February 2014 Moms

Anyone else getting judged while pregnant??

Hey ladies,

So I recently started a new women's small group through my church, and each week different members are supposed to share their background / story. Well, it was my turn this week and as I finish sharing about some personal family struggles (my sister has paranoid schizophrenia and all it encompasses) the leader asks if anyone has questions for me. So this one lady says she has a question, then proceeds to ask me how far along I am. I tell her 21 weeks and she immediately gives me the stink eye and says in a hugely judgemental tone, "and is that coffee you are drinking?! Don't you know you aren't supposed to have caffeine." Umm, WTF!! That is what you have been waiting to ask me? I barely know this lady, it is my third time at this group!! Yes I had a starbucks cup in my hand filled with DECAF salted caramel latte! And even if it did have caffeine in it, it is perfectly fine in small amounts!!! It took all I had not to flip out on her and just smile and tell her it was decaf. Seriously some people just need to mind their own business. She acted as if I was drinking straight from a bottle of Jack Daniels. Has anyone else gotten judged by strangers or other people for doing or not doing certain things while pregnant? sorry this ended up being a little long, just had to vent.

dbr018Mommylove2014
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Re: Anyone else getting judged while pregnant??

  • This is also not the first time someone has said something to me about this, do some research ppl!

  • Unfortunately the judgement doesn't stop after you have the baby.  For some reason people think it's acceptable to tell a pregnant woman what they should or should not be doing and then when the baby is born everyone needs to tell you how you should or should not raise your child and they judge your every decision. Next time tell her to STFU and MYOB.

    There are a lot of assholes ;)
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    ntroud01golfergirl08MommyColee
  • Prepare for an onslaught of unsolicited advice. Especially from strangers in my experience. It almost seems like the less people know you, the gutsier they feel about approaching you to tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing.
    Most of them mean well, and don't realize how rude they're being. I think you handled it well :)
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  • I got a similar comment from someone at church. She was a little older than me so maybe that was the rule when she had her baby? No idea, but yeah, it was definitely hard for me to not bite her head off. I have also had a few people act completely STUNNED that I'm not attempting a VBAC. Umm first of all, there are only a few drs in Atlanta that do them and even fewer hospitals that allow them. This is my third so I'm not a strong candidate anyway. Oh and I DON'T WANT TO. But really, random coworker, it's nice to know you think so highly of my vajayjay.

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    dbr018golfergirl08
  • I had coworkers and strangers pass judgement on my coffee, my lunch, my choice in footwear and outfits. Don't let strangers or nosey people get to you.. they really don't matter! Like pp mentioned, the unsolicited advice and judgement will continue after you have the baby. My advice is to think of some snappy comebacks now so you are ready next time!

    I remembered to add this to my siggy!

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    ntroud01
  • This is just the beginning. People judge parents and children constantly.

    And children are really good at making asses of parents at awkward times, which contributes to the judging.

    This. Get used to half listening to these folks. Just go about your business and ignore them.

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    slwprincess
  • I got a similar comment from someone at church. She was a little older than me so maybe that was the rule when she had her baby? No idea, but yeah, it was definitely hard for me to not bite her head off. I have also had a few people act completely STUNNED that I'm not attempting a VBAC. Umm first of all, there are only a few drs in Atlanta that do them and even fewer hospitals that allow them. This is my third so I'm not a strong candidate anyway. Oh and I DON'T WANT TO. But really, random coworker, it's nice to know you think so highly of my vajayjay.

    Wow, I don't know what I would do if someone started judging my birthing method choice. You shouldn't have to explain or justify that to anyone, it's YOUR body and and your choice! Sorry you have had to deal with that, ppl are crazy sometimes.

  • my hubs posted that he made a 1am run to whataburger and got me a breakfast burrito. this was during the time i was barely keeping anything down, so the fact something finally sounded good was HUGE...omg...my sister who is sooooo over weight and unhealthy totally goes all bsc on me and him about eating something froma fast food place. we didnt talk for about a week bec i actually gave her a piece of my mind. she went as far as messaging my hubs on fb about how horrible it was that he wasnt supporting a healthier diet!
    ntroud01
  • People always give me a look of disgust when I walk around drinking my can of Coke or when I'm eating my ahi poke ;) Just ignore them!

     

    ymmayer
  • I went to eat at a restaurant I worked at for many years and still have friends there and my friend was like you can't have coffee...

    I just said whatever give me a cup of coffee I haven't had any in months! 1 cup won't hurt. (I mostly haven't had any because I like theirs best & haven't been there)

    Needless to say she gave me my coffee and it was full caff and yummy!!

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    dbr018
  • Oh my gosh! So rude, and what an ignorant comment!! You enjoy that Starbucks! Sorry you had to deal with this.
    ntroud01
  • She's rude. But decaf salted caramel is one of my faves
    ntroud01
  • I went to Starbucks Saturday morning and went inside bc the drive thru was nuts. There was a long line inside too and I was getting all kinds of judgy looks!
    I'm like what the fluck ever people! I could be getting apple cider and a Rice Krispie treat for all you know!! At least wait to judge til I've ordered!
    (I was getting a venti pumkin spice with caffeine thank you very much, and I drink 2 cups of 1/2 caff a day anyways but please!!)





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    dbr018ntroud01
  • I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :(

    People are just judgemental.
  • @dbr018 thank you, that made me smile a little.
    dbr018ntroud01cbear47
  • I'm getting the side glances at yoga. I have been practicing for years and have a very strong practice and feel very comfortable with my teachers. But every time I do an inversion or a back bend someone asked me after class: should you still be doing that, or how much longer will you do that? Until my body and Dr tell me to stop! I've of course already modified the "unsafe poses" they see me doing it in class! I'm exercising, stretching and toning my body for child birth!!!
    mythaldodbr018ymmayer
  • Btwilhelm said:

    I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :(

    People are just judgemental.

    This is exactly what I'm going through too. Especially because the 2 other pregnant ppl in my department at work are married.

    Kinda sucks.
  • I got the stink eye for drinking non-alcoholic beer in public. Lol, I guess I deserved it since it looked real though. :)
  • Ugh, people need to mind their own damn business! i haven't noticed too much at Starbucks, but i go and get my half caf pumpkin spice latte about once a week. Maybe I will pay attention this week just to see. But meh, I won't really care ;-)
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  • My school nurse gave me shit yesterday for asking for a tums b/c of heartburn. Seriously? I don't need a guilt trip!
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    ntroud01
  • All the time. I get shit for eating everything
    ntroud01
  • Honestly, until my friends starting getting pregnant I didn't realize some caffeine was ok. I sure wouldn't call someone out on it though.
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    Meghan14
  • Btwilhelm said:

    I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :(

    People are just judgemental.

    I've been married for nearly 5 years and I don't wear a ring. Stop thinking about it so much, maybe that's not what they're looking at.

    BabyFetus Ticker

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  • I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :( People are just judgemental.
    I've been married for nearly 5 years and I don't wear a ring. Stop thinking about it so much, maybe that's not what they're looking at.
    This! Also, times are so different now.  There is a large portion of people that have babies before they are married!  I don't see anything wrong with it, and those that do -- let them judge because they too will be judged. 
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  • Also: I got side eyed at wal-mart buying a single serving of wine *Gasp*.  Yes I have a glass of wine 1 - 2 per month, APPROVED by my OB.  Most of the time I only have a few sips and move along.  Get over if folks.  I don't judge your decisions -- don't judge mine! :)
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    ntroud01ymmayerebower83
  • I work on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Very wealthy, very organic, like Mommy Wars Ground Zero. I've had McDonald's once since being pregnant and I got the super stank eye carrying the bag back to my office. Like I was poisoning my fetus.
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    micaelasmakeupntroud01ymmayerMegs1HOTRED
  • Btwilhelm said:
    I feel like everyone looks at my left hand. I'm not married and now that I'm really showing I always see people glance and look. Kinda makes me feel crappy. :( People are just judgemental.
    I get those looks too. It takes everything in me not to open my mouth and be like yes, I know I should be married. However at least I am with someone who is supportive and that will be a good dad. I am sure marriage will come in time, however I would rather be in a relationship with someone who loves me than  in a marriage with someone who doesn't.
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    ntroud01jdubhMeghan14
  • @Btwilhem - I hate when people do that. LOTS of women have swelling that prevents them from wearing rings while pregnant so I don't get how they can even "judge" based on that. Heck, maybe you just forgot to put your ring on. There are tons of reasons why a married person would be out and not wearing a ring. I would never assume a ring = married, none = single. That's just dumb.

    People, in general, are very judgy especially towards strangers. Which is so ridiculous since those are the people whose situations they know nothing about to actually judge. It's hard sometimes to brush off those comments/looks especially if it's a situation you're already sensitive about.


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    dbr018
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