Second (third...) Baby?

BumpJackie

Second (...third or fourth!) time parents, we want to know: How did you prepare your first child for a new sibling?

Any tips or advice you’d recommend to others?

Scarlett&Gatsby

This post has been sitting unanswered for a while, so I thought I'd try to help.

This is what I posted for a mom who was asking about helping the older child adjust. Perhaps there's something in here you can use?

DD1 was 17 months when DD2 was born.

Honestly, the most I did was read her a book about being a big sister (I'm a Big Sister by Joanne Cole. It also comes in a boy version. It's excellent. Very simple, reassuring, and doesn't focus on overcoming sibling jealousy the way so many older sibling books do. Not that the jealousy thing doesn't happen for some kids, just that I didn't want to introduce the idea of a younger sibling to DD1 in a negative way).

MIL (and sooo many other people) raved on the baby doll thing, so she got one, but DD1 had zero interest in it. She still doesn't like baby dolls. But your DS might like it and connect to it. I noticed most people who recommended it had their kids 2+ years apart, which is a huuuuuge developmental difference from kids under the age of 2, so I kind of wonder if it's more effective for older kids.

Every kid is different, but DD1 showed zero interest in DD2 when we brought her home. Like, didn't even notice she was there. She played and did her thing and looked at the baby from time to time, but she never wanted to hold her or pick her up or anything. Your DS could be the same way. From his perspective, the cats are much more interesting than a little immobile person who basically just lays there and sleeps all day, so while introducing the "gentle" concept with him is always a good idea, you might not have to worry over his early interactions with your newborn.

2u2 spacing can be hard at times, but it has so many benefits, and I think you'll really like it. I found that DD2's heavy sleep schedule made it possible to keep DD1's schedule virtually unchanged, and I got to spend almost as much time with her as I always did. Now that DD2 is older, they still don't play, but DD1 just sees her as another part of her life. She can't remember a time before her. We've never had to deal with sibling jealousy.

rcbuko

I am pregnant with our fourth right now so we have been through this a couple times.  Each time, we made the older sibling(s) excited about the new baby while still pregnant.  Instead of focusing on the baby being mine, I referred to the baby as their little sister or brother.  We bought presents for the baby from the kids for them to give him/her at the hospital at birth.  The kids picked the presents out themselves.  With my son, we didn't know the sex before birth.  Once he was born, DH took my oldest to pick out his first outfit.  She loved it.  When the baby is born, try to include the older child in the care taking.  Ask them to get you a diaper or to throw one in the garbage.  Praise them for their help.  

NatessaCallahan

Our first is 7 months old and we are 6 weeks pregnant with #2.  I don't know how we will tell #1 yet but I'm not really sure she will understand.

lana22

my son was 16 months when my 7 mo was born. there wasn't too much prep, apart from me not picking him up as much on demand in preparation. it really did help. (though i do have a bad back, which had just as much to do w/ it as our impending arrival). he didn't totally get it right away, but now at 23 months and 7 months he is a great big brother, loves sharing, and constantly gives his brother hugs and kisses. if the LO starts to fuss he goes over and gives him a toy, or pats his head and says, "all better."

DaisyTortilla

This is my 2nd baby! For the new baby I was overly prepared with everything...most things we didn't even need...like a crib mobile! but with this one with are going consignment stores all the way!

tamarar5

It was easier for us last time because DD was 5 turning 6 years old.  She was super excited to FINALLY be a big sister.

I'm a little more concerned this time, not about her, but about DS.  He's too little to understand, and might be too little to really understand when LO#3 gets here in August.  I'm not sure we'll really "tell" him anything.  We'll start talking to both kids about the new baby in a few more weeks when this pregnancy is farther along.

MommyAtty

I think we may be going about this a little wrong... I'm 18 weeks along with #2. #1 is 17 months. We tell our DD that Alex is in Mommy's tummy. We've also been trying to teach her to say "Alex." Now she says "Aleek!" And points to her own tummy. I believe she thinks "Alex" is a new word for tummy! Lol. Oops. Oh well, she will figure it out.

lana22

rcbuko said:

I am pregnant with our fourth right now so we have been through this a couple times.  Each time, we made the older sibling(s) excited about the new baby while still pregnant.  Instead of focusing on the baby being mine, I referred to the baby as their little sister or brother.  We bought presents for the baby from the kids for them to give him/her at the hospital at birth.  The kids picked the presents out themselves.  With my son, we didn't know the sex before birth.  Once he was born, DH took my oldest to pick out his first outfit.  She loved it.  When the baby is born, try to include the older child in the care taking.  Ask them to get you a diaper or to throw one in the garbage.  Praise them for their help.  

great advice here. my son loves throwing away diapers.

my kids are 16 months apart and we did very little to prep my older son. talked to him about baby and read i'm a big brother, but he didn't really understand anything.

jewl625

Holy moly... here comes #3!  My oldest DD will turn 3 one month before my EDD, so at that point, I'll have a 3yo, 1yo, and newborn!  Its about to get crazy fun!  So far we've got two girls, so from what the statistics say, we're most likely looking at a third - I feel like Ive got the little girl thing down so I'm perfectly fine with that!  Of course it would be fun to find out what boys are like too, but as long as the little sweet pea is healthy we'll be happy.

christsgurl

jewl625 said:

Holy moly... here comes #3!  My oldest DD will turn 3 one month before my EDD, so at that point, I'll have a 3yo, 1yo, and newborn!  Its about to get crazy fun!  So far we've got two girls, so from what the statistics say, we're most likely looking at a third - I feel like Ive got the little girl thing down so I'm perfectly fine with that!  Of course it would be fun to find out what boys are like too, but as long as the little sweet pea is healthy we'll be happy.

I have 2 going on 3 also! 2 girls one is 3 and the other lil one is going to be 1 1/3 when their new little brother gets here in February. My oldest understands that she is going to be getting a new little sibling, but youngest doesn't and she is a big mama's girl so a bit worried a little about what to do & how to prepare her.

Mommy2CB

Our LO's are 22 months apart and we've had 0 jealously issues.

We did a few things:

1. We did not have our first child come to the hospital until leaving day, and we made sure to not be holding baby when he came in. Then we all left TOGETHER as a FAMILY.   (It did not make sense to us to have the grandparents bring him in to see us holding new baby and then be ripped away while new baby gets to stay with us.)

2. We had gifts from baby to first child and vise versa (He was so excited to get new trains and that they were from his new baby brother! Associates baby with good things!)

3. We introduced baby as HIS baby (gets him involved!)

4. We involved first child as much as possible with everything baby! (another getting him involved!)

I know some of it obviously depends on your first child and their temperament, personality, etc but I did a lot of research as well as asked our pedi and it's been no problem at all. Baby is now almost 8 months! GL!

mjcleve

Honestly with the young ones (when you're dealing with two under 2), there wasn't much preparation.  We really just tried not to make a big deal out of it beforehand since they don't really understand.  The most I'm doing now with our 17 month old daughter is playing with her doll with her to help show her how to take care of a baby and be gentle.  When they're born, we'll again as with the others include her in caring for the baby as much as we can so she doesn't feel left out.  Have a basket of books nearby so you can read books to the toddler while you're nursing (doesn't always work but it's one idea).

We talk about it a lot more with the older ones who understand that there is another baby coming.  They are excited! 

I personally think the "laid back" approach is the best one.  If you make too much of a deal out of it, they'll just get stressed about a situation that they don't really understand to begin with.   Maybe we got lucky, but our boys were pretty un-phased by a new one coming home.  This time might be a game changer though.

krazyinsane

I don't know what your age gap is but I'll help the best I can.
My first two are 23 months apart. With that one we didn't talk to her about it until after we knew her gender and therefore her name and then we talked of her often. Even though A was much to young to understand what we were talking about. We made sure we talked of how WE were having another baby. Not a new baby as we didn't want it to sound replacing. It worked well so we have continued this. Now with baby #4 we told our oldest earlier so she can share in the excitement and she knows what we mean by most of it. She remembers the her sister's birth last May and asks questions a lot about how much longer until she meets her brother (she is convinced this is a boy) we made a paper chain using the sizes of the baby from TB and talk to her about baby needs time to grow etc HTH

alake

My first two are twenty months apart.  I read her stories about becoming a big sister.
I have a five year gap between DD2 and 3.  They obviously understood about the prospect of having a new sibling.
DD3 was six months old, when we added DD4 (newborn) and DS (two years) (via adoption)  I couldn't obviously explain it to her. 

GillianB32

Wonderful thread, super advices, thanks mammas! I like what @mjcleve wrote about the "laid back approach". It's funny you're the only one to introduce this idea here. Maybe that's because parents who practice "laid back" approach are not especially active at forum posting?