December 2013 Moms

Anniversary bummed

Went away this weekend for our first anniversary, the excursion was partly paid for by gift certificates and partly by my husband. Apparently this was my gift.. No card, no special thoughtful happy one year. And then he was perturbed when I gave my gift and card.. Apparently it made him look bad( ya think!)
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Re: Anniversary bummed

  • Men are sometimes clueless. I made it known to my H that I like cards. And that he should always get me a card above all else. So for years now I always get a card for all occasions.
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    momanddad+3swirl25littleviolets
  • Our first anniversary is next month and I've been dropping subtle hints. A beautiful card and bunch of flowers and ill be happy. I'm sorry your DH did this, hopefully he will make it up for you!
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  • I agree with mavgirl. I am sure he thought the trip was gift enough. If you expected more then you should let him know what your expectations are. Communication is crucial, especially now that you are adding a child to the mix

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    SweetSouthernMomma08
  • I'd think the trip would be enough. Many couples don't go anywhere or give gifts. If you wanted something more you should have said.

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    SweetSouthernMomma08katmb2013SigirMrsGraham06
  • Hmm... The trip would be the gift I was hoping for, personally. H and I don't make big deals out of special days like anniversaries, bdays, etc. I just prefer to save money over receiving gifts I may or may not even want/use. I think you should thank him for the trip and be grateful.
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    Cashingn2MelAnnDiLadyhockjmb527
  • I realize that he thinks paying was his gift... It would be easier to swallow if I hadn't been the one to organize the whole thing, calling and booking it and telling him what we were doing. Maybe I've overreacted
  • Men are sometimes clueless. I made it known to my H that I like cards. And that he should always get me a card above all else. So for years now I always get a card for all occasions.

    Same for me! I honestly don't feel strongly about gifts for occasions, we usually do something fun together. But, there should always be a card.

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  • Eh we don't do much in terms of gifts for anniversaries. We always go away and count that as our gift. We do give each other cards and DH usually gives me flowers which I appreciate very much, but also wouldn't care if he didn't. I'd rather spend the money on something else.
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    Cashingn2
  • Went away this weekend for our first anniversary, the excursion was partly paid for by gift certificates and partly by my husband. Apparently this was my gift.. No card, no special thoughtful happy one year. And then he was perturbed when I gave my gift and card.. Apparently it made him look bad( ya think!)
    Give him a break it is your first anniversary. All we do is go out for a nice dinner. 
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  • I realize that he thinks paying was his gift... It would be easier to swallow if I hadn't been the one to organize the whole thing, calling and booking it and telling him what we were doing. Maybe I've overreacted


    Yes, You did overreact.  And as PPs have said, you have to tell him what you want.  Plain and simple.  DH has learned, by poor decisions and tearful fights, that I like surprises.  Last night, he said, I wanted this to be a surprise, but I need to know what you are going to be up for.  So, before he even got any further into telling me his surprise, I asked, Why don't you think I'll like what you planned.  He said, I know you don't like curvy roads that much.  I said, Okay.  As long as you don't drive like a crazy man, I'll be fine.  And that was the end of the conversation.  Our 5th anniversary is Friday.  He has planned a whole weekend thing.  (I think I know what he is planning, based on what he asked, but I don't know.  And, because I LOVE surprises, I'm not pushing for anything at all.)  After 5 years, I am learning how crucial communication is.  I know EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS THAT.  but, really it is true.  You have got to be open and honest and communicate.  He has no clue what is going on in your head, especially after just 1 year.  DH is much better about knowing my wants and needs now.  But, it has been a long hard haul to get to where we are today. 

    Just let this anniversary slide.  Move on...Chalk it up as an experience to learn from.  And, as it gets closer to next year's anniversary, just have an open and honest conversation with him about what you like and don't like; expect and don't expect. This goes the same for Christmas, and birthdays, and Valentine's Day, and every single other "special" day out of the year.  You have got to start talking to your husband.  Work through these things.  otherwise, you will become bitter and angry and upset and that never works for a relationship. 

    I was the MOST ANTI SAPPY person on the entire planet before we got married...And for a while afterwards too.  DH has slowly but surely chipped away at the stone walls of my heart and turned me into a much softer, kinder, more loving person.  Just patiently love him and show him your needs.  He'll learn, I promise. 

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    MelAnnDibethLenell
  • I learned along time ago that if you really want something don't expect them to guess. Print out pictures make a collage or just tell him flat out. You'll both be much happier.
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  • Let me say that if I put a trip together for my husband, I'd expect him to understand that that was his anniversary gift. I'm sorry but when it comes to receiving gifts, I don't really think that suggesting or telling your significant other what you want is fair. I'd rather my DH come up with something on his own. Even if it's not great, I'd appreciate the thought and effort he put into it and a trip is a damn nice gift. Personally, I think this is immature on your part.
    TShea721Meggie0421
  • The trip should suffice.
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    leahraewku
  • Cashingn2Cashingn2
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    edited August 2013

    I realize that he thinks paying was his gift... It would be easier to swallow if I hadn't been the one to organize the whole thing, calling and booking it and telling him what we were doing. Maybe I've overreacted

    You have overreacted. Did he take you out to dinner? Clearly, in his mind, this was a gift for the both of you.
  • Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year.
    That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either
    Mauidmama
  • Cashingn2Cashingn2
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    edited August 2013
    You weren't flamed and I didn't name call. I simply stated that you were being immature (and based on the info you gave Us, you were. that doesn't mean you're always immature but you were here). I've been with my husband for 11 years (though I'm not even sure why that's important). Sometimes he gets me a card, sometimes he doesn't. We typically just do a nice dinner and if we were too tired to do that, neither of us mind. I'm just having a hard time understanding why you're not grateful for the fact that you got to spend time with him. Oh, and you'd be surprised at how much I accomplish during the day while posting 50 times per day on here.
  • Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year.
    That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either

    That last sentence is original. We've never heard that before.

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    Cashingn2sehart3478
  • Lawren said:

    Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year.
    That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either

    That last sentence is original. We've never heard that before.

    I just don't understand why people get upset when I tell them the truth. She should have just posted, "I ONLY got a trip for my anniversary so now I'm upset with my husband." That's how I took it.
    Meggie0421
  • Cashingn2 said:
    Let me say that if I put a trip together for my husband, I'd expect him to understand that that was his anniversary gift. I'm sorry but when it comes to receiving gifts, I don't really think that suggesting or telling your significant other what you want is fair. I'd rather my DH come up with something on his own. Even if it's not great, I'd appreciate the thought and effort he put into it and a trip is a damn nice gift. Personally, I think this is immature on your part.

    I tried that...But, DH never knows what I want.  As amazing as he is, he hates trying to come up with gifts for me.  He literally wants a list of what I want, because he doesn't want to buy me something I won't use or need.  He knows, I can always use razors, pedicures...But, much beyond that, He gets stuck.  He knows now, I love trips for our anniversary.   Usually a Bed and Breakfast. 

    He really impressed me one day a few months ago...I had told him not to do something with my skillet...And he did it anyways, thinking he knew better than I did.  Well, he did ruin my pan.  I come home to a note and my ruined pan on the table.   He said he was sorry he didn't listen and hoped I would forgive him.  I was like, Okay.  And just moved on into the kitchen, and on the counter were my dream skillets to replace my ruined one!!  He had called my boss and said, Help me get out of trouble before my wife knows I'm even in trouble.  LOL.  My boss thought it was hilarious!  But, told him exactly what to buy. 

    DH really wants to do whatever to make me happy...And he would hate to buy or do something that I won't be 100% happy with.  And for him, that means I have to tell him exactly what I want.  So, when it comes to Christmas/birthdays, I just have to say these things would be nice...give him a list and let him choose things from the list.  He knows other things to add in that are smaller. 

    @Cashingn2 - Why don't you think it is fair to tell him what you want and let him create or buy something that falls in line with that? 

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    Mauidmama
  • @SSM, it's just how I was raised. If someone gives you a gift, you accept it and appreciate it. If they don't give you a gift, you accept that too. Personally, the anniversary is the only celebration I expect a gift for (I don't even expect one for my bday) and I don't think I should tell my husband what to get because that limits his choices. Though, he knows me well enough to know which gifts might not be a good idea. Either way, I like to afford him the opportunity to pick something out and be proud of himself for doing such a good job. Even if it wasnt great, I'd let him think it was bc I know he tried really hard. That got super long winded lol
  • Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year. That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either
    For serious?
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    superspecialsnowflakeleahraewku
  • I did only get a trip that I planned.. He paid, oh wait.. We're married and share bank accounts..
  • honestly I'd take a trip over a card any day, even if I planned it and paid for it. Memories are more important than the little details. Hopefully you enjoyed the trip and didn't let not getting a card/gift get in the way.
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    Cashingn2leahraewkuMrsGraham06
  • Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year. That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either


    Wowsers...You didn't get flamed....No one called names.  All we did was tell you you overreacted, which you yourself said. 

    I am so confused about people that come on here, vent/whine/complain whatever, get polite responses and then get their panties all in a wad and flip out.

    AND, if you have been together for 9 years, by now, he should know what you like and want.  And since he doesn't, it is your fault for not telling him.  What else do you expect?  I wouldn't suggest trying to pretend to be a martyr about your SO not knowing what you want.  You have been with this guy and not told him what you liked/wanted.  Therefore, it must not really be that important to you. 

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    Meggie0421
  • So getting a card and a wrapped up gift would have made you feel happier?  Why?  Because that shows his love for you or something?  You two took a trip together, away from the every day normalcy.  How was that not a gift?  I'm so confused.
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  • I did only get a trip that I planned.. He paid, oh wait.. We're married and share bank accounts..

    THIS pisses me off... I cannot stand an attitude like this!!  You are a team...Be grateful that he did anything.  So what if you had to do the work of planning it.  And ya'll used money out of the bank account.  You should be glad that there is money in the bank account.  And that he put some effort into this trip.  And you could also remember, it is his anniversary too.  So, you worked on a trip FOR YA'LL....

    UGH!!!!

    I'm going to go eat a HANDFUL of snickers.........

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                                                               DS born - December 13, 2013 at 1:25 am.

     

    Meggie0421julie08williamsMEP923
  • I did only get a trip that I planned.. He paid, oh wait.. We're married and share bank accounts..

    I don't see why that matters. Seriously, eat a snickers, calm down and think about how you sound. A trip is nice. That's actually what DH and I were planning for our anniversary this year. Oh and I'd be planning, booking and paying for part of it but I'd still be happy with spending time with him.
    SweetSouthernMomma08jmb527KateMWleahraewku
  • I did only get a trip that I planned.. He paid, oh wait.. We're married and share bank accounts..

    You covered this already. A lot of married people share bank accounts. and a lot of married people plan trips together for special occasions.

    Are you wanting somebody to suggest a good hitman?

    Cashingn2KateMWleahraewku
  • Cashingn2 said:
    @SSM, it's just how I was raised. If someone gives you a gift, you accept it and appreciate it. If they don't give you a gift, you accept that too. Personally, the anniversary is the only celebration I expect a gift for (I don't even expect one for my bday) and I don't think I should tell my husband what to get because that limits his choices. Though, he knows me well enough to know which gifts might not be a good idea. Either way, I like to afford him the opportunity to pick something out and be proud of himself for doing such a good job. Even if it wasnt great, I'd let him think it was bc I know he tried really hard. That got super long winded lol
    That makes sense.  :)  And, after 11 years, I am sure he knows much better than he did when ya'll first got together...After 5 years, DH is getting sooo much better than he was when we first got married.  It is all a journey that we are blessed to enjoy with our spouses.  :) 

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                                                          Ahhhh the memories.......

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                                                                            EDD - January 2, 2013

                                     Induced - December 12, 2013 for extreme pre-eclampsia (37 wks on the dot)

                                                               DS born - December 13, 2013 at 1:25 am.

     

    Cashingn2
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