it was definitely hard for me to not bite her head off. I have also had a few people act completely STUNNED that I'm not attempting a VBAC. Umm first of all, there are only a few drs in Atlanta that do them and even fewer hospitals that allow them. This is my third so I'm not a strong candidate anyway. Oh and I DON'T WANT TO. But really, random coworker, it's nice to know you think so highly of my vajayjay.

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    dbr018[Deleted User]
  • I had coworkers and strangers pass judgement on my coffee, my lunch, my choice in footwear and outfits. Don't let strangers or nosey people get to you.. they really don't matter! Like pp mentioned, the unsolicited advice and judgement will continue after you have the baby. My advice is to think of some snappy comebacks now so you are ready next time!


     

     


     

    ntroud01
  • I got a similar comment from someone at church. She was a little older than me so maybe that was the rule when she had her baby? No idea, but yeah, it was definitely hard for me to not bite her head off. I have also had a few people act completely STUNNED that I'm not attempting a VBAC. Umm first of all, there are only a few drs in Atlanta that do them and even fewer hospitals that allow them. This is my third so I'm not a strong candidate anyway. Oh and I DON'T WANT TO. But really, random coworker, it's nice to know you think so highly of my vajayjay.

    Wow, I don't know what I would do if someone started judging my birthing method choice. You shouldn't have to explain or justify that to anyone, it's YOUR body and and your choice! Sorry you have had to deal with that, ppl are crazy sometimes.

  • my hubs posted that he made a 1am run to whataburger and got me a breakfast burrito. this was during the time i was barely keeping anything down, so the fact something finally sounded good was HUGE...omg...my sister who is sooooo over weight and unhealthy totally goes all bsc on me and him about eating something froma fast food place. we didnt talk for about a week bec i actually gave her a piece of my mind. she went as far as messaging my hubs on fb about how horrible it was that he wasnt supporting a healthier diet!
    ntroud01
  • People always give me a look of disgust when I walk around drinking my can of Coke or when I'm eating my ahi poke ;) Just ignore them!

     

    ymmayer
  • Oh my gosh! So rude, and what an ignorant comment!! You enjoy that Starbucks! Sorry you had to deal with this.
    ntroud01
  • She's rude. But decaf salted caramel is one of my faves
    ntroud01
  • I went to Starbucks Saturday morning and went inside bc the drive thru was nuts. There was a long line inside too and I was getting all kinds of judgy looks!
    I'm like what the fluck ever people! I could be getting apple cider and a Rice Krispie treat for all you know!! At least wait to judge til I've ordered!
    (I was getting a venti pumkin spice with caffeine thank you very much, and I drink 2 cups of 1/2 caff a day anyways but please!!)





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    dbr018ntroud01
  • I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :(

    People are just judgemental.
  • @dbr018 thank you, that made me smile a little.
    dbr018ntroud01cbear47
  • Btwilhelm said:

    I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :(

    People are just judgemental.

    This is exactly what I'm going through too. Especially because the 2 other pregnant ppl in my department at work are married.

    Kinda sucks.
  • My school nurse gave me shit yesterday for asking for a tums b/c of heartburn. Seriously? I don't need a guilt trip!
    DD1 - Evelyn Riley - 9/30/11
    DD2 - Charlotte Avery - 1/27/14




    ntroud01
  • All the time. I get shit for eating everything
    ntroud01
  • Btwilhelm said:

    I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :(

    People are just judgemental.

    I've been married for nearly 5 years and I don't wear a ring. Stop thinking about it so much, maybe that's not what they're looking at.

    BabyFetus Ticker

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  • Btwilhelm said:
    I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :( People are just judgemental.
    I get those looks too. It takes everything in me not to open my mouth and be like yes, I know I should be married. However at least I am with someone who is supportive and that will be a good dad. I am sure marriage will come in time, however I would rather be in a relationship with someone who loves me than  in a marriage with someone who doesn't.
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    ntroud01jdubhMeghan14
  • @Btwilhem - I hate when people do that. LOTS of women have swelling that prevents them from wearing rings while pregnant so I don't get how they can even "judge" based on that. Heck, maybe you just forgot to put your ring on. There are tons of reasons why a married person would be out and not wearing a ring. I would never assume a ring = married, none = single. That's just dumb.

    People, in general, are very judgy especially towards strangers. Which is so ridiculous since those are the people whose situations they know nothing about to actually judge. It's hard sometimes to brush off those comments/looks especially if it's a situation you're already sensitive about.


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    dbr018
  • Btwilhelm said:
    I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :( People are just judgemental.
    I get those looks too. It takes everything in me not to open my mouth and be like yes, I know I should be married. However at least I am with someone who is supportive and that will be a good dad. I am sure marriage will come in time, however I would rather be in a relationship with someone who loves me than  in a marriage with someone who doesn't.
    Exactly this. Just because someone is married, doesn't mean that their child is going to be raised in an "ideal" environment or that their 2 parents are going to do a better job than a single parent or an unmarried or same sex couple. There are a lot of married ppl who are crappy parents, so I would try not to let it bother you. All you ladies will be fantastic mothers, so screw everyone else for judging you. Oh and by the way this is 2013, not the 1950's.

    jdubhdbr018[Deleted User]
  • Oooh, super judgemental people in general are one of my pet peeves! Especially when someone's judging a person that they barely/don't even know. You don't know their situation, or what their lives are like! Right after my miscarriage in March, I had some random guy working at a coffeeshop give me this HUGE judgemental talking-to about how shitty it is that I "haven't had kids yet" and that I'm "going to regret it".. I didn't tell him that I'd just actually lost a baby, but thinking back, I kinda wish I had.. it might have taught him a lesson! 

    Right now everyone keeps giving me a hard, judgey time about my cats. "You still have your CATS??" they say with astonishment - um, yes. DH does the litter box since I got preggers, and they're basically two fluffy lumps that adorn my windowsills and provide occasional comic relief. Oh, and I love them. My sister wont stop going on about "Oh, you'll get rid of the cats. You'll see. Once the baby comes, they'll go. You wont even care about them anymore, you'll dump the cats." Highly unlikely, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, mmmkay? I know plenty of couples with dogs and cats (and pigs and chickens and rabbits) that have made it work. Lay off, peoples! 
    Megazeldaeacarmstrong
  • Yes! For some reason being pregnant and having babies means you get slews of unsolicited advice. It's very hard to bite my tounge sometimes!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • notreal2notreal2 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2013

    You all are getting judged because you are obviously doing it wrong.  I never get judged because I am perfect.  Be more like me.

    And it probably happens, but unless I hear it from someone whose opinion matters to me, I have learned to ignore it.  I'm lucky though, usually I am oblivious to the outside world anyway.

    And I agree about the no rings thing.  Lots of people can't wear them when they are pregnant, that's just a stupid thing to judge.


     

     

     

     

    ntroud01[Deleted User]
  •  

    I'm getting the side glances at yoga. I have been practicing for years and have a very strong practice and feel very comfortable with my teachers. But every time I do an inversion or a back bend someone asked me after class: should you still be doing that, or how much longer will you do that? Until my body and Dr tell me to stop! I've of course already modified the "unsafe poses" they see me doing it in class! I'm exercising, stretching and toning my body for child birth!!!

    My husband doesn't want me REACHING ABOVE MY HEAD...his grandmother told him that would wrap the cord around the baby's neck...I'm 5'3...unless you want me climbing stuff I'm going to have to stand on my tippy toes and reach!!!

    P.S. my bodypump teacher taught kickboxing classes until she was 38 weeks! I can only imagine the "side eyes" she was getting.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    [Deleted User]NikkiPHNICMegs1HOTRED
  • There is sooo much that I dislike when others open their mouths about my pregnancy.

    To start, I'm overweight ... I get the 'should you be eatting that? ... you know cause you're bigger.' Well guess what, I dropped weight before I was pregnant, haven't gained a pound yet, and my doctor said everything is great for my size. SHUT IT !

    What? This one small glass of dark pop? Yes, I am going to drink it and I will enjoy it. If I wanted I can safely have 3x this amount EACH DAY but with my meal I'm choosing to have a SMALL glass. LAY OFF !

    You are not married yet? and your pregnant? ... Really? Well, I should let you in on a secret. I consider him my DH and have for some time, and I am the wifey. We are together, through thick and thin, and no paper decides that ... WE DO. GET TO STEPPIN' !!

    I do not own a cat, but the next person that asks or lectures about getting rid of our dog is going to get chewed out. I love my pooch, she is family, she is not going anywhere. I don't know about you other ladies, but we have pets for a reason, they enter our heart and I have not a met a person who could throw their pet away like some piece of garbage. BARK BARK BARK !!

    I understand people believe they need to share information, I am not against that at all. I like learning, and enjoy it when people share. However, if you are judging me on things in my life don't expect a big smile and me to scramble to change things in my life because you lectured me on it.

    Sorry, thats my rant.

    Pregnancy Ticker
    [Deleted User]NikkiPHNICeacarmstrong
  • During my last pregnancy, I was talking with a lady while waiting for my flu shot. She asked if the baby was moving a lot, and I said that she liked doing somersaults in there. The woman looked at me, completely serious, and said that I shouldn't let her do that because the cord would get wrapped around her neck. What am I supposed to do, put her in time out? Then she asked about the name, and told me all the ways my daughter would be made fun of for it when I told her. I quit talking to her after that lest I punch her.
    Wow, she sounds cray cray... like we have control of how our babies move around in utero! 

  • I was told by an old friend of the family that I might as well "stop trying to hide it," b/c she KNEW I was pregnant.  Well, she just knew b/c my mom couldn't keep her big mouth shut, & I'm not hiding anything.  My size is my size, I can't make my bump grow, & I sure am not trying to suck it in, so, whatever.  I hear plenty often about "Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant; you're not big enough to be having twins."  So...what you're saying is, I'm a hippo normally, & nobody can tell a tight, rounded bump from the apparently huge gut I must have been faking people out with before?  Guess they must be just psyching me out & photo-shopping an extra baby into all those scans just for shits & giggles since there's "NO WAY" I can be carrying twins.

    I also heard about how horrible I am for raising the kids in a house that was made pre-1950.  NOT like we had a ton of options, but ALL the walls have been replaced & there's no lead-based paint, & as for the plumbing, no, not ALL of it was re-done, but the water sucks so badly here that we either get our water from the farm (which was lead tested), or we buy jugs from Walmart for drinking.  True, they take baths in the tap water, but half the pipes were replaced, we added a softener, & we have filters on.  If that still isn't good enough, then feel free to buy us a new house, or else, shut your mouth.

    I also don't wear a ring.  It's a thick one, & it is too tight at the moment.  Anyone wants to comment about what little I'm able to eat or drink, & they might find themselves wearing it.
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm usually a very vocal person so when someone makes a rude judgmental comment, I just respond in the most sarcastic manner so they realize (hopefully) how stupid they look.

    In this instance, I probably would have said something along the lines of, "yes, coffee is a blessing.  I don't know what I would do without my tall caffe mochas every day.  I live off this stuff!  In fact, I was just about to go out for another refill and a cigarette.  Care to join me?"
    BFP #1 (DS, 10/98), BFP #2 (DD, 10/09)
    BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
    BFP #4 5/29 EDD 2/9 - please be our rainbow
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    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    ntroud01[Deleted User][Deleted User]MMason12
  • I don't know if people don't realize how rude they are being, or just don't care. But if we go off on them or do anything other than answer sweetly we are bitchy and hormonal. Sometimes I hate people.
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  • WTF?!  People suck.  I had half a cup of real coffee this morning and I don't care who judged me for it!!!!

    F'14 October Siggy Challenge: Animals in Costumes
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    ntroud01
  • I agree it only gets worse after baby is here. Some people think I should have DD potty trained already and I feel like telling them to take over training her if they think they know so much about the subject. I got the most crap about breastfeeding until DD was a year old because some of my family members felt it was gross to keep feeding her that way beyond three months.

    So far with this pregnancy, the most judgments I have received are that I am leaning toward RCS rather than VBAC. It's between me and my doctor and I don't know why people feel so strongly about how my child is born.
    DD1: May 2011
    DD2: February 2014
    ntroud01
  • I get the not being married thing too, from my boyfriends family. We've been together 6 years, if we weren't going to get married 6 months ago, why would we now? But apparently we're a bad influence on our niece. 

    Also, if anyone can tell me how to stop the baby from doing somersaults long enough to let me sleep, I'm all for it. Dr. Bailey on Grey's managed to tell her baby to stop. :)
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    F14 Siggy Challenge
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  • I wear an engagement ring and told people I'm engaged before I announced I was pregnant. I work with about 100 teenagers and my choice not to have an abortion would not have gone over well with the parents. That is tragic.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.

    [Deleted User]
  • Man this is sorta obvious but isn't it so much worse when people give you crap about stuff that's actually good for baby? Like yoga or "prolonged" breastfeeding? Ignorance is ignorance but the idiots telling you guys to stop doing yoga or breastfeeding after three months are the people who will destroy the world one day.

    Also the coffee thing pisses me off. I was grabbing breakfast with an employee that is a 23 year old dude who told me that I shouldn't have coffee. I was like do you even know how babies are made bro? Why don't you go beer bong and smoke weed with your twerking girlfriend and leave the pregnancy advice to someone else?
    ntroud01[Deleted User]
  • My doctor told me a cup of coffee a day is fine, but my self-proclaimed "best friend" at work is CONSTANTLY getting onto me whenever she sees me drinking it at work. It's so annoying! I've told her repeatedly that my doctor was okay with it and she should be too, but she continues to act like I'm killing my baby every time I drink coffee. But I mean, at least I know her and like her in general. I would be pretty irritated if a stranger had the nerve to say something. It's one thing if you're drinking or smoking, but come on...
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • My school nurse gave me shit yesterday for asking for a tums b/c of heartburn. Seriously? I don't need a guilt trip!

    What's wrong with tums...? My doctor told me they're fine...in fact she said they're good because of the calcium.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  •  

    My school nurse gave me shit yesterday for asking for a tums b/c of heartburn. Seriously? I don't need a guilt trip!

    What's wrong with tums...? My doctor told me they're fine...in fact she said they're good because of the calcium.
    Nothing's wrong with tums, I eat them like candy some days to handle the heartburn.

    Me too. Before I started taking prevacid it was the only thing that gave me any kind of relief.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I've gotten judged for drinking cokes, eating candy, basically anything I consume.  I've gotten several "You can't have that!!!!" statements.  To which I reply as sternly and loudly as possilble:

    "THE HELL I CAN'T"

    I guess I'm scary, because it shuts em up every time.  Family, coworkers, etc. I usually pair it with crazy eyes for the punctuation. 

    That is awesome. I wish I had your balls.

  • I guess I haven't gotten any comments because I'm just now starting to show, tho I have a cup of coffee every day, half a glass of wine on occasion, and stuff my pockets full of tums every day...
    With that being said, I think criticism like pp have mentioned, is the refuge of insecure people. It's easier to point a finger away than at yourself! Makes the critic feel better about themselves. Thankfully, we're in our own bodies and perfectly capable of making sound, healthy decisions. Let's be secure in ourselves :)
    (I'm a little less thankful for the raging hormones, that occasionally get me fired up, particularly when I read posts regarding getting rid of pets! Grrrrr :) )
    Kendra Beamntroud01
  • Oh, I just thought of another one. 

    "You take PUBLIC TRANSIT while you're pregnant?? Every DAY?! You're putting your baby at risk!! That's dangerous, how could you?" 

    Really? REALLY? I bus every day to work like I have for the last ten flippin' years. I have yet to get horribly injured on the bus. I get a seat every day. How is driving a car in scary rush hour highway traffic safer? Or even crossing the street on foot for that matter? I'm sooooo sorry that we can't afford two cars and that I can't just drop my job because I'm pregnant. Shut yo face!! 
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