Geez, rude mommas on here!

amywilson1414

I'm a first time mom and every post I have put up someone is sooooo negative oh my goodness! Does anyone else have this issue??

Dr.Loretta

I've read all 7 of your posts. You got a grand total of one comment suggesting you look at an already existing post. And a couple of "NMS" reactions to your baby name. Everyone else has been incredibly helpful. Where's the negativity that I seem to be missing?

imakeeff0rts

I second the PP - not one person has been rude to you. smh.

HBirdie

You think you've been treated rudely? Ha. Just stick around for awhile, you'll see.

happybride 276

How on earth did I miss this? Don't cry about how you're being treated and if you are concerned about people being rude to you then don't put up such a big target (This post)

mrskeyte9

imakeeff0rts

Jumping back in to add - You posted this 20 minutes after your "dialation and effacement" thread on our BMB (it's dilation, by the way). So please, tell me, who was rude to you to spark your whiny little rant here? 

happybride 276

I really wish you would be a real woman OP and just tell me I hurt your feelings because I told you we can't predict when you will deliver. If you are going to bitch about something and want sympathy give the whole story so people can make educated decisions. People like you really piss me off.

SweetPeaK26

I gave you a completely rational and truthful response on the BMB. Seriously, Do it! It works!!!

msronzio

I'm a first time mom and every post I have put up someone is sooooo negative oh my goodness! Does anyone else have this issue??

Nope, you're the only one, snowflake.

MJHershey

if you don't want to hear anything other than cheers and rainbows and agreement, don't bother posting on a public board. 

Bdawson87

Sorry to hear you're experiencing responses that have not been all that nice. I haven't posted on here before just been reading. I was told by some other preggo mamas on other boards this one is known for a lot of hostility, if you're unhappy my suggestion would be to find a new pregnancy board, there are so many out there I am sure you'll find a great fit for you!  

Momhasamigraine2

I haven't experienced that.

jbara79

OP, stick around long enough and you will see alot of good people and bad people.

TexasGirl81

jbara79 said:

OP, stick around long enough and you will see alot of good people and bad people.

This!!

chevronseven

I haven't really had any hostility directed towards me (except some people poking fun at the fact that I suggested pregnant women ought to warm up lunch meat before eating it, but that wasn't really hostile), but I have seen some D-R-A-M-A on other people's posts!  I was pretty surprised; I kind of expected a site for brides, newlyweds, and/or moms-to-be to have a little bit more maturity and kindness than you find on most internet forums, but I guess not.  I try not to take things too personally and remember that tone can very easily be misread.  It is really ridiculous how there are some people who seem to be LOOKING for something to get offended by, or how people can't answer a simple question without making the asker feel stupid, or how people can't respect that we all have different opinions and priorities for our lives.  But I'm sure the good outweighs the bad.

sloger

I myself haven't had any rude comments towards me. But like you said on other boards i've seen a LOT of women just being plain rude. I understand that when you post something you are putting yourself at risk for comments you may not like but I feel like most people on here just want to be rude. I too was slightly dissapointed when I started seeing the negativity.

missjaime16

livelaughlove88 said:

I haven't really had any hostility directed towards me (except some people poking fun at the fact that I suggested pregnant women ought to warm up lunch meat before eating it, but that wasn't really hostile), but I have seen some D-R-A-M-A on other people's posts!  I was pretty surprised; I kind of expected a site for brides, newlyweds, and/or moms-to-be to have a little bit more maturity and kindness than you find on most internet forums, but I guess not.  I try not to take things too personally and remember that tone can very easily be misread.  It is really ridiculous how there are some people who seem to be LOOKING for something to get offended by, or how people can't answer a simple question without making the asker feel stupid, or how people can't respect that we all have different opinions and priorities for our lives.  But I'm sure the good outweighs the bad.

Hehe I was reading this when I came across your post and knew exactly what thread you were talking about with the lunch meat. I was on it too, but luckily managed to avoid any remarks when I said they should heat it up - lol. Sometimes you have to just accept the differences of opinions, y'know. I just joined and most of the people seem to be polite and informative, but there are a few that have made me shake my head a little. At first, I was having trouble fitting in and felt nobody was acknowledging my posts, so I thought it was going to end up being a bit exclusive - but then people started replying Woo.

Dr.Loretta

livelaughlove88 said:

I haven't really had any hostility directed towards me (except some people poking fun at the fact that I suggested pregnant women ought to warm up lunch meat before eating it, but that wasn't really hostile), but I have seen some D-R-A-M-A on other people's posts!  

There's a long and storied history of women on TB going way overboard on food restrictions while pregnant. I'm sure part of any responses was somewhat based on ancient history. Just ask people about the fingernail of feta girl

Signed, someone who's clearly been on here way too long, LOL

Glow360

People can be a bit crass on here, just reading through the responses to your post makes me go yikes, little harsh. People's behavior in writing represent a lot about who they are in real life and just be lucky you aren't related to anyone of them or have to deal with them on a daily basis. Don't ever be mean back, keep your composure and grace--how you respond or others and how others respond to you speaks volumes about who you are as a person. Keep in mind pregnancy hormone makes all of us a little cranky and we all have our good and bad days--sometimes I have said things that come across a little mean and I am like --dang it, why did I say that or sometimes I am more sensitive and think, what that person said was really mean....but I took it the wrong way. Yes, pregnancy makes us all a little batty-we just can't control what others do, but we can control ourselves and just apply kindness. I have had wonderful support on here. I currently am miscarrying and if it wasn't for the people on here, I would go crazy sad. The forums keep me going and for the most part, I feel welcome here and everyone seems really nice and supportive. 

breakfastt

The posters on here are mostly good people who will answer your question factually and sometimes even inject a little positivity (you'll learn to appreciate that). Other than those women, there are some regulars on here who act like they own the site or just don't have control over their bitchiness. There is an ignore button on their profile; click it and move on. I managed to make myself the troll of first trimester by arguing with them, calling them out on hypocrisy and then admitting that they're actually really hilariously sad. They use people as punching bags, so no harm in throwing that right back at them.


So, you can forget about making them see the error of their ways. Either ignore them, give them a taste of their own, or do what I did and find a better site for actual questions and use this one as entertainment when you're bored. It's not a great resource, anyway. Good luck!

jennalking2013

MJHershey said:

if you don't want to hear anything other than cheers and rainbows and agreement, don't bother posting on a public board. 

I definitely learned this one the hard way, but the real key is to just accept what people say. OP, I promise you, I'll never be rude to you. But you do have to keep in mind that everyone on here has there own opinion.

Honestly, I've experienced some bumpies on here getting a thrill out of me making a complete ass of myself. And it didn't just happen once.

Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and keep most of your responses to yourself. You don't have to agree with everyone, but you also don't have to feel like everyone is attacking you just because they're telling you something you don't want to hear.

I really hope I helped you. I truly do. Good luck TTC!

steffiereed4L

Lol, look at all these hostile and defensive responses. Exactly what the OP was talking about. She may not have been talking about people being rude to her, just that she has witnessed it a lot.

Girl I'm new to this forum too, but have been around on multiple baby forums and there is drama and judgmental women on ALL of them. I think it's the hormones Just ignore em'. Most of them probably spend hours on this website judging and acting like they're better than everyone else when they wouldn't say any of the things they say on here to women in actual life. They're just bored and bitter!

Gordonnoir

Man. Any of these comments can seriously send someone into a deep depression if they take things to the heart. You guys are cutthroat man.

Giraffealaff

Bdawson87 said:

Sorry to hear you're experiencing responses that have not been all that nice. I haven't posted on here before just been reading. I was told by some other preggo mamas on other boards this one is known for a lot of hostility, if you're unhappy my suggestion would be to find a new pregnancy board, there are so many out there I am sure you'll find a great fit for you!  

Not hostility, the women here just prefer to not blow smoke up everyone's ass.

steffiereed4L

NariaDreaming said:

steffiereed4L said:

Girl I'm new to this forum too, but have been around on multiple baby forums and there is drama and judgmental women on ALL of them. I think it's the hormones Just ignore em'. Most of them probably spend hours on this website judging and acting like they're better than everyone else when they wouldn't say any of the things they say on here to women in actual life. They're just bored and bitter!

This post was from 6 months ago. She hasn't been back since September. I highly doubt that she's reading this. 

And as for the bolded- not everyone on this site is pregnant, so no, it's not hormones. Besides, hormones don't make you an uncontrollable horsebeast. But way to degrade women and say that we can't control ourselves due to hormones. 

And you think we're bored and bitter? I supposed you also feel sorry for our husbands and children, don't you. 

Lol, calm down turbo. No need to get your granny panties in a bunch. A majority of the women on here are unnecessary, bitter, think they know everything and spend WAY too much time on here judging other women. If it's not the hormones then they must be bored. Go hangout with your kids or your husband or something and stop hating on women - THROUGH THE INTERNET. It's lame.

steffiereed4L

melOHdy said:

steffiereed4L said:

NariaDreaming said:

steffiereed4L said:

Girl I'm new to this forum too, but have been around on multiple baby forums and there is drama and judgmental women on ALL of them. I think it's the hormones Just ignore em'. Most of them probably spend hours on this website judging and acting like they're better than everyone else when they wouldn't say any of the things they say on here to women in actual life. They're just bored and bitter!

This post was from 6 months ago. She hasn't been back since September. I highly doubt that she's reading this. 

And as for the bolded- not everyone on this site is pregnant, so no, it's not hormones. Besides, hormones don't make you an uncontrollable horsebeast. But way to degrade women and say that we can't control ourselves due to hormones. 

And you think we're bored and bitter? I supposed you also feel sorry for our husbands and children, don't you. 

Lol, calm down turbo. No need to get your granny panties in a bunch. A majority of the women on here are unnecessary, bitter, think they know everything and spend WAY too much time on here judging other women. If it's not the hormones then they must be bored. Go hangout with your kids or your husband or something and stop hating on women - THROUGH THE INTERNET. It's lame.

Did you really just call someone "unnecessary"?

I believe I did, yes. You can Google the definition if you'd like

Test65749

Interesting.

AngeliaG8

Test

riddlek2

Apparently if you are NEW to the Bump and are not pre warned about  "what to post" and "what not to post" you just set yourself up to get attacked! I just posted something a friend of mine thought may be a good idea to get some input about in an online community and geeez, it was attack after attack after attack just maybe a few small bits of neutral feedback. Nothing really helpful. I then tried to delete my post all together (which i still haven't figured out how to do) so i just edited my original post and then one of the attackers went to REPOST my original post again, just to keep the thread and badgering going!

I thought this was going to be a place we could calmly discuss personal questions / concerns, not to get medical or by the book answers, but rather to just hear other mommies real life stories and help calm our concerns or nerves a bit with things that may not be a big deal, but to us first timers, maybe we just need that extra reassurance by talking with other first timers experiencing the same things physically and/or emotionally.

I am going to do some research and see what other new users have had to say about this. Apparently being new and posing is like the worst thing you can do - you are expected to comment on other feeds first.....? Sure makes it feel more like entering a wolfs den than joining a community of other fellow pregnant moms....

riddlek2

Point - come on gals.... we are all here (or should be here) for the same reasons, which is to offer advice, support and help one another in dealing with pregnancy and little ones. The woman who started this feed is most likely not around anymore, but it certainly caught my eye due to what just happened to me and I was curious if it happens frequently to others. I really was looking forward to being a part of a fun community where I can talk to others and joke/feel better/have a good time with other prego moms.  

Yes, I JUST decided I wanted to try and get involved on The Bump in a number of ways

Yes, that makes me a "Newbie" and im totally okay with that

No, I don't have a history of comments and discussions and badges and all this stuff, IN A NEWBIE and I gotta start somewhere!

Yes, I am totally confused now and have no idea what the unsaid "rules of the Bump" are or how to find them so I stop offending people....

Any suggestions on HOW I am supposed to get started and not piss off the attack of the Bump Patrol?

ElTrain5

@riddlek2 My suggestion would be to read the "New here? Read this first" post on the board you were just "attacked" on. Also, try not posting multiple pictures of yourself looking for attention and compliments, with no real question or concern. Since you asked, I would suggest starting there.

riddlek2

@EITrain5 I didn't even want to go back to that board with all that negativity to find that link but I will.

 Again, I am new, I didn't know bump pictures were a big "no no" and after it was brought to my attention, i quickly tried to take them down and  I couldn't even take them down without someone else re-posting them.... :-(

I feel like everyone is missing the concern I had here, maybe due to too much back story (another lesion I am noticing on here) - I gained a large amount of weight in a short period of time. I am NOT saying I think I am fat - I don't think I am fat - and yes I know weight gain is something to expect during pregnancy (duh!) My question/concern was if rapid weight gain at that stage in pregnancy (early 2nd trimester) could be a sign of something I need to be cautious of or if all weight gain at all speeds is completely normal.

I was never asking for compliments, I was not saying "I think i'm fat", I was trying to discuss something that was concerning me, which again was the rapid pace at which is happened, and if that could be a warning sign for anything else.

FYI - my DR was not at my last appointment, it was someone I had never met or had history with. He simply said he wasn't concerned about it and to reference my "handbook" - which said 10-15 pounds! I kind of didn't want to sound stupid or like I was over worrying, especially with someone I didn't know, so I accepted that to be the answer I got and decided maybe to discuss it somewhere like here until my next appointment in a few weeks....

riddlek2

snuff9861 no one is "bitching" about one board to another, this IS a thread in the "new to The Bump" which is where you all told me to go and I am simply responding to another newbie and their experience about the experience I just had. And hopefully for any other newbies to come read and be pre-warned about. Nothing wrong with that....

And what is "you know we can see this right?" supposed to mean - your stalking posts now?  

steffiereed4L is right, some have way too much time on their hands and are worried about the wrong things. Nothing I said was to offend anyone, why my posts are getting badgered and now stocked is beyond me....         

flerlgirl

lol

ElTrain5

@riddlek2 Stop, just stop. You keep adding all of these things to your story to the point where it is 180 degrees from what you originally posted. Since you are new to this site, I'll give you some information on some other things you are commenting about as well...no one is "stocking" (stalking?) you. When someone does what you are doing right now, people click on your name and can immediately see all your other posts. Also, no one is "badgering" or "bullying" you. You went from one board to another, not to repost your "question" (whatever that is at this particular moment) but to complaint about other people. That's why people are still responding. You wanted to know where to find "the rules". Now you do. I suggest you read through the posts that were suggested before you continue on with this particular line of thought.

chickpea912

riddlek2 said:

@EITrain5 I didn't even want to go back to that board with all that negativity to find that link but I will.

 Again, I am new, I didn't know bump pictures were a big "no no" and after it was brought to my attention, i quickly tried to take them down and  I couldn't even take them down without someone else re-posting them.... :-(

I feel like everyone is missing the concern I had here, maybe due to too much back story (another lesion I am noticing on here) - I gained a large amount of weight in a short period of time. I am NOT saying I think I am fat - I don't think I am fat - and yes I know weight gain is something to expect during pregnancy (duh!) My question/concern was if rapid weight gain at that stage in pregnancy (early 2nd trimester) could be a sign of something I need to be cautious of or if all weight gain at all speeds is completely normal.

I was never asking for compliments, I was not saying "I think i'm fat", I was trying to discuss something that was concerning me, which again was the rapid pace at which is happened, and if that could be a warning sign for anything else.

FYI - my DR was not at my last appointment, it was someone I had never met or had history with. He simply said he wasn't concerned about it and to reference my "handbook" - which said 10-15 pounds! I kind of didn't want to sound stupid or like I was over worrying, especially with someone I didn't know, so I accepted that to be the answer I got and decided maybe to discuss it somewhere like here until my next appointment in a few weeks....

@riddlek If you look at the very top of the board you visited today, one of the very top threads says something to the effect of "New here?  Read this!" - some lovely ladies went through and put together a "how to" manual for the newbie.  That would be a fantastic place to start.  Clearly you either missed it or didn't feel you needed a manual... and, as you can see, things didn't go so well.

Every message board is really a community, and what happened today is you essentially stepped into the middle of a conversation that, for most of us, has been happening since October.  So, for five or six months.  We know each other very well, we support each other.  And what happened?  You stepped into the middle of that conversation, stating a "concern," which didn't seem like a valid concern to us since your MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL said not to worry about it.  

There is nothing wrong with looking for support and asking questions to see if your "normal" is really normal or not.  But you jumped right in, as if our sole purpose for the day was to cater to your whim.  And honestly, that isn't always a bad thing - we've had newbies pop in and sometimes their concerns are legitimate, life threatening, major medical issue concerns.  This wasn't really one of those and it rubbed many of us the wrong way.  Because something else you don't know, since you stepped into the middle of a thriving community that has been in conversation for MONTHS, is that our particular community has been going through HELL.  Literal hell.  We've had losses - early and late term losses.  We've had spouses pass away.  We have one lady recently diagnosed with cancer.  We've had nearly more babies born than the May BMB board - yes, almost as many babies born to ladies due in JUNE as those due a full month earlier.  Obviously there is no way for you to know this, but I"m trying to illustrate for you why it is so important to learn about a community before you try to accuse it of not being supportive for something - to us - seemed relatively trivial.

I'm sorry you're worried about your weight gain.  I'm sorry you feel attacked.  I'm not sorry for the community of kick ass ladies that I've been chatting with for six months.  They are fantastic.  I hope you find your own community like that.

Maybe one of these places will be a good fit (since it doesn't seem like you think we might be it for you) - I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully today ends up being a positive learning experience for you:

https://www.whattoexpect.com/forums/

https://community.babycenter.com/

shellbell813

@lizardbreath14‌ you are cracking me up with the attentive qfp-ing.

@riddlek2‌ if you had posted your third explanation originally instead of basically asking for people to tell you how not fat you are, you might have received a slightly better reaction, but probably not because you have to take time to get involved with the people in a community before you can expect to get genuine concern for something that is really common.

Also as far as trying to delete and change your post to just have it reposted, when someone comes into a thread where this has happened it is very confusing to know what has gone on, so people will tend to "qfp" (quote for posterity) so that we all will know what was originally said. It's not a personal attack against you, but it only tends to happen when people say somewhat ridiculous things.

LaurelJoy91

riddlek2 said:

Apparently if you are NEW to the Bump and are not pre warned about  "what to post" and "what not to post" you just set yourself up to get attacked! I just posted something a friend of mine thought may be a good idea to get some input about in an online community and geeez, it was attack after attack after attack just maybe a few small bits of neutral feedback. Nothing really helpful. I then tried to delete my post all together (which i still haven't figured out how to do) so i just edited my original post and then one of the attackers went to REPOST my original post again, just to keep the thread and badgering going!

Here is a handful of the first few responses you received: 

"If your doctor isnt concerned, you are fine. We know no more than your doctor."

"if your dr isn't worried I wouldn't be worried. you gain what you gain. nothing you can do about it."

"OP I stopped reading at "My Dr. doesn't seem to be too worried," because you shouldn't worry if your doctor isn't worried. I'm glad s/he's not worried and you should be glad too!"

"Why do you care if it doesn't concern you. If the doctor isn't concerned then you don't need to be either. The pictures are unnecessary and will cause of a lot of women here to feel self-conscious."

Not one of those responses could be considered attacks; even the one about pictures being unnecessary was meant as advice to keep you from getting attacked in the future (pictures, for the record, are not "a big no-no" unless you decide to share them along with a post that basically says "I've gained sooo much weight, this is what I look like, please tell me I'm healthy and glowing").

Nobody attacked you until after you got overly sensitive and decided to start throwing accusations at the people nice enough to give you a minute out of their day to try to relieve your worries. Even then, there was no flaming, no name calling, just people being confused by your multiple versions of the story and wondering what your intent even was to begin with. Your original post made it sound like you were concerned that you had gained too much and you were given advice to listen to your doctor. Then you came back and confused everyone by saying that you don't think you're fat but just wanted everyone's opinions on if your weight was unhealthy (huh??), then you tried to claim that you were looking for other people's weight gain numbers all along, which was mentioned nowhere in the first post, then here you tried to claim that you were asking whether or not your weight gain could be a sign of another condition or complication. Basically, you expected us to infer 3 different intentions/questions all from one post that said "My Dr. doesn't seem to be too worried. Test are coming back normal, but i personally am concerned." and " Mt Dr says its all water weight and not to worry.... Im not swelling and my rings and things are all fitting just fine as always."

Perhaps you just need to try clarifying your meaning before posting so that people don't get the wrong impression, or perhaps you need to relax a little bit and have an open mind when people respond- you asked a question, you're going to get answers, and not all of them will be the ones you expected or wanted to hear. You're probably going to view my response and qfping as personal attacks, but guess what- they aren't. You admit that you are a newbie and want advice on how to conduct yourself in a community and public forum. You are receiving that advice. You can take it to heart, interact with the people around you, and realize that we actually are here to give support before you start making everything about yourself, and then you can start to enjoy your time on The Bump. Or you can get upset that we're giving you exactly what you asked for and vow to leave and never return. It's your choice, we will not be affected by it.

curlylocks3

Test.

Monotonetwo

Ahh. I get it. Newbies have a rule book they need to follow in order to get along with the long time established clique here. One by one the old folks are going to leave but not as fast as newbs. Who created this site? I wonder if they love the hostile avenue it has taken. I was just told by my bf to stay off this site unless I want to lurk my whole pregnancy before responding to a post because this site is shit. It's unfortunate for those coming here that can contribute great information or get great information. It's really too bad that this place is not a place of sanctuary for pregnant women where opinions aren't chastised and ganged up on. If you are new, run for the hills. Look at the way the women have already started in on this newb; it doesn't get better unless you agree with every thing they say, love gif's, tacos and sloths. It's pretty redic. Go to I-am-pregnant if you want support. The admin is gone but the women who are supportive through your pregnancy are there, not here.