February 2014 Moms

What's proper?

Is it proper to have a baby shower with your second child if you never had a shower with your first? This will be my second, but his first(biologically) although he considers my daughter his since her bio signed rights over.
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Re: What's proper?

  • My sister-in-law had a shower, despite having a kid from his previous relationship. I say if it's YOUR first kid, you get a baby shower.

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  • I think everything kinda goes, nowadays.  People do it for 2nd & 3rd babies if it's been quite awhile since the last baby, like if they don't have any items anymore.  And lots of blended families do it with the 1st baby they have together.  That gives BOTH sides of the family, and co-workers of both spouses to join in, if they want.
  • I'd say if both of your FF didn't have an opportunity to congratulate you with the first, then go ahead!  You could always invite mainly his family/friends and some of yours that you don't think would be offended by a shower for a second child...
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  • I don't know the proper etiquette but I know a lot of women who didn't have a full blown shower. They had a sprinkle. Everyone brings small gifts (clothes, toys, new blanket, etc). Also if its been along time in between (like 10 years I have been told) then a big shower is acceptable.
  • Think about doing a sip and see with couples after baby is born. It's a bit more casual and gives everyone a chance to see the baby and bring a gift if they want
  • Dont ask this on the baby shower board, or you will get ripped a new one. 

    There are people who have showers thrown for them for every baby. And there are some who stick by the rule that the shower is for the mother, not really the baby, to welcome her to motherhood. Therefore, once you are a mother, that's all you should "properly" get. 


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  • If someone from his side offers to host, I would go ahead and celebrate with them! Whatever you do, don't post this on the Baby Shower board... it will not end well, they do not tolerate separation from traditional etiquette lol


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  • My thought is if someone from his side offers go ahead and accept.

    We did this for my BIL and his SO. She has a DD from a previous relationship, but since this was BIL's first, his mom, my SIL, and I wanted to throw one for them. We only invited family and her BFF. It was nice and gave us an opportunity to meet her family as well.


  • Honestly, if someone wants to throw you a shower, I wouldn't feel bad accepting.  There are lots of deviations from "traditional" now, so I wouldn't worry. 
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  • If it's your husband's first, then a shower would be acceptable for his side of the family with immediately family members from your side.  

    I'd side-eye a full blown shower for your second child.

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  • I'm a FTM and have not been to a ton of baby showers but...I've never understood the rule against having one for every child. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting to celebrate with family/friends the soon-to-be new member of your family. And I don't know why other people would have issue with buying more gifts for a second/third/etc. child...I love buying people gifts!

    I say have one, especially since it is your husbands first so he can be included!

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  • I'm suddenly very afraid of the baby shower board.

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  • I agree 100%. Do what you want.

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  • I'm suddenly very afraid of the baby shower board.
    I have not checked that board out yet and will probably stay away now!

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  • I'm a FTM and have not been to a ton of baby showers but...I've never understood the rule against having one for every child. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting to celebrate with family/friends the soon-to-be new member of your family. And I don't know why other people would have issue with buying more gifts for a second/third/etc. child...I love buying people gifts!

    I say have one, especially since it is your husbands first so he can be included!

    The issue is that a shower is traditionally to welcome a FTM into motherhood. To honor subsequent children, you could do a meet the baby party or a sip and see.

    If your DHs family offers, I think it would be ok to accept. Has someone offered?

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  • I'm a FTM and have not been to a ton of baby showers but...I've never understood the rule against having one for every child. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting to celebrate with family/friends the soon-to-be new member of your family. And I don't know why other people would have issue with buying more gifts for a second/third/etc. child...I love buying people gifts!

    I say have one, especially since it is your husbands first so he can be included!

    The issue is that a shower is traditionally to welcome a FTM into motherhood. To honor subsequent children, you could do a meet the baby party or a sip and see. If your DHs family offers, I think it would be ok to accept. Has someone offered?


    Right, traditionally. I've never been one for going along with things society see's as traditional, which is why I don't see the issue with it personally. If people are going to be annoyed with getting invited to a baby shower for a STM, then they don't need to attend.

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  • I'm a FTM and have not been to a ton of baby showers but...I've never understood the rule against having one for every child. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting to celebrate with family/friends the soon-to-be new member of your family. And I don't know why other people would have issue with buying more gifts for a second/third/etc. child...I love buying people gifts!

    I say have one, especially since it is your husbands first so he can be included!

    The issue is that a shower is traditionally to welcome a FTM into motherhood. To honor subsequent children, you could do a meet the baby party or a sip and see. If your DHs family offers, I think it would be ok to accept. Has someone offered?


    Right, traditionally. I've never been one for going along with things society see's as traditional, which is why I don't see the issue with it personally. If people are going to be annoyed with getting invited to a baby shower for a STM, then they don't need to attend.

    I could be wrong but I think that by 'traditional' it means going by what is in place etiquette-wise.  Etiquette is in place for a multitude of reasons and to go against it means you may be at risk of doing something tacky or rude.

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  • Darbie914 said:

    I'm a FTM and have not been to a ton of baby showers but...I've never understood the rule against having one for every child. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting to celebrate with family/friends the soon-to-be new member of your family. And I don't know why other people would have issue with buying more gifts for a second/third/etc. child...I love buying people gifts!

    I say have one, especially since it is your husbands first so he can be included!

    The issue is that a shower is traditionally to welcome a FTM into motherhood. To honor subsequent children, you could do a meet the baby party or a sip and see. If your DHs family offers, I think it would be ok to accept. Has someone offered?


    Right, traditionally. I've never been one for going along with things society see's as traditional, which is why I don't see the issue with it personally. If people are going to be annoyed with getting invited to a baby shower for a STM, then they don't need to attend.

    I could be wrong but I think that by 'traditional' it means going by what is in place etiquette-wise.  Etiquette is in place for a multitude of reasons and to go against it means you may be at risk of doing something tacky or rude.
    Is this what it's like on the shower board? geez. Just sharing my personal point of view, which is I do not see why is it rude or tacky to want to celebrate a second/third/etc. child via a regular baby shower with family & friends.

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  • Darbie914 said:





    I'm a FTM and have not been to a ton of baby showers but...I've never understood the rule against having one for every child. I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting to celebrate with family/friends the soon-to-be new member of your family. And I don't know why other people would have issue with buying more gifts for a second/third/etc. child...I love buying people gifts!

    I say have one, especially since it is your husbands first so he can be included!

    The issue is that a shower is traditionally to welcome a FTM into motherhood. To honor subsequent children, you could do a meet the baby party or a sip and see. If your DHs family offers, I think it would be ok to accept. Has someone offered?


    Right, traditionally. I've never been one for going along with things society see's as traditional, which is why I don't see the issue with it personally. If people are going to be annoyed with getting invited to a baby shower for a STM, then they don't need to attend.

    I could be wrong but I think that by 'traditional' it means going by what is in place etiquette-wise.  Etiquette is in place for a multitude of reasons and to go against it means you may be at risk of doing something tacky or rude.Is this what it's like on the shower board? geez. Just sharing my personal point of view, which is I do not see why is it rude or tacky to want to celebrate a second/third/etc. child via a regular baby shower with family & friends.


    Because a traditional shower involves being "showered" with gifts. You don't need to have another gift giving event to celebrate future children. Have a sip and see or meet the baby party.

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  • I am an Emily Post fan. I was raised in very polite southern society. I am having a second shower (GASP). However this will not be the 50+ people that were at my first shower. This is being hosted by another friend and this is my husbands first baby so it is a couples shower so that his friends can come celebrate with us. I had so many offers to host a shower I couldnt have not had one. However this is more about my husband getting to spend time with our friends than it is about gifts. (I have most of what we NEED from 6 years ago) However I think if it is done tastefully showers are completely acceptable for subsequent children! Especially if there are new grandmothers who just can't stand not having a shower.
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  • For some families, having a shower for every child is completely normal (and would be considered odd any other way).  While other families believe it's not right to have a shower after your first.  This really is a personal choice.  In our area, "proper etiquette" is to celebrate every child.  Showers are really not seen as a "gift grab" and can often be a small backyard type celebration with family and close friends.  Some people may choose to do the traditional registry while others do the "no gifts" or "bring a pack of diapers/book" type parties.  It's really all up to you and daddy.  If you want a shower and someone offers to throw you one, then go for it! 

    I do this type of thing for a living and I've seen all different types of showers.  There is no right and wrong.  Do whatever makes you happy.
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  • Think about doing a sip and see with couples after baby is born. It's a bit more casual and gives everyone a chance to see the baby and bring a gift if they want
    I think this is a great idea.
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  • I think if its a different sex its ok, But then again every baby should be celebrated. I just wouldn't invite anyone who would judge and just enjoy it!

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  • I say definitely have a shower for your side and ask him if he wants his side to be included as well.
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  • ZAngel said:

    For some families, having a shower for every child is completely normal (and would be considered odd any other way).  While other families believe it's not right to have a shower after your first.  This really is a personal choice.  In our area, "proper etiquette" is to celebrate every child.  Showers are really not seen as a "gift grab" and can often be a small backyard type celebration with family and close friends.  Some people may choose to do the traditional registry while others do the "no gifts" or "bring a pack of diapers/book" type parties.  It's really all up to you and daddy.  If you want a shower and someone offers to throw you one, then go for it! 

    I do this type of thing for a living and I've seen all different types of showers.  There is no right and wrong.  Do whatever makes you happy.

    My view exactly and you explained it much better then how I did. Thank you!
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  • Meh, etiquette rules also change over time with society so I don't get too worked up over "how it's supposed to be done!!!"  IME there are regional/family differences in what's acceptable vs. not. If you think your family will view it as a fun way to celebrate a new baby, go for it. If everyone will be talking about how tacky/gift-grabby you are then probably best to skip lol.

    You know your family/social circle and what's the norm with them. I don't personally think a second shower is a immediate no across the board, but I know some people think it's wrong no matter what. Considering this is also your husband's first biological child, and you didn't have one with your first I can't imagine people thinking it's odd. They've never been to a baby shower for either of you, so it's not like you're hitting them up multiple times for gifts.


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  • Yes, every baby should be celebrated.
    But a shower isn't a party for the baby. It's a party for the parents-to-be. The baby won't even be there yet. If you want to "celebrate the baby", have a sip-n-see or meet the baby party. these are not traditionally gift-giving parties, but they do celebrate the baby.


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  • In my part of the country a shower in a restaurant with food and drinks will run the hosts about $50 a person. So for 40 people it's $2,000.00 (plus decor, favors, etc.). I couldn't expect and wouldn't want any friends/family member to spend that amount on me twice (not to mention the bridal shower they threw me).

    Also, and this is just strictly my situation, but I have very few friends who are married with children so I tend to feel like all I do is take, take, take... bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, gifts after the baby is born, Christmas, birthdays for the kids.  It's uncomfortable for me even though these friends are happy to do it.

    MIL is gonna insist on a sprinkle if this LO is a boy. As long as it's laid back and inexpensive, I'm okay with it. I will not have registry information given out.
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  • I'm suddenly very afraid of the baby shower board.
    I have not checked that board out yet and will probably stay away now!
    The couple of times I've lurked there I just get a headache. They just pounce everytime someone asks a question and always assume the worst. Like if you say "I'm thinking of doing _____ theme, what do you ladies think?" No one will give you opinions, they'll just say it's none of your business, your host should decide. Now, while ultimately it is up to the host, what host wouldn't talk to the mom to see what she wants, I don't see a problem with discussing fun thinks like themes, cakes, and colors. They are just fun suckers.


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