December 2013 Moms

Anniversary bummed

Went away this weekend for our first anniversary, the excursion was partly paid for by gift certificates and partly by my husband. Apparently this was my gift.. No card, no special thoughtful happy one year. And then he was perturbed when I gave my gift and card.. Apparently it made him look bad( ya think!)

Re: Anniversary bummed

  • Men are sometimes clueless. I made it known to my H that I like cards. And that he should always get me a card above all else. So for years now I always get a card for all occasions.
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    [Deleted User]swirl25littleviolets
  • Our first anniversary is next month and I've been dropping subtle hints. A beautiful card and bunch of flowers and ill be happy. I'm sorry your DH did this, hopefully he will make it up for you!
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  • I agree with mavgirl. I am sure he thought the trip was gift enough. If you expected more then you should let him know what your expectations are. Communication is crucial, especially now that you are adding a child to the mix

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    [Deleted User]
  • Hmm... The trip would be the gift I was hoping for, personally. H and I don't make big deals out of special days like anniversaries, bdays, etc. I just prefer to save money over receiving gifts I may or may not even want/use. I think you should thank him for the trip and be grateful.

    [Deleted User]MelAnnDiLadyhockjmb527
  • I realize that he thinks paying was his gift... It would be easier to swallow if I hadn't been the one to organize the whole thing, calling and booking it and telling him what we were doing. Maybe I've overreacted
  • Eh we don't do much in terms of gifts for anniversaries. We always go away and count that as our gift. We do give each other cards and DH usually gives me flowers which I appreciate very much, but also wouldn't care if he didn't. I'd rather spend the money on something else.
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    [Deleted User]
  • Went away this weekend for our first anniversary, the excursion was partly paid for by gift certificates and partly by my husband. Apparently this was my gift.. No card, no special thoughtful happy one year. And then he was perturbed when I gave my gift and card.. Apparently it made him look bad( ya think!)
    Give him a break it is your first anniversary. All we do is go out for a nice dinner. 
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  • I learned along time ago that if you really want something don't expect them to guess. Print out pictures make a collage or just tell him flat out. You'll both be much happier.
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  • The trip should suffice.
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    leahraewku
  • Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year.
    That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either
    Mauidmama
  • Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year.
    That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either

    That last sentence is original. We've never heard that before.

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    [Deleted User]cantsitwithus
  • Wow, would have never imagined I would have been flamed so harshly for this. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for one. Unfortunately I come from a family where on an anniversary you at least get a card. I don't think it's immature at all to expect a card at least. And I shouldn't have to ask for one, but apparently assuming that cards come with the day I will ask next year. That's great give your opinions I asked for it when I posted this. However I don't ask or name calling, but I guess if I posted on this board 50 times a day I would have nothing better to do than be judge mental either
    For serious?

    [Deleted User]leahraewku
  • I did only get a trip that I planned.. He paid, oh wait.. We're married and share bank accounts..
  • honestly I'd take a trip over a card any day, even if I planned it and paid for it. Memories are more important than the little details. Hopefully you enjoyed the trip and didn't let not getting a card/gift get in the way.
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    [Deleted User]leahraewkuMrsGraham06
  • So getting a card and a wrapped up gift would have made you feel happier?  Why?  Because that shows his love for you or something?  You two took a trip together, away from the every day normalcy.  How was that not a gift?  I'm so confused.

    [Deleted User]
  • I think on my first anniversary, I got sex. Last year, we went to a fancy restaurant and I was over the moon. If I got to go on a trip I think I would be putting out every day for a year out of sheer gratitude. If I only got a trip and not a gift too, would I be bummed? Certainly not. Because perspective is a wonderful thing.

     

     

     
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]Marchmellow2northport6
  • All this "to do" about an overpriced, folded piece of paper?  I told my husband that if he's going to spend $5 on a card (as most cost these days), it better be a Starbucks card.  He can use his words for free.

    Cards are overrated.
    This. I don't know if I've ever gotten DH a card unless it was just something so unbelievably perfect that I had to give it to him. We agreed early on (and we've been together for almost 10 years now since we're counting) that Valentine's Day was at Pizza Hut, birthdays were up to the birthday person and anniversaries we would do something together that we would agree upon prior to the anniversary. 

    If you want a card at your anniversary, that's fine. Just tell DH that going forward, you'd like a card to mark the occasion(s). I'm sure he wants to make you happy and in my experience, DH is overjoyed when I spell out for him things that I want. As long as everyone knows and accepts the expectations, there shouldn't be an issue in the future.



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  • Did he make the day special?  Did he tell you he loved you and was happy to be celebrating a year of matrimony together?  IMO, anything beyond that is an unexpected bonus.  I'd have been thrilled with a trip, regardless of who paid for it or planned it.  It's about the day and what it means, not bells, whistles, and expectations.
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    KFED103
  • I think what is lacking here is a wee bit of gratitude and perhaps some communication. Men are not mind readers. You cannot fault him for not meeting a need that he was unaware existed. Hopefully you will be able to look back on this crisis in 10 years with a little more perspective. Just yesterday my hubs and I were laughing over a crisis early on our marriage. We were students and therefor POOR. We dug every single penny out from under the couch, behind the dryer, etc so we could have an anniversary dinner. I cried because the change machine at the store robbed us of eight dollars and we ended up eating Mac and cheese at home. So sad at the time, but a fond memory nearly 12 years later. I hope you can get over this tragedy.
    Sigir
  • Personally I think a trip away is the best anniversary present! Our last anniversary we ordered Thai takeaway and it was delightful, however we've done trips in the past. Some I planned and some he planned, it doesn't really matter. I don't really see it as a tit for tat sort of thing, when I'm buying him a gift or planning a trip I'm not thinking that he'd better get me something of this value, I'm just happy to do something nice for him.
    Try to focus more on giving him a present you're excited about, and less on receiving something.
    [Deleted User]
  • This reminds me of our honeymoon. We used Frequent Flyer Miles and Amex points for at least half of it and the rest of it was paid for from our joint checking account. I planned most of it, too. At dinner the first night, while we were overlooking the Caribbean, I realized DH never got me a wedding present and a card. I acted like a total brat about it.../sarcasm off
  • Ktrue85 said:

    Hmm... The trip would be the gift I was hoping for, personally. H and I don't make big deals out of special days like anniversaries, bdays, etc. I just prefer to save money over receiving gifts I may or may not even want/use. I think you should thank him for the trip and be grateful.

    This ^
    We just do cards for our anniversary. Maybe a trip around that time also but I never get mad if I don't "get anything"


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    nofcksgiven
  • Wow, I'm kinda surprised by all these comments too. I agree with the OP - for an anniversary, I'd at least expect a card. It's one thing if you had a previous agreement with your DH that you wouldn't do gifts or cards, but really, anniversary cards are pretty standard, not expensive, and easily procured. I can understand her feelings. It's not divorce worthy, but a little disappointment? Totally, totally normal.
  • MEP923MEP923 member
    250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary
    edited August 2013

    You got a trip away and you are complaining? Seriously, gag me. DH and I have been married for 2 years this fall. We never did a honeymoon. We've never even had time away alone. Our only trip together was 5 days in Disney with DS. It's a sacrifice we've made so we can have our house, dog and 2 boys. So excuse me I am not feeling bad that your vacation wasn't enough. You sound ungrateful.

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    [Deleted User]nofcksgiven
  • edited August 2013
    Shadow512 said:
    Wow, I'm kinda surprised by all these comments too. I agree with the OP - for an anniversary, I'd at least expect a card. It's one thing if you had a previous agreement with your DH that you wouldn't do gifts or cards, but really, anniversary cards are pretty standard, not expensive, and easily procured. I can understand her feelings. It's not divorce worthy, but a little disappointment? Totally, totally normal.
    Agreed, at least a card. However trip > card, so the principle isn't violated. In fact, precisely what everyone's so floored about is the fact that trip is >>>>>>> card, so her feeling unappreciated because she only got a trip, when claiming to expect "at least a card" is totally uncalled for. She's being ungrateful.

    Again, perspective. OP needs to get some.

     

     

     
    nofcksgiven[Deleted User]notkateanymore
  • Our 8th anniversary is tomorrow. DH tok me to a colts game and took me to have my favorite lunch at the weber grill. I will probably make him a batch of his favorite cookies. He usually asks what I would like and I tell him. It works out that way.
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